Perfect Teeth

On a scale of 1-10 how mad at me would you be if I told you that I might’ve listened to some of your album when it leaked last night?

I am not even a little surprised.

I have no self control man you should know this BUT from the bits I listened to before your management got their shit on lock and took it all down, it was v v v good!!!!

thanks, I think? To be honest I found it all a little funny but management was in a rage. The entire plane ride over was one long meeting about damage control but there’s not really much to do now.

Yeah not really. Like the majority of the internet has illegally downloaded it already, but they’re gonna buy it anyway bc they’re super dedicated.

Just kind of ruins a bit of the excitement for 1D Day.

Leaks suck, but there’s not much you can do about it. Except maybe like an adult diaper???

(in my head I just ba dum dum tss’d my own joke I am great)

also Side eye the camera and be really snarky that’ll show it to ‘em.

Thanks for the advice.

You okay???

Yeah, just a little tired. Lots of meetings.

Go find a softish surface and take a nap.

Sounds like a plan.

:) ttyl

wait no where are you going?

…to let you sleep?

No soft surface found yet don’t go.



ok ok so there are towels with your face on it but it’s Harry circa 2010 and ur face is really stretched out and your hair is quite large and it’s kinda freaking me out.

You bought it didn’t you?

I might’ve so I could burn it. Maybe. And feel more connected to ~fetus Harry.

‘fetus’ Harry? there are pictures of me in the womb on blankets? What???

No god keep up with the time fetus you is you when you look like a child pls spend more time on Urban Dictionary so you can keep up with your fans

I think the name ‘fetus Harry’ makes me uncomfortable.

No I don’t just think.

I know. It makes me uncomfortable.

That’s fine.

Thanks for the concern over my well being babe.

Sorry I’m standing in the middle of Boots and staring at all of the 1D merchandise

What would you do if I wrapped everything you own in wrapping paper with your face on it?

Cry.

Also the only thing I own in London right now is my car so go right ahead that should be a fun job.

Not true you have at least two shirts at my house.

I do?? Which ones?

One of your stupidly expensive and stupidly soft white ones and then the family reunion one.

I’ve been looking for that shirt!

Keep looking ur not getting it back

First you’re calling me a fetus, now you’re stealing my favorite shirts. I’m hurt.

That’s rough life is hard

You know what else is hard?

Penises.
…
…
…
ezra?

I was kidding

daily dick joke

Babe?

???

sorry sorry I was making a milkshake and I made a lil bit of a mess

but I know you were kidding even if it wasn’t a very good joke I give you 4/10 for using the opportunity but not to the best of your ability

How did you make a mess making a milkshake all you have to do is put stuff in a blender? And I thought you were in Boots?

Did you forget the lid? That’s a vital part.

No it’s just

Well

I don’t exactly have a blender

But I wanted a milkshake anyway

There was a lot of stirring involved

There was maybe some splatter

Maybe

You have no evidence

And I’m home now duh you took forever to reply

Why don’t you have a blender? Milkshakes are like the largest part of your food group.

Idk just never got around to getting one

But it’s okay I’ve been making progress

So far on your Christmas list: cork screw and blender. Noted.

Wrapped in 1D wrapping paper, of course.



sleeping is weird come back

no you come here it’s warm

it’s not supposed to be warm in November

you would think but actually it’s really nice. There’s beach. Don’t you like beach?

I do like beach. In London it’s cold and gray. :(

There’s a flight to LA leaving in 3 hours think you’d make it? Should I buy a ticket?

I wish. :(

Me too.

Besides if I left now I’d miss 1D Day entirely.

That’s okay you’d get Me Day on Sunday

You are too frickin’ cute I cannot handle just stop

I think I want a dog

Nick’s got a dog. He’s adorable.

Nick or the dog?

both I think.

I want one.

A dog.

It could be my cuddling companion.

Um hiiii? That is my job?

For when you’re off being internationally famous obvs.

Slightly more acceptable. What kind of dog? Can you have a dog in your flat?

A pug. Or a beagle. Or a weiner dog. I think I can have one?? I’ll have to check.

