You're Safe from the Weight of the World

Alex POV:

"Where are you going?" Jacks voice followed me.

"I need to think." I mumbled, trying to hold my temper.

I had to go. I couldn't stop thinking about how Jack wanted to hide us. I wanted to scream to the entire world that we were together. I was so happy, so proud of us. I loved every minute with Jack.

But we weren't together. I barely saw him alone. It was always us onstage, driving, meeting people, never alone. Jack was so cautious about people seeing us. He didn't want us to even stand too close. From being alone together all the time we were alone maybe a few minutes a day. Paul was always next to us, making Jack more paranoid.

I walked away from the buses, trying to avoid any other bands. We made friends and everything but I needed to be alone. I was sick of the rush of people. We were in a old parking lot. I started to walk towards the road, needing to be away from it all. I didn't really have a specific destination, just away.

He had to hide it. It made me so angry. He had to make it secret. What would happen if Paul knew? Nothing! What does it matter?! Imagine how easier our lives would be if he knew. Zack and Rian knew. All that was left was for Paul to know and then we could be together on the bus.

Every second we had together was like a fire, hot burning out quickly, so scared of being caught. The anticipation, the endless anticipation, just waiting for those moments. I loved those moments. Every day we tried to be alone only to get nothing. I never imagined it would be so hard. Everything could burn out so quickly.

Was this right? Was the hiding and the lying really right?

I continued to walk along the road, thoughts clouding my brain. I thought about what just happened. I didn't mean to get so angry. It all just flew out.

For the past few weeks its all I could think of. I just hated what was happening. We were slowly getting farther and farther from each other.

I continued walking just aimlessly next to the road, just thinking. I didn't have a destination in mind. With the trees next to me and the sound of cars whizzing by, I felt myself relaxing.

But I didn't know what to do. Should we keep it a secret? Jack insists its better. I want to agree with him. I hate when we disagree. But it feels wrong to hide it, at least from Paul.

My thoughts came back to my earlier analogy of Jacks and mines relationship like a fire. It could be a amazing song.

I sat down, next to the outskirts of the woods behind me and looked in my pockets desperately for a pen, scared I'd forget. Luckily I had one from signing the EPs. Not having paper I started to write on my hand, scrawling quickly the words.

"Your lips are a hot flame, baby
and our chemistry is kerosene"

"Don't treat this like a secret,
just keep it quiet while we know
that we could tear best friends apart
with all the lies that we've told"

I started to imagine a beat in my head, a quick guitar pace, singing under my breath. I loved it. Maybe if we'd get a album we could record it on there.

I felt empty but in a good way. That relaxed feeling, just after writing, knowing you did a good job and liking what you did.

I leaned back, resting on a tree trunk, thinking about what we'd do. Should I just let Jack have his will? What would it matter after all? But it did.

And the more I thought about it the more I realized I didn't want our tours to be us hiding, especially with Jack being so cautious. Just the words Alex and Jack made him jump, as if our relationship was written just in our names, obvious to the world.

My eyelids slowly got heavier. I just felt so tired. I knew it was a bad idea but I slowly drifted to sleep.

The only thought on my mind was about how much I wanted for Jacks and my relationship to stop being such a secret.