Don't Give up on Me

"Come on, we have to go!" I said excitedly, nearly dragging Zacky out of the car. "I need to get to the art room so we can find out my results and see if I made it to state!"

"Will it get me out of going to math class?" he asked, yawning. I nodded. "Then let's go. Maybe I can go back to sleep."

I rolled my eyes, but took his hand and lead the way. I didn't get my results yesterday like I had expected, and it seemed that the others hadn't, either, and I think Mrs Jackson was going to announce them to the class if they were advanced scores. I couldn't contain my excitement.

"Wait, I need to talk to Jimmy," he says when I pass by our friends.

"As much as I love the guy, it can wait. The bell's about to ring, anyways," I said, not slowing my stride.

"Fine," he muttered, rolling his eyes. I pulled open the doors to the second building and tried to restrain myself from running to the studio, since I had Zack behind me and didn't need to have him show me up.

I saw that Mrs Jackson had an entire table filled with medals, meaning that most of the participants brought home advanced scores. I perched myself on one of the counters, preparing for her announcements of the scores and anything else she needed to talk about. Zack stood beside me, arms crossed and eyes half open, still coming out of sleep. His hair was still wet from his shower, a few droplets glistening in the florescent light. I smiled when I saw the little patch of shaving cream just behind his ear that he'd missed. I grabbed a paper towel and got it for him, making him tense at the feeling momentarily.

"Are you staying?" Mrs. Jackson asked from across the room.

"Yep," he replied.

"Do you solemnly swear that you will not tell Mr. Lowe that you were in here when he finds out you're skipping?" she asks as she checks the attendance roster quickly.

"Just like every other time, Mrs. J."

"As long as we're clear," she shrugged, then made her way up to the front of the room.

"Before I announce the scores from this weekend, we all need to have a talk, minus Andi, Tate, and Rachel," she says, making eleven pairs of eyes travel around the room to look at the three of us. I didn't even notice that Tate was in here until I remembered that he had said something about leaving early today, which meant he was skipping his athletic period to get his scores. The three of us looked at each other and shrugged before she went on.

She expressed the same feelings the four of us had when everyone cut the last part of the work day and went home, leaving the studio a mess and an overload of work on our hands. A few tried to express that they had work release and needed to leave before 3:30, but she reminded them that they needed to remind her of that before they took off.

"Whatever the case, I am still disappointed that so many of you left on Friday. Another thing I want to address is the ruined artwork that we found Friday afternoon," she says, her eyes travelling to mine. I gritted my teeth, still angry that Leila did it. Mrs. Jackson knew, and I left it to her to deal out whatever disciplinary action she deemed necessary; I figured not doing anything at all was better than breaking her nose. Plus, I promised Andrew I wouldn't do anything, and I planned on sticking to it. After he came over Saturday night, we got to know each other better and I found him as a nice, relaxed guy and a good friend to have around. I didn't want to ruin a friendship because of spite, although, it was so tempting...

"...You guys were the only ones around that table and I am just asking as a precautionary measure if any of you saw something suspicious happen," Mrs. J's lecture brought me out of my semi-violent

thoughts and back to the present.

The classroom shook their heads, except for a girl named Johnie. She was a cheerleader, like Leila, and the cheerleaders at this school were crazy close; if being attached at the hip were possible, all 20 of them would find a way to make it happen. So, it was no surprise that Johnie tensed, because she watched Leila ruin my piece.

Mrs. Jackson didn't catch what I did, though, and moved on to handing out medals. "This year, we brought back nearly 90% advanced scores, the highest we've had in a decade. Congratulations to all of you that participated. Only two of our students advanced to the state competition this year, and I'm very proud to announce that one of them is in this classroom as we speak. Congratulations, Andi, you're going to the State competition in two weeks!"

I felt tears prick my eyes and a lump form in my throat in a split second, due to the shock. "You're kidding, right? It has to be Tate, or Rachel, or someone else other than myself, right?"

"No, I'm not kidding. Your self portrait is one of 16 pieces that is on its way to the USC campus in LA, where the final competition will be held," she says, and I could see how proud she was to say that.

Zack hugs me tightly, congratulating me, like my classmates did. Before she could actually start passing out the medals, the morning announcements started to broadcast over the intercom, fifteen minutes later than usual. They were always filled with sports news, elective news, upcoming state tests, school events that hardly anyone went to, and senior events.

Towards the end, Mr. Lowe's voice was starting to get tired, and he gruffly announced the results of

the electives. It finally sank in when he announced to the entire school that I was one of 16 attending the state competition. I wasn't even angry that he left out any hint of sincerity, because I was so relieved that my hard work had finally paid off into something great.

By the end of the class period, a good chunk of the medals were passed out. I held both of mine in my hand and sighed, still in disbelief. I got a 3 on my first piece and a 4 on the portrait, and I received a medal for going to state. Since I received these medals, I could get a letter jacket from the school, but it was already getting too warm to get one, so I opted to just keep the patch instead.

I was so focused on what had just happened that when I heard the bell ring and no longer felt Zack's arm around me, I felt like I was in a daze. "I forgot that it's not like it is after school," I sighed.

"I'll see you at lunch? We can go out to get real food to celebrate," he suggests, to which I nodded.

"This is an occasion to go get nice food, indeed. I hope we can sneak past security," I said before kissing him goodbye.

Mrs. Jackson hands me a heavy folder as soon as the room is cleared. "Have you given any thought to any schools this year? The late deadline for most schools is March 30, which is about a month away, and I know you haven't applied yet."

"Are these brochures?" I asked, raising an eyebrow. She wasn't one to get into her student's personal lives, so I couldn't help but feel confused as to why I was handed these.

"Yes, but they're from your favorite authority figure... and a few are from me, and you'll know them when you see them," she says, just as the next batch of students come in. 

While she repeats the handing out of medals for Art IV, I took my time with looking at each school. I could tell which ones Lowe picked out for me, and the ones Jackson stuck in there for me. One from the Art Institute in our regional area, one for UCLA, USC, and the California Institute of Arts; a few were for Academics. like UC in Irvine and Bakersfield. 

I recognized the last one, hidden in the very back, due to its carefully designed cover. Here it was, NYU popping back up right when I have completely ruled it out. I sighed out loud, earning a few looks as Mrs. Jackson handed out the last of the medals. NYU has been my dream school ever since I was 13 years old, before I even knew I would move to California; the next school in line was the University of Texas, for obvious reasons. There had never been another option nor an exception, until I moved here. 

I flipped through the pages of the Irvine brochure and tried to convince myself that I liked their small art program over the exquisite program of NYU. Irvine would be more affordable, but NYU would give me a better overall experience. Irvine would make me happy; New York would make my life.

"Do I even have to go to college?" I muttered under my breath, my head and chest starting to ache. I felt like I was at war with myself, but I couldn't pinpoint why. I sighed and closed the folder, resting my head on my knee and tried to clear my clouded thoughts.

Rachel gave me a questioning look. but I just shook my head. If I couldn't make sense of what was happening, how could someone else do it? 

The bell that released for third period rang, and it left Mrs. Jackson and I in our lone bubble for my Art History college class. I only had one mandatory assignment per week, and I had a feeling today wouldn't be the day I recieved one.

"You aren't looking so hot. Are you alright?" Mrs. Jackson asks.

I shook my head. "When you applied for schools, what made you decide on the school?"

"The programs, obviously, but I also chose whether or not I would let myself branch out and stray farther from home than I anticipated," she replied. "Jourdan went through the same thing, and decided that she would rather stay here than go elsewhere."

"But that's not what's holding you back, is it?" she adds a few moments later. 

"No," I admitted. "I don't know what it is, exactly. I feel terror at the thought of not being here with my friends and family, but somehow that goes away when it comes to New York."

"Are you afraid that Zack won't like that you want to go to a school three thousand miles away?" she asks carefully. 

Something clicked when she said that, and my heart started to beat faster. "A little. I mean, I don't want to lose him. If I lost him..." I couldn't even finish my sentence, the knot in my throat too much to talk over.

She gives me a sympathetic look. "I wish I could give you the exact words that I know you need to hear, but this is really your decision. I'm sure that if he really loved you, he would be fine with seeing you only on holidays and breaks. However, he's a teenage boy, and he probably hasn't even considered that you'd even want to leave in the first place. Just know that you should apply regardless of your situation, or else you'll end up wishing you had another chance in the long run."

I absorbed her words and let them sink in before I agreed. "If you want, you can start printing out a few applications in here if you want, as long as you have the means to pay for them before you do so."

I pulled out the bank card for the joint account I shared with my brother that was supplied by our grandparents for this exact reason. "I'll finally use this card appropriately for once."

One hour later, I had three out of fifteen printed and paid for, which meant I had some work to do the rest of the week. Immediately after I had them safely stored in the folder in my bookbag, Jimmy and Zack walked into the room, signaling to me that it was time to leave. I pushed my heavy feelings from earlier away and plastered a smile on my face, prepared to celebrate my achievement of going to State.