Don't Give up on Me

"Okay guys, here's the thing," my Dad addresses my brother and I at breakfast one Friday morning, his arms crossed on his chest as he gives us his best stern look. "Laura and I are going on a business trip to Seattle for the weekend, and I know its last minute, but I need to make sure you're both going to act decent while I'm gone."

"Dad, I'm here, you've nothing to worry about," Ryan says in an obvious tone, rolling his eyes. I scowl at him, still extremely angry at him for the fight we'd had a month before. And even though he's verbally abused me multiple times in front of our father-- like a child, I might add-- he was still the favorite.

"Its not you that I'm worried about, Ryan," my father assures him, adding fuel to my angry fire. "I'm worried about Andi.."

"Wow, thanks for calling me out, Dad, I really appreciate it," I say sarcastically as I put my used bowl in the dishwasher. "What's there to worry about? I haven't gotten in trouble in months, my grades are pretty good. What's the problem?"

"I'm not stupid, Andria," he says, taking a step towards me. "You're probably going to sneak out to see your boyfri-"

"She doesn't have a boyfriend, actually. The bastard hasn't even asked her out yet," Ryan cuts in, smirking.

"Why does he get to say hateful things like that, when I can't even voice my opinion without getting yelled at?" I ask angrily, turning away. "I'm leaving for school now. See you whenever you get back on Sunday, Dad."

"Andi, stop," my father says coldly, making me groan internally. "I'm going to make sure Ryan tells me everything that happens while I'm gone, do you understand? And if I hear a single thing against you, you're groun-"

"Grounded until I move out, I know, Dad," I finish for him angrily. "Luckily for you, that hasn't happened yet, nor will it, alright? Can I get to school now? Mr. Green is really strict about punctuality and I'm already late."

"Fine. Go. I hope your word is true, Andria. See you Sunday."

As soon as I'm in the safety of my SUV, I let out a scream of frustration. Ryan's constant derrogatory comments towards Zacky, towards me, was growing old real fast. My father's adoration of his first born was irritating, too; Ryan just couldn't do any wrong in either of my parents eyes, apparently. Yet, I was the one who covered for him when he used to sneak out to go to his ex-girlfriend's house, to see a concert, or to just go out and party. He's probably going to end up staying at a frat party all weekend and then tell my Dad I threw a party out of complete spite. He was like a teenage girl, only he bitched more and had a bad haircut.

I pull into my usual parking spot and mentally prepare myself for another mindnumbing day of school, sighing as I made my way to Green's class. I was about to be late, and I hastily made my way to my seat as the bell rang.

I was growing tired of the same routine day after day. Sure, when I was with my friends, there wasn't a dull moment. But before those exciting times happened, school forced its way in. Most of my teachers claimed I had 'Senior-itis', although I wasn't one yet. But the dull lessons I sat in every day weren't stimulating in the slightest. The only class I got any enjoyment from was my art class, but that was losing its feeling quickly due to the stress of creating the competition pieces in time for next week, rather than next month. I was mostly done with my pieces, but I was still nervous that they weren't good enough.

I felt Zacky's watchful eyes on me, casting a wave of guilt to wash over me. It wasn't as if I had nessesarily done anything wrong; it was the fact that I hadn't done anything at all. This past month has been so hectic for me because of the upcoming art competition, leaving me unavailible to really hang out outside of school. Thankfully, I was going to be able to finish my works in school rather than taking them home with me, so I was taking a weekend off to relax and be social again, even if the prospect of Ryan trying to sabotage my weekend was in the way.

So, as an attempt to bring my relationship with Zacky further along to something more serious, I suggest that we go out and do something tonight.

"Jimmy was saying something about getting together for a bonfire at the beach," he replies. "And no, I'm not going to be in control of it, in case you're wondering."

"I hadn't even jumped to that conclusion until you mentioned it," I say honestly, gathering my things together. "But, I'm down."

"I'll come by around 7:30. Sound good?" I nod, making him grin in satisfaction.

The bell rings, releasing us from the English lesson hell that we were in. After a mutual goodbye, I prop my portfolio on my desk in my Algebra class, ready to show Charlotte and Violet the final product of the portrait I'd drawn of the three of us. "Andi, this is amazing. That looks exactly like me!" Violet exclaims, running her fingers across the page delicately. "My hair is even the same shade of blue that it used to be! I miss it!"

