Don't Give up on Me

"You're leaving for three days?" Zacky exclaims. "What the hell am I going to do for three days?"

"Um, whatever you usually do?" I answer in an obvious tone as I continue packing my things for the upcoming dance competition in San Francisco.

He sighs from where he laid on my messy bed. "Why didn't you tell me this before?"

"I didn't think it was a big deal," I say honestly, shrugging.

"Leaving for the weekend isn't a big deal to you?"

"Not really," I shrug. "I mean, I am a bit nervous about the competition, but I think I've got this."

"Well, good luck, babe," he sighs as I zip up my luggage. "While you're blowing everyone's minds in Frisco, I'm going to do something I've been needing to for a while-"

"What you do to yourself in your bedroom is not my business," I interject jokingly, making him chuckle.

"Not where I was going with that," he says with a smile. "I was going to say I was going to work on my music. I haven't in a while and I'm feeling inspired."

"By inspired, you mean that I'm not going to be here to distract you, right?"

"Pretty much, yes."

"Have fun with MPA, then," I shake my head at him before gathering my dance bag, prepared to take both downstairs, since I was leaving in an hour. Serena's mother had signed on to be a chaperone on the trip to Frisco, and she volunteered to have me over and spend the night, then go to school early tomorrow morning and ride the bus for seven hours to our hotel. She'd been pushing that she, Serena, and I spend more time together since it seemed that her and my father's relationship had grown pretty serious. Personally, I felt that she was trying to be that mother-type to fill in for my absent one, and I'd declined her politely many times on spending time with them, but this was something I couldn't avoid, since my father had arranged it.

"I'll have just as much fun with them as you will with Serena and Laura," he replies under his breath, snatching my suitcase from me and rolling his eyes.

"They why don't you break up already? If you're not happy, why do you stay?" I ask, realizing it sounded an awful lot like relationship advice.

"I dunno. We all know its coming, though. I just like the feeling of being in a band, whether we suck or not..." he says as he walks downstairs, with me on his heels. "The only reason we haven't broken up is due to all of our laziness, but who knows, maybe this weekend'll be it."

"God, your weekend really will be shitty," I sigh. "I'm sorry, Z."

He shakes his head. "Its not the end of the world, Andi. MPA isn't the only band destined for failure."

"Speaking of failure, how's Matt and Successful Failure doing?" I ask, perching myself on the cool countertop in the kitchen as he gravitated toward the refridgerator.

"Well, they're living up to one half of their band name..." he says as he opens a can of Coke. "They're actually doing pretty good. He hasn't tried to choke any of them, so, you know, that's always good."

"You're such a dick!" I say in shock at his sly dig at Matt's latest fight at school, where he tried to choke out one of the football players for harassing Violet. Intentions were good, but his actions... well, they certainly weren't the smartest.

"You're laughing on the inside, don't even try to deny it."

I shake my head at him, chuckling. "Don't say anything like that around him, you obviously know how his temper gets."

"Did I ever tell you the story of how he and I met?" he asks, standing in front of me. For the first time, we were the same height, due to my added inches by sitting on the counter. Needless to say, it felt weird.

"No?"

"Well, we were both at this one show at Chain Reaction, for some local bands that I can't remember the name of. It was the summer before 9th grade, and I didn't really know anyone on this side of town. I saw Violet in the crowd and started talking to her, because her hair was that wild shade of blue its always been, and of course, Matt comes back from being in the pit and pushed me away from her-" he laughs for a second before continuing "- and then punches me in the face. Then Violet, being the defiant little shit she is, stepped between us and made him apologize before she followed me to the tiny bathrooms in the venue and cleaned up my bloody nose. He eventually caved and gave a sincere apology before we started talking about music. Been best friends ever since. So if you're ever scared he'll flip out on me, he already has."

"Why doesn't any of that surprise me?" I laugh. "That sounds just like y'all."

"Some things never change," he grins. "You know what hasn't changed about you? That accent of yours."

