Don't Give up on Me

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With possibly the hardest week of my life behind me, I was back home and back to basics. Right now, I was finishing my shift at the end of the dinner rush, and ever since Jourdan and I suggested showing baseball, we were constantly getting a steady flow of sports fans that weren't nearly as rowdy as the customers the restaurant pulled before. Of course, there were still a select few that made the exception to that, but it was nothing a tap on Aiden, our new manager's shoulder couldn't fix.

Leaving Texas this last time hadn't gotten any easier. To see my family deeply mourning the death of my grandfather was difficult. To know exactly how they felt was even worse. I was getting better, however, and I could only hope that everyone else were as well, especially Ariana. Her way of coping with it all, although she wouldn't ever admit it out loud, was shopping. You name it, she bought it; t-shirts, shoes, necklaces, even three different types of coffee. She brought over ten bags home from our trip to the mall that day, and I was lucky I stopped her when I did, or else it would've been more. Thanks to her, I was the one who had to initiate the closet clean out, for nothing would've fit in her decent sized closet even if she tried. I was only mad about that for five minutes, because I ended up getting half of the things she was going to toss, and most of it hadn't even been worn, adding to my luck. I was thankful that we were the same size and that my suitcase held it all without weighing over what I thought would cost me more money.

Speaking of, I pulled up the tight black jeans I'd gotten from her and inspected myself in the bathroom mirror. Thank God all of my tables had all paid and left, and I was done cleaning them up and collecting the tips. Thankfully, Jourdan's shift had conveintly ended right now, too, so she wouldn't be sending anymore my way. I pulled out my makeup bag and touched up my makeup, especially around my eyes, for they showed just how tired I felt. I also let my hair down from it's ponytail and shook it out with my fingers, silently thanking the heavens that there was more than the one obvious use for dry shampoo. It gave my hair more volume and eliminated any chance for it to look dull after a hectic day like today.

"Damn, girl, where are you going looking like that?" I hear Jourdan's fake southern drawl echo throughout the small bathroom. "You look hot."

"Thanks, Jor. Nowhere, really. Everyone's gonna meet up and we're gonna milk our second to last night of freedom before school starts again," I replied as I pulled out the other shirt I had from my bag, along with deodorant and body spray.

She locked the door to the bathroom so a customer wouldn't walk in and see me change. "That sounds fun. What are you gonna do?"

"Well, the guys are taking it easy after what happened last month. We're all just gonna chill, I guess. Lay low, that kind of thing."

"Oh. Makes sense. So, if it's just a 'chill sesh,' then why are you looking like you just got off of a runway?" She played with the ends of her recently dyed hair, the blonde shining brightly in the florescent lighting. "Because I would kill to look like you right about now..."

I shrugged. "Why not? Zack and I aren't snapping at each other anymore, and I'm tired of feeling like absolute crap all the time. Maybe if I look good, I'll feel good, too."

"Yeah, well, the way those jeans are hugging your ass right now, you're gonna be feeling better by the end of the night, guaranteed," she said with a smirk.

"I know." I shared the same smirk she wore and we both laughed.

After changing my shirt, she grabbed the bottle of body spray from the counter and gestured for me to stand back. "'Playful blend of sweet pea, watery pear, sheer Freesia and luscious raspberry with a touch of soft musk?' Are you trying to smell like a candle?"

"Trust me, it smells better on the skin than it sounds, I promise."

Instead of spraying it on me, she sprays a bit onto her wrist and rubs, then sniffs. "Holy shit, I need to head to Bath and Body Works immediately."

I take back the bottle and roll my eyes as I give myself a quick two pumps and resume packing my things into my tiny bag. "Well, while you do that, I'm gonna enjoy my last night of freedom before school starts again and Ryan gets strict again."

"Right, right. Have fun, kiddo. Be safe," she says, patting my hair and smoothing my shirt out in a maternal way. "Lip balm?"

"Check."

"Breath mints?"

"Check."

"Tags in?"

"Tags in?" I echoed, confused. She sighed and quickly stepped around me, then inspected my backside.

"No pesky tags showing. You're all set."

