Wake the Dead

Have you ever had sadness that is so intense it makes you heart to feel like it has sunk deep down into you stomach, never wanting to return? You feel the pain wedge it's way into your bones, allowing you to physically feel the sadness all through out your body? And then the guilt fills up the tendons of your muscles, lined with anger at the world?

Your heavy heart and broken mind makes your pained body twitch in unbelievable and unforgettable sadness, much like my own right now as I stare at my best friend, unresponsive to my calls, laying next to an empty bottle of pills. Emily.

Denial sets in and I mutter the only word that can possibly come out of my mouth right now many times. No. Every part of my body started to shake and I grasp on to her shoulders, hoping that I could shake us both awake from this horrid nightmare. But, this is no nightmare. This is real. This is happening. I let out a scream of agony, feeling the sadness course through my body. I let out another scream for help while the pain I felt was heavy enough to make me collapse.

The reactions of her parents and older brother only made everything worse as they saw their beautiful daughters body lying there. Never again to wake up from a peaceful rest. Never again.

No note. No goodbyes... Just left with her cold, lifeless body hiding under her blankets. The guilt was stronger than anything I have ever felt in my life. Just earlier today I had been over here, yelling, cursing, and fuming at her as she was me.

Self hatred pumped through my veins as my mind seemed to turn against me. Guilt was making my head pound as my mind spit cruel thoughts at me. 'You deserve to die, not her.' 'You knew how much she was struggling, how capable she was of this..' 'This is YOUR fault. You pushed her over the edge.'

More screams came out of my mouth as I felt that my body was trying to run out of my skin, not wanting to be me. I don't want to be me. I started to mutter how sorry I was, expecting Emily to hear me. I had come back here tonight to apologize. She is-...was- my only friend, my best friend, besides my sister and Trey.

What were we even arguing about? Something to do with my father, her father, her brother, my sister, school, and any other shit that was randomly thrown into the conversation, even though it wasn't much of a conversation. It was just a fight... But, it was one more fight that Emily couldn't handle.

*(End of flashback)*

My stomach sank and the pain of the sadness that I had become so familiar with started to course through my bones. I looked into the pale eyes that belonged to my sister and they were staring right back at me.

Heavy heart and broken mind.

My hands started to shake in the way they always do when the pain becomes so powerful and I spun around on my heels frantically. My mind reached out for her, wanting to hold her and tell her how sorry I am, but my instinct told me to get away.

As I spun around to get to her I found that she was gone. I searched the room feeling my breath quicken and anger rise up with sadness. Why was she here? Why did she leave? Why am I going crazy?

If felt guilt make my muscles twitch as my sister was erased from my life for the second time. I wanted to cry, scream, or punch something, but all I could do was stand at stare at the now empty room. "I'm so sorry, Syd. I'm sorry that I failed you.. I love you so much." I whispered out into the room, my voice sounding like it was going to crack from sobs at any minute.

My mind and body were stunned and I felt the all too familiar feel of sadness pumping through my body. I was crazy. I was officially crazy.

I started to get angrier and angrier by the second. Why did I let my self get this crazy? Why was this happening to me!? Why did my sister have to die?! Why did I have to feel this pain!?

In one swift movement I spun back around and sent my fist straight into the mirror behind me, letting my emotions take over. I watched as the mirror shattered along with the image of my sister.

I backed away, not fully believing anything that just happened until I felt my hand start to throb and blood trickle down it. "T'hell is all that damn racket?!" The familiar rough southern voice boomed throughout the hallways of the prison.

"Damn girlie, what t'hell ya doin?" Merle asked as he stepped in the doorway of the bathroom. Not knowing if I could keep my emotions under control, I quickly shoved past Merle and fast walked down the halls. There was only one person that I needed right now.

I swung open the door to our cell block and stopped in my tracks when I realized everyone in here was staring at me. I can't even imagine what I must have looked like. I was breathing heavily as I looked around the cell block and locked eyes with Daryl who was standing next to V. His eyes were wide as his gaze shifted from my eyes to my hand that was still throbbing.

I started to get more and more uncomfortable as I saw every ones wide-eyed gaze on me. I felt my hand back and made sure my gun was still on me, then turned and almost ran out of the prison. I needed air.

I quickly made my way over to the small look out area I was at with Rick earlier and saw Carl crouched down there. "Hey, want me to take over?" I asked, still breathing heavy. He must have either heard the desperation in my voice or the crazed look on my eyes because he quickly left with a swift nod.

