You're Safe from the Weight of the World

Jack POV