Status: I will update when I can ♥
Making Sense of Love
Dream House
Daisy nuzzles her head into my neck as we lay down for bed. We both let out a yawn at the same time so, I laugh. I push her away gently to give myself some space, as I clap my hand turning off the lights. I usually forget, but Daisy, well she can’t sleep with the lights on. She gets all fussy and upset, so I try my best not to forget. I really do not want to hear her whine until I remember either. I voice activate Mozart to play and lure me into the ideal dream land. A place of peace, quite, color and utter tranquility.
I know when I am in a dream because I can see and oh how I love what I see. I see the tall green grass and yellow sunflowers dancing in the sway of the summer breeze. I can see Daisy; she is the yappy little pup she was when I first got her. Before things got to blurry to make out. I see her yellow fur and big brown eyes, her wagging tail swishing in the air. I know now that those very eyes most hold wisdom, maturity and love. I let her eagerly lead me to my home, a big white house on a hill. It was the same house I dream of at least once a month. It was the very house that my best friend and I had drawn up elaborate plans for. Plans that we wanted to put into motion after high school. The perfect house, our dream house. This is how I feel connected to her; this place made of wood and held together by my imagination. I smile as I climb the hill, the golden sunshine making everything sparkle with life. Birds of every color fly past me, singing me their brilliant songs. Daisy gets easily distracted by them and runs of chasing one as I keep making my way to the house.
I open the front door when I reach the house and the first thing I see is Kathy’s picture, which was hanging over the entrance archway. I stare at the picture, looking at her long strawberry blonde hair falling in front of her shoulder as she looks at the unseen person next to her. I look into her sparkling brown eyes smiling at me from inside the frame. Her hands reaching for the person next to her to join her in the picture. Her freckling dusted over her face, the promise of a full life in the dimples of her smile. My sweet best friend, she was so funny, smart, ambitious, reliable, trusting; even now I miss her. Even now I wonder what life would be like if we decided not go to the factory after school that day. I wonder what life would be like if she lived past sixteen. Would we have went to college together? Would we have built this very house? I wonder if life would have ever tainted her shining optimism as I know it has to so many others. I mostly wonder, if the “what ifs” are what makes her death that much harder to swallow at times. I smile up at her picture, remembering every moment that led up to it being taken.
“I will name my first baby girl after you Kathy. I hope she is just as amazing as you always were.”
I wander around the house, touching picture frames, running my finger across walls. Feeling Kathy in every place I ended up, her joy seemed to seep through the very walls. That's when I feel Daisy stir, pulling me from the lilac walls, pulling me back into the world where Daisy and I are much older. I feel my lids flutter open and I sigh a bit. I hear Daisy whimper and I know that its a nightmare. I scratch behind Daisy’s ear to calm her and smile to myself. I know that every day I feel more and more closure with Kathy’s death. I feel more at peace with her being gone. Maybe it’s because I have no idea how she would fit into my new life. Or maybe, just maybe, Todd is the reason for my smile. I know that he will be here later on today. He said he wanted to play the piano for me. I love it when he is in the mood to play; his music is so full of emotion and beauty. I still find myself pondering from time to time how such a wonderful man fell in love with me. I think of the curve of his lips, the slope of his nose, the feel of his strong jaw under my finger tips and I know that he is handsome. I am sure he had his pick of woman, so why me? What drew him to me? Could my art really be so inspiring that it began this love that has not stop growing since? I pondered over these questions until I once again drifted back to the house, where I am fifteen all over again.
I know when I am in a dream because I can see and oh how I love what I see. I see the tall green grass and yellow sunflowers dancing in the sway of the summer breeze. I can see Daisy; she is the yappy little pup she was when I first got her. Before things got to blurry to make out. I see her yellow fur and big brown eyes, her wagging tail swishing in the air. I know now that those very eyes most hold wisdom, maturity and love. I let her eagerly lead me to my home, a big white house on a hill. It was the same house I dream of at least once a month. It was the very house that my best friend and I had drawn up elaborate plans for. Plans that we wanted to put into motion after high school. The perfect house, our dream house. This is how I feel connected to her; this place made of wood and held together by my imagination. I smile as I climb the hill, the golden sunshine making everything sparkle with life. Birds of every color fly past me, singing me their brilliant songs. Daisy gets easily distracted by them and runs of chasing one as I keep making my way to the house.
I open the front door when I reach the house and the first thing I see is Kathy’s picture, which was hanging over the entrance archway. I stare at the picture, looking at her long strawberry blonde hair falling in front of her shoulder as she looks at the unseen person next to her. I look into her sparkling brown eyes smiling at me from inside the frame. Her hands reaching for the person next to her to join her in the picture. Her freckling dusted over her face, the promise of a full life in the dimples of her smile. My sweet best friend, she was so funny, smart, ambitious, reliable, trusting; even now I miss her. Even now I wonder what life would be like if we decided not go to the factory after school that day. I wonder what life would be like if she lived past sixteen. Would we have went to college together? Would we have built this very house? I wonder if life would have ever tainted her shining optimism as I know it has to so many others. I mostly wonder, if the “what ifs” are what makes her death that much harder to swallow at times. I smile up at her picture, remembering every moment that led up to it being taken.
“I will name my first baby girl after you Kathy. I hope she is just as amazing as you always were.”
I wander around the house, touching picture frames, running my finger across walls. Feeling Kathy in every place I ended up, her joy seemed to seep through the very walls. That's when I feel Daisy stir, pulling me from the lilac walls, pulling me back into the world where Daisy and I are much older. I feel my lids flutter open and I sigh a bit. I hear Daisy whimper and I know that its a nightmare. I scratch behind Daisy’s ear to calm her and smile to myself. I know that every day I feel more and more closure with Kathy’s death. I feel more at peace with her being gone. Maybe it’s because I have no idea how she would fit into my new life. Or maybe, just maybe, Todd is the reason for my smile. I know that he will be here later on today. He said he wanted to play the piano for me. I love it when he is in the mood to play; his music is so full of emotion and beauty. I still find myself pondering from time to time how such a wonderful man fell in love with me. I think of the curve of his lips, the slope of his nose, the feel of his strong jaw under my finger tips and I know that he is handsome. I am sure he had his pick of woman, so why me? What drew him to me? Could my art really be so inspiring that it began this love that has not stop growing since? I pondered over these questions until I once again drifted back to the house, where I am fifteen all over again.