Don't Give up on Me

We pull into the long, dirt driveway at my grandparents home, my heart nearly beating out of my chest. But, it wasn't from nervousness, rather, it was excitement coursing through me. I hadn't seen my grandparents in nearly three years, and although one of them had a terminal disease, I was utterly happy to finally see them.

My mom parks the car, looking back in the rearview mirror at me. "Ready?"

I nod. Helping Desiree out of her car seat, she runs up the steps and onto the farm house's porch. "Hey, Dezzy!" I hear my Grandma say as she opens the door, scooping her into her arms. "Where's your Mother?"

"Right here," my Mom answers, putting an arm around me. "I brought your other two nietos with me!"

"Andria Maria!" my grandmother cries out, embracing me. Her dark hair was graying more at the temples, and her dark circles were more prominent. Stress from my grandfather, I thought sadly to myself as we hugged. "You look so beautiful, Andria! And so grown up! Just like tú madre," she grins, her soft brown eyes looking fondly down at me.

"Thank you, Grandma," I smile back up at her. "I missed you."

"We missed you too, mija. Especially your grandfather, he's been wanting to see you kids since he had to sell the shop," she sighs. "Go on inside, but don't be too loud, he's sleeping."

I nod, following behind my mother inside the house. Some may call it dated, but to me, this old house only had charm. The same lace curtains hung across every window of the house, the same worn couches and recliner in the living room. The dining room table built for eight was still in its tiny room, polished and shiny. The kitchen's familiar smell of rice combined with roasted chilés hit my nostrils, making my mouth water. I missed my family's authentic Mexican food; I could only pretend my Dad's was good for so long.

I wheel my luggage into the usual room I stayed in, where I saw a lot od Desiree's toys clutter the floor. "Sorry, Andi, Dezzy's staying in here too. But don't worry, she's a quiet sleeper and at most, she'll crawl into bed with you and snuggle. She really likes that."

I smile at my mom. "You weren't kidding when you said she was like me, were you?"

She shakes her head. "Its good to have you here, Andria. After I put her to bed, do you want to go out to that old Ice Cream shop in town and talk? It'd be great if we could."

"Are you sure its safe? I mean, from what you and David talked about in the car, it seems like McAllen at night isn't so great anymore..."

"I hadn't even thought of that. Hmm. We can still go get ice cream, but maybe a couple pints of Ben and Jerry's instead and then come back here?"

"That sounds nice," I smile at her. She gives me another hug before leaving. "I'll get you when dinner is ready. We're having carne asada, your favorite."

"I haven't had that in years," I sigh, making her laugh. I turn to my suitcase and hoist it onto the bed, trying to get unpacking over with as quickly as I could. The closet I remembered from childhood was half-filled with Desiree's little tops and jeans, making me smile. I was so happy that my mother was taking her down here often, because growing up in this house was one of the positive things I remembered most from my childhood. Speaking of my little sister, I heard her little feet running against the carpet, accidentally bumping into me.

"Sorry," she says, making me laugh.

"Its okay, babydoll," I smile warmly down at her. I remembered when I had actually resented her; how could you resent someone who had such a cute, precious face? I felt awful for even thinking of anything of the sort before.

"Will you play with me?" she asks, sticking her bottom lip out ever so slightly. I look at my suitcase and shrug; I could unpack later. I had two years of bonding with my little sister to make up for, after all.

"What do you wanna play?" I ask her. The large grin on her face was identical to the one I usually wore, freaking me out a little. I studied her features as she and I sat on the floor, watching her dig through the toy chest against the wall. Her nose, eye shape, cheekbones, even her mouth was identical to mine, and people said I looked just like my mom as as teen. We were both our mother's daughter's, that for sure. I did notice that she had David's tawny brown eyes, the same shaped face, and was tall and slender like him. She was going to be gorgeous when she grew up, which made me smile.