I leaned against the wall, letting out a deep breath as I closed my eyes and leaned my head back, trying to get myself under control. I angrily pushed off the wall and started pacing, eyes watching out over the fields as I still felt crazy pump through my bones.

"Fi?" The sound of someone talking made me jump and I quickly spun around, bringing my gun up to aim at them. "Shit! Fi!" Daryl yelled.

"You-You said..." I trailed off between my heavy breaths and shaking hands.

"Said what?! Fi, get that damn gun outta my face!" Daryl argued.

"You said you'd never let me go crazy!" I screamed and then dropped my gun as I kicked the wall near me as hard as I could.

"Someone say somethin to ya, Fi?" Daryl asked, his voice softened. I rubbed my hands over my face as I found myself being soothed by his voice.

I let out a long sigh. "No no." I breathed out and walked over towards the fence. Inhaling the fresh air and presence of Daryl, feeling my self calm down. "Sorry 'bout putting my gun in your face. S'not your fault either." I said with a breathy laugh.

I rested my head on the fence and closed my eyes. "I guess it's just seein the Governor again and all this shit is gettin to me." I mumbled out.

"What ya mean seein him again?" Daryl asked, stepping closer to me. My body froze, shit.

"Uh- just with the uhm attack on the prison." I mumbled, hoping that Daryl bought it, no matter how weak my voice sounded.

"T'hell ain't ya tellin me, Fi?" He hissed at me and I could feel his intense stare at my back. I don't think enough curse words could possibly be enough as he didn't buy my bowl shit one bit. I lifted my head of the fence and looked out onto the fields, not daring to look at Daryl. "Ya sayin ya knew the Governor before all this? That's why ya so special to him?" Daryl's voice was laced with anger.

"It was winter.." Was all I could say as I was scared to remember the memory.
I could hear Daryl starting to pace behind me and I could just picture his fists clenched and anger glowing in his eyes, but I still didn't dare to look at him. If I did I would either break down or freak out again. "What was he ya knight in shinin armor that tried to rescue you? Ya fucked him didn't ya?" His voice was filled with anger, but I could hear the hurt and pain sneak it's way through.

I felt myself start to get angry, but I tried to breathe in deeply and remind myself he has strong abandonment issues. But, before I could stop it, all the images of what happened this winter plowed through my head. My body started to shake and I felt if I opened my mouth screams or sobs would come out.

My silence did nothing good for the situation as I could practically feel the anger and hurt radiate off of Daryl. "Ya get lonely and decide to warm up around his dick?!" He shouted. "And what now he wants ya back?! Well why don't ya-"

"HE RAPED ME!" I screamed in anger at Daryl and the visions of last winter clouding my mind as I spun around to face him. Tears clouded my eyes, making me not be able to truly see Daryl, but he didn't move a muscle or make a sound when he processed what I said. Everything in my head suddenly became too overwhelming and I felt my knees give out.
Daryl quickly shot forward and caught me from falling hard onto the ground. My body was shaking uncontrollably now, but tears never once fell from my eyes. No matter how angry I was at Daryl for assuming what he did, all I wanted and needed was him right now. I gripped on tight to his shirt, ignoring the pain that erupted from my banged up fist and tried to get my mind to calm down as I breathed in his sent.

I felt like a huge weight was lifted off my shoulders by telling him the truth, but at the same time I felt another one come over me as Daryl seemed almost afraid to touch me. "H-He what?" Daryl's voice was weak and below a whisper.

"The group that broke my arm and beat me... I-It was him and his men." I said, trying to shove the images of what happened out of my mind, but as I talked it got worse. "And they did more than just beating me up."

Daryl's body started to shake almost as much as mine did, but I knew his was in anger. "I'LL FUCKIN KILL'EM!" He shot up, making me release my grip on him. "Every last fucker! They gona wish they were never fuckin born!" He screamed and then grabbed his crossbow, about to storm away.

"Daryl.." I hissed, but he kept walking. I shot up and ran behind him. "DARYL!" I yelled, getting him to stop dead in his tracks. His jaw and fists were clenched and his posture was tense and quivering in anger. "He's mine to fucking kill." I growled at him. "But it's not gona happen right now, we're not ready, so can you just get your ass back here." It was more of a statement than a question that I hissed out through clenched teeth.

I needed Daryl right now and it was only making me angry to see him try and run away. He is the only one that can calm my crazed mind down and make sure I stay sane. He hesitated, clenching and unclenching his fists, but then turned to face me. "This is my battle. My kill. And trust me, when I get the chance I am going to make that bastard suffer slower and more painful than anything he's ever experienced in his life. But right now I fucking need you."

