Wake the Dead

Daryl and I didn't have sex, we didn't do anything.. he didn't want to push me to do anything, but I did fall asleep in his arms.
My eyes fluttered open from my dreamless sleep, and I stretched out my stiff muscles. I rubbed my eyes and saw that Daryl wasn't laying next to me anymore. I sighed and sat up, noticing I had never made it to put pants on, but my shirt was big enough that it didn't matter.

I went to my bag that I left in the bathroom and slid on a pair of jeans and switched my T-shirt for a sweater. I then slid on my boots and walked up the stairs. I walked into the kitchen, hearing talking, and preparing myself for their stares. "Good to see your up." Rick said as I entered the kitchen.

I got awkward looks from a few people and some 'oh shit is she going to freak out looks' from other people, but I ignored them. "How long was I out?" I asked, only looking at Rick.

"A little less than 2 days." Rick said. I felt my jaw drop, 2 days?! I guess it kinda made sense because I hadn't slept since the farm, but I felt kinda guilty, it was already midday.

"Where's Daryl?" I asked, not seeing him anywhere.

"He wen't hunting, told us you needed your sleep. There is a plate of food for you on the counter." Carol responded, trying to be nice. I sucked in a breath, pushing my anger down. She had a good reason to question how safe I was, but that didn't stop the anger.

I nodded and walked towards the big table and sat down by Glenn, who was also eating. He gave me a weak smile as I sat, but all I could feel was every ones stares at me. I tried to ignore it as I ate, but eventually got fed up with it and slammed my fork down. "Ya all have a good reason to question my sanity and safeness, but I'm not going to snap again or hurt any of ya. So, if you could please stop lookin at me, it's rude." I tried to say as calmly as I could, but snapped the last part a little.

I stood up and put my plate in the sink and walked off. "Hey! Fiona!" Someone called after me, causing me to turn around, finding it was Lori. "I'm sorry about what I said last night."

I let out a sigh and turned around, not wanting to deal with her right now... I don't want to be angry the second I wake up. I ventured off into a room of the house, probably the living room, and sat on the couch. I put my elbows on my knees, and leaned forward, playing with my hands.

I don't like how comfortable people where getting here..- how comfortable I was getting here. The last time we settled down, we forgot the dangerous out in the world and ended up losing-. I stopped myself from thinking about the farm. I needed to pull my stuff together, be strong, survive for Trey, for Syd.... for Daryl.

Even thinking her name made me feel weak.. I put my hands on my face, covering it up and starting to take deep breaths. "Fiona?" I heard a familiar voice ask, I looked up and I saw Rick. He came over and sat down on the couch next to me.

I sat up straight and took another deep breath, pulling my self together. "Rick."

He looked like there was something that he really wanted to say, but just settled for something else. "We are thinking about going on a run tomorrow, when Daryl is back. We need food and water."

"I'm in." I said without hesitation. "I need a new gun anyways, left mine back at the uh-farm."

He nodded and stood up, hesitating before he started to walk away. "Hey Rick?" I called out. He turned around and looked at me, his eyes definitely colder. "Thanks." There was a few things in the past couple of days that I wanted to thank him for, but he got the gist and nodded again at me, then walked out.

I buried my head in my hands again, my mind running all over the place. I hated being alone, it made me actually have to think and have nothing to distract me. I coulnd't even get myself to cry before, but now I can't stop.

I felt the couch sink in from someone sitting next to me, I looked up and found Lori. "Look, about last night.."

"Just stop." I said, removing my head from my hands and looking up at her. "Just... don't." I said, not wanting to cry again.

(Skinny Love by Bon Iver <--- Song for chapter)

"Fiona, I'm so sorry. I don't know what I was thinking." She said, putting her hand on my back.

"You knew what you where thinking!" I said shrugging her hand off. "But, you don't know what it's like... You have your family here with you and a god damn baby on the way!"

She didn't say anything to me, just looked with wide eyes. I felt tears start to threaten to spill. "You don't know what it's like to see the only thing you have ever had get ate! ATE!" I yelled quietly. "You don't know what it's like to have to kill your best friend, your parents, Sophia, Dale, and then lose the last of your family! And that was just after the apocalypse!"

I shoot up from the couch and ran my hands through my hair, ripping some of it out. "Fiona, you just need to-"

"Need to what? Calm down? Suck it up and move on because everyone has lost somebody? Right. Let me just go do that." I cut her off.

I ran out of the room, down into the basement. Breathe. Keep it together. You're okay. I told my self as I sat on the bed with my hands on my knees. I shoved the anger down with each deep breath, but the sadness was harder to get rid of.

I heard a knock on the door and then it squeak open. "Fiona? It's Glenn, can I come down?" I was relieved it was Glenn, he's one of the people in this group I actually don't mind. "Yeah." I called over to him.

He took off his hat and then sat next to me on the bed, looking around awkwardly. He then let out a shaky sigh and faced me. "I-I... I'm sorry. About Syd." He said, holding back tears.

Hearing her name pushed me over the edge and caused the tears to start to fall. "Sh-She was my friend an-and she loved you." He said to me.

I cried a little harder, my shoulders shaking from the tears. I was sick of crying, but I couldn't stop, my emotions where too powerful. "That night in the C.D.C. we just sat up and talked.." He paused, now tears falling around his face. "S-She would tell me about your dad an-and the things you would do for her.. She would tell me about how much she loved you... and she knew you loved her." He said.

