Don't Give up on Me

Ryan POV

How many times have I seen my sister cry in the last eight or so months that I've lived with her? Ten? Twenty? I've lost count. I supposed that when she cried for no reason, it was her teenage hormones running wild. A few of those times had been because she was frustrated at me or her boyfriend, Zack. But tonight, like countless other times, was because she was in pain. Emotional, mental. Maybe even physically; my own heart ached dully in my chest as the feeling of loss coarsed through my veins. Our grandfather was dead, all because of that stupid fucking disease. Cancer is a nasty disease, and the fact that his particular type of cancer is genetic is what keeps me up at night.

But, my mom and I are the only two that know that. Three, if you count my grandmother. My mother also learned that it can skip a generation (her) and appear in the next (Andi, Dezzy, and I.) Soon we were going to have to have blood tests and brain scans every six months, and Andi didn't even know. I know my mother has kept it from her simply because she didn't want to stress her out or worry her. She only told me because she felt I could handle knowing the truth.

But, sometimes the truth made me want to puke. How can you live your life knowing that there's more than a 50% chance that you can develop an aggressive form of brain cancer? Andi may say that overthinking was "her thing," but it was also mine. I know I'm just paranoid, but it's fucking terrifying to think about.

I looked over once again at my sister, sleeping soundly on the sofa, wrapped up in Zack's jacket. She really did love that kid, and I could tell he loved her, too. Although, he's kept her waiting tonight; it was already nearly midnight and neither he, Serena, or Violet were back at the guesthouse. I already knew she was settling for my comfort fifteen minutes after I got here, no matter how close she and I are. I just hoped for her sake that he'd show up soon, or else I'd have to kick his ass, friendship aside.

"How is she?" Cara asks, sitting across from me in the living room. She had a towel wrapped around her hair, and I could smell the fruity body wash she'd used from where she sat. I'd be lying if I didn't find her hot, but she was four years too young for me and totally interested in someone else.

"Fine. She fell asleep waiting on Baker, although I think it's just because she's exhausted from everything," I replied, sighing.

Cara frowns. "Well, she's going to have to keep waiting. Violet can't find any of the guys, and normally she wouldn't worry about this at all. But being gone and out of touch for this long is weird, even for them."

"You've got to be joking. What are they even doing?!"

"I don't know. She has an idea, but she won't tell me or Dee. She and Serena could be on the hunt for hours before they find out."

As if to answer the both of us, they both walk inside, looking angry and defeated. "What's up?" I asked casually, not knowing at all what I'd be walking into.

Violet kept walking and slammed the door to one of the bedrooms, and it was only then that I noticed she had been crying. "Austin, Zack, Matt, and Jimmy are all in jail, that's what the fuck is up," Serena snapped angrily to both of us, throwing her handbag on the chair. "We're going to go get Matt and Austin tomorrow, but Zack and Jimmy need someone to get them out, too."

"Well isn't that the icing on a shitty day?" I sighed, sitting back on the couch and running my hands down my face slowly. I was thankful that Andi was still asleep, or else she'd be even more distraught.

And she wouldn't have to see me kill her boyfriend for being a complete fucking idiot for getting himself arrested.

"Why are they there?" Cara dared to ask.

"Austin's there for possession of pills, Matt and Zack are there for fighting, and Jimmy's there for shoplifting."

"What in the literal fuck were they doing?!" I asked angrily. "I'm not taking any of them home. Fuck that. They dug their own fucking graves. I fucking told him not to hurt my sister again! How in the fuck do you think she's going to react to this shit?!"

"Dude, chill out. Take a breath, you're turning red and that vein on your neck is scaring me," Serena said, steering me back onto the couch. "I know she's going to be upset about it-"

"Upset is a fucking understatement and you know it, Serena. This is going to devastate her! She fucking told him point blank that she didn't want him doing anything stupid, especially getting into fights. Now she's gonna find out that the reason why he couldn't be with her is because he's in jail? That fucking shows that he doesn't care about her, Serena, and she's going to be in even worse shape when she figures that out," I cut in, making her jump back at the hardness of my words. "I'm sorry. I'm just--"

"I know. I get it. Today's not the day to mess with Ryan Dawson, or his sister. I'm sorry, too," she apologizes, sitting next to Cara on the couch.

