Don't Give up on Me

For the most part, it had been a normal summer day when I received the news. Serena and I were tanning (technically, only she was; I applied sunscreen while she applied the oil) by the pool, Charlotte and Violet with us. Charlotte was about to leave for the UK the next day, so she was catching a few more rays before she went to see her family and settle her sister into her dorm at university. The guys were probably going to come by later, after they "took care of a few things," as Zacky and Matt had put it.

Maria, Serena's housekeeper, had put together a cooler filled with drinks for us before we told her to go relax and stop fussing over us. It was the fourth time I ever saw the woman smile, and for once, it was because she realized Serena had truly stopped acting like a spoiled brat. She grabbed a magazine from Serena and let her hair down before going to the spacious living room to relax with her feet up.

Violet had suddenly thrown a towel at my stomach, covering up my torso where it landed. "What the hell?"

"Your paleness is blinding me," she shrugged, giving me a smirk before she laid back again.

"You've seen me in winter and think this is pale?" I scoffed, flipping my hair. We both laughed before she could even reply.

"Yeah, can't you see the tanline she got from moving two weeks ago?" Serena says, pointing at my shoulders.

"God, you're still so pale!" Violet says after examining the area.

"How is living with Ryan, Andi?" Charlotte asked, turning onto her side to face me.

I shrugged. "It's the same as when we lived with Dad but with less space. I don't mind that, actually. It feels like home."

"How many times has he cockblocked you?" Serena asked.

"Zack can't even stand in my room without Ryan watching like a hawk. Its annoying," I sighed. They all laughed.

"At least it's better than your Dad's, right?" Charles asked. I nodded. "Good."

"Where in the hell is Cara? Char's leaving tomorrow for a month and she's not even here to say goodbye." Vi was probably the most upset out of all of us that Charlotte was leaving for a holiday. They'd been friends since they were awkward twelve year olds in middle school, and hadn't been apart once. I hoped she'd adjust well to Charlotte's absence, because a Moody Violet was scary.

"I can hear you," Cara said pointedly, sighing as she made her way over to us. "Charles, I got you a little something as a going away gift."

"Kiss-ass," Violet muttered. I threw the towel at her and sent her my best be nice or I will end you look. She obliged.

"Cara, no!" Charlotte exclaimed as she looked into the bag. "I can't believe it! You got me the lense I've been drooling over for ages! This'll fit perfectly on my DSLR!"

"My mom got it for her camera but she never got around to actually using it, so she suggested I give it to someone who will use it. I'm glad you like it!" Cara smiled. Even with a messy bun and zero makeup, she looked like a dime. It almost physically hurt to look at her sometimes, she was that pretty.

"No one likes a try hard," Violet muttered again. I turned to her and glared. Charlotte wasn't even out of the country yet and she was already moody. This was going to be a long month.

"Cara is your best friend, Vi, stop it!" I hissed, thankful Cara and Char were talking animatedly about her trip so they couldn't hear me.

Later, after we talked about our boyfriends and music and everything else we usually talked about, the afternoon slowly shifted into evening. The temperature was starting to drop, so we all put sweatshirts on over our suits and huddled closer together. Charlotte took a group photo of the five of us with her new lense before she started her goodbyes. She and Violet ended up crying as they embraced each other and told themselves that they'd Skype every day and see each other soon. It was cute, and made Cara, Serena, and I a little emotional as well. After seeing her little Jetta drive off, we made our way into the guesthouse to eat and relax in the air conditioning.

"I thought the guys would be here by now, I wonder what's up with them..." Serena sighed as she stirred a pot of boiling pasta. Micheal had decided to tag along with them on whatever they were doing, and she was concerned because-- believe it or not-- she has true human fears and was worried about him. Twice in a single day, I was glad that she finally woke up and saw the danger she created and became a better person because of it.

"You guys haven't been in long enough to know what's up with them. They're taking care of something, which usually means they're doing something fun and totally no girls allowed. They're fine, stop worrying," Violet said hoarsely, trying to recover from the sobbing she'd done only ten minutes before.
That was when my phone started to ring. "Oh, I bet it's Zack!" I said as I rushed over to answer it.

I was wrong; it was my Mother. "Nevermind," I told them before greeting my mom.

I should have been prepared for what she was about to tell me. I should've remembered that he went into a medically induced coma the week before, and that his insurance wouldn't cover much else. I should've know that my grandmother made the painful decision to pull the plug and let her husband of nearly thirty years go. I should've known that was the news my mother was giving me. However, I was still shocked to know that he was truly gone. "He's with God now, and free of pain," my mother said, or attempted to; she was crying very heavily while we talked.