"You play with this one," she says, handing me the Poison Ivy doll I used to be attached to as a child. I take a red lock of the villian's hair between my fingers and smile. Desiree get the same Barbie doll she had at the air port and starts to make her dance. I never realized how much I had wanted a younger sister until I had one right in front of me. I already knew I loved this little girl more than life, and I was going to do my best to protect my baby sister.

"Now do you believe me?" my brother says, leaning against the doorway.

"What do you mean?" I ask, looking up at him.

"You thought this was going to be horrible and shi- I mean, crappy," he says, correcting his language around Desiree. "But look. Your baby sister loves you after what, an hour of being around you?"

I look at her smiling face as she plays with her dolls. "Yeah, I guess you're right. But, if you were in my shoes, you would've thought the same thing."

"True," he says. "Hey Dezzy, am I your favorite?"

"No," she answers instantly, making his face fall.

"Then who is?"

"She is," Desiree replies confidently, pointing at me.

I grin, while Ryan pouts. "What's her name, then, Dezzy?"

"Um..." she mumbles, thinking hard on it. "Dee?"

"Close enough," I grin, scooping her into my arms and kissing her cheek before giving her a light hug. "Sucks to be you, Ry," I tease, sticking out my tongue. Desiree mimicks my movements and sticks her tongue out at him, too.

"Greaaat. Both of my little sisters are against me," he groans. I laugh before standing up, my sister still in my arms as I follow him down the hallway and into the living room.

My mother almost walks right past us. "I was just about to get you both for dinner."

We sit around the dinner table, my grandfather's place unoccupied. "He had a chemo treatment earlier today, so he's just going to get his rest," my Grandma says, seeing my confusion. I nod before we all begin to eat, the lime-marinated steak almost melting against my tongue, the salsa served with it balancing the flavor out with the right amount of spice from the chilé's.

Dinner went by quickly. I found myself watching a movie in the living room with my brother while my mother and stepfather got Desiree bathed and ready for bed, since it was already past eight o'clock. My grandma made my grandpa some tea before she went and laid by his side. It pained me to see the worry in her eyes for her husband, because he was usually the strong one in their relationship, and now it was her turn. I could tell that she was struggling to keep it together in front of us. You never want to see any of your family members hurt, and right now, I wish I had the power to heal both of my grandparents. They were such caring, loving people, and they just didn't deserve to go through this.

"Andi?" I hear my mother's voice drift into the living room, disrupting my thoughts. "I sent your brother to go get the ice cream. Wanna go meet him in the garage?"

"Sure," I reply quietly, following her into the garage, where the 67 sat on one end and a sectional couch, tv, and a few fans sat in front of it. It was where most of the family get togethers were held, mainly because we had a large family, and the garage led into the 20 acres of land that my grandfather owned.

"I'm not sure where we should begin, to be honest," my mother says quietly, tucking a dark curl behind her ear.

"Maybe we can just start with why you left..." I suggest tentatively, unable to make eye contact with her. "Well, I know why you left, but why did you.. leave me?"

"Andi, leaving was the hardest decision I've ever made in my life. When I left, I knew I had broken not only everything your father and I had, I had lost your trust and I thought at the time, your love. You wouldn't take my calls, or your father, so I gave up. I wish I hadn't, though."

"But why? Was our family not enough for you? You and Dad never fought until you started leaving."

She shakes her head. "That's where you're wrong, honey. Your father and I have always fought, since the first day we met until the very last day. Sure, a lot of them were never major, but they were still there. Kyle and I married young, because my parents pressured us into it. Honestly, if your father and I didn't have Ryan, we wouldn't of made it past senior year together. We just weren't a match, and it took, what, 18 years of fighting to realize that? Nothing was ever your fault, Andi. I felt guilty for my decisions every day. I never meant to hurt you."

"But I was in the hospital, Mom, and you still didn't try to be there-"

"When were you in the hospital?!" she interrupts me in shock.

