Cross My Heart

Dinner turned out to be more of a success than I thought it would have been. Charlie and Mia didn't really eat that much but it was understandable. When I was younger I used to have more than one holiday meal to have to endure and I understood that it wasn't that easy to pull off. Unless maybe you got stoned in between, then you could probably do it.

After dinner was eaten Mia helped me with the dishes while our boys went in the other room to watch the football game that was on.

"So, how's things with you and Charlie?" I asked aimlessly as I dried off a few bowls and put them away.

"Oh, they're good. It's funny though, Charlie has really changed since I met him." she said.

I nodded. It was true, Charlie really had taken a turn in the other direction. It wasn't that he was a bad guy to start out with, it was just that he was a little... out there for lack of a better term.

"And don't get me wrong, I love that he's all involved and feels the baby kick when it does."

"You guys still don't know what the baby is?"

She shook her head. "At first I thought I didn't want to know but now I kind of do. Charlie says he doesn't want to know just as long as the baby is happy and healthy."

"Screw him. I want to know what the baby is! I'll go with you next time you have a doctors appointment and then we can find out together. Charlie can wait just like he wants."

She smiled and then handed me another plate.

Thanksgiving was one more holiday to look back on. I was starting to worry that time was getting away from me, everything seemed to be happening so fast, but when Jimmy came in the kitchen to grab a drink his smile at me helped ease my mind.

Everyday I worried about his heart. Anytime he had a pain, or even a slight hiccup in his heartbeat I worried. When he was at work, I worried. No matter what I did I was terrified that Jimmy wouldn't come home to me or he wouldn't wake up with me in the morning. Yet each day he woke up and each night after work he came home. That was definitely something I was thankful for.

"I can't believe that next month is Christmas." Mia said sighing.
"We're gonna have a baby by then. I'm going to be a mother and Charlie is gonna be a father..."

I looked over at her. "Isn't that still a good thing?"

"Yeah of course... I mean, I love Charlie. I know it sounds weird since we haven't really been together that long. I guess we wouldn't even be together right now if it wasn't for this little thing." She placed her hand on her stomach.

"No probably not. To be honest though I'm really surprised that Charlie has stuck with you. That means something huge in his world, so you're a keeper."

"That's just it though." she continued, "If I hadn't of met you and hadn't come over here I would be sitting over there with my family getting lectured about getting pregnant so early in life with no husband. That's how my family is! Instead they all met Charlie and they all really like him."

"What? Really?"

"Yeah. I thought that was strange too. Maybe it's just because they know how much I like him and they don't want to upset me."

"Or maybe they do like him. He can be a pretty good guy when he wants to be. From the sounds of things he really wants to be so..." I shrugged my shoulders. "Do you still think being with him is a good idea?"

For a second Mia didn't reply. She simply looked down at her big belly and rubbed it with her left hand. "I do."

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah I'm sure. I wouldn't trade my life right now for anything else. I just hope he's not pretending to love me for the baby's sake."

I gave her and understanding smile and put my hand on her belly, feeling the small person inside kick at me. "Charlie could never force himself to pretend to be in love with anyone, even for a baby. He probably would've offered to help raise it and pay for it and be there for it...but he wouldn't have made himself stay with someone, let alone move in with someone, that he didn't really care about. He doesn't just love you because of the baby, he loves you because for once he took the time to get to know someone."

"Yeah I guess you're right." she smiled. "I know it sounds silly but sometimes I wish we were more like you and Jimmy."

"Really? What on Earth for? We're not exactly role models."

"Maybe not to you but to me you guys are the perfect couple. You don't have kids yet so it's still all about you two and how you feel.
You guys have that kind of love that everyone can tell you have. People look at you guys and think 'only in the movies or cheesy books does that work'."

I chuckled. "Yeah I can see how people would think that. To be honest though I never thought in a million years that I would be married to Jimmy right now living in his house with a couple of weirdo best friends and one of them having a kid."

"Did you think that you and Jimmy would have the kid first?" She asked.

I hesitated thinking about the conversations we had had about kids. Jimmy had lost one before and I was sure that wasn't something he could handle again. If I got pregnant and then lost the baby it would not only kill me to lose that part of me, but it would kill me because I would be letting Jimmy suffer yet again.

On the other hand I knew that making him a father would be the one thing that no one could take away from him and I knew that it would make him happier than ever. Was I willing to take that risk?

"Out of all those yahoo's in the other room? Yeah. I figured Jimmy would be the first to be a father. It's okay that he's not though I think this will really see if he's ready or not. I know he wants one someday..."

"Do you?"

"Yeah, do you?" asked my husbands voice from the opposite side of the room. I hadn't realized that he had came back in from the living room.

I looked at the ground then at Mia's belly and then back at Jimmy.
"Yeah I do. I want you to be a father, Jimmy. I wanna be a mom and I want our kid to play with Charlie and Mia's baby. I want Matt and Dillon to be uncles, and you know maybe Charlie too but he'll be so busy being a dad."

Jimmy crossed the room and wrapped his long tattooed arms around me like he had so many times before. He buried his nose in my hair and breathed it in. "I love you. So much. We'll have kids when we get to it, but I'm really glad to know that you'd at least be on board a little bit."

I laughed. "Yeah, I guess I can be on board a little bit."

"See! That right there! That's what I want." Mia said. "I want us to be that happy too."

"I think you guys will be. It took a lot of years knowing him to end up like this."

"Well... maybe Jimmy can teach him a few things."

"Can I ask you something, Fatty?" Jimmy asked.

She narrowed her eyes. "Yes."

