Splitting Pearls

It was the night before we were supposed to leave for the trip and I couldn’t think of a way out of it. Florence had stopped avoiding me. Before, that was all that I thought I wanted from her. Now I realized that this was infinitely worse.

When Flo avoided me, I knew that I still mattered to her. What she was doing right now, though, seemed to indicate exactly the opposite. She acted around me just as she would around any other person she barely knew. In fact, perhaps she was treating me slightly worse than she would a stranger, since she was always very good about making strangers feel welcome around her, while I just felt brushed away. I knew that no one was worried anymore about having things be awkward between me and Flo during the road trip- at least, no one except for me and maybe Florence. However, if I tried to get out of it without a seriously solid explanation, everyone would see straight through me.

Besides, she would know, even if no one else did, that me not coming along was because of her. If she really was as over me as she seemed, that would be the most humiliating thing I could have her think.

So I would go on the trip. Maybe I could talk Caleb into letting me drive, even if his parents wouldn’t exactly approve. Caleb had started coming to our practices, so he was starting to feel like one of the group. It might work. If I was driving, I wouldn't be fighting the urge to glance over at her. I wouldn't be formulating various things to say to her. In short, if I was driving, I probably wouldn't be miserable.

So when I went downstairs with my duffle bag to put it in the RV that Caleb was borrowing from his parents, which had already been parked out in front of Lionel and Reed's place, I pulled Caleb aside and casually offered to take the first driving stint. "I've seen you in the mornings and I think it would be in everyone's best interest to let you doze a bit." Caleb was scary in the morning. He alternated between intensely awake and dead asleep.

Caleb smiled a bit. "In fact, Rhea had the same thought and beat you to the punch. But thanks." He walked away, off to go talk with Rupert, I thought. Those two were getting to be pretty close.

I turned around. Florence was a couple of yards away, standing in the pool of light surrounding one of the lampposts that lined the street. She was talking with Rhea. The two were leaning in close to each other, whispering and taking turns making wild hand gestures. I tried to imagine what they were saying before I realized how pathetic I was being. I turned back toward the house and headed inside. I was going to need to be on top of my game tomorrow, if I had any hope of acting normal about all of this.

***

We made it through three hours before anyone called out for a bathroom break. I took the opportunity to get out of the RV and stretch my legs a bit. No matter that it was perfectly possible to move around while we were driving- it was nice to be in fresh air and to be away from all of the noise. I loved my band mates, really I did, but they could be a raucous group. By the end of the day, I knew that they would be feeling just as crowded in and as sick of each other as I was feeling about them.

Footsteps approached and I turned around. Florence was there, holding out a coffee cup and smiling a little. "I can see how tense you are and thought this might help."

I smiled and took the cup. It was so very like her to be this thoughtful. "Thank you." I took a cautious sip. Always when we were together she had added too much sugar. This time it was fine, though. I lifted a brow. "Good job."

Florence beamed. "Well, you know. I've been practicing."

I didn't know what to say to that. I knew that she couldn't be serious. I shifted my feet and cleared my throat. "Well, how is everything?"

Florence laughed. "I'm sorry that things are still so strange, Marcus. I keep trying to act like they're normal, but it's just not getting better, is it? I think I miss you too much to really act like you're just another person to me. Can we be friends? I mean, really friends, not weird, after-breakup friends. Please?"

I knew that it would never work out, us being friends, but I couldn't say no while she was standing there with those eyes of hers fixed on mine. "Of course. I've missed you too." I almost winced, but managed to stop myself. Could she hear just how much I meant those words? Because I had missed her. If it weren't for her boyfriend, I would have already tried talking her into giving us another shot. But she did have a boyfriend.

I turned away. "I'll see you in there."

Lionel was sitting in the seat I had previously occupied. I rolled my eyes at him and took his old seat, exactly opposite mine. "What's up?"

It was Lionel's turn for an eye roll. "What else? I'm shut up in this thing all day and honestly, I'm starting to get a little stir crazy. What do you think the chances are that we can get Gus and Rhea to take a nap in the back? Those two have way too much energy for such a small amount of space," he complained.

