It's As If You Never Needed Me At All

He just sat there, smiling as if there wasn't anything wrong with the current situation. Smiling as if my whole world wasn't falling to pieces.

"I told you, Meg, this wasn't going to last. Our relationship is over, summer's over." Ryan said, being completely calm.

"But..I thought we were going to try to make it work. You'll only be a few hours away! We can make this work, Ryan! Please, don't give up on me." I couldn't contain myself, I was trying to hold back so many emotions that I hadn't felt in the longest time. I just wanted to burst into tears, but I couldn't let him see me like that, he'd get scared and would walk straight out that door, and out of my life.

"Babe, it's okay. We'll still keep in touch, and when I come back during breaks we can still hook up."

You've got to be fucking kidding me. No, no no. He didn't just say that. Tears started pouring down my cheeks as I realised that this whole time, this entire time that we've been dating, he's just been using me. Using me for my body and nothing else. He wouldn't be able to end this relationship so easily if he actually gave a rats ass about me.

"You know what, Ryan? No. Get the fuck out." I was trying my best to not let my voice crack, to try and be calm, to not see how much he got to me, or how much I really cared about him.

"Fine, well, I hope I see you again, especially naked, oooh girl I can't wait until I come back from break, I'm sure I'm going to get bored with all the University girls that I'll get to fuck." He was taunting me, I knew it.

He stood up, grabbed his box of miscellaneous shit that he'd left at my house over the course of our two year relationship. I watched him walk out of the door, his curly blonde hair bouncing with every laugh that he was trying to stifle. There was no hurt in his blue eyes, no imaginary strings trying to pull down the corners of his mouth. He looked happier, his pale skin shining, like a huge weight had been lifted off of him. All of these things just made my heart sink lower, and lower.

I heard the subtle *click* of the door being fully closed, and I burst into tears. I'd lost him, and apparently, I'd never really had him.

*~~~~*~~~~*~~~~*~~~~*~~~~*

"What!? No way!" Amelia shrieked at me, not even trying to suppress the rage that had spontaneously welled up inside her. "I ALWAYS KNEW HE WAS A FUCKING DOUCHEBAG. You're the best thing that's ever happened to him, how the fuck could he just let you go like that!?"

"Well, part of me thinks it's because of the distance, the other part of me knows that he wants to be able to at least have the opportunity to fuck any girl he wants on campus, regardless of whether he can get girls or not."

I was starting to feel different about Ryan breaking up with me. Less sadness, more rage and hatred. A couple of days of consistently eating ice cream and listening to Caraphernelia on repeat had definitely helped my outlook on the ending of my relationship.

"Like he'd ever get anyone as good as you anyway," Amelia scoffed, "and I doubt he'll even get with more than one girl based on what you've told me about your sex life."

"Oh god, don't even bring that up. I never want to think about Ryan's orgasm face ever again. I swear he just pulled it to creep me the fuck out." I couldn't help but laugh when I thought about it, he was going to get so much shit for the contorted, worm face that he pulled, and I didn't give one single fuck about that.

"Anyway, I'd better head off, I've got to go finish packing! I'm so excited to be leaving my house, and my parents! Independence here I come!" Amelia was practically jumping out of her skin with excitement. "Love you cuteface!" She ran out the door, her red hair swishing back and forth in it's place in her ponytail.

I was going to miss her so much when I went off to University. I didn't have the heart to tell her that I'd actually changed the University that I was going to. I had originally intended to go to University of Auckland in New Zealand, which was a couple of hours from where I was living in Tauranga, but straight after Ryan had broken up with me, I had received an acceptance letter from the University of Sheffield.

I had applied just for the sheer hell of it. Never actually expecting to get in, and even if I got in I never thought I would've been able to afford it. Fate however had other plans for me. Not only had I been accepted into the University, I had been given a full scholarship and grant money to pay for accommodation while I was studying. It worked out that I only needed to get a part time job in order to sustain my life, and lifestyle (which consisted of buying overly priced makeup and too many CD's). I would've been crazy not to take up the opportunity, so I confirmed my place straight away and booked my flights. My parents were all for it, mostly because they would be able to get a free place to stay whenever they visited England. They had always traveled a lot, it was part of my Dad's job, and my mother liked to tag along and see the sights.

I went upstairs, into my room and fell onto my mattress headfirst. This new year was going to be fantastic, my whole life was going to change, I just knew it.