Splitting Pearls

I felt so stupid, so junior high, standing there with Marcus’ number dialed and my finger on the “call” button. Still, I wasn’t sure, not by any means, that this was right. Maybe I should try seeing him in person, I thought. My heart leapt a little bit.

I locked my phone and put it away. Yeah, I would go find him, instead. Rhea had mentioned that he was staying at Reed’s place. I’d try going there.

It seemed to me that as soon as I decided to go find him, I was there. I knew that the drive over had taken several minutes, but it was like I blinked and was suddenly approaching the door, raising my hand to knock on it, pulling back.

What was I doing?

Just as Rhea had said Marcus didn’t want to ambush me, I didn’t want to drop in on him without giving him a chance to prepare. But then, he’d left me, hadn’t he? So why would he need to prepare to see me? I huffed and knocked on the door- three short raps- before I could third guess myself.

Lionel opened the door. “Florence!” He wrapped me up in a hug and when he pulled back, we grinned at each other for a moment. I liked Lionel a lot. Yeah, he was brash and judgemental and occasionally overstepped his boundaries. Still, he was a genuine, decent person and he always acted happy to see me, which I appreciated.

That grin he wore soon slipped a little, though. “What’s up?”

I shrugged. “Is Marcus around?” These were the most difficult of words for me to choke out. It felt like a confession.

Lionel only nodded, though. I appreciated that he didn’t feel the need to comment on this. “I was wondering when you’d show up. Marcus would never admit it, but he’s been wondering too.”

Did I say that he wasn’t going to comment? My bad. I almost turned around and fled, but did I really want to be that big a coward? Absolutely not. “Is he here then?”

Lionel stepped back into the house and held the door open for me so I could follow suit. “Up the stairs, second door on the left.”

“Thanks.” I put my hand on his arm briefly and headed up the stairs.

The door was open, something that I was grateful for. It meant that I wouldn’t have to have another drawn out, melodramatic moment of doubt as I prepared to knock. Instead I got an awkward moment where Marcus and I gaped at each other as soon as I made it to the doorway. He stood, bumping his knees on his desk in the process. “Flo.”

“Marcus.” I cleared my throat. “It’s... so good to see you.”

“Yeah, you too. Uhm, you look great.”

“Thanks.”

The awkwardness swallowed us up temporarily before he remembered his manners. “Come in. Here, take the desk seat.”

I obeyed, perching on the very edge. He took the bed and looked no more comfortable on his perch than I was on mine. “I heard you were back in town and thought I’d stop by.” I shouldn’t have felt like I needed an explanation, I really shouldn’t have.

“I’m glad you did.” But he didn’t sound glad at all.

More silence. I could hardly bear to look at him. It was harder to look away, though. Marcus looked wonderful. Okay, he’d cut his hair a little shorter than was wise and his shirt had strange brown stains on it. But his eyes were the same as ever, even the look in them as he gazed over every part of me. I felt the warmth of them from across the room. And... had he been exercising?

“I’m sorry I didn’t call you,” Marcus finally said. “I didn’t know whether I should.”

“You should have.” The words were out before I could bite them back. “Sorry, that wasn’t an accusation or anything."

He held up his hands and even smiled a little. Always it had amused him when I got the wide-eyed look of panic I knew my face wore now. “No, don’t apologize. You’re right, I should have. But it seemed like you’ve got your life set up just right and I didn’t want to interfere.”

“Just right? Hardly.” I snorted a bit as images of my trashed apartment, my gruelling job, and Killian flitted through my mind. Yes, I enjoyed being at the restaurant. No, I didn’t intend to stay there for very much longer. Customers were too rude for that and besides, I didn’t especially enjoy coming home smelling like grease after every shift.

The right side of Marcus’ mouth lifted just a bit in a half smile I was familiar with. It made me want to cross the room and sit with him the way I used to. In fact, I did just that- kind of. In any case, I sat two inches away from him, where I could see not only his expression as he watched me, but where I could also see the little spots of hazel spread through the warm brown color of his eyes. I smiled and he smiled back. This time it was genuine. The pressure that had been building in my chest intensified.

“What happened to us?” I asked before I could give myself a chance to think better of it. “It used to be so easy. This is terrible. I’ll just say it, yeah? Before you moved away we were really great together. Heck, I was half in love with you. You were more, way more, than just another boy to me. Then you left and things got so strange. I think we pretended that we could be less to each other without some cost. We can’t. But I truly believe that if we both really try, we’ll be able to make this friends thing work.” Probably. Probably we could make it work.

Marcus frowned now. “I don’t know, Flo.”

I gaped at him. What was he saying? He didn’t want to be friends with me? How embarrassing. And here I had come here and- and- and I’d been so open with him and what, he didn’t even care? Did I mean so little to him? This was beyond embarrassing. I was mortified.

Marcus’ hands wrapped around my own. “Hey, calm down. Florence, please listen.” I looked up at him. He had shifted so that we were almost touching, so that the only thing I could see were his brilliant, beautiful eyes. I inhaled shakily. “Better.” I inhaled again and kept my gaze fixed on his, waiting for an explanation.

He didn’t get a chance to explain what he had meant, though, because suddenly my eyes were brimming with tears and our arms were around each other and then I was crying and he was rubbing my back and it all felt so very good.

It was terribly wrong of me. Wrong for Killian, because even though such an embrace was innocent enough on the surface, the feelings it brought out in me were traitorous. Wrong for Marcus because honestly, how lame was it of me to make him comfort me, his ex-girlfriend, for absolutely no apparent reason? Wrong for me because it made me want things I knew I couldn’t have. Still I let the moment drag out, clinging to him. Once I had calmed enough for it, I really focused on the moment, on every inch of Marcus that I was in contact with, on the smell of him.

Reluctantly, I pulled away. I laughed a bit because come on, the situation was absolutely absurd. “I’m sorry. I don’t know what that was about. I think I must have missed you or something.”

Marcus bumped his shoulder into mine. “I missed you too.”