"You knew what you were getting into when you agreed to this," I said wearily.

Lionel scowled. "Yeah, well, I didn't really think this through."

"Of course you didn't. You never think things through."

"And you think too much."

His words hung in silence. After a moment, I nodded. "Yeah. If she's really getting to you, set Reed on her," I suggested. "Then maybe she will disappear to the back for a while."

Lionel winced. "Ew. That's my little brother."

I closed my eyes and leaned my head back. I almost managed to fall asleep, but then the RV lurched back into movement and I gave up on the idea. This would be a long trip.

***

We stopped earlier that night than we had originally planned. Everyone was stir crazy. Rhea insisted that she knew how to make the trip more bearable in the future. She and Florence dropped the rest of us off at a hotel and disappeared with no more explanation than that. When they returned, it was only to hole up in the bathroom, the only place, they said, where they could get some privacy.

None of us knew what they were up to until the next day, when Rhea and Flo proudly presented their work to us: four gaudily decorated ukuleles, six glittery kazoos, two cheap harmonicas, one children’s keyboard toy that also had four pre-recorded songs, and a melodica that was covered in Disney stickers.

We all silently exchanged glances for several long moments. Caleb coughed and reached both hands up to cradle the back of his neck. “Of course,” he said quietly, sounding resigned.

Once our silence was shattered, all of us moved at once as though released from a spell. I dove for the melodica, but Gus beat me to it. I spared a second to bare my teeth at him before reaching for something else. Flo handed me a ukulele with a grin.

“I saved this for you,” she said. “You’re probably more qualified than most to try it.”

I shrugged. I was a bass player. That was very different. I didn’t mention this to Flo. No use upsetting her. Not when I needed her to be in a good mood. Flo was always more receptive when she was content, and I planned on working my way back into her life.

Then I realized that she would have been happy no matter what I said when Flo thrust something else into my hand: a maraca.

It had streamers tied to it.

Pink ones.

Flo beamed at me and my displeasure was momentarily forgotten. Then she said, “If you lose those, I’ll be very put out.”

I grimaced and climbed into the waiting RV. Everyone else was already settled and had left two empty seats next to each other.

Finally, a bit of luck.

Flo settled in next to me, her eyes falling on each of us in turn. I followed her gaze and snorted. Gus had the melodica and a kazoo that he was desperately trying to trade away. Rhea had a ukulele, of course-- she’d had first pick. She was pressed closely against Reed, who had empty hands and three kazoos in his mouth. Caleb was driving, but even he had a kazoo. Lionel was fiddling with the keyboard, even though he was terrible at piano playing. Lionel was also holding a ukulele and was cringing away from Rhea, who was trying to shove a kazoo into his mouth. He gave Reed a pained look.

“Play nice, Rhea,” Reed said with a lazy grin.

Rhea pouted. “Alright, fine.” She chucked the kazoo to Flo and pulled a harmonica out of her pocket. She chucked it at Lionel’s head and he caught it easily, sticking out his tongue. Rhea stuck hers back out at him, and Reed ducked down, sucking her tongue into his mouth.

It was disgusting.

Rhea just laughed, pulled away, and wiped at her mouth. “Not in front of the band, Reed!” she giggled.

As though the two of them had ever bothered to be discreet, I thought. My eyes slid to Flo. She had been looking at me, and looked startled when I returned the attention. I thought I detected a bit of sadness in her eyes, but she shut them and turned away before I could be sure.

Maybe I was just seeing what I wanted to see.

“Wait, where’s Rupert?” I asked.

An answering harmonica sounded from the rear area of the RV. Lionel chuckled. “He wanted to get away from us. Thinks our music isn’t going to be good enough for him.”

Again, the sound of harmonica was the only response. This time, it was a wailing, bluesy sound that sounded shockingly… well, good.

Gus’ eyes widened comically. “Rupert!” he hollered, darting into the back. Caleb chose that time to start moving, and Gus was thrown to the ground. He scrambled back up in his dogged pursuit of Rupert. “You didn’t tell us you could actually play anything other than guitar!” he accused.