"Last summer, from May until August..." I answer, even more shocked that she didn't know.

"For what, mi hija? Are you okay?" she asks, grabbing my hand in hers.

I took a deep breath. Here goes, I thought to myself. "Mom, I tried to;.. kill myself..."

Astonishment. Guilt. Concern. All of those emotions were etched onto her face at once, tears ready to fall. She cared, I thought. She actually cared. "Andria, why? Why would you want to take your own life, when you have so much to live for?"

"A lot of reasons. I was clinically depressed because of the divorce; that guy Derek I was dating at the time was treating me like I was nothing; I had a lot of rumors going around about me, girls jumping in my face constantly. And then it just sort of happened... Dad walked in literally a minute after I did it, though, he's why I'm still here today."

"Well, thank God for your father," she says, pulling me into a hug. "I wish I had known, Andi, I would've visited every day and helped you get better. You are better, right?"

"Yeah, Mom, I actually am. Moving to California was one of the best things Dad could've ever done for me," I replied.

"Well, tell me about your new school and stuff, then! Let's move on from this emotional stuff, we've got enough of that around here," she says, smiling.

"Welllllll," I drag out the word, trying to think of how I could possibly explain anything that's happened without getting yelled at in Spanish- which, by the way, is much more scarier than in English. I go with the safest thing first. "I quit dance."

"What?!"

"That's not the worst part," my brother calls as he carries over the bag of ice cream.

"You're kidding," my mother says, looking at me for confirmation. I only shrug, reaching for the Red Velvet Cake ice cream and a plastic spoon.

"Tell her about the time you got arrested," Ryan says, making me narrow my eyes at him.

"Andria Maria Dawson!" she says in total disappointment, making me cringe.

"Please let me explain before you yell at me," I say defensively. She sighs. "You better, little girl," she says sternly.

And so I do, leaving out the part where Zacky and I acted terribly to try and make the cop cut us some slack, where she only shook her head. I told her about Serena, and how she and I went from hating each other to tolerating each other. I told her about Violet and Charlotte and everyone back home. I told her about Zacky, and when I started talking about him, I felt like I could never stop. There was just so much to say, and as I told her every detail I possibly could without making her cringe, I realized that he actually wasn't right next door, and I couldn't run down to his basement and watch him play guitar, or play video games with him. He was over a thousand miles away, and I hadn't realized how much I missed him until now.

"Andi, do you love him?" she asks seriously, making me choke on bite of ice cream.

"Jesus Christ, Mother, I've barely accepted the fact that we're dating, I think its a little early for that kind of thinking," I reply after regaining the ability to breathe.

"I have the right to ask, Andria," she laughs lightly. "But okay, I get it. You're young. I'm glad you're with a guy that you can't shut up about, because that means he's doing something right."

"I really like him, Mom," I tell him, the largest grin on my face. "Like, I can't describe it. And is it crazy that I already miss him?"

"Not at all. But as long as he makes you happy, then so be it," she assures me, wrapping an arm around my shoulders. "Now, when can I meet him?"

"Mom," I groan, making her laugh. "You know if he and I even last long enough for you to meet him that it'll be a stretch."

"Have faith in yourself, Andi. By the way you talk about this boy, I think this is more serious than you realize," she says. "I was joking about meeting him, by the way. For now, anyways."

"Mooooom," I groan again, making her laugh again. "Can we drop it, now?!"

"Fine. What time is it, by the way?"

"Uh, almost one."

It was her turn to groan. "Your sister is up by seven a.m. every single morning, so I've gotta get to bed now or else I'll be a grouch tomorrow."

"Goodnight, Mom," I tell her as we walk into the house.

"Goodnight, Andi. I love you, mija."

"Love you too, Mom."

I climbed into the little bed beside my sister's, the jet lag catching up with me as soon as my head hitt the pillow. What followed was possibly the best night's sleep I'd gotten in two years.