We can go looking when I get back.

Yes yes sounds fun! I will probs have to wait until after the new year to actually procure said dog but yes!!!!



I have snacks I have drink I am sat in the studio livestream is on I am ready for 1D Day bring it on.

I have mic I have no idea what I am doing I am also ready.

You will be wonderful I have faith in you. And it doesn’t really matter bc like 3 million people will find you adorable no matter how stupid!

3 million including you or without?? ;)

I am impartial duh

Sure, sure. Okay we are starting!

Break a leg!!!!

Please look forward to my running commentary

oh that bandana lookin’ fresh

nervous knees I love it

does Piers Morgan actually smell or are you just talking shit?



I spent the entirety of 1D Day catching as much as I could on the live stream we hooked up to the iMac between filming. ZZ and I would spend the appropriate amounts of time between filming takes kind of freaking out and laughing as the awkwardness ensued.

I was only half paying attention as I fixed my own microphone on my shirt, listening more than watching, but then suddenly I heard my name and my head snapped up. ZZ whipped around as well and lunged for the sound on the computer, turning it all the way up.

On the screen, Harry suddenly looked flustered. “Um,” he started, one of his hands moving up to his lip. “I don’t – no, I don’t know, we’re really good friends.” He gulped. “She’s one of my best mates and she’s just – she’s really great.” He was scratching the back of his neck, looking down at his lap and looking slightly like a deer in headlights.

Off stage, someone called, “Next question, please!”

“What did he ask?” I turned to ZZ, eyes wide. “What did Piers Morgan ask about me?”

“I don’t know.” ZZ shook her head. “I wasn’t paying attention until I heard your name but I don’t know what he asked.”

“Fuck,” I breathed out, spine tensing a little bit as I reached for my phone, going to load a page that I attempted to stay off of but really, probably checked more than I should.

www.tumblr.com/hezra

WHEN PIERS MORGAN ASKED IF HE WAS DATING EZRA CALLIL ALL HARRY SAID WAS “NO, I DON’T KNOW” THAT WAS NOT A YES OR A NO THEY ARE TOTALLY DATING

Harry getting called out by Piers about Ezra on 1D Day was really awks like can we have one day not mentioning the abomination that is Hezra for reals

Oh yay for the mentioning of the PR stunt that is Hezra on 1D Day. Love it. Not. ~Eyerolls for reals

Harry was so awkward when asked about Ezra like either he /really/ wasn’t expecting that or he doesn’t like her as much as they’d like us to believe

I have no idea what the fuck you guys were watching when Harry answered that question to make it seem like he didn’t like Ezra, did you see that stupid smile on his face at the end? When he said “she’s one of my best mates” he seemed really happy just let him be happy, Hezra or not

I had to stop scrolling after a while, the page reloading so quickly with comments of all types.

“What did he ask?” ZZ demanded.

“I guess Piers Morgan took questions from Twitter and the most asked question was if Harry and I were dating.” I shrugged a little, taking a deep breath.

Honestly, it wasn’t that bad. It really, truly wasn’t. It was the first time I think maybe Harry had ever been directly asked about me in a way that demanded an answer from him, but he handled the question well. We were best mates. I was flattered that he thought so highly of me.

And I mean, it’s not like he had many other options of things to say. We weren’t dating. That had never been established. So really, he could have said <i>no</i> definitively and it wouldn’t have been a lie.

“And he said?”

“’No, I don’t know,’” I quoted. “And then he went on about how we’re best mates.”

ZZ looked at me speculatively for a moment, one hand on her hip as she narrowed her eyes in my direction.

“And your thoughts on that are…?” She goaded.

Again, I shrugged, turning away from her a little. I was still trying to figure out my thoughts on that. “I mean, it’s the truth. We’re not.”

“Oh, bullshit,” she scoffed. “He sleeps at your house, he holds your hand, he introduced you to his friends. How are you not dating? Like seriously?”

“We’ve never had that conversation.” More indifferent shrugging, more looking away from her because I didn’t want her to catch me in my faux nonchalance. “Like, we’ve never established anything.”