I groan. "You just don't shut up about it. I'm sorry you hate it so much, but all I've got to say is that you can take the girl out of the South, but you can't take the South out of the girl."

"Where'd you get that from, a commercial?" he asks, making me groan again. "I'm kidding. Contrary to what you might think, I actually like it."

"I'm rubbing off on you," I smile at his use of 'contrary', a word I'm positive that he's never used willingly before he even met me.

"That sort of happens when you're consistantly around a person for seven months," he shrugs.

And that's when it hit me that I wouldn't see him for three days. Which, if we were dating, would impact me so much more than it did now, but I still felt a tug at my feelings realizing that his corny jokes wouldn't save me from the nervewracking competition on Saturday. "I actually might miss it this weekend," he says, almost mirroring my thoughts as he referred to my accent again.

I give him a small smile. "I might miss yours, too."

He rolls his eyes, but still wraps his arms around me. "You're so lucky you don't have to go to school tomorrow. We have a Chemistry test and I have no one to copy off of now."

"You would have failed if you did, because we haven't been there enough to learn any of the shit on it," I grin, though it falters quickly at the sound of a car door slamming shut outside. "No," I pout, resting my head on his chest. He laughs quietly, helping me off the counter before pulling me into a hug.

"Try not to kill anyone," he says before kissing me briefly, making me smile.

"No promises. If we have to run away come Monday morning, don't question it."

"Hey, Andi," I hear Serena's voice call from the foyer, the sound of her tossing her keys into the bowl by the door echoing around the house.

"Can we run away now?" he whispers down to me, making me laugh.

"Unfortunately, no," I tell him before kissing him again.

"There you are-- Oh God, am I interrupting?" she says when she reaches the kitchen and sees him and I mid-kiss.

"No, I was just leaving," Zacky says when he breaks away. "See you on Monday," he says before giving me a goodbye kiss, then letting himself out.

"That was cute," Serena smirks as she grabs a water from the refridgerator, then leans on the counter. "I'm not trying to be rude, Andi, I'm serious. How long have you two been together?"

"Um, we're not," I tell her uncomfortably, since she and I still weren't really good friends.

"Well, you two are obviously crazy about each other, why don't you just make it official?"

"Its a little more complicated than that. But we're getting there."

"Mhmm," she nods in understanding. "Well, we should leave for my place, my Mom's going to meet us there since she has to get groceries."

I follow without a word, loading my things into the back of her car before we drive into the heart of Huntington Beach, where the older houses that Zacky, Jimmy, and the rest of us lived stopped and the huge McMansions started. Trading the old suburban brick built houses for intricate white Adobe homes, the sight made me extremely uneasy. I grew up in my grandparents tiny house in The Valley of Texas, to a tiny apartment in the center of Austin, to a modest house outside the city, so even being around huge homes like this always made me uncomfortable. I felt like I didn't belong here in this realm of the upper class. Too many well kept lawns and gated homes repelled me from this lifestyle.

She pulls into her long driveway, parking her BMW in the 3 car garage. When I go towards the back of the car, she stops me and rolls her eyes. "What are you doing?? Isabel will get that for you."

Feeling totally out of my element, I follow her inside, where Serena barks an order to the old Spanish woman, who quickly retrieves my things and puts them in the guest room. "Thank you so much," I make sure to tell her in Spanish when she returns to the ground floor. She smiles brightly, obviously not used to getting respect from anyone younger than Laura. Which was a shame, I might add, because I was perfectly capable of getting my shit myself if it weren't for Serena's insistance.

Their house was so... clean. The dark wood flooring glistened underneath the light, the vases of flowers and other various items reflecting the flourescent light as well. Not a single things was out of place; the pillows on the sofa arranged neatly, the bookshelves immaculately arranged. Another reason to feel uncomfortable, I think grimly to myself. Aside from Laura's immense success with her three popular restaurants, Serena's father had been a popular lawyer before he passed away. She's always been rich, I thought as she turned the huge flatscreen t.v. on. She didn't grow up struggling to pay the rent, or to get food on the table. I sit on the armchair and play on my phone to fill up the silence that was between Serena and I.

