Making Sense of Love

My first gift from Todd was an empty charm bracelet. It could not believe that he had brought me something so sweet when we had only been together a month. Now as I run my fingers over each charm I think of the year he and I have shared together. The laughs and late night chats through tired yawns that we each ignore for the sake of staying on the phone. I think of the way he brushes my hair on the left side of my face before he tells me that he loves me. Or the way he hits the pillows on the couch before he sits down next to me. The way his tones softens when he reads his favorite works of literature to me. The sweet way he compliments and chats with my mother as they put the groceries each week. Oh, when he cooks me meals and bathes Daisy for me. Those are only the sweet things I can think of right now, but I know that they are so many more. The weekends we spend just painting together, the audio books he buys for me, the orchestra shows we have gone too.

I smile and I lay my head against the top of the couch, the soft leather brushing the back of my neck. I pulled my hair into a ponytail today. Todd loves when my hair is up, he says he likes to look at my face without obstruction. Of course, I always have strands falling out and onto my face. The perfect excuse for Todd to reach out and brush his fingertips across my cheek. My Todd, he is so, well, perfect. His kindness is what makes him so very easy to love. That sentiment is that is shared by my family and close friends. He has somehow even managed to get my brother to come out of his shell. Somehow convincing Bruno to be open and honest with himself and others about his emotions. My brother even visits me now, every other weekend he is here telling me about his life and the poetry he now writes. Sometimes he will even paint with me. Todd has surely been the source of so such joy in my and my family lives. I hear the turning of the doorknob on the front door and I know that my Todd is here from work.

“Good evening my love, how are you doing today?” He says to me from the doorway.

I can tell from his voice that he had a hard day at work today. Maybe it was a class? I am sure he must have got himself into an overly winded conversation with one of his more stubborn students. Unless it was a colleague of his? Or perhaps his mother phoned is going through something? There is too many possibility for me to guess. I feel myself frown and a crease form on my forehead.

“I am fine, but you sound a bit upset. What happened? Would you like to talk about it?” I straighten up, listening attentively to him.

He lets out a soft sigh and closes the door. I can hear the heaviness of the burden in his footsteps. I could tell he was not standing in his usual upright position; his shoulders must be a bit slumped. He shuffled towards me; halfheartedly pats the cushions and pillows before sinking down on the couch next to me. I pat my lap then place my hand on his neck, guiding him gently to rest on me. When he places his head on my lap I begin to stroke his thick wavy hair. I allow the tenderness I feel for him come through in that simple gesture. I tolerantly wait for him to begin to speak knowing that Todd likes to take his time to choose his words correctly. To him there is little worse than a wasted word. I hear his take small deep breath and I know he is about to talk.

“I am just upset with my boss. I asked her if I could cancel my class tonight. I want to make us a nice dinner to celebrate out year together, that steak dinner that you love. Unfortunately, she denied my request. I pleaded with this woman my love, but I could not get out of it. I am so sorry, I hope that you do not feel let down. I wanted to make tonight special for us.” Another sigh escapes his lips.

I lean down and kiss his smooth cool cheeks. I breath a sigh of relief, this I can fix.

“Do not vex yourself, my night is already special. All I need is to have you near to be happy.” I can feel him smiling and I smile in response.

“Happy anniversary my love, I do hope we have a lifetime filled of them to come.” He sits up and cups my chin in his hand. I love the feel of his long fingers and firm yet gentle grip on he has on my face. With his other hand he brushes my hair on the left side of my face. “I love you dearly Karen. Perhaps I can still manage to make us dinner,” I know that he is looking at the wrist watch he wears on his left arm to check if he had enough time. The watch I got for him with my mother's help. “I have about an hour and a half before I have to leave to get to my next class. I can make us something quick. Would you like pasta love?”

“Yes I would love some.” I caress his strong jawline, feeling the familiar edge of a small scar by his ear.

He brushes my cheek and kisses me, “Pasta it is. Is Daisy sleeping the bedroom?” I nod in response knowing that he is looking at me. “Okay, well I will fill her water bowl and food bowl before I go.”

I hear him walk over to the kitchen and begin to move things around. I lean back into my seat and as I hear him set up the iPod to play some Chopin while he cooks. I brush my hands over the spot he just sat, feeling the warmth his body left behind on the tips of my fingers. I wish to myself that he will always have a place by my side, and that he will always choose to occupy it.