We talked for a while. That was the unique thing about our relationship; no matter the circumstance, we had long conversations. This was no different. We shared memories about Grandpa, we cried together, and listened to the comfort of each other's voices.

"Did you tell Ryan yet?" I asked her hoarsely.

"No, he's too busy at work to answer. I left him a message. I hope he calls me later. I need to talk to my baby," she replies, sighing heavily.

"When's the funeral? I need to know so we can book a flight."

"We're not sure yet, honey. And don't you dare try to worry about it either. David's got that aspect taken care of," she told me, scolding me slightly. I actually smiled, it was nice to hear her sound like a mom rather than mourning. "Oh, the mortician's here, I've got to go."

"Alright, Mom. I love you," I told her before we hung up. As soon as the line went dead, I felt my stomach knot into a cluster of emotions that I had grown to know so well these past few years. I hadn't even noticed that I had started to cry again, only when I felt the tears chill my face when the wind blew my way.

"Andi, are you-" I heard Violet's voice call from the house. I guess it only took one look at me to know that I was a mess, because the next thing I knew, she was rubbing my back and shouting at Cara to bring me some water. She didn't have to ask why I was upset, either; she already knew how bad of shape he was in. Instead, she let me cry it out until I couldn't anymore. And after that, she let me lay my head in her lap as I stared at the individual blades of grass. Cara eventually joined us, but Serena had left to find my brother.

"Do you think she's catatonic? She hasn't spoken in a while," Cara said lowly to Violet. "And I mean, with the trauma she's faced before, it's highly possible..."

"She's just in shock, Cara. Once Ryan and Zack get here, she'll be fine," Violet replied. "Right, Andi?"

I nodded. I didn't realize how much I wanted them until now; how much I needed both of them right now.

We moved inside as soon as the sun completely dipped behind the horizon, and in my state of shock, I found myself zoning out of reality, my worst habit when I tried to deal with something hard to grasp. Cara had put on a movie while we waited still for Serena and my brother, and was trying to half watch over me and half enjoy the romantic comedy playing on the large TV in the corner. I just stared at the wall, slowly feeling more numb as the time passed.

Around nine o'clock, we got an update from Serena. She and Violet had been only talking for a minute when I tuned in.

"What do you mean, you can't find the guys? We sent you to get Ryan, not them..." Violet said in confusion, chewing her thumbnail. Her expression changed in a split second, and she quickly turned away from me as soon as she realized I was looking.

I recognized the look on her face, though. It was a look of pure anger mixed equally with fear. And if I was more alert, I'd of asked why.

"I'm the only one even close to being able to figure it out, Serena. Just come back here and let me take care of this. Remind me to save his ass-beating for our girl later... No, it's fine. She's just in shock. He is? Good. I'll see you in ten. Bye." She hung up the phone and exchanged a look with Cara that I knew meant business.

I didn't have time to analyze deeper into this, though, because my older brother finally walked in, looking as haggard as I felt. I stared into his bright amber eyes-- the same as our grandfather's -- and we had an unspoken conversation of our own. I stood and nearly jumped over the coffee table to get to my older brother. He met me halfway, and that's when the true grief hit the both of us. My brother was even wearing the same leather jacket he got for his eighteenth birthday, given to him by our grandfather, of course, and the memories and emotions overwhelmed me again.

We started speaking to each other in Spanish, a tactic we used with our father many times if we didn't want him to know what we were talking about. I wasn't sure why he decided to ask about my conversation with Mom in Spanish, but it was obvious that he was uncomfortable, not only around my friends, but in a general way of speaking. I gave him the Sparknotes version of what happened and he shook his head, clearly still not ready to believe it to be true.

Meanwhile, I heard Violet whisper yelling to Cara about whatever she talked to Serena about as she shoved her beaten up red Vans onto her feet and shrug on her hoodie all at the same time. She stopped briefly to tell Ryan and I she was sorry for our loss, and that she'd try to be back by midnight, but wasn't promising that. She looked pissed as she darted across the lawn and into her car. Cara simply shrugged and closed the door after her before she decided to order Chinese take-out, most likely distracting herself from what Violet must have told her.

I didn't worry too much about it. Instead, my brother and I sat on the large couch and tried to make sense of our grandfather's death.