"Oh. Right. Yeah. Bye, Jourdan."

"Bye, Andi. Go get some tonight!" she said, playfully smacking my bum as I walked out. "Don't worry, I clocked the both of us out, by the way!"

"You're a lifesaver," I shouted over my shoulder, relieved I didn't have to see our boss in the break room today. She flashed me a smile before turning for the break room while I darted down the dark corridor leading to the staff parking lot and to my brother's Mustang. My car had seen better days; while we were in Texas, one of the other tenants accidentally rear-ended the back of my poor blue Jeep, and instead of waiting for the insurance to pay for the damage, my father decided to buy Ryan a new car altogether rather than spend the money on mine. Ryan had been eyeing an Audi for quite some time now, and since my father could finally afford it (Technically, Laura was paying for it, but my Dad would never admit that), he was granting his wish.

Was I offended? Of course. My car was fine for me, and the insurance was enough to pay for all of the damage without a copay, so I didn't understand why he wouldn't just take the cheaper, easier way out of this.

Then again, we're talking about my father here. When it comes to his children, it was obvious which he favored over the other. So, the mustang was now mine and Ryan was getting an Audi. There were worse things that could happen. And I wasn't about to complain about the horsepower this red beast held. 

I parked the Mustang further down than I wanted to, but brushed that off as I stepped out. My Converse hit the ground with a sharp crunch on the gravel, and the door closed with a firm slam. I pushed the lock button on my remote and as I clipped my keys to one of my belt loops, I felt smooth, calloused fingertips brush against the exposed skin on my back.

An involuntary smile appeared on my face. Zack spun me around to face him, and everything surrounding us seemed to fade away.

"Gotcha," he grinned; he had noticed that I had jumped at his touch, still. "That never gets old."

"Hello to you, too." I crossed my arms over my chest, pretending to be upset.

"Hi, Andria, how are you tonight?" he asked pointedly, his tone serious.

I grinned. "I'm great. Even better because I'm with you." I tacked on the ending partially because it was true but also to give him an ego boost. I knew how much he secretly liked when I said things like that, so why not?

"Of course you are," he says, a cocky edge to his voice, proving my assumption correct. The smile on his face said it all.

"We should join the others..." I said quietly after a moment of silence.

He nodded and took my hand, leading me down to where all of friends were sat, stories already being tossed around from what I could tell as soon as I was in earshot. Charlotte, though she was back, was nowhere in sight; knowing her, she was off taking pictures once again. I was sure I'd see her in a bit, since she had only just gotten back yesterday. I spotted Jimmy and felt a weight being lifted from my shoulders. Ever since I had gotten back, I hadn't seen him much and I of course worried about him more than ever. He saw me, too, and gestured to the empty place beside him and Cara.

"Hey, bud," I greeted as I sat down. He grinned and gave me an enormous hug. "Where in the hell have you been?!"

"Chill, Little Red. I've been around. Don't worry your little head off like you have been. Everything's fine," he says, as if he's read my mind over the past few weeks.

"Well, check in every once in a while, Jim," I mumbled as he let me go.

"Can do, Andi," he assures me with a smile.

Matt starts to tell a story from his and Jimmy's childhood, which I was sure Violet was there to hear a million times before, but still laughed at the right parts and listened as if it were her first, like me. It was interesting, honestly. I've always been the kind of person that enjoyed hearing and telling people about past experiences. So, when the role of storyteller fell onto me, I gladly accepted, and so did they.

"Wait, it's normal to jump from a tree into water where you're from?" Jason asked when I finished.

"Yeah. There's cliff diving, regular diving... it's like that, just a little more stupid. Most times, we were lucky to find a lake that wasn't nearly dry during the summer, and it just so happens that really tall, wide branched trees grew around it," I shrugged. "Why are you staring at me like I'm crazy?"

"I'm not! I just... that is weird, Andi, that is weird..." he replies, taking a swig of his beer.

I looked at him in shock. "You are no one to talk, Jason! You don't even like iced tea! That's weird!"

"Whatever, Ginger," he said before the conversation shifted.

