Don't Give up on Me

"Is she still asleep?"

"Yeah."

"She's been asleep for like, a week, now. Aren't you concerned?"

Serena scoffs. "She's woken up, showered, and you know, eaten since then. You just haven't been here long enough to see it. She's in pain, and this is how she's coping. Honestly, this is the best thing any of us could've ever wished for. Who knows how else she could have handled it..."

Violet sighs. "The guys are worried about her. And Zack, too, of course. I'm still so confused as why this even happened. They were the other power couple, you know? They loved each other so much. I just don't know why he ended it. He fought for you and every other girlfriend he had. It just doesn't make sense for him to just give up with Andi."

"I know," Serena mumbles. "If Mr. Lowe hadn't announced it and just let her tell him herself, then maybe they'd still be together."

"Maybe..." Violet muttered under breath.

I decided it was time to stop eavesdropping on their conversation about me and started to stir. I opened my eyes and let them adjust to the darkness of the room, although telling by the sunlight peeking through the tops of the curtains, it was around midday.

Time to get up and face another day without him.

That thought alone made me want to break down again. This week had rivaled with the week of my grandfather's funeral as the hardest week of my life. I didn't know which was worse, sleeping or being awake. I had nightmares without him next to me, but I was also living one without him with me.
I still didn't feel angry at him. I didn't hate him. I didn't do anything but miss him. I hated myself, though. I hated that I didn't have the balls to tell him the truth, and that I couldn't convince him to believe me. I just wanted to be with him again, to be able to breathe without such a heavy chest, to feel normal again.

"Morning, starshine. The Earth says hello," Violet greets me, sitting on the end of the bed.

"Tell the Earth to fuck off."

"Hey, you're getting feisty again!" she grinned to Serena, who only frowned. "What?" she asked innocently, then looked over to me.

"Oh..." she whispered.

Feisty. That was his favorite word to describe my personality to anyone new. He said it to Jimmy, to the Berry's, to his own mother. Getting me riled up was his favorite thing to do because he knew that a single kiss could defuse the entire situation.

I wished a kiss could defuse this one.

"Well, I've barely been awake five minutes and I already feel like going to bed. So, if you'll excuse me--"

"Look, I'm sorry, I didn't realize what I did. I just... I'm worried, Andi. We all are. You think we're mad at you, but we're not. I speak on behalf of everyone when I say that you getting a full ride to NYU is the coolest thing ever. You're going to kick ass when you get there. Sure, we're gonna miss that little fireball personality of yours, but we can deal. As long as you're happy, we're happy..."

"Thanks," I murmured quietly.

"I know it doesn't make it any easier, but... I love you," she says softly. "Come here. Let's get out of this place and go do something fun. Do you wanna go to Taco Bell? "

I couldn't help but half smile at that. "Thanks, but, no, thank you. I'm not really up for it."

"I know. That's why we're forcing you."

I looked at Serena for confirmation. She looked behind her shoulder instead. "Girls?"

She flicked the light on just as Cara and Charlotte walked into the room. "Now, don't tell me I have to bathe you, too. Let's get your mind off of him for a little bit."

I rolled my eyes. "Why can't I just lay here? I don't want to do anything. I just want to stay inside and sleep, okay? The nightmares are pretty bad, but not nearly as bad as the unbearable pain of not being with him, okay? You're wasting your time."

They all shared a look. "One hour is all we ask, okay? This is probably the last time you and I will see each other until who knows when and I want to make sure that you're at least doing okay before I leave," Charlotte sighs. "Please?"

I gave in after a few moments. "Okay..." I sighed, throwing the duvet off of my legs. "Let's go."

We ended up going to Serena's for a "change in scenery" because of my refusal to go out into public. I was sure I looked like a train wreck, so there was no way I'd show my face anytime soon. The sun felt nice on my skin, though. For a redhead, I wasn't really made to stay inside. The sun felt much too nice on my skin, as if it warmed my heart from the cold, shattered remains.

I still couldn't stop missing him, though. Everything seemed to remind me of him. I looked towards the balcony and remembered when he rescued me from the awkward wedding reception; I saw the tree we sat under when we found out my dad was marrying Laura; the guest house reminded me of when we nearly broke up the first time.

It all reminded that he truly did break up with me last week. He wouldn't return my calls or my texts. He was done, plain and simple. Nothing hurt more than that realization.

I looked into the water much like Cameron from Ferris Bueller's Day Off and stared at the bottom. I wanted so badly to touch the bottom and never resurface. Maybe the sinking feeling in my chest would keep me there forever.

***************

Zacky POV

You have six new messages in your voice mailbox. Press one to listen, seven to delete, or zero for more options.

It would be a mistake, but I went ahead and pressed one anyways. This one was recent, only a couple of hours old.

"Hey Zack," her voice echoed into the room like music notes. I had missed it so much this past week. "I know I'm probably wasting my time at this point, and you probably hate my guts by now, but I wanted to apologize again. Everyone's told me to leave you alone, to just let it go, but I can't stand it anymore. I can't sleep without having nightmares, I can't eat without feeling like I'm going to puke. Everything I see only reminds me of you, and how I fucked everything up, like I always do. I'm sorry I lied. I'm sorry I kept New York from you. You don't how badly I wanted to tell you, and pray that you'd still be there for me. I got too tongue tied and too scared to say anything, and that's why we're no longer together. I know that you won't call me back or even listen to this message, but, I miss you, and I love you. I'm so sorry."

I put my phone down and stared at the wall. She was crying towards the end of the message, and by the sound of it, she'd missed the 'end call' button and I could hear her sobbing. She kept saying, "I'm so sorry, fuck, I'm so sorry."

That shit fucked with my mind. For the past week, I ignored her attempts to reach me, to apologize, but on the seventh day, I cracked. I needed to hear her voice, no matter how pissed off I was. I didn't expect her to sound so hurt, so broken. I missed her like crazy, and that message alone made me want to go back to her.

But, I couldn't. I needed to forget about her. She was just another girl that lied to me and made me look like a fool. I couldn't believe that I actually fell for it this time, too. She seemed different, after all. She was genuine. Kind. Utterly gorgeous. But she showed her true colors just like every other girl that's fucked me over.

And to think that I was crazy enough to think that I could marry her! I laughed out loud at myself for that one. I was a fucking idiot for thinking like that.

My laughter stopped quickly when I saw the bottle of perfume on the dresser, though. I could say that I was a fool, that I hated her for what she did, but it didn't take away how much much I missed her.

God, I fucking missed her. I missed her laugh, how there were at least twelve different variations of it. Each one was just as beautiful as the last. I missed her voice and how her soft southern drawl never failed to sound attractive. I missed her skin, the softness of her hair, the way it felt when I held her. I missed the way she used to smack my hand away because I'd reached for her food, and how she liked doing everything except sitting inside. I missed everything about her. I just wished that she hadn't done what she did so I could feel like myself again.

But, like I said before, she's shown her true colors. I just needed to forget her, at least for the night.

I picked up the phone and dialed Matt Wendt's number to see if there were any parties around. I was going to drink every drink and do every drug I could obtain until I could get her off of my mind, to take the pain of losing her away.

He confirmed that there was one 30 minutes away, and I silently celebrated.

Goodbye, Andi.