The Real Monsters Live Inside Us.

It had been a few days since Chris and Josh had both kissed me, and I still wasn't sure how to feel about it, and neither of them were helping. For the past 3 days, the two boys were basically stalking me. I think Chris believes he's talented at following people unnoticed, if that's the case though, he really ought to stick to school and his band.

I was sitting in the lobby and was typing up the last of my paper for my A.P. English class for next year, when Chris walked in. I internally groaned. Of course he would come down here when I least wanted to deal with him. I should have listened to Sadie and stayed in my room and worked on this.

"Hey Darce." He said with a smile, which made me want to just walk away but part of me didn't want to.

"Uh, hi." I said, while trying to look busy. "What's up?"

"Not much. I just wanted to see if you wanted to go explore this wonderful city with me, so what do you think?" I sighed and then finally gave up.

"Fine, but I have to go put this in my room and get my bag. "

"Okay, meet me down here in 10." He said while walking towards the elevator.

I can't believe I am actually going somewhere with Chris, especially since we have not hung out since that horrible night; the night my brother lost his life trying to protect me. I suddenly felt the weight of the world on my shoulders; The guilt of the past 2 years had finally begun to set in.

"What have I done?" I asked myself as I walked towards the elevator and pressed the up arrow. Thankfully no one was in the elevator. I didn't really feel like being around strangers at this moment.

"I'm a horrible person. I shouldn't have gone out with Chris and Kuza that night. God, I wish I could fix this." And just like that, my emotional walls began to crack and splinter. The flood gates were about to open and I was in a fucking elevator. Great, just great.

Thankfully at that moment, the elevator doors opened and I quickly walked to my room. When I got inside, I was glad that Sadie and Trevor were not in there. Tears began to slide down my face; I could no longer contain them. I slid to the floor and let the tears fall and allowed myself to let out the body-shuddering sobs; the very ones I had been holding in for years now.

"I'm so sorry, Kyle. I'm so sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry." I said over and over as I sat there and sobbed. I sat there until I got a text message from Chris ;

Chris: Where are you?

Me: I'll be right down. Sorry.

Chris: It's okay. It's no rush, just take your time. I'll be down here.

Me: Okay.

I waited a few minutes, until I had calmed down and then finally went down to meet Chris. I had not seen Josh today at all which was strange, because he was always somewhere nearby. When I stepped out of the elevator, I looked for Chris but did not see him anywhere.

I was just about to leave, when I saw him come around the corner with Angelo. Which pretty much made me nervous. You see, when Chris and I were friends, Angelo and I used to be very close as well, closer than I had ever been with Kuza or any of Chris's other friends. We had gone to school together since kindergarten and had lived in the same neighborhood since we were both infants. Neither of us have spoken since 9th grade. He never did anything hateful towards me, but we just didn't talk. He tried to talk to me after Kyle died, but I just shut him out. It's hard to talk to someone who was a major part of a life you could no longer live, especially when the guilt and depression had finally set in.

"Hi, Darcy." Angelo said shyly, it was obvious that he was nervous about being anywhere near me. That pulled at one of my heart strings; another small part of me died inside from the thought of how blowing off Ange effected not only him, but myself as well. I've hurt so many people and I don't know how I am ever going to make any or all of this right again.

"Are you ready to go?" Chris asked with a smile, as Angelo walked towards the elevator.

"Yeah, just one second though." I said as I jogged to catch up with Angelo.

"Hey, Ange.. I'm sorry. I'm so fucking sorry." I said with sorrow laced in my tone. My voice broke when I said his nickname. The hurt of the years finally set in.

"Don't worry, Darce.. I forgive you. I understand that sometimes people need to shut others out of their lives, in order to cope with tragic events. I understand." He said with a sad smile.

That was when I caught him off guard and hugged him; something that I had not done in 2 years, but had done countless times in our short lives. I had always loved Angelo as a brother. He was a caring and loving soul. He was someone a person could trust. I had decided at that moment that I was going to tell every aspect of my secret, and I knew he would pass no judgment on me. I just had to wait for the perfect opportunity.

I let go of him and walked back towards Chris. I had no clue what this night had in store for me and Chris, but I did know that this summer was going to be one to remember.

We walked out of the hotel and down the street. We went to the London Eye and then went and got dinner. We talked and laughed and it felt as though nothing had ever happened; but something did happen. Life and death happened, and nothing either of us could do could actually change that. I was content in how everything was going this evening, but I knew Chris had noticed my eyes were bloodshot from crying earlier.

"Do you want to talk about it?"

"Talk about what?"

"Your eyes are bloodshot, Darcy. It's not something that can easily be hidden. What's wrong?" We were walking down a sidewalk at this point and there weren't that many people around.

"I just, I-I was thinking about Kyle." My voice cracked.

"I'm sorry, Darcy. I'm just as guilty as you are. Maybe even more guilty because he had no idea I was there." He wrapped his arms around me, pulling me into a hug. This action hurt me, because it made me realize just how much I had missed him. It also made me feel like shit for shutting him out of my life and for liking Josh as well. I'm a horrible person.

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Chris's P.O.V.***

To be able to hold her, even if she didn't feel the same as I did, was a privilege. I loved Darcy, and even if I had been pissed off at her for the past 2 years, did not mean I didn’t love her still. I'm just as guilty as she is. Which is why, as soon as we get back, I'm going to the police. I'm going to turn HIM in. I'm going to finally turn Ronnie in. He's tormented her for far too long. I don't care what happens to me, but if it means that Darcy is safe, that's all I truly care about.

Because, unlike Balz, my love for Darcy is not a passing phase. I've been in love with her since the day I laid eyes on her, and in the passing years, that has not changed. No matter how much I hated her, or believed I did, I knew deep down that I loved her so much that I hated her for her cowardice.

This will all be over soon, and if I go to jail because I knew, but never said a word, then so be it. At least in Darcy will not be blamed by her mother or anyone else in the town. This was for Darcy.

When we returned to the hotel, we said our goodnights and headed to our rooms, mine was on the floor above hers. I pulled out a pen and paper and began to write out the words I knew she would need to read, when I turned in the information to the police. I wrote down what I knew my heart held. That letter held my very heart and soul, both of which belonged to a sad, heavy-hearted girl, named Darcy Rae.