"How original," Cara said sarcastically before moving closer to me as the guys re-enacted some fight that happened their freshman year.

Her eyes seemed a darker shade of blue than normal. It may have been the fire in front of us, but it seemed they lost their glimmer.
"Are you okay?" I asked her quietly, low enough for her to hear, but not loud enough for others.

We locked eyes for only a few seconds before she crumbled. "I'm terrified to leave tomorrow."

By the look on her face and body language, I knew this wasn't a conversation to have in front of everyone. I took her hand and led the way up to my car, briefly explaining that I forgot something and would be back in a second. They were all too preoccupied to question further, so we successfully made it without a hitch.

"Alright. Explain. Now," I urged her as soon as we were sat in the cool leather interior.

"Well, tomorrow I'm moving into the dorms and have orientation that evening, and then I have my first class on Monday. I'm terrified. I'm gonna get lost, and I'm not gonna have you guys around. I'm all alone..." she said softly, fiddling with her hands.

"Cara, we're only a phone call away, and an hour drive away. You're not going to go through this alone."

"Yeah, well, I may not be, but Jimmy is. He's been helping me pack and stuff. I just... I know I'm going to hurt him when I leave. This summer with him has honestly been the best one I've ever had. I really don't want it to end, especially not with him..."

I opened the glove compartment and gave her a napkin before I spoke. "Honey, you do realize that he'll fight off entire armies of men and trek a million miles just to see you one more time, right? I know it, he knows it, we all know it's true. He'll find a way to cope and be with you, as long as you let him... and yourself, too."

She sniffles, then wipes her eyes. "Promise me something?"

"Okay..." I replied cautiously.

"Promise that this will be worth it, because I don't know if I can do this..." she murmured quietly.

I took her hand in mine. "All of this anxiety, the sadness, the fear, the  anger, the pain... will be worth it. You have to be in the dark in order see the light. So, don't give up just yet. It's going to be fine. I promise."

"Yeah," she murmurs, then repeats it with conviction. "Yeah. I can't just sit here and cry because I'm unsure of myself. I can do this. I can kick ass on my first day at college, and I can handle the work. And... I can make sure he and I stick it out. Thanks, Andi."

"You're welcome," I smiled warmly at her. I was relieved that she was feeling better, and more motivated.
"Now, let's go back and enjoy tonight."

"Okay," she replied with a small smile, briefly recomposing herself before we went back to our friends.

"It's about time you guys came back. I just had to sit through a story about a fight I've heard about a million times," Violet murmured bitterly when we sat back down.

"I had a brief loss of control of my emotions so I had to split for a second. Sorry, Vi," Cara apologized as she pulled her hair back into a ponytail. "Pass the Doritos, I'm frigging starving."

Leave it to Cara to apologize for being human, I thought to myself. I squeezed her shoulder to reassure her that it was okay, then went to find a drink.

"What are my options, Serena?"

"Red Bull, water, one of the beers Austin managed to wrangle from his Dad's refrigerator, or a rootbeer," she replies.

"Give me a Red Bull. I've had a long day."

"As you wish," she replies, handing me the chilled energy drink. I actually hated Red Bull - the taste was disgusting to me - but it would have to do for now.

"Thanks," I told her before turning to walk away, but she caught my wrist, keeping me in front of her.

"Have you talked to your dad recently?" she asked.

I shook my head. "Not since Ryan and I told him about the Jeep."

She frowned, looking an awful lot like her mother when she did so.
"Well, they set a date, and my mom wants to take us shopping soon for the bridesmaid's dresses and such."

"When is it?"

"September 30th."

"That was my parent's anniversary when they were married..." I muttered, a sudden burst of anger coursing through me. My dad was such an asshole.

"You're kidding," she says, shocked. "There's no way he would suggest that."

"My dad forgets a lot of things, but that date will always be with him. That's probably why he picked it, so he won't forget," I sighed, pinching the bridge of my nose between my fingers in an attempt to keep myself at bay.

"Well, here's your daily reminder that your dad is most definitely a jerk!" Serena says with fake enthusiasm. "I'm sorry, honestly. I know you must be pretty angry about it. But, it'll be fine... just as long as you don't tell your mom. I'm kind of scared to see what she could do, with all the stories you've told me."