"I'm glad you like it," I say shyly, smiling. "Charlotte's hair was the hardest part about it all. Her curls took three days on their own."

"I believe you on that. That's about as long as it takes to tame them in real life," Charlotte murmurs. "This is brilliant, Andi. You better win, or else I'm protesting."

"Its not that good," I roll my eyes skeptically.

"Um, yes it is! Don't beat yourself up over it," she argues as I put it away, then sit in my chair.

"Are you coming out tonight, Andi? Ever since you quit the team, it feels like we never see you," Violet asks. She'd finally accepted that letting go of dance was something I needed, thankfully, and was very supportive.

"I know, and I'm sorry. But yes, I am."

"Yay! Dress warm, though, its gonna get cold tonight."

"Vi, its always cold at night."

"Fine. Colder."

I laugh at her attitude. "I will dress accordingly, Violet."

"You both should come over afterwards! I just redid my bedroom, and its got enough room for all of us now," Charlotte suggests, grinning.

I purse my lips. "It might help me get out of the house tonight. Ryan's in charge since my Dad's gonna be on a business trip.."

"Let me know if you help convincing him," she replies.

The rest of the day seemingly goes by fast, considering that I didn't have a fourth block class anymore. My art pieces were nearly complete, just requiring a few finishing touches before they were sent in for competition. I skipped out on hanging out in Salazar's room and went home, thinking of ways to convince my brother to let me go out for the night.

"No, Andi," he automatically says, making me groan.

"Why?!"

"Because I know you better than you think I do, Andi. How am I supposed to know that you're really going to be with her all night?"

"By me learning my lesson when I snuck out of her house the last time! I got stuck in the back of a cop car, Ryan, that's definitely not a desirable place. I promise that I will check in with you once an hour, like Dad makes me do with him, okay?" I plead, sighing. "Just please let me go. Drop your attitude towards me for once and let me get out of the house."

He leans against the counter and sighs, knowing that I put up a good argument. "What's in it for me?"

"Not having to deal with me for the night?" I reply tentatively, drumming my nails on the granite countertop nervously.

"Its tempting, but-"

"Aw no, no buts! Please let me go!" I interrupt, almost begging at this point.

"You know what, maybe a night free of your bitching would be great," he growls in response.

I flinch at his animosity towards me. "Well, you're no trip either, Ryan. But whatever, I'll be gone by 7:30 and out of your fucking presence."

"Thank God," he mutters as I turn and walk upstairs, making me roll my eyes before I slam my bedroom door shut.

"Fucking dick," I say under my breath as I pack a small cross-body bag with the bare minimum of things I'd need while I was at Charlotte's. After I finished, I realized I still had well over two hours until Zacky was to come by. Sighing, I put on Taking Back Sunday's Louder Now and lounge on my bed, staring at the smooth white ceiling above me as the music flowed loudly around me.

I hadn't remembered falling asleep, but when I awoke again, Ryan was pounding on my bedroom door, urging me awake. I glance at my clock and widen my eyes; 7:30 on the dot, and I wasn't even dressed. Shit, I think to myself as I quickly scramble to brush my bedhead out, then change my clothes before I slip a pair of shoes on, grab my bag, and head downstairs. I was entirely too eager to leave this house, to get away from its negativity.

I almost jump into Zacky's arms when I finally join him on my front stoop, the reassuring scent of soap and cigarettes instantly calming my nerves. "Someone's happy to see me," he says jokingly after I give him a fervent kiss.

"Why wouldn't I be, Baker?" I reply, smirking. Knowing that my older brother was creeping through the blinds, I tug on his hand and lead him to the sidewalk. I was almost bouncing with excitment at the thrill of pissing Ryan off even more; it was what he deserved for being so unbelievably rude towards me for so long, honestly.

"How far down are they?" I ask as we walk along in the soft sand, the water lazily lapping at the shore in the distance. There weren't many out on the beach this evening, though it wasn't surprising- even though it was February, there was still a sharp chill in the air, making beach activities impossible.

Except bonfires, of course.

"Pretty far, about a half mile down. I think Jimmy's just trying to make sure we don't get caught by anyone," he says, adjusting the beanie covering his dark hair before grabbing my hand tightly in his. I smiled, the familiar warm feeling I got returning whenever we touched.