“And why not?” Again with the demanding.

“Because--,” I hesitated. “Because I don’t know, I just – I don’t want to put that pressure on him. He’s got a stressful life and all this stuff that comes with it and I don’t want to pressure him into something if he’s not comfortable. He’ll get around to it when he’s ready. I think.”

“Dude,” ZZ furrowed her eyebrows at me and snarled her lip. “Are you serious?”

“Why do you keep asking me if I’m serious? Of course I’m serious.” I widened my eyes in exasperation. “It’s not a big deal, okay? Maybe he doesn’t want to date me. We’re probably just friends and this is totally just casual and that’s why he said that, it’s not a big deal.”

“You’re being stupid,” ZZ said, shaking her head at me. “You’re like the least passive person I know, and yet you’re letting him have all the control about whatever you guys are. Just talk to him.”

I took a deep breath to calm my nerves and tried to look less pissed off. “I will,” I agreed lamely, voice faltering slightly. “Sometime.”

I reached for my phone and tried to release the sudden stress that had settled between my shoulder blades, going back to watching the live stream and bombarding Harry with my running commentary.

well that was awkward???

I don’t really know what to say besides you are also one of my best friends and I really like you

Like a lot a lot

I hope that saying that was okay I just got really flustered

It’s more than okay, promise

Back on for a bit, looking forward to your commentary xxxx

slow dancing with what was that? A curtain? A rolled up canvas? No one knows but that was great.

Oh my god not the pretending to be snake move no no no

That is the best four minutes of my time I think I maybe have ever spent

I think on days when I am sad I am just going to watch that Talk Dirty video bc I truly believe that Niall’s strange bump n grind can get me out of any type of funk

Workouts? Four minutes of you working out??

Is this considered porn? It might be porn.

Ok I don’t even know what to say to that except please come back soon.

Your magician dude makes me really uncomfortable and idk why

Oh the dog

Thank you for greeting the dog such manners

DUDE GREAT JOB WONDERFUL AMAZING I AM SO PROUD and that goes for everyone because dude what a great job you all did!!!


Saturday was spent enjoying 1D Day and filming, Sunday was spent cleaning my flat and finishing up my largest project, Monday was spent packing my suitcase and having an interview and a photo shoot with a magazine, and Tuesday was spent with a final lunch with Grimmy (there was a lot of bitching about early mornings and making fun of Harry about 1D Day, which was an activity I fully participated in) before he graciously dropped me off at the airport and I checked into my flight.

The hour and a half wait at the airport was spent sending Harry really stupid emoji’s while he slept and continuously confirming my flight details with my mother. She insisted on driving up to New York to pick me up, even when I told her that I had plans to have dinner with Harry and that I was fully capable of taking the train. She said something about not making me take more public transportation than necessary after all of these months in London, but I had a inkling that she really just wanted to catch a glimpse of Harry, if that was all possible. I was going to make sure that she couldn’t.

I had planned to spend the majority of my flight editing a couple of videos I had filmed with two other British YouTubers over the last few weeks and maybe catch up on some episodes of Criminal Minds, but my focus was completely shot. I had put off thinking about Harry and the 1D Day Hezra Blunder over the last few days, refusing to think about it and ignoring it on the internet, but suddenly I was flying across the Atlantic ocean and it was the only thing I could think about.

He said we weren’t dating.

Or that he didn’t know.

Which we weren’t.

And somehow, that made something in my stomach drop in a way that made me really uncomfortable.

Because even if we were dating, he probably wouldn’t have been able to own up to it right then and there anyway, because that would immediately cause controversy, so I didn’t know what I was hoping he would say.

But still, somehow him summarizing us down as just “mates” seemed odd and unfitting. We were friends, yes, at the very core foundation of us, but like, I didn’t kiss or have sex with or sleep next to any of my other friends the way I did with Harry. And Harry said he didn’t either, which was comforting on a level, but also, we were still mates.

Just mates.

And that hurt maybe more than it should have, but I still didn’t resolve to do anything about it.