His body slowly stopped quivering in anger, but it was still clear in his eyes. I stepped towards him and saw him hesitate to being close to me after what he just found out. "I understand if you're completely disgusted by me now, but at the same time I don't fucking care because I can't have you anywhere else, but by my side." I reached down and grabbed his hand, putting it onto my heart. "I'm still here. I'm still the same. We're gona be okay, but the only way we can start to be is if you can get over what ever is going on inside of that thick head of yours because I can't do this without you. I need you."

He hesitated, but after a moment I saw his eyes that glimmered in anger, soften as he looked into mine. "Ya need me?" He asked, self doubt and needed reassurance crept through his voice. The sound of his words made calmness rush over me, causing me to let out a breath. "Yeah Daryl, I need you." I assured him, my voice now softer.

He set his crossbow down and took one large step toward me before he cupped my face with his hands and crashed his lips down to mine. I was taken by surprise, but as I felt his hands on my skin and lips on mine, everything crazy slipped from my mind. Everything negative and painful that was bouncing around in my mind was shoved back as I felt pure passion and put my hands on his sides.

The kiss left me breathless and I let the question I had been thinking slip out of my lips before I could stop it. "Do you still love me?" It was almost a stupid question that leaked with vulnerability, but I had to hear the answer.

"Always will, Fi." He mumbled. I couldn't help the small smile that perked up the corner of my lips as I let out a breath of relief. His intense eyes were locked with mine and I felt myself yet again become breathless. I gripped onto his shirt, but then winced in pain as my hand screamed at me.

Daryl grabbed onto the wrist of my hurt hand and inspected it. There was a few pieces of glass stuck in my skin along with the blood and bruises that surrounded my knuckles. "Punched a mirror." I mumbled as I saw him become confused at what the hell I did. He raised an eyebrow at me, but then saw the pain in my eyes as I remembered why and quickly went away from the topic. "Let's get Hershel to look at ya." He stated.

As we walked back towards the cell block I noticed Daryl start to get more tense and shaky again, probably thinking about the Governor. I put my hand on his back, trying to signal for him to relax. He looked at me out of the corner of his eye and then started to relax into my touch.
When we arrived in the cell block Daryl nodded his head at Hershel to come with us into an empty cell on the bottom floor so Hershel didn't have to hobble upstairs. The cell we went into was the one that already had most of the medical supplies in it, so we didn't have to grab any. Daryl leaned against the wall as Hershel came in and crouched down to inspected my hand. None of us said a word as Hershel grabbed a bottle of whiskey and poured it over my knuckles. I winced in pain, but then became really curious as to where they got the whiskey. "Found some that some of the prisoners stashed away." Hershel said to me when he saw me staring at the whiskey.

I nodded and watched as he pulled out the little shards of glass with tweezers and then wrapped up my knuckles in a white bandage. "Hershel?" I asked as he stood back up. "Could I have the bottle of whiskey?"

He seemed to sense that something had been going up with me today and thankfully gave it to me before he walked off. I quickly took off the cap and took a long swig. It burned, but after today's events, it was the greatest feeling ever. I released my tight grip on the bed and held the bottle to Daryl.

He didn't hesitate to take a stride over and grab the bottle from me, taking an equally as long swig. It was now getting dark inside of the cell block and I saw people start to turn on the lanterns. I stood up from the bed and walked out of the cell, knowing Daryl would follow. I leaned against the wall between the cells next to Hershel, Daryl coming shortly after and leaning next to me.

Beth and Carol were sitting on the ground across the room from us and Beth started to sing as I saw Rick make his way down the stairs with Judith. I had to admit that Beth's voice was very calming when she sang and I could tell that everyone seemed to enjoy it.

I saw as Glenn and Merle came into the cell block from switching off guard duty. Glenn went to sit by Maggie on the steps while Merle leaned against the entrance door. I noticed how close Daryl was standing to me, so I put my hand on his bicep and slowly trailed it down, causing him to look at me out of the corner of his eyes. I went down to his hand and took the whiskey out of his grasp, bringing it to my mouth for a long swig as Rick came and stood by us.

We both looked over to him and Daryl was the first to speak. "Some reunion huh?" He said, shifting his body so he was facing us as he referred to Andrea who must have left. His voice was raspy, sending shivers down my spine. "She's in a jam." Rick said, looking down at Judith.

"We all are. Andrea's persuasive, but this fella is armed to the teeth, bent on destruction." Hershel added.

"So whadd'ya wana do?" Daryl asked, shifting on his feet, trying to not get worked up about the Governor.