We join the other a few moments later. Jimmy was building the fire with Matt while Brian carried a backpack filled with what I knew was a good amount of alcohol his fake I.D. got him; it just wouldn't be a Friday night without a few party favors. The Berry brothers were here, though Jason's girlfriend was absent. Our adopted freshman was absent too, though Matt Wendt was there, greeting Zacky with the slow demeanor of one that had already smoked a couple bowls of the California green before arriving. A lazy laugh erupted from his mouth for no reason at all, his eyes landing on me and registering who I was. "Hey, Zack's girl is here, guys! How cool is that?" he says with another laugh. "What's your name again?" he asks a few moments later, looking seriously confused.

"Andi," I answer for him, and he snaps his fingers. "I knew that!" he says before walking away. Charlotte and Violet were arguing over something, though it wasn't a serious argument, so I didn't intervene. I saw the familiar long blonde hair shining in the setting sun of Cara, which surprised me; sure, we'd all interacted with her from time to time (and I was on the team with her for a while) but she never came out with us. I had guessed she finally did, however, because her long time boyfriend had cheated on her with some cheerleader from Long Beach, and she was free to act as herself rather than the girl Micheal had wanted her to be. Her friend Sierra, a model-in-the-works brunette, had came too, the both talking quietly as the stared at the fast setting sun. A few other people I barely recognized were here, too, but didn't even turn a head as Zacky and I find a place to sit against a flat rock near the slow to start fire.

I leaned on his shoulder slightly as he lit up a cigarette, letting it dangle unlit between his lips as he searched for his lighter. I roll my eyes and take my own out of my bag, laughing as the dainty pink lighter helped his nicotine fix.

"Thanks, babe," he says after taking his first hit, handing the lighter back over to me. Feeling the social smoker within overtake me, I lit up my own square and inhaled velvety smoke, any nerves or anger I'd had before melting away. Truthfully, I didn't rely on the damn things like many of my friends had; it was literally only to calm my nerves, or when I happened to be drinking, or in this case, seeing Zacky light up beside me. But the three occurences were all merging together tonight, it seemed, and with Ryan on my nerves 24/7, my single packs of Marlboro Reds that had once lasted a week & a half barely lasted two days. It was a good thing Zack smoked the same blend as I, and even better that he was willing to split cartons with me- just as long as I helped buy them, of course.

Wondering why my mind had drifted into such a state, I ease back into the scene around us. Brian was handing out refreshments with a cocky grin, though that wasn't surprising; Jimmy and Matt had gotten the fire going finally, and both were celebrating by giving each other goofy high fives; Charlotte and Violet were making their way around the group, their inner socialites shining; Cara was shyly talking to Matt Berry, getting used to the energy the group held. I finish my square and put it out in the sand, observing the large group in silence.

Drinks are consumed. Conversations begin. I relax and get into the swing of things, laughing and joking as the sun faded away, our main source of light the fire roaring ten feet in front of us. Zacky was arguing with Matt Wendt about a band I hadn't heard of while we shared a bottle of vodka the Berry's swiped from their parents liquor cabinet. A bright flash catches my vision, and I see Charlotte poised with her Canon in hand, messing with the lens as she moved about the group. I remembered then about how she started a photography class this semester, but instantly felt bad in forgetting about it in the first place.

"Andi! Heyyyyyy!" I hear Cara yell from across the circle, patting a spot beside her in the sand. "Come talk to me?"

I walk over, finding I was more than a little more than buzzed as I sat beside her. She seemed to be in the same state that I was in, maybe even on the drunk scale. "Andi, why did Micheal cheat on me?" she asks, pouting slightly.

Oh dear, I think to myself as I light another cigarette. "I mean, am I not pretty enough for him? Is that why he fucked that stupid cheerleader?"

"Cara, honey, you've gotta stop dwelling on the bad shit. He cheated on you because he wasn't man enough to keep you. You're way too good for a stupid Mercedes driving, football playing asshole like him," I tell her, exhaling a cloud of smoke. "Tell me, did he ever make you feel loved?"

"Well, at first," she slurs, sighing. "But that lasted like, a month."

"And you were with him for how long?"

"Since last summer," she admits, taking another swig of her drink.

