Cross My Heart

I enjoyed playing for the crowds; don’t get me wrong—I loved every ounce of it, just like the rest of the crew did. I loved hearing everyone shouting, having them beg for more of our songs to be played. I wondered if anyone other than the guys could understand the…attachments we create with our fans. We loved to put those looks on their faces, you know the ones where they are in complete bliss, just sitting there hearing us play and perform on stage.

And maybe we get a little cocky after performing—but that comes with the adrenaline rush. The song ended and Matt began to introduce another one. I looked over to my right to see her standing there, grinning and watching all of us. She grinned, stuck up both hands with both thumbs pointing up before blowing a kiss in my direction. I laughed and moved my head to the side, where Matt was watching me with amusement.

“Johnny, we’re playing a fucking show here.” He grinned, turned back to the audience gathered in front of us and guffawed. “Can you believe this? Look at short shit over here, thinking he’s the shit all ‘cause he’s dating the fucking tour manager.”

I paused—not this again. “You’re just jealous, man.” I snickered as I hid my smile.

“Hell yeah, Ronnie’s definitely a hot piece of ass.” Matt shot back and I narrowed my eyes.

“That’s my little sister, Mr. Hot shot.” Brian warned. “Go back to your own woman.”

“My thoughts precisely, Gates.” I shot back. He turned towards me, one of his eyebrows raised.

“Hey, Gnomeo over there—don’t forget who owns those balls.” Fucking short-man jokes, always short jokes. Shaking my head, I let a laugh leave my lips before I looked over at Ronnie, who was grinning like a mad woman. I am pretty sure that deep down she was scared shitless for being on stage, but if it meant touching her for at least a few minutes, I’d be up to anything.

“Let’s get Ronnie out here, shall we?” I rolled my eyes as I heard the roar of people in the audience and turned to see Ronnie coming out onto the stage. Waving like the little angel they think she is, she blew kisses out to everyone before standing next to me.

“Hi.” She murmured before crashing her lips to mine. When she pulled away, I grabbed her with my free hand.

“Where do you think you’re going?” She laughed, pecked my lips once more before she pulled away from me, leaving me with her for a few more minutes. I thought back to the black box in the room with the rest of my things and felt the anticipation within me flare up again—there was not one bone in my body that didn’t think that she would not say yes. But, just like any man, I still worried about the chance of her saying no. I had to admit—it scared me. There has not been one dream that I’ve dreamt that didn’t have her in it.

“You have a show to put on, Christ.” She grinned before walking towards her brother, who was laughing as she grabbed one of the bras off his stand before flinging it in the air. “I think someone is hoping to get some of the Haner package, Gates.” She said close enough to the mic so that her voice carried out. “What would Arianna say about that?” Ronnie said, as she hinted at something to Brian.

I watched as Brian’s shoulder shook with laughter, but knew him well enough to know that he was smirking underneath these hot ass lights. “Maybe she would be up to a three-some, who knows.”

I loved being on this stage, I loved our fans—and I loved my band mates. Honestly, I just fucking loved life.

__

As soon as I exited the stage, I handed my guitar to one of Berry’s and went in search for the woman I’ve begun to fall for. Honestly, the first time I laid my eyes on her I promised myself that she was going to be mine. Of course, I had to take a lot of shit from Brian, but right now as I gaze at her with her back towards me, the thought of a life without her left a sour taste in the back of my mouth. I watched as she bent to talk with Mike, who worked with the lights. I could make out the word son her shirt—letters that created her name and the words ‘TOUR MANAGER.’ She fixed her hair so that it hung over one shoulder and I saw my in.

“Can you make sure that the left side is a little better n—,” Before she could finish, I grabbed her by her waist and put her over my shoulders. I knew that I was sweaty, but I had to take care of something before I wigged out, or one of the guys interrupts us. With my heart beating in my chest, I fixed her body so that her head hung in the back. Immediately, a squeal left her lips and she wrapped her arms around my own waist.

“Johnny!” She squealed. I chuckled and knew that she was laughing. “I suppose were done here, Mike!” She called out as I pulled her up a bit so that she didn’t slip. One of my hands moved so that I held her in one arm, the other one I used to smack her rear-end—she let out a gasp and returned the favor. I only laughed as I trudged along towards my destination. “Jonathan Lewis Seward!” She cried out. “If you do not put me down, I swear! Brian!” She called out.

“I don’t think your brother is going to help you, Ron.” I said as I made my way through the set of doors. I set her down, her brown eyes wild and her luscious pink lips forming a smile. Grinning, I shut the door with one foot and walked over to her, wrapping my arms around her.

“Ew,” She said, “You’re all sweaty, babe.” I chuckled before tightening my grasp on her. “Johnny, I need to get to the guys! You all have a meet and greet in a few minutes!”

“They can wait for us,” I mumbled in her ear before placing my lips on the spot behind it.

“You’ll be answering to fans, not to me Christ.” Ronnie pulled away from me with a smile, but kept her arms over my shoulders, her hand linking together at the back of my neck. I grinned and found her hips.

“There’s only one woman I care about, Veronica.” I said seriously before placing my lips against hers softly. When I pulled away, she was grinning like she had won the lottery or something.

I don’t know what it was that had made me fall for her, honestly. Maybe it was the passion she held within herself—the way she fought without questions for her sobriety. I could see the fire in her burn, and it was like a moth attracted to the flame. Ronnie was the strongest woman I knew, and though she would fight with me I told her—it was the truth.

But right now—the way she was looking at me, as if I was some kind of miracle that crawled through the depths of hell, I couldn’t help but fall harder. It’s been nearly three years since I told her my feelings, and every day since then I have found myself getting deeper, and every day the thought of life without her frightens me.

“How could I have stumbled upon a man like you?” She said, breaking my thoughts. I smiled and pulled her closer to me. One of my hands went to cup her cheek and she closed her eyes for a second. When she opened them, her brown orbs were on fire. “I thought that…when Brent was taken…” I frowned.

“Baby,” I murmured. “We’ll get him back someday—you will see.” She bit her bottom lip and stayed quiet for a few seconds.

“You, Brian…Brent…all of you mean so much to me.”

“I know, baby, which is why I need to do something.” I kissed her quickly, before pulling away. I went to head to my jeans, where I had the ring in my pocket. I couldn’t wait any longer—I needed to know, I needed to ask—to make her completely mine, as I would be to her.

Just as I pulled the box out, the door slammed against the wall to reveal Jimmy, all 6’2” of him. He had a pair of sticks in his hand, a towel wiping at his face. Instantly, a blanket of annoyance swept through my system and I groaned. “Ah-ha!” He shouted, pointing the sticks in Ronnie’s direction. Ronnie’s eyes left mine and she found Jimmy’s. In that moment, I knew that the chance to ask her was over. Slumping my shoulders in defeat, I turned to watch Jimmy’s lanky body walk into the room. “Stop trying to hog her, Johnny!” He cried out. “Why must you always steal her from us?”

Brian walked into the room then and I stuffed the black box back into my pockets angrily and stormed out of the room. “Fuck it,” I muttered before looking over my shoulder to see Ronnie grinning at all the guys as they swarmed in and attacked her with hugs.