How did I go about broaching that topic? Because what if he didn’t want to go about being more than mates? What if me bringing up the topic would ruin things with us?

I would take him anyway I could get him, even just as good friends, and I didn’t want to bring up any conversations that could potentially jeopardize that.

Eight hours, two edited videos, and a failed nap attempt later, I landed in New York with more questions that I really had answers, a stress headache forming across the span of my forehead, and a text from Harry.

You are probably somewhere over the Atlantic right now, but my flight gets in at 6:15 PM NY time I will text you when we land. Can’t wait to see youuuuuu. xx

His words brought comfort and a smile, but also even more questions. Was he excited to see me as a friend? More? It was all this tangle of really confusing, unsure mess and I wanted nothing to do with it.

Fucking Piers Morgan and his stupid fucking questions. If I was going to blame anyone, might as well blame him.

The first thing I did when I got off the plane was go to the arriving flight board, pulling up the text Harry had sent me with his flight information and trying to see if there was a delay. I kept trying to double check the information, but there were no flight numbers that matched his on the board, or even flights coming in from LAX at the same time as he said.

I am off my plane and looking at the board but there is no flight coming in from LAX at 6:15? do you have a connection?

Are you JFK? Or LaGuardia?

It took Harry thirty-two minutes to reply to my text, presumably because he was still in the air and had no service. I was in the middle of a phone conversation with my mom when my phone beeped.

Wait I’m at JFK where are you?

“Harry just texted me back,” I told her, pulling the screen away from my ear and reading his text quickly.

“And?”

I let out a sigh. “He’s at JFK.”

“And you’re at LaGuardia.” She filled in.

“Yeah.”

“I take it no dinner then?”

“You would be correct. There’s not enough time now. We didn’t even talk about being at the same airport.” I rubbed a hand across my forehead. “I guess I’ll see him in a few weeks or something.”

I tried not to sound despondent. I was nervous about seeing Harry, yeah, but I was also excited, and now I was more nervous about not seeing him. After Saturday, I felt like I needed to see him, to touch him, to try and sneak a kiss away in a corner maybe, just so there was reassurance that there was something there between us.

Something more than just friends.

Because in my head, rationally, I knew that there was, and rationally, I knew that I was acting a bit off and stupid, but I couldn’t keep the thoughts out of my brain. I was blaming it on the eight-hour flight and lack of sleep. And also Piers Morgan.

“Ezra,” my mom said my name and her Mom Tone was apparent, the one she used when she was being cautious of my feelings and trying to stealthily pick up on things I wasn’t saying. “Are you upset that you’re not going to see Harry?”

Mom speak for: are you upset because this boy is actually more important to you than you’re letting on?

Well, duh.

She was not buying that we weren’t in a relationship and she’d been trying to pick apart my brain on the topic for the past four days, but I dutifully circumvented her questions and changed the topic when she texted.

“Not upset.” I clarified quickly, aiming for brief nonchalance. I was pretty sure I was transparent, but I had to try. “Just a bit disappointed. No biggie.”

“You can always invite him over for Thanksgiving,” she suggested quickly. “Your father and I would love to meet him. He could have a real Thanksgiving and you could spend time with him.”

My eyes practically bugged out of my head and I actually let out a laugh. “Yeah, no,” I shot that idea down quickly. “That sounds terrifying and slightly terrible.”

“Terrible?” My mom repeated, offended. “Please! It would be a wonderful time.” No, it really wouldn’t. “But fine, don’t invite him. It’s your choice. I’m just giving you an option to spend more time with him. Do you want me to head over to pick you up now? I’m twenty minutes away.”

I was still rolling my eyes at her suggestion when I replied. “Yeah, head over. I’m just going to call Harry and then I’ll meet you at Arrivals.”

“Okay.” She confirmed. “See you in a bit. Have fun not inviting Harry to Thanksgiving.”

“It’s gonna be a blast.”

I hung up with my mom and scrolled to the top of his message to call him.

“Dude,” I said when I heard the phone pick up. “We are so stupid.”

“What?” Harry asked, seeming slightly bewildered. “Why?”

