Making Sense of Love

Todd held my hand as we sat in the back of the library listening to one of my favorite authors do a reading. His strong hands held mine firmly, every once and a while he would absently stroke my fingers with his thumb. The tone of the author’s voice kept rising and falling with the antics of her characters. I felt at peace, these simple moments were the ones that made me the most happy. These moments, in which it was just Todd and I, enjoying an event that we both mutually share a joy for. If Todd would have met me a few years ago, he would have a met a complete stranger. I was not into classic music, I had no hunger to learn, and I was just like everyone else. It was losing my sight that changed my life that made me stop and truly pay attention. It was that very thing that seemed so horrible at first that led me to such a wonderful, intelligent, creative man. I was happy that it happened because Todd was the best thing that has ever happened to me.

He kissed my cheek when the author’s reading ended. The gentle caress of his lips still causing me to blush despite the fact that he has kissed me hundreds of times these past few months. He whispers in my ear and went off to speak to the author briefly. I sat there silently, enjoying the lull of conversations brimming around me. I folded my hand in my lap and picked up on pieces of people’s lives. Daisy rested her head on my feet; I knew people were probably staring at her. I was grateful that Todd got her a 'do not pet' service jacket; less people come up to us now. I hear a child squeal doggy and hear Daisy’s tail start to wag. I point a scowl in her direction and she moans stopping her tail. I hear the child’s mom whisper to him that Daisy is a special work dog who they can’t play with right now. The child insisted that they at least say hello. I hear them come closer and prepare myself for the questions that usually follow.

“Hello, I am sorry to interrupt you but my baby boy just wanted to say hi to that two of you. Will that be okay with you?” She sounded hesitant, almost afraid that I would be angry with her.

“Of course as long as there is no petting.” I smile as sweetly as I can.

“What’s your doggy’s name?” A little voice asks me.

“Her name is Daisy. She is more than just a doggy; she is my eyes and my very best friend. ” I feel Daisy raise her head to look at me.

“What happened to your eyes?” He sounded amazed.

“Peter! I am so sorry.” The mother sounded so shocked.

“No its okay, I don’t mind. Well Peter, they don’t work. So I need Daisy to keep me from bumping into people. She helps me cross the street and keeps me from falling down stairs. She has a very important job and when we are at home we play a lot. I take good care of her and she takes good care of me.” I feel her tail wagging.

“That’s good, she is pretty and so are you.” Then Peter squeezed my hand and ran away tugging his mom along with him.

I can imagine the sympathetic look she probably threw my way before remembering that I can’t see it. I laugh to myself and nudge Daisy a little with my foot.

“Good girl, I love you my good girl.” she wags her tail like crazy.

“Did I miss something important?” I could hear the laughter dancing on Todd’s lips.

“No, I was just appreciating my eyes.” I laugh; Todd leans down and kisses the lids of my eyes.

“I do that a lot too.” Daisy barks softly and Todd kisses my lips. “Let’s go my love, I promised your mom we would not be late for dinner tonight.”

I pout, nervous about tonight even with the six weeks I had to prepare for this moment. I let Todd take my hand and he walks along side Daisy and I. Daisy loves that Todd has a car and she could stick her hand out of the window and act like a normal dog. Todd opens the back door for Daisy and she jumps in, confident that Todd will help my safely into the car. Todd grabs my hand and helps me into the front seat, kisses me on the lips before buckling my seat belt. He closes my door and I wait with my palm up for him to slide into the car and hold my hand as he drives. As soon as the car is moving his hand is mine, the classic music station on, back window open for Daisy. I hear her panting gleefully and smile.

“I think she loves you as much as I do Todd.” I squeeze his hand.

“Is that possible?” I can hear the smile in his voice.

“I think so my love.” He kisses my hand.

“Well I love Daisy too, not as much as I love you of course.” I smile, happy that I know with certainty how he feels for me.

“I love you too.” Daisy barks in agreement.

The rest of the ride is spent in a comfortable silence. Violins, the hum of the wind, Daisy’s breathing and Todd’s finger tapping on the wheel were all familiar and comforting sounds. I rested my head on the back of the chair and drift off into a deep sleep. I feel Todd kissing me gently and I know that he was waking me up. I kiss him back to tell him that I am awake.

“Come on sweetheart, we are at your parents'.” I hear him let Daisy out and I feel her approach me.

I get out of the car with their help and head over to the house I grew up in. The one that even now I know has soft yellow walls filled with portraits I have painted since I was three. I know dad will be on the couch in his best shirt, beer in hand, game on. I know mom will be scolding him while running around and tidying up. I know that Bruno will be locked up in his room sulking over whatever injustice he felt he was suffering now. It was here I felt like I could see, it was here that it hurt the most that I could not. I push away the negative thoughts and focus on the positive. Tonight Todd will be further integrated into my life. It was a happy moment. The evening was pleasant and my heart swelled with joy. My parents enjoyed Todd’s company and Todd was a buzz about it all on the drive home. In that moment, I fell even more in love with him.