"We match him. I'm goin on a run tomorrow." Rick said in his cop voice.

"I'll come with." I said, receiving a look from Daryl.

Rick looked at Daryl, but then back down at me. "No, you stay here." He said. "And keep an eye on your brother." Rick looked at Daryl. "I'm glad you're back, really, but if he causes a problem it's on you."

"I got him." Daryl said with a nod. "I'll take Michonne." Rick added.

"You sure that's a good idea?" I asked him, not trusting the new woman in our group. "We'll find out. And Carl... he's ready." Rick added. "You'll hold it down here?" He asked, looking between Daryl and I.

We both nodded. "You got it."

We all then leaned back on the wall, letting a breath out as we listened to Beth finish her song. By the time she did finish, both Daryl and I had drank a generous amount of the whiskey. We watched as everyone retreated into their cells for the night and others went to help on guard duty, leaving Daryl and I still leaning on the walls.

"I wish I could sing like Beth," I said randomly as my drunken thoughts spilled out of my mouth. Daryl just looked down at me. "What?" I asked innocently.

"Ya would never shut up if ya could sing." He said with a small smirk. I let what he said process through my mind and started to burst out in laughter. I settled down after a few more giggles and took another drink of the whiskey. I brought the bottle away from my mouth and let out a burp, causing Daryl to hold back his laughs and me to only break out in laughter more. "Shh, Fi ya will wake everyone up." Daryl said, trying not to laugh at me.

I put my hand over my mouth to stifle my laughter and tried to stand up straight, but ended stumbling over my own feet. Daryl quickly grabbed my arm to get me from falling and took the whiskey bottle out of my hand. "Alright, time to get ya to bed, Fi."

I didn't protest as I felt his strong arms wrap around me and carry me up the stairs to get there faster. I was running my hand over his bicep and chest, tracing them absentmindedly as we reached his cell. I guess you could say we were sharing it now.

He laid me down on the bed and helped me pull of my boots. "Aw how cute, you take care of me when I'm drunk as a skunk." I joked with a giggle. "Shut it." Daryl shot back with a smirk on his face. "Your bunk looks like a kids hideout." I mumbled as I looked at all the blankets handing from places.

He took off his own boots and then pushed me over on the bed so he could have room. My back was pressed against the cool wall as I watched him take one of the blankets he had draping down and hang it so it was blocking us from view. It was like a blanket door for his hideout. "Cool." I mumbled, feeling like a kid again.

Daryl let out a quiet grunt as he shifted so he was laying flat on his back, looking up at the bottom of the top bunk, under the blankets. His face looked like it was thinking hard, or worrying, about something. It also looked like he wasn't going to be falling asleep anytime soon. "You're not gona sleep are you?" I asked him.

He looked down at me without moving his head and then looked back up, nodding his head. "But you're tired?" I asked, already knowing the answer before he nodded his head again. I started to trace the muscles on his arms again and then a wide smirk spread over my face. "Maybe I can help?" I teased. He looked down at me, raising his eyebrows.

I only smirked up at him as I took my hand and ran it down his chest to his pants. "Fi, what are ya-" He was cut off by his own groans as I gripped onto him over the fabric of his jeans. I quickly shifted under the covers so my head was down by his hardness as I started to undo his belt buckle.

I didn't worry about anyone who walked by seeing us because of the multiple blankets that were hung from the top bunk, keeping us hidden as I unzipped his pants. He was looking down at me, but then as I released his hard member from his boxers and grasped onto it, his head flew back and he let out a quiet growl.

Wanting to make him feel better, I put my mouth around his tip and started to swirl my tongue around. He let out another growl, but then multiple curse words escaped his mouth and his hips bucked as I took him all the way inside my mouth. I loved watching his face and hearing his reactions as I started to speed up with my mouth and my hand.

After a little bit, his hips bucked once again while his head flew backwards again. "Fuck, Fi." He moaned out, before he met his release. I swallowed every bit of him, then zipped his pants back up and refastened his belt. I moved so I was now hovering over him with a smirk on my face as I saw his eyes were still closed and his mouth was parted open, making him look irresistible. My hair brushed his face, making him open his eyes, revealing his bright blue spheres.

He reached his neck up and his lips barely brushed mine before I leaned down and made them crash together. His hand went onto my neck to hold me to him as he shifted onto his side, letting me fall to the bed next to him. My small smile returned as he broke the kiss and wrapped his arms around me protectively, pulling me into his side. "Damn, I love ya." He mumbled.

I let out a small laugh as I felt my eyelids get droopy. "Love you, too." I mumbled and then felt myself drip into sleep.