"See, that's another sign that you shouldn't be with him. Get yourself together and find someone better. Someone who will treat you good and make you happy and laugh instead of cry into your pillow."

I toss away the cigarette butt into the fire. "Why do you smoke them so fast? They're so bad for you."

"Some people smoke them for enjoyment. I smoke them to die," I reply, smirking as I roughly quoted my favorite book charecter, Alaska Young, from John Green's Looking for Alaska.

Even in her semi-drunken state, she understands my reference. "Calm down, Alaska," she says with a lazy grin. "Okay, you can go back to your boyfriend now. Thanks for the chat."

I roll my eyes at her before doing just that, although, he wasn't my boyfriend; who's fault was that? Mine. Maybe if I wasn't so moody and distant 75% of the time we'd make some progress.

Zacky looks over at me and sighs. "Will you please tell this drunken idiot that grunge and punk are two different fucking genres? Apparently he doesn't get it."

I laugh before calmly repeating Zacky's first sentence to Wendt. "You're both wrong," he argues before stumbling away.

"Why are you so far away? Get over here," Zacky says, pulling me into his side. "That's better."

I looked at the bottle to see that it was only two fourths gone, meaning that he couldn't be anymore buzzed than I.Then again, he'd had a couple of beers before we'd gotten our hands on the bottle. Still, I couldn't help but laugh slightly as his confidence had grown considerably since the night started. "What's so funny?" he asks.

"Nothing, nothing. You're really warm," I tell him, changing the subject as I cuddled into his side.

"Oh yeah? I feel warm," he says, smiling. "Do I ever tell you how beautiful you are?"

"Every once in a while," I blush at the sudden turn of the conversation.

"Well, goddamn it, I'm gonna tell you some more, then. You're so fuckin gorgeous, Andi, I don't know why you even put up with a slob like me sometimes, but that's cool, too," he says, his filter long gone. "Sometimes I wake up and say to myself, 'Wow, I get to go hangout with a hot girl today.'"

I shake my head. "You're drunk."

"Maybe," he shrugs. "But I mean it, Andi, every word of it."

Stupidly, we drink some more. My eyes start to droop with fatigue. It was late; I'd heard someone yell out that it was past midnight at one point, I just couldn't remember when. I use Zacky's shoulder as a pillow, where I floated in the space between conciousness and sleep, utterly peaceful as the playful shouts had died down and normal chatter had replaced them. It was peaceful. I was warm. The vibration of his voice in his chest when he talked was oddly soothing.

"Hey, my California girl!" a voice says, but Zacky instantly shushes him, laughing slightly.

"She's sleeping," he says, slurring a bit. "Shhhhh."

"When are you gonna ask her out, man? Its been too long, man," Jason says. "Get your girl before she finds someone cooler."

"Fuck you," Zacky replies.

"Hey, I'm just saying dude, don't get mad at me for being honest," he says.

"I know, dude, sorry," Z slurs again. "But to answer your question, soon. I think."

"Yeah, okay," Jason scoffs in disbelief. "Later, man."

Soon, I think, still in the state of awake-but-not-quite-asleep, not sure of what to make of it. I wasn't concious enough to grow excited about it. I just knew I was tired, and that he was very comfortable to sleep on.

It seemed as soon as I finally properly fell asleep, I was shaken awake by Zacky. "Charlotte's driving you back to her place now, baby, you've gotta get up."

"No," I whined, still intoxicated. "I don't wanna leave you, Zacky, I don't wanna go."

I feel his lips on my forehead, brushing softly against the skin before he pulls away. "I don't either. Stay with me?"

Right as I open my mouth to reply with an instant "Yes", Charlotte groans and says, "God, I wish I was drunk so I could stomach your drunken lovey-dovey bullshit,", snapping us to reality. "Andi, get up. You'll see him tomorrow."

"You're mean," I pout as she drags me to her car and pushes me in the backseat, where Cara sat already, just as gone as I was, maybe more. Violet was up front, sharing a very heated kiss with Matt before Charlotte pries them apart with ease. She pecks her own boyfriend's lips before climbing into her car and driving away, towards her house a few blocks down.

Before I finally settled properly into bed with Cara beside me, all I could think was soon. But soon ?what? I'd forgotten why it was important, why it mattered. I shrugged it off, falling into a deep, alcohol induced slumber.