The harmonica sound cut off sharply. Lionel and I exchanged amused glances and didn’t bother investigating. Let the two of them work it out on their own. Lionel- our drum player- found a button that made his keyboard sound like percussion. “Finally, something I can work with!” he said, and started tapping out a simple beat.

I ran my fingers across the strings of the ukulele. It was tuned- Rhea’s doing? I tried to remember the chords that Sarah had taught me while I was in Kansas. She was this blonde that I dated on and off for a month or so. She thought that she was a hippie, but really she was more of a hipster, if you take my meaning. Still, she had been intriguingly… flexible.

I glanced at Flo guiltily before remembering that she had moved on, too.

Or maybe not “too,” since I was pretty sure I hadn’t ever truly moved on from her. Her gaze flicked onto mine for a second, but she looked away again so quickly that I almost doubted what I had seen.

This was getting ridiculous. Rhea smiled at me when I managed to hit a pretty nice-sounding chord. She plucked out another one that meshed nicely with mine, then launched into a simple melody. I hadn’t known that she could actually play. But then, she was always learning some new instrument or technique or other, since she was attending a music school.

The others joined in, Lionel refusing to do anything other than play his fake percussion. Caleb’s kazoo harmonized with absolutely nothing as it shrieked from the front of the RV, but no one minded.

Rhea and Flo had been right. Of course the best way to keep a bunch of musicians from being miserable was to give them instruments.

Even if they were sparkly ones.

***

I decided early on in the day that I was going to try and get Rhea alone. There was no one in the world who was closer to Flo than she was. If I could get Rhea on my side, then maybe she could help me find a way to get Flo back.

This should never have been a problem in the first place, I thought. She should always have been mine. Or was she really happy with this boyfriend of hers? I looked at her again. She hadn’t brought him along. That could have been because she didn’t want to make me uncomfortable.... and his absence could explain how sad she looked. As the day passed, I became more convinced that I wasn’t imagining things. She really did look like she was sad, and she seemed like she was sinking deeper and deeper into it.

We took a rest stop sometime in the afternoon and I seized the opportunity to snatch Rhea away from Flo and Reed- no small feat. When I gestured for her to follow me over to the other side of the rest area, she silently obeyed. Rhea could be ridiculous and even obnoxious at times, but she always knew when to take things seriously. There wasn’t a hint of humor in her gaze when we stopped, leaning against a wall.

“Marcus, I think I know what’s on your mind, and it needs to stop,” Rhea said quietly. The words made me feel physically ill, but I kept my face frozen. She sighed and went on, “Florence isn’t happy, Marcus. I think you know that. But… I’ve spent the past year watching her try everything she could to be okay again. She went through all seven stages of grief and then a couple extra. And she’s just barely starting to get on her feet again.” Rhea glanced around furtively, probably making sure that no one was around to overhear us.

“I don’t understand,” I said.

Rhea’s eyes were full of sympathy that normally would have been kind of offensive, but which now just made my stomach turn. “Killian- Flo’s boyfriend- is terrible for her. Her job works her too hard, and her classes aren’t interesting to her. She doesn’t have much contact with her family since she moved out and now you’re back and she’s feeling like she’s under a microscope. I think you can understand that. But she’s trying really hard to be okay right now, and having you near isn’t helping that.”

“This trip wasn’t my idea,” I said, angry now.

“I know. It was actually Flo’s, though I’m the one who went and made it a group thing. I shouldn’t have done that.” I raised my brows. Rhea didn’t usually admit it when she was wrong.

“No, I guess not,” I agreed, putting as much acid into my voice as I could. “But my actions aren’t your responsibility or your business. I want Flo to be happy, too,” I said. Happy with me, I added on silently. I knew better than to voice that. “I don’t think that more distance from me would help that.” I hoped.

Rhea’s brow creased. “I don’t know.” She reached out and wrapped one of my hands in both of hers. I resisted the urge to snatch it away. Pity. It wasn’t sympathy that I saw in her eyes anymore, it was pity.

I hated pity.

“I’m going back to the RV,” I said after a silent moment. I turned away and started walking. Rhea linked her arm through mine and kept pace beside me. I didn’t push her away.