"Why is everyone shouting?" I hear Andi's voice tiredly say, and I regretted yelling at Serena even more.

"Nothing, it's nothing. Ryan and Serena are just arguing over something, it's no big deal," Cara says before Serena and I can react.

"Serena's back? Did she find Zack? His hoodie smells nice but I miss the real thing..." she asks, her voice hoarse.

"No, babe, I didn't," Serena replied quietly, unable to bring herself to tell Andi the truth. I realized that my mother and I weren't the only ones who couldn't do it either; there was something about her bright blue eyes and her usually equally bright face that made you unwillingly to deliver any kind of bad news to it, in fear that the radiance would fade away. As a kid, I tormented her incessantly. But now, I couldn't even think of doing it.

Which is why, at least until morning, she'd stay ignorant of what happened.

"Oh. I hope he's okay," Andi murmured. "I'm gonna go to bed. Where's the guest room again? This place is just as confusing as the mansion."

"I'll take you. I need to get something from there, anyways," Cara said, taking the opportunity  to leave the tense atmosphere for a moment as she guided Andi to bed.

"Oh, my God, I can't do this to her. Not after you guys losing your grandfather. It's going to be my fault all over again on why she's depressed," Serena said, nearly in tears. "She's going to hate me again just when we got close."

Honestly, I can console my sister when she cries easily. Other girls? Nah, I was just as bad as any other dude. Thankfully, Cara had returned, damp hair over her shoulders as she comforted Serena.

"You're gonna have to get Zack out, you know that, right?" Cara told me as Serena tried to compose herself.

"Yeah," I sighed. "It's the least I can do. He owes her and I both, though. Especially her. I don't even care if if costs a million dollars; just as long as he makes sure he knows he fucked up and knows that he'll be goddamn lucky if my sister decides to stay with him after this."

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Andi POV

Everything hurt.

My head, my heart, every part of my ached in a million ways. My eyes were sore from crying. My voice was pretty much shot. And I felt sort of bad for even thinking and feeling this, but I missed Zack all throughout the night. I wasn't kidding when I had told him that I couldn't sleep without him with me; I had become totally dependent on him in so many ways. I needed him more than ever right now, and he was still out, seeming a million miles away. I could tell that Cara was just as stressed out as I was, because she didn't sleep too great, either. I got out of bed at nine, finally deciding that I couldn't pretend to sleep anymore.

I knew it was stupid, but I had kind of hoped that Zack would be in the living room when I walked in. Instead, it was just Cara, Serena, Ryan, and Violet.

"They're still out? Damn," I tried to say jokingly, but I couldn't mask the disappointment I felt. I saw Ryan look away as I sat down, which meant he was hiding something from me. "What? I was just trying to lighten the mood..."

"We know. It's just..." Serena sighed. "We know where the guys are."

"Jason told us last night. Zack, Matt, Jimmy, and Austin are in jail. Zack and Matt for fighting, Austin for pills, and Jimmy for shoplifting," Violet sighed, too.

"Oh," was all I managed to say. I felt so horrible before, but what I felt now only amplified that. If I thought my entire world had shattered yesterday, then whatever had remained had just waved the white flag before it met it's demise, too. I suddenly felt dizzy, out of breath, and nauseous all at the same. Whatever led to him to fighting also led him to jail. Which meant that he didn't even take anything I told him over the past few months.

Disappointment, anger, heartbreak, and confusion all melted together inside. Not that they had left from before. Now they were at an all time high. "Andi, are you okay?" Ryan asked, a genuine look of concern on his face.

"Not at all. What the fuck kind of question is that?" I snapped.

He sighed. "Look, the girls are going to collect the guys soon. Do you want me to get him out or not?"

"Yes. But don't expect me to go with you. I can't- I can't handle this right now." I buried my face into my hands and tried to get a grasp on myself.

"Andi, you're still in shock and you haven't eaten since yesterday morning. Let me give you some food," I heard Serena say before her footsteps echoed in the otherwise empty house.

"I'm not hungry," I told her quietly, my voice dry and hoarse.

"This isn't a choice, Andi. You look incredibly dehydrated and you're going to shut down completely if you don't get some sugar into your blood," she shot back, sounding just as scary as she did before we became friends. "I'm sorry, but you've got me really worried."

"I'm sorry," I sighed. "I'll eat. Not worth fighting it."