The rest of this night, however, was filled with that same awkward silence. Sure, we'd talk to Laura when she was around, but when nine o'clock rolled around, I couldn't tell who was more relieved to retreat to their bedroom, because we both rushed upstairs at the same time.

After a restless sleep in an all too large bed, I awoke at five a.m. and got ready for the drive we were to embark on today. Of course, I did the typical sweatpants, hoodie, and messy bun, because honestly, who was I aiming to impress today? No one. So the world could deal with me looking a mess today.

"Isn't this exciting?!" Laura asks enthusiastically as we drive to our school at around six thirty a.m.

"Mom. Its six in the morning. The only I'm excited about is sleeping on the way to Frisco. Tone it down a bit," Serena groans from her place in the passenger seat. I force myself to not roll my eyes at her attitude.

"Oh come on, kiddo! You're both in the top 50 in the state for your solo performances, and your team is in the state finals! That's amazing, you should be way more excited!" she says with a supportive grin.

"You should be wayyyy more quiet, Mom," Serena sighs, resting her head on the window.

Arriving at school a few minutes later, I enjoy the fresh air as we load our things into the charter bus, and enjoyed myself even more when Violet and Charlotte pulled me over to their hiding spot by Charles's car nearby.

"How bad was it?" Violet asks. "Was she rude to you? I'll kick her ass-"

"It was fine. Why are we hiding?" I reply, raising an eyebrow.

"We're getting an uh, care package delivered by one of the guys soon," Charlotte says quietly. I continue to raise my eyebrow, wondering what she meant. She caves. "Fine. They're dropping off two packs of cigarettes. I only smoke when I'm nervous, and I'm extremely nervous for this weekend."

"Ahhhhh."

"I see Zacky and Jimmy, shh!" Violet says, looking past us and towards the two, who were walking over quickly. "Care package is on route to its destination."

Charlotte smacks the raven haired girl, glaring. "You said that too loud!"

I laugh quietly at the two, who had started whisper arguing. "Where's my money?" Zacky asks as soon as he arrives, glaring at Charlotte as if he were going to kill her for waking him up this early.

"Someone's grumpy," I tease as he hands off the little brown bag, counting the bills Charlotte handed him.

"I swear to God, I can't wait until you all are 18 so you can buy your own damn squares," he grumbles. "Waking me up at six am for them fucking sucks."

I laugh at him. "Go take a nap until 8:30. You need it."

Jimmy pulls the three of us into a hug. "My girls, don't follow any strangers home, because Jimmy isn't gonna be there to protect you if something bad happens."

"Bye Jimmy," I laugh, hugging him tightly.

"I'm serious, Ariel, don't do it!" he says while squeezing Charlotte close.

"He has some wise words," Zacky agrees. "Be careful, Andi."

"Yeah, yeah," I roll my eyes, turning to follow Charlotte and Violet, though he grabs my wrist, making me stop. With lightning speed, he pulls me close and gives me another mindblowing kiss, making me melt slightly. And then with a wink, he retreats away with Jimmy.

"What the fuck was that?!" Violet says in shock as we walk back into the group of dancers. "Since when does that happen?"

"Yes, since when did he finally grow a pair?" Charlotte asks, a knowing smile on her face.

"Um, a week or so ago..."

"This happens regularly and you didn't bother to tell us?" Violet asks. "I'm so offended. I thought we were best friends."

"I didn't tell you anything because nothing is set in stone. Jesus, you'd think some people would understand that," I mutter the last sentence under my breath, although I knew that we'd been really secretive about our relationship just for this reason, because we knew everyone would freak out over this.

Well, by everyone, we knew it was really just Violet. She overreacts for everything.

"You're not even official? What kind of shit is that? I'm going to kick his ass-"

"Don't, Vi, it was my decision, anyways," I interrupt her. "If it happens, it happens."