“I’m at LaGuardia.” I informed him. There was a pause on his end.

“Shit.” He said.

“Yeah. Apparently we are not very good planners.”

“I didn’t even think about it.” Harry sighed. “So I guess that means no dinner?”

“No dinner.” I replied sadly. “There’s no way you’d make it back through security in time.”

“Well this sucks.” Harry sighed again, but this time his voice seemed a little gruffer, slightly more agitated.

“Are you alright?” I asked.

He took a moment. “Yeah, I’m alright. It’s just been a long few days.” I could practically see him running his fingers through his hair. “I was looking forward to seeing you.”

“What’s up? What’s going on?”

Harry did not normally sound so weary; even at his worst, there was still something slightly happy about his presence. He was relaxed and calm and took things in stride and suddenly hearing him sounding stressed, even slightly sad and agitated, made me tense and high on alert.

I didn’t enjoy hearing him sound like this.

“Just been a busy few days. Meetings. More being talked at. It’s fine.”

It didn’t sound fine. “I’m really sorry that we couldn’t have dinner.” I apologized, tucking myself into a corner of the airport so I could hear him over the noise. “I really wanted to see you too.”

“I guess I’ll see you when? A few weeks?”

“Yeah.” I pulled my lower lip between my teeth. “Because you leave right before I get back, right? And you’re gone for a few weeks, until Christmas?”

“Yeah, we’ve got some promotional stuff to do. We’re in the US for a bit, then back to London for the holidays. So I’ll see you maybe mid December.”

I gulped. “I’m supposed to go back home mid December.” I murmured, already seeing the calendar in my head and thinking about how weird it was going to be to not see him for so long. Because things were different now. Things were…more intense.

“Then I’ll see you sometime, I guess.” Harry said. “There might be a day or two between events where I can squeeze some time back in London and see you then, hopefully. I’ll let you know.”

He just sounded so fucking defeated in that moment, more bone weary than I had ever heard him, and I didn’t even think before I started talking.

“You have the next few days off, right?” I asked quickly.

“Until the beginning of next week. Why?”

“My mom invited you to Thanksgiving.” I blurted out quickly. “And I know you probably can’t go anyway, because you’ve got work stuff and you’ve got a flight you probably can’t get out of, but I figured I would invite you anyway because like, why not? Connecticut’s not very exciting and on Thanksgiving you’ll be forced to meet my crazy Nana, but she’s kind of more funny than scary most days. And the food’s good. Especially the green bean casserole. I am the Green Bean Casserole Queen, so there’s always that. And if you don’t want to go, that’s totally fine, but I just figured I would ask and like—“

“Thanksgiving?” He cut me off. “At your house? In Connecticut?”

It sounded even stupider coming from him. “I know it’s nothing exciting, but like—“

“Your mom invited me?” He kept cutting me off.

“Yes. Technically.”

“So your mom wants me to come, not you?”

“It…it may have been her idea initially, but like, I’m not opposed to the idea.” I closed my eyes as I admitted this, laughing a little to myself. Naked around him dozens of times and it’s fine, but admitting to wanting him to come to my house for Thanksgiving and I’m blushing. “In fact, I’m firmly not opposed to the idea. I am pro-idea.”

“To Thanksgiving? At your house?”

“Yes.” I clarified. “Do you need to repeat it again for a third time?”

“No.” Harry was quiet for a moment. “Can you give me half an hour to let Paul know and try and get my bag? And where should I meet you?”

“Wait, you actually want to come to Thanksgiving?”

“Of course I want to come to Thanksgiving.” He replied easily. “I’ve never had a candied yam, I’ll have you know. And you’re the Green Bean Casserole Queen. How can I pass that up?”

“You sure about this?” I wanted him to be really sure.

“You gonna be there?”

“Um, yes. Obviously. It’s my house.”

“Then I’m sure.”

“Um, okay.” I took a deep breath and tried to stop the smile from stretching across from my entire face. “I’ll pick you up at JFK in half an hour. Maybe a little longer because of traffic. And word of warning? I’m with my mother.”