I put my hand over my mouth to quiet my crying as I felt the sadness twist my stomach. It did make me feel better to know that she knew how much I loved her. "She also would tell me you made some killer milkshakes." He said with a weak smile, causing me to let out a small laugh.

He leaned forward and gave me a hug, I returned it right away. He then let out a weak smile and walked back up stairs.

I stood up and started to pace back and forth. Breathe. Breathe Fiona. You can do this. I quickly ran up the stairs and went to find Rick who was out on a balcony above the porch. I ran up to him. "I'll take over for you."

He gave me a questionable look. "I've been sleeping all day, let me take over." I said again to him.

He saw the pleading look in my eye. "Alright." He handed me the pair of binoculars that where around his neck. "T-dog is watching the back, I'll send Glenn out for his shift in a while."

I nodded at him and then he walked off, still looking like he wanted to say something to me, but didn't.

I took the binoculars and looked around, the trees covered the house enough that it was hard to see the road. The forest around the house was completely silent, no birds even chirped anymore.

I paced back and forth for a while on the porch, thinking about where we were gona go and what I needed to bring on the run tomorrow. I always bring my bag, it can carry extra stuff and if something ever happens I will have at least a little food a water.

I looked down and saw I had one knife in my right boot, but nothing in my left, it must have fallen out somewhere. I thought it was a pretty good idea when I cut a little slit in each of my boots big enough to hold small knives. They where hidden, and I could access them if I didn't have any other weapon.

The sun was slowly starting to set, the day goes by fast when you sleep for most of it. Daryl should be coming back soon, he normally comes back before it gets dark. I wasn't worried about him, I know he can handle him self perfectly fine, but I just want him to come back.

I thought back to when he had basically told me he loved me. How he kissed me like he wasn't that closed up, hard shelled Daryl Dixon. I felt a spark of something that wasn't sadness, and then I saw a figure come out of the trees.

I looked through the binocular and saw Daryl walk through, crossbow in hand, and a string of squirrel and a few rabbits. He walked up the porch and I saw Carol run over and greet him, taking his kills. "Fi up yet?" I heard him ask. I peaked over the balcony and saw Carol look back into the house and to Daryl, obviously not realizing I'm up here. "Uh- Yes. Yeah, she woke up a little bit ago." She had hesitation in her voice, causing Daryl to give her a look. Carol then looked behind her again and lowered her voice. "Is she okay?"

She obviously meant that in more ways then one, really wanting to know if I was going to snap and do something bad again. I saw Daryl tense up in anger a little. "What did ya say to her?"

Carol didn't respond, so Daryl pushed past her and went into the house. I didn't make my presence known, they would figure it out eventually and I didn't feel like adding to any of the stupid drama.

I walked over to the edge of the balcony and looked out into the forest, feeling a cool breeze blow by. Goosebumps crawled over my bare arms, I probably should have put my jacket on. I heard footsteps come up the stairs to the balcony, and I didn't need to look to know it was Daryl.

He didn't say anything for a while, but then broke the silence. "Ya eat anythin?"

"Yeah." I said, not looking away from the forest and how creepy it was when it got dark.

"Did they say anythin to ya, Fi?" He asked, stepping closer.

I let out a sigh. "Jus' had a confrontation with Lori." I shrugged.

He sighed and stood next to me. "How long ya been on watch?"

I shrugged again. "Couple hours, needed somethin to do. Glenn should be comin to switch soon."

He stayed quiet, but I could feel his stare on me. "Ya been cryin?" He asked, noticing my eyes that where still puffy.

I didn't to want him to know that I was as weak as I am, so I just stayed silent and looked into the forest, feeling the numbness threaten to come back up because of today's events. The conversation with Lori kept popping up into my head.. I do need to suck it up, I need to worry about the group and surviving. But, sucking it up meant inviting the numbness back inside me.

I let out a breathy laugh and looked down at the ledge of the balcony that I was leaning my hands on. I then stepped back as I remembered something, this is how one of my best friends killed herself...

I was 17 at the time and I was home alone when I got the call. She had jumped off the balcony of their apartment in the middle of the night. The guilt put me into a deep numbness all through out the next year, but Trey and Syd had helped me escape it.. I don't feel guilt anymore, she didn't have to be alive to see the world go to shit... She didn't have to watch everyone she loved die.

I felt Daryl looking at me, confused. "Scared of heights, Fi?" He asked.

"Somethin like that.." I responded as I looked over to him. His bright blue eyes where glowing as the night started to get darker. I felt better knowing he was here as I looked into his eyes.

I didn't like the feeling of the numbness trying to sneak back in, so I quickly walked over to Daryl and pressed my lips to his. He tensed, because he wasn't expecting it, but relaxed into it soon enough. His lips made mine tingle, and my heart beat a little faster. With each beat the numbness was getting fought off. Daryl was saving me from it.

"Hey Fiona, I'm gona- oh my god- uh sorry." Glenn said as he came up the stairs and saw us. I jumped away from Daryl and he tensed up. "T'hell do ya want?!" Daryl snapped at him.

Glenn had always been a little afraid of Daryl. "Uh- I was coming to take over for uhm watch and ya.." He awkwardly said.

Daryl shoved past him and walked down the stairs quickly. I put my hand on Glenn's shoulder and then followed after him.