"Think of me the day we almost fought in the art room, but 100 times worse."

She choked on her soda, sputtering briefly. "Oh, shit."

I grinned. "It's the Chicana in us from her mother's side. The women have nasty tempers."

"So I've seen," she grins. "Multiple times."

I shrugged. We carried on the small talk for a few more minutes until Austin returned, a.k.a., my cue to leave unless I wanted to witness their make-out session, which I thoroughly did not. I rejoined Cara, Violet, and Charlotte on the other side and listened to her talk about her time back in the UK. She had visited London to help her sister settle in, then traveled to Brixton and visited her grandparents for a bit before coming back to America.

"I know I'm the first to complain about the heat, but I really missed it when I was over there, especially when it would be overcast day after day," she sighed. "I can't wait to see Brian. I missed him, too."

"Speaking of, where is he?" Cara asked, scanning the area. "He usually doesn't miss a chance to drink."

"His stepmom went into labor right before he was going to leave, and his dad insisted on him coming to the hospital, although he didn't really mind. I'm gonna go see them tomorrow morning," she explained.

"So, how are you, Andi?" Charlotte asked when the conversation shifted.

"Better. Much better," I replied honestly. "It was worse when right before I went to the funeral and when I was there, but I'm okay now. I just miss him, you know?"

She nodded. "I wish I could have been there for you. I'm so sorry, Andi."

"Don't worry about it, it's okay," I assured her. I sure am having a lot of emotional moments tonight. "We all knew it was inevitable. I'm just happy he isn't in any pain now."

"Me, too," she agrees, and I knew that she meant it. "And your family? How are they?"

"For the most part, I think they're all coping very well. My grandmother finally brought herself to pack their things and moved them to her apartment in Austin near my mother's house. She really misses him. I mean, she spent nearly half of her life with him..." I sighed. "She really loved him, with every ounce of her being."

She draped her arms around my shoulders and hugged me. "I'm sure she'll be okay. Just check in with her often and make her know that you're here for her. I'm sure she'd love that."

"Yeah, I know," I replied. "I just worry, you know."

She nods again. "Oh God, don't I? But, you know what? You need to let it all go. We're about to have the supposed best year of our lives, and you're sitting here worrying rather than enjoying yourself! We are this close-" she makes a gesture with her forefinger and thumb to make it clear, "-to starting the rest of our lives! Be happy, Andi!"

Very similar to Cara's realization after my pep-talk to her, I felt the same sudden sense of confidence she had. Everything Charlotte had just said seemed to click. "What would I ever do without you, Charles? Of course you're right. I've got my whole life ahead of me and yet, I'm still worried about things I can't control. I'm going to be fine. This is going to be my year."

"It's about time you shed your last few fears," she said, beaming. "Now go kiss your boyfriend, or jump into the ocean, do something!"

"You know what, I'll race you to the edge," I told her, kicking off my shoes and emptying my pockets into them.

"You can't be serious, Andi! I was only kidding!" she said, as I edged away slowly. She then realized I was serious and pulled her jacket off and kicked her sandals off before dashing passed me. We were only a stride apart when we reached the water, the shock of the surprisingly mild water working its way through my system as I dove underneath, into the darkness.

When I re-emerged, I grinned over at Charlotte, who looked just as happy as I did. Even though I had makeup streaming down my face, I still felt so free. It was like getting baptized when I was younger all over again; cleansing and pure. Charlotte's words still rang true in my mind. We all were worrying over something, whatever that may be, but we just needed to step away from it and enjoy ourselves.

I wasn't at all surprised to see the rest of our friends join us soon after, and as soon as Zack was close by, I took Charlotte's other suggestion and kissed him until I felt dizzy.

"What was that for?" he asked, out of breath.

"Nothing. I'm just happy," I replied with a smile.

He smiled, too. "Good."

We continued to swim, until it became too much and retreated back to the fire to dry off enough to drive home. And as I left the beach that night, I truly felt happy and pure for the first time in ages.