Don't Give up on Me

After talking with my father and booking plane tickets to Texas, I was set to go back to my home state in two weeks time. The weeks leading to the trip dragged on, and my nervousness and anxiety grew and almost ate me alive. I just couldn't face my mother after all this time. And my grandparents? One was dying, the other a wreck. I couldn't handle all of this. I just couldn't.

My father was oddly optimistic about the situation, saying something about how my mother could "possibly straighten me out". It pissed me off; I made a mistake six months before and he still couldn't let it go. It also made me angry that he never acknowledged the relationship I was developing with Zacky. Instead, he just ignored it, pretending that I wasn't involved with him or any of my friends, as a matter of fact. It was discouraging, yes, but he was my father; I didn't exactly expect him to be jumping for joy at the prospect of another guy trying to date me, but it'd be nice if he didn't act like I was dating a murderer or anything of the sort.

I knew I was falling for Zacky, pretty hard to say the least. I liked how he made my heart race just by looking at me, or the way he gave me chills when he'd kiss me goodbye, as if to permanently leave an impression on my brain that he was there, that he wasn't going to be forgettable. That much was true, anyways. I've had boyfriends before I met him, but this was different; he was different. I hated that I was probably acting like the typical teenage girl, but I didn't care. I wanted him. Badly.

Vi always jokingly said he and I weren't ever going to be a real couple. I usually laughed along with her, because it didn't bother me. Yeah, he and I have talked about becoming "official", but it usually ended with, 'well, isn't what we're doing right now the same thing?' and then the conversation was dropped, the next topic taking its place. I liked it like this, and he seemed to, too. Labels just ruined things in my opinion; relationships aren't defined by the superficial names. We were just taking it slow, which was fine by me.

I sigh as I do some last minute packing, my stomach doing flips as I thought of the week ahead of me. While it was comforting that my brother was going to go through this with me, I was still anxious about it all. I needed a distraction, and a smoke. Luckily for me, I saw Zacky pull into the his drive, making me smirk in relief.

Only to have that relief be replaced by annoyance when I also saw Matt Wendt climb out of the passenger seat. It wasn't that I had anything against the guy, per say, it was merely because he was stupid. Zacky told me he mainly hung around him so he could buy an ounce to smoke every once in a while, but Matt was very... persuasive. He moved on from weed to smoking K2, which was synthetic weed. I didn't mind that Zacky smoked at all, its not my place to tell him what to do or not, considering it'd make me a hippocrite because I smoked, too. But K2 can make you react to it in different ways. Makes your mind slower, harms your lungs, and it can make your heart beat erratically & rapidly, enough to cause death in some cases. I've seen one too many people that I used to hang out with taken away in the back of an ambulance because of it, and I didn't want that happening with him.

There went saying goodbye, I thought as I walked downstairs to go smoke a square on the deck out back. I honestly didn't even want to go see him right now, that was how much the thought of Matt Wendt trying to get him to do something stupid repulsed me. Since I was incredibly pissed off, I finished the cigarette quickly and made my way back upstairs, knocking into my brother on the way.

"Whoa, hot shot," he says when I fall onto the wall behind me. He steadies me with a grin. "You look mad."

"Hmm? No, I'm just, uh, anxious about tomorrow," I half lied. I just got my brother and Zacky onto speaking terms, telling him why I would be angry would be stupid and make them back at square one.

"Its going to be fine, Andi. I've told you that a million times already," he says in exasperation. "Just go get ready for bed, we've got a long flight tomorrow."

"Okay," I tell him, sighing as I dashed upstairs. Lifting my large suitcase off of my bed and placing it by the door, I clear my bed free of any luggage so I could just go to sleep after I got a shower. Although it was approaching 8:00, I still went ahead and got ready for the sleepless night ahead.

When I do step out of the shower, however, my phone starts to ring. Zacky's name was on the screen, and for some reason, I had a bad feeling about answering it.

"Hello?"

"Hey! You should come outside for a sec."

