Don't Give up on Me

"You're killing me, Andi," Zacky mumbles against my collarbone, sending chills down my spine-- which wasn't exactly hard to do, considering the sweater I'd been wearing had been discarded long before this, leaving me in a thin camisole and shorts as I straddled him in the cool sand. The dark waves crashed against the shore behind us; we were the only two on this end of the beach, since it was long past midnight.

"I don't know, I would've thought that rock you're sitting against would kill your back more than this would," I smirk, making him laugh.

"Would you like to trade?"

"Nah, I'm good."

He laughs again, making the smile on my face grow even wider. "Can I tell you something?" I ask tentatively as his lips travel along my neck, clouding my thoughts instantly.

"You know you can, babe," he says, pulling back to look me in the eye.

"Promise you won't laugh or make fun of me?"

"I promise. Why are you being so shy all of a sudden?" he asks, grabbing a lock of my hair that had fallen into my eye and tucking it behind my ear.

"Okay, well... I really missed you this week, like a lot," I murmured quietly, hiding my face from him as I blushed.

I feel his lips on my neck again, leaving a trail of tingling warmth up to where they reunited with mine again, a soft moan escaping as we shared another heated kiss. "Why would I make fun of you for that, when I couldn't stop thinking about you, either?"

"Really?" I ask, unable to help the goofy smile on my face.

"I don't think you realize how fucking crazy I am about you," he says, his voice low in my ear. He then kisses the spot behind my ear that never failed to drive me wild, making me gasp and dig my nails into his shoulder in pure bliss.

"Show me," I told him breathlessly. I felt his lips curve into a smile before he pushed me into the sand and settled himself above me, his green eyes bright as they looked me over slowly. Just as I wondered what he was going to do, he brought his lips back to mine yet again. His hand crept underneath my top slowly, teasingly, making me crave his touch even more. After finally unhooking my bra, his hand quickly retracted back to where we both wanted it, and I moaned his name loudly against his lips as he gently massaged my skin.

My hands roamed the smooth skin underneath his hoodie as his own did on my body. My heart raced, and I felt his do the same as I lazily dragged my nails down his torso, down to the waistband of his boxers.

I have to tell him, I thought as he pulled off his hoodie, revealing his bare chest. Taking control, I reclaimed my position beforehand, my lips moving down his neck until I reached his collarbone. I took a breath and told him the three words I'd been wanting to tell him since I'd gotten home yesterday.

"I love you."

**************

I awake with a jolt, my alarm for school going off loudly on my nightstand. I turn it off quickly, almost dropping my phone in the process because my hands shook so much. I honestly half-expected to see Zacky laying beside me from how vivid my dream had been, but he was in his own bed, in his basement, and I was utterly alone. I swear I felt every touch, every kiss, everything down to the feeling of laying in the sand; it all just felt so real.

I couldn't understand why I was so disappointed that it wasn't, however. Aside from the obvious insanely hot make-out session, I shouldn't of felt so empty after waking up from it.

I tried to shake it off as I got ready for school, preoccupying myself with everything but the dream. It crept back into my mind, however, as soon as I saw him at school. I felt as shy around him as I did in my dream; he'd been so different and I knew it sounded crazy, but I still felt like he'd actually seen me half-naked even though our relationship wasn't nearly that physical in the slightest. He picked up on how I was acting, though, and kept asking me what was wrong. I dismissed it as readjusting to being back and such, hoping he'd believe me before we went on to class.

Charlotte noticed my behavior, too, and thankfully we'd been assigned to do a research project together, and instead of joining our class in the library, we went to the only empty place that was safe -- the dance room, of course. I hadn't been in there in forever, and after talking and making sure it was okay with Linda, we sat on the familiar wood floors and started talking.

After I gave her as many details as I could without making her roll her eyes and/or cringe, she sighs deeply and is silent for a few moments. "Well, I guess the most obvious question I could ask you is, do you love him?"

"No," I answered automatically, maybe a little too quick. But even if I had hesitated, my answer would still be the same. "No, its too early for that."

"Okay, so that's out," she says with a shrug. "Do you want to have sex with him?"

"Charlotte..." I groan, not wanting to discuss this with her in fear she'd tell him.

"Its a yes or no question, Andi," she rolls her eyes.

"At the moment its a little bit of both," I finally admit quietly. I look up and see her smirking. "Charlotte!"

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry! Um, elaborate a bit, please?"

"No, you're going to end up telling him what I say. I don't trust you."

She scoffs. "Trust me, I've better things to do than come in between your relationship. I'm just trying to give you guidance, Andi."

"I know, I know. I'm just a little paranoid, sorry," I sigh. "Um, anyways, I'm just on the fence because I don't think it'd be... right... if he and I, er, progressed to that part of our relationship. We haven't been together very long, you know, and it just wouldn't be right."

"Now, tell me this, how many people have you slept with?"

"One."

"One person?!"

"Why are you so shocked?"

"Andi, have you looked at yourself lately? You've got the entire package-- boobs, an arse, great hips and legs, plus you're insanely pretty... I don't know, I just figured you've been with more than just one person..."

"Yes, well, having depression sort of makes those chances to be with someone slim considerably," I mutter bitterly. "Plus, the guy I lost my virginity to was kind of forceful and a total douche, so its not exactly something I like explaining to a person of interest."