"You two make life more complicated than it should be," Charlotte shakes her head. "But whatever. Its your life."

************

"Alright, ladies, we've got a long day ahead of us. I want you all to keep hydrated, and stay focused. Group performances are going to be during the first half of today, while solo's will be the second half. We won't know what the results of both are until tomorrow, though. But, I know you guys will give it your all, so even if we come in last place, I'll still be proud of every single one of you," Linda says in an encouraging, motherly tone while we ride over to the convention center where this year's competition was taking place.

"I need a cigarette," Charlotte mutters for the millionth time, her navy blue painted nails digging into her thigh nervously.

"You and me, both," Violet agrees, though I smack both of their arms.

"We perform in thirty minutes. If I can't have a square, neither of you can, understood?" I tell them both sternly. I couldn't have one due to staying with Serena and her mom in a hotel room, and Serena had warned me that she had a strong distaste for cigarettes and could smell them from a mile away. So if I had to temporarily kick my bad habit, so did they.

A worker comes by with complimentary water bottles, and we each take one and sip it slowly as we wait the agonizing 30 minutes until our team was to be called inside of the convention center's main stage. None of us really spoke, since we were all too anxious. We were the third team to perform, who knows if the judges would really remember us at the end of the day?

"Five minutes, Huntington Beach," someone calls from the main room, and we all stand, exhaling shaky breaths before walking toward the doors leading into the room. The large expanse of the wooden floor was quite intimidating, considering it was nearly double the size of the gym we had back at school. The judges all sat together behind a long wooden table, blank faces staring at us as we took our places. All was silent as the sound techs put our cd in, and as Linda introduced us.

I take a breath. After a month of non-stop work, this was it, the moment of truth.

The music starts. My team and I all rise slowly, moving in complete sync with each other. The beat picks up, and our movements do, too. In those short five minutes, we danced. My mind went from constantly thinking about the boy who unfathomably put up with a broken girl like me to this routine, my every step fluid and as graceful as Linda had ever hoped it would be. My self doubt and lack of confidence in myself faded away, and right then, it was just my team members and I performing at the prime of our day. Whereas before we were skeptical of our impression on the judges, it'd been whiped away after our routine had ended, where we received a standing ovation for our performance.

We smile. We silently cheer as the judges write avidly on their clipboards before releasing us into the waiting room, where the teams before us were located. The cliche looks of "We're better than you" were cast upon us as the other two teams stared us all down, but at that moment, I hadn't a care in the world.

After the fact, I wasn't happy, nor sad, nor angry or bitchy. I wasn't melancholy, per say, it was more of a deep satisfaction of that I'd gotten it over with (until my solo, anyways.) and that I hadn't a need to worry about the results until they were delivered tomorrow. And I supposed I should have been happy and relaxed about it all. But in the back of my mind, the only thing that nagged me was that I didn't belong here, and that I belonged with the grumpy, eighteen year old, black haired boy that gave ridiculously good, adrenaline inducing kisses with enough sloppiness to remind me that neither of us were perfect. I didn't belong in that McMansion with Serena and her mother and her overworked housemaid. I didn't belong in this convention center, dancing for people who wouldn't remember me in ten years time; the sudden onset epiphany of that dance wasn't my calling was so overwhelming that when my solo came up, I almost didn't perform, because this wasn't what I was meant to do.

But I did perform, using that fierce realization to give my final dance performance that edge it needed before I walked over to Linda and gave her the simple sentence of resignation.

"I'm done."

I didn't belong here, and while she had understandably taken it as I was done for the day, when I explained it to Charlotte and Violet, they didn't understand.

"But why?" Violet asked for the millionth time as she followed me around the convention center, my spontaneous decision ultimately confusing her.

"It just feels right to leave. I haven't been committed to this like I should have been. Sure, I may be good, but I just don't like it anymore."

She just stared blankly at me. "I will never understand you, Andi."

"That's part of the thrill of being friends with me, Vi. The adventure never ends, even when you think it does."