I didn't say another word while I ate. They were all talking about what they needed to do when they went down to the station, and I was glad I wasn't a part of it. Maybe it was cruel that I wasn't going to go with my brother to get Zack, but I was underage, anyways; it wasn't as if I could do anything, honestly. Plus, I couldn't even describe how angered I was that I was put in a situation like this when I distinctly remember telling him to never do anything like this to me again. And yet, here he and I were, once again.
I got into the shower as soon as they all left, standing underneath the showerhead until the water went from hot to lukewarm, finally not thinking at 100 miles a second for once. I quickly washed my hair and bathed before I got out and dressed slowly. I was so tired, so confused, and so crushed. All I wanted was to sleep, but I knew that I wouldn't get any for a while.

I heard the door slam closed an hour or so later, meaning that someone was back. I didn't really know who, though, and I sort of didn't really care, either. Maybe I could get away with moping in here for a few more hours before I eventually had to go back to the apartment.

"Look, Zack, be careful with her. She's not doing too great right now, and well... Don't be surprised if she kicks you out, okay?" I heard Serena tell him quietly outside the door. Oh God, I thought. Who brought him here?!

"Okay?" he replied, but it sounded more like a question. He knocked once before he came in, and as soon as we locked eyes, I turned away and kept them shut, knowing if I didn't, I'd start crying.

"Go away," I told him with half relunctance.

"I can explain everything, Andi -"

"I'd rather you didn't. Just leave."

"Okay, look, I know you're pissed, but I'm not leaving, Andi."

I finally opened my eyes and looked at him, angry beyond words. "Zack, do you even take 'us' seriously?"

"Yes," he whispered, sitting beside me on the bed. "I know what I did was stupid--"

I interrupted him again. "Then why would you get into a fight, knowing damn well that I not only hate it, when you do, but I asked you to not do that kind of shit anymore because I don't like worrying about you."

"I was drunk, and I know that's not an excuse, but I swear this guy was trying to say he had gotten with you and I lost it."

"Why would you even listen something like that? You know I'm with you and only you."

"Babe, he was calling you a fucking whore! I wasn't about to let him get away with saying that. He threw the first punch, not me."

"I don't care! You should have just walked away! Was it really worth sitting a night in jail for it?" I asked him. He looked away from me, staying silent. "That's what I thought."

He stayed quiet for even longer, so I took the opportunity to talk some more. "Look, I just... I don't know if I can handle this. Not after the day I've just had. Maybe we can just talk about this later, okay?"

"Babe," he murmured softly, lacing his fingers through mine, willing me to turn around and face him. I couldn't do it. If I did, I'd burst into tears then and there. I wanted his comfort, but I also wanted him to know that what he's done wasn't okay with me.

I felt his fingers leave mine, and then the springs of the mattress let up as he eased off the bed. I felt so conflicted as he left, since I still had over half of myself wanting him to stay.

So when he went to the other side of the mattress and slid inside with me, I felt so much relief. "Jesus, you're freezing," he muttered as I clung to him, unable to stop myself.
"My grandfather died yesterday," I told him quietly, breaking the silence between us.

"Andi, I'm so sorry..." he said, but pinched the bridge of his nose, his habit when he was mad. "You should've called, babe, I would've came right away."

"I couldn't even talk to Violet, let alone pick up a phone. She and Serena called you a million times and looked for you half the night until Jason told them what happened," I replied. "I was already asleep by then. They told me this morning."

"I'm such a douche!"

"Little bit, yeah."

He groans. "It sounds even worse coming from you. I regret everything. I'm sorry your grandfather died and I couldn't even be there with you. I'm a terrible person."

I took a deep breath. "It's okay."

"You don't have to forgive me, Andi."

"But I'm choosing to, because I want to get past this. I feel like enough shit as it is right now."

"I know, and I'm sorry for that, too. I promise I'll get better at this," he said.

"Okay, I'm trusting your word on this," I told him, looking him straight in the eye. "I mean it, Zack."

"I know. So do I."

We didn't talk much after that. There wasn't much to say, really. Although he had managed to fall asleep, I stayed awake, plagued by the same thoughts from the night before. At least I felt a little better than I did earlier.

But, I knew this wasn't the worst of it. Compared to what I knew could happen, this was only a bump. I just hoped I had enough strength to endure more of this.