"But Zacky already knows this, right?" she asks.

"....To an extent, I suppose," I tell her, remembering my first day here and the stupid conversation we had about sex as he drove me home, and then again in the back of the cop car. I hated thinking about Derek, how manipulative and gross and as Charlotte would say, how much of a fucking twat he was. He was 18 while I was 15, and he'd only gotten with me because he knew he could coax it out of me. That stupid jerk, I was so naive and trusting before him.

"An extent? Andi, I don't expect you to tell him every single detail of your life, but if you do want your relationship to progress past your cliché 'we're complicated!' stage, then you've gotta take charge and be open with him."

"I guess you're right," I sigh, giving her a small smile. "How are you and Brian doing?"

Alarm crosses her features at the mention of her boyfriend. "Um, we're good. Great. Yeah," she says quickly, looking away.

I raise an eyebrow at her. "You sure about that, Charles?"

"Okay, so maybe we're not so fine. I'm not sure where we even stand, if I'm being honest. He's so bipolar, I swear to God..."she mutters under her breath.

"What? I can't believe that," I murmured. "I'm gonna kick his ass. You deserve better than-"

"His parents are separating," she cuts in suddenly, gaining my attention. "And I understand why he's acting like he is towards me. I mean, all I wanna do is help him, because I'm so tired of seeing him so down, but he just does the typical guy thing and pushes me away."

"I could try to talk to him. I know what he's going through, you know, maybe this is what he needs," I suggest, her face instantly lighting up.

"Thank you, thank you, thank you," she exclaims, hugging me tightly. I laugh and hug her back.

"You're welcome," I tell her as the bell rings.

We depart and head to our separate classes. Chemistry goes smoothly with Violet, since Jimmy, Brian, and Zacky all skipped. They'd returned in time for our Spanish class, though I hardly noticed them; I was sketching in my notebook while the teacher pretended to teach us as he sat at his desk and played Candy Crush on his Facebook account. Lunch finally rolls around, and after giving my keys to Matt to go get some food, I show up at the table Brian, Charlotte, Jimmy, and Zacky were sitting at and say, "Brian, we need to chat. Alone."

He grins. "Finally going to profess your feelings for me, Andi?"

Charlotte and I both glare at him. "I'm not in the mood for this. Come with me, now, or else I'll add kicking your ass to the top of my to-do list."

"That's after you do Zacky, right?" he asks as he gets up, making me growl in frustration. I push him around the corner, into the hallway, then drag him into Salazar's empty music room. "Ow, what the hell, Andi?"

"You may have everyone else fooled, Haner, but you know why we're here," I tell him after kicking the door shut.

He looks at me suspiciously. "I don't know what you're talking about, Andi."

I raise an eyebrow at him. "Really? Don't play dumb with me, Brian. I know-"

"Charlotte sent you to do this, didn't she? What a fucking shock. She doesn't know when to stay out of shit," he says angrily, moving towards the door.

"She's just worried about you," I defend her, stepping in front of the door before he can open it.

"Yeah, well, she doesn't need to, I'm fine."

"Pushing her away doesn't make things fine, Brian, can't you see that? Please don't hate her for telling me this, but I know that your parents are separating, okay?" He looks like he's about to interrupt me, but I raise a hand to stop him. "Hear me out, please? Anyways, I know, okay, and it sucks. I know how you feel; you don't wanna talk to anyone, and you don't wanna even acknowledge that its happening because you hate that its happening. I get it. But pushing the people you care about away in the process isn't going to make things any better, it just does the opposite. Believe me on this, okay? Don't end up like me, who pushed away her friends, and her ex-boyfriend and became this fucking... mess that wasn't able to fixed easily. I'm still trying to piece myself back together and its been two fucking years, Brian. Don't go down the same road. Talk to someone, for your sake, okay?"

His gaze was glued to the linoleum floor. "You and I are more alike in one way, you know..." he says quietly, a sad smile on his face. "My dad's moving in with his new girlfriend, who also happens to be pregnant. My parents are divorcing, and when its finalized, I'm going to have to live with him, and change schools, and leave everything. Its just hard, you know? Its so common nowadays, but I didn't think that losing my family would be this..."

"Challenging?" I fill in for him. "How'd you know about my mom, though? I swore, I only told-"

"Zacky, yeah. I asked out of curiosity the other day, when you were visiting your family. Wanted to see if I was the only one."

"Well, you're not alone in this, dude. Just talk to Charlotte, please, I'm begging you. She was nearly in tears when I asked how you two were earlier," I tell him. Guilt crosses his features at the mention of his girlfriend.

"Okay," he agrees finally, nodding. "Thanks, by the way."

"No problem," I smile up at him, opening the door. "My phone's always on, too, let me know if anything else happens."

"I will," he says as we rejoin the group, fast food scattered across the lunch table. I steal a fry from Jimmy before taking my place beside Zacky, where he automatically puts a firm arm around my waist.

"What was that about?" he asks as the group eats.

"Just reminding Brian not to be a dickhead," I shrug. "Usual stuff."

Everyone laughs. I zone out for a bit, trying to keep my thoughts away from the dream I'd had. Charlotte's words echoed through my mind, and I agreed that I had to talk to Zacky, but I couldn't do it here. I'll do it tonight, I decide, taking an involuntary deep breath at the thought of it.