"Are you honestly happy with Charlie?"

Mia smiled an honest smile. "I'm very happy with Charlie."

"Good, then welcome to the family! For like, ever because you're carrying Charlie's baby and I'm pretty sure he's going to wanna keep him. Or her. But probably him." Jimmy said.

"Thanks."

"No problem Fatty. Now, can my wife do me a favor and come with me outside for a minute? I need to ask you something."

"We can't do it in here? Where it's warm and there's light and it's not freezing?" I asked as he grabbed my coat from the chair on the table.

"Not even a little bit, come on."

"Alright, we'll be right back." I said to Mia and she nodded then
made her way, or waddled more like it, to the living room.
Once we were outside Jimmy took my hand and we went out behind the house to the backyard.

"Jimmy it's freezing out here. It's November, not August anymore." I chattered. My nose was already so cold that if he even so much as touched it, it would most likely break and fall off. Or hurt. A lot.

"I knowwww, and I'm sorry. I just thought it would be more romantic this way."

"Why in the hell would it be more romantic?"

"Because that's how it is in the movies, and didn't Mia say that we had movie love or something like that?"

"How long were you listening to our conversation you freakin'... stalker."

"Stalker? Just nosy, sweetheart. I don't have to stalk you. We're married and you live in the same house as me."

"Fine, not a stalker, but it seriously is cold out here so can you hurry up? Plus if I leave Matt in there long enough without being supervised then he might get in the fridge and eat the deserts."

Jimmy grinned. "Yeah he probably will. Anyway, I have something for you. I know it's not Christmas yet but I can't wait that long. It's been bugging me for awhile now actually. I got this the day that we got married." he said reaching in to his coat pocket and pulling out a little wrapped box. "It's from my Mom actually I guess you could say but whatever. I'm giving it to you so I get the credit."

"What is it?" I asked. I had always felt awkward getting presents and opening them up in front of the people who gave them to me. I had it in my head that if my facial expression wasn't what they were expecting I would be somehow telling them that I didn't like it. Now that I knew it had come from Jimmy's mom I really didn't want to open it in front of him.

"This is our first Holiday season as a married couple. We got married just a little while ago and I know we got together before then and hung out during the holidays but.." he shrugged and gave me the box. "I can't wait until Christmas. I'm a terrible present guardian. Don't ever let me wrap them either, I'm terrible at that. I get the tape all over everywhere and can't cut and fold properly.
It's a big mess." He waved his hands.

Slowly I lifted the box and looked at it.

"It's not going to jump out and bite you, you know. You can open it."

"Jimmy maybe we should wait until-"

"Nooo, don't do that to me woman! Just open the fuckin' thing before I do it for you!"

"Alright, alright! Jeez. Awfully demanding aren't you? 'Open my presents right now!'. That's not very nice."

"What woman on Earth would complain about having to open a present from their loving husband, weeks before Christmas? Do NOT tell my mom I gave it to you early. She's a stickler for making things all special and shit."

It was good to hear Jimmy talking about his family the way he had since we got married. He had been so worried that they wouldn't accept him and let him back in after everything that happened, but after we spent the time we had before our honeymoon there things really seemed to be worked out.

I forced my numb, cold fingers, to unwrap the paper and then found another little box inside.

"Come on, open it!" Jimmy jumped up and down.

"Are you excited? Or cold?" I asked as I lifted the lid.

"Both."

Inside the box there was a small pendant. Normally pendants weren't my thing. I liked rings and sometimes necklaces but I wasn't really a pin something huge on my shirt and have people stare at my boobs kind of girl. However this was Jimmy's mothers and it didn't matter that it was something I would never wear. I
would wear it no matter what. Plus it was gorgeous.

"Awe, babe. It's really beautiful."

"Yeah, and it's worth more than my house and car and anything else I own combined. It's not worth more to me than you but that thing. If we ever fall subject to being poor-"

"We will live in a box and I'll wear this proudly." I said throwing my arms around him. "I love it, and it's so beautiful. Unfortunately I can't feel my arms or face or anything else. Can we please go in? Otherwise you're gonna have to chisel me out of an ice cube."

"Yeah I guess. Plus Matt probably has the first pie gone and is started on the second."

"He better not!" I yelled and let go of him and started walking toward the house.

"Wait, Layla. Hold on." He reached over and grabbed my arm. "I know I heard your conversation with Mia and I'm sorry if that was private, I couldn't help it, but... do you really wanna have a kid with me?"

"Of course."

"Really?"

I smiled at him and reached up and touched his face. "Yes. I do want to have a kid with you. Why have you been bringing it up so much honestly, and tell me the truth. Please? I can handle it."
Jimmy sighed heavily. "I really want to have a baby with you, Lay. I don't know how much time I have left though and I don't wanna freak you out by talking about this stuff but...I really want to have a baby with you before I die."

"Jimmy don't. Don't talk like that. If you want to have a baby now then...we can try to have a baby now. I don't need you to bribe me with dying. Okay? I love you and you're gonna be around for a lot longer than you think."

He smiled slightly. "So.... does this mean?"
I jumped up and grabbed him. "It means we're gonna try to have a baby too."

Sometimes you're not sure about how your future is gonna go. You make plans and they get ruined, or you don't make plans and something comes up to set you spinning. What I knew for sure though, in my mind and soul and heart and anything else that could feel, was that I loved Jimmy more than anything else. Having a baby with him would not only give me a piece of him forever but it would mean that our lives would never be the same. It was a big change for us and I had no idea how it would alter our future...

But I knew that it didn't matter. Because I was ready.