"I just got out of the shower, Z-"

"Please, Andi? We're not gonna see each other for an entire week, come on."

"You're such a pussy," I hear Matt call in the background, only fueling my anger towards him.

"Shut up, dude," Zacky says with a laugh. "Please? Just five minutes, Andi."

Since I did want to see him, I agree to come downstairs. "Give me like, five minutes or so, because I literally just got out of the shower and I'm not even dressed yet."

"You can come down naked, it wont bother me," he lowers his voice, making me blush.

"Well, of course not, but I don't want to show the neighbors anything they shouldn't. I'm coming down clothed, Z."

"Fine," he says before hanging up. Quickly wrapping my hair in a towel and getting dressed, I make my way downstairs into the dim twilight.

The same feeling I'd gotten when I answered the phone returned when I walked down my driveway andsaw him waiting at the end. It was uncertainty mixed with anxiety- never a good combination.

"Hey," he grins when he sees me, then pulls me into his arms and gives me a sloppy kiss. He had that familiar lazy, glassy look in his eyes, matching the lazy smile on his face.

"Are you high?" I ask, though I already knew the answer; he fucking reeked of weed.

He tries to kiss me again. "Maybe," he grins, making me sigh. "Why? What's wrong with that?"

"Nothing," I lied, pretending I wasn't bothered.

"You're a terrible liar," he says, resting his forehead on mine. "What's wrong?"

Well, he's certainly more affectionate when he's high. "You want the truth?"

"Duh."

"I was just hoping you'd be sober, but since Matt W. is with you, I figured you wouldn't be," I tell him, biting down on my lip nervously.

"Are you mad at me?" I shake my head. "Don't be mad at me. I'm sorry."

"I'm not mad," I insisted. A little disappointed, actually, but oh well, I thought as he pulled me back into his arms.

"Good," he says, kissing me yet again. I relax into his embrace for a second, knowing that no matter how angered I was now that I'd miss it this week.

"When are you leaving tomorrow?" he asks into my neck, sending chills down my spine.

"My flight leaves at seven," I reply, making him groan.

"AM?"

"Yes, AM."

"That's so early."

"Yeah, well, I've gotta fly to Dallas, and then to McAllen, so we had to catch an early flight."

"You're sure you can't stay?" he asks.

"Zacky, I need to see my family. I have to go," I tell him, trying to withhold my frustration; I hated dealing with people when they were high, it was such a pain in the ass. "I need to go to bed, for my flight..."

"Already?"

"Yeah, I'll see you when I get back," I tell him firmly, hoping he got the point.

He groans again. "Okay, okay. I'll see you then, I guess." His arms wrap around me again and hugs me tightly, and I return it, never wanting to let go.

His lips press against mine again, though not as sloppy as before. "Bye, beautiful," he says, making me blush for the second time that evening.

"Bye, Zack," I say quietly before turning and walking away, fighting the urge to to run back to him and never let him go. But I needed to sleep, and he needed to sober up.

So I dried my hair and climbed into bed, already missing him when I hadn't even left yet.

*******************

"Andi!" a voice yells into my ear, making me groan. "Come on, we've gotta go."

"No," I whine, though I felt hands pulling my comforter off of me.

"Now, Andi," Ryan says. I sit up and yawn, not at all ready for today. I glanced at the clock. 5:00 am. I groan loudly, putting my head in my hands.

"Why do we have to leave so early?" I ask, automatically pulling my hair into a bun as soon as I get out of bed fully.

"You know how Mom is. She's got the whole week planned out. Now come on, we've gotta be out of here in fifteen minutes so we can get to Check In on time," he replies quickly, taking my luggage out of the room.

I change into a pair of leggings with a baggy sweater on top, not at all dressing up for the two long flights I had today. Sliding my feet into a pair of moccasins, I grab my carry on bag and cell phone before heading downstairs. Ryan was loading our luggage in the back of my SUV, while my Dad finished making a quick breakfast in the kitchen. After quickly eating the pancakes, we all climb into my car and start the 45 minute or so drive to LAX.

I felt my anxiety taking over as each minute passed. I couldn't even speak, I was so nervous. Not only did I hate flying, but today was going to be a day of firsts- my first time meeting David, my first time meeting Desiree, my first time seeing my Mother & grandparents after so long... It was overwhelming, to say the least.

We arrive at the airport, quickly unloading the luggage before my Dad says goodbye to us both. "Be good, Andria, I don't want to hear any trouble from you, understood?"

"You've got to have a little faith in me, Dad," I croak out before grabbing my suitcase. "See you next Sunday."

He climbs back into the car and drives away, leaving my brother and I to our own devices. My brother puts a comforting arm around me as we walk inside and get checked in, then were sent to our gate to wait until our flight was called.

"I can't do this," I told my brother as we waited in the short line for boarding. "I just.. I just can't."

"Andi, I know it seems scary, but I promise its not going to be that bad," he assures me. "Desiree is going to love you, because she's almost a carbon copy of you, I swear! And David, well, he's a little quiet and softspoken, but he'll warm up to you pretty quick, too."

"What about Mom?" I ask quietly. He only rolls his eyes.

"She wouldn't have sent that letter and paid for your flight to the Valley if she didn't want you there. She misses you, a lot. She wouldn't stop talking about you whenever I'd go visit when I lived in Austin. Just relax, Andi, everything's going to be fine. You're just overthinking this."

I nodded in agreement. "You're probably right, I am overthinking this."

"I am right," he says, his cocky attitude showing through. We reach the front of the line and show the lady our boarding passes before being shown to the long corridor to the plane.

The flight to Dallas wasn't so bad. We got delayed on the runway, however, and stayed at LAX for an hour longer than nessesary. Arriving in Texas at noon, we soon made the swap from one plane to the other, flying the short hour and a half long flight to McAllen, where my grandparents resided.

"Mom said she'd be waiting at the gate for us," Ryan says as we walk down the runway towards the building.

I only nodded, speechless with fear yet again. Once we were out of the humid weather, I began to look for the familiar dark curls of my mother's, and the short, curvy figure I'd inherited from her. I spotted a little girl with a mop of brown curls on her head playing with a Barbie doll, babbling happily as she played with the doll's blonde locks.

The woman with her looked up, her eyes widening with recognition as she registered my face.

All of the anxiety I'd felt vanished in that instant. Not even caring how ridiculous I looked, I ran over to my mother, almost knocking her down. "Andi, is this really you?!"

"Yeah, it's me," I smile, tears pricking my eyes.

"Don't cry, mi hija, its okay," my mother laughs lightly, pulling away. "You're so beautiful, Andria! You've grown so much since... Wow. I can't believe its really you."

"Believe it, Mom, its me," I tell her, matching her smile. "I was 14 when we last spoke. A lot has changed since then.."

"I know, mija, I know," she sighs. "Oh! Desiree, sweetie, wanna let go of your brother and meet your big sister?"

She looks over at my mom and gives her a big smile before reaching out for her. "Desiree, this is Andi, your big sister. Can you say hi?"

"Hi," she says, not at all timid. I smiled at my little sister, where she reached out for me. My mother, looking relieved, passed the girl onto me.

"Peey hair,"she says, admiring a strand that had fallen out of my bun.

"She means, 'pretty hair'," my mother translates for her, seeing my confusion.

"Oh," I say quietly. "Thank you, Desiree. Yours is pretty, too."

She smiles and wraps her arms around my neck, hugging me tightly.

"Careful, Dezzy, don't hurt your big sister already!" her father says from behind her.

"Sorry, Daddy," she says, lessoning her grip, but still rests her head on my shoulder.

"Are we all set?" my mother asks. My brother and I look at each other and nod. "Good! Let's get to your grandparents' house, your grandfather is excited to see you both."

With my little sister toddling beside me, I follow my mother and her husband past baggage claim and out to the parking lot, feeling a lot better about this trip in a matter of mere minutes.