Speak Now

I woke up the next morning feeling happy, for the first time in a long time. I wasn't thrilled, but I was happy and content, and that's all I could ask for. I was happy with the choices I decided on the previous night, and I could see the light at the end of this horrible tunnel. I showered and got ready for the day, I knew what I had to do.

"Thanks for meeting me", I smiled lightly as I followed him into the restaurant.

"You know I'd go to Antarctica for you if you asked", he said seriously as we sat down in a booth. I smiled.

"Thats not true, you complain how cold it is when it's 60 degrees!", I laughed.

"For you I would.", he shrugged seriously.

"You never told me how you found out about Becca", I said and immediately regretted my words when I saw a wave of sadness pass through his face, "You don't have too."

"I came home from the gym and she didn't hear me come in and she was on the phone. I didn't want to disturb her so I didn't say anything but then I heard my name and I guess I eavesdropped. She was telling her friend how stupid I was and how she was gonna get pregnant for real this time, I basically lost it and told her to pack her shit and get out. Then she started saying stuff how you'd never love me again and how no one really would and I kicked her out right then and there."

"I'll always love you, no matter what", I mumbled, un sure of what to say.

"I didn't want to try and get you back until I knew she was out of my life for good. I wanted an annulment, which is basically saying the marriage never existed but she fought it for a while until I finally got her to sign. And then here we are now", he took a sip from his beer casually, "How'd you meet Mike?"

"On the beach. I went running after you called me and I wasn't paying attention and we bumped into each other, we basically started talking and exchanged numbers then and there and a couple days later he invited me to dinner."

"Are you happy?"

"I am now", I said honestly as I picked at my food.

"I'm happy then", he said, and I could tell he was forcing a smile, "All I want in life is to know you're okay, I love you so much Lex I didn't think it was possible for me to love someone so much that if they were happier without me, then I'd let them be."

"I'm miserable without you", I admitted, baffled that he couldn't tell.

"But I thought you said you were happy kitten?" I smiled at the familiar nickname and his protectiveness.

"I am. But I can't believe you would even think I'd be okay without you."

"You're not happy with Del Zotto?", he scrunched his eyebrows in confusion.

"He's a good friend but we decided that thats just it, a friend. We broke up the night of the wedding."

"I'm sorry Lex", he said lowly.

I couldn't help but laugh, "I'm glad nothings changed and you're still a horrible liar."

"I mean I can't say I was thrilled to see you two together", he said honestly, matching my laugh.

We made light conversation for the rest of lunch, just talking and catching each other up on life. Our bill came and Patrick insisted on paying. We made our way to the parking lot.

"I can't lose you again", Patrick said quietly as he hugged me tightly, I smiled at the familiarness of his arms.

"I go back to New York tomorrow."

"We can do long distance I mean if you really love the person it could work and I you know how much I love you" he said as he opened my car door for me to get in.

I sighed as I climbed in my car, "I don't know if I'm ready to be back in a relationship with you."

I saw his face go from hurt to angry to confusion. If I was listening to my heart, I would be out of my car in his arms the very second, telling him I'd move back to Chicago for him, for us. But I had to remind myself that I was the one who carried me through the heartache and that I was strong, and a break would be good for me.

"Oh", he said, barely audible and it broke my heart to hear him like this.

"Come here", I said as he walked to my car and leaned down so our faces were near each other. I put my arms around his neck.

"I love you, forever, as much as I tried to convince myself not to, I couldn't. I just ned a break to get my head clear and do what's right for me. If I get my heart broken again, I don't know how I'll survive. Can we just take it slow", I asked, hoping he'd understand.

He leaned in closer and gave me a soft kiss on the lips and I knew that was his answer.

"Lex I'd do anything to get you back, even if it means waiting for you from another state, anything kitten", he said, cupping my face and leaning down to kiss me once more. I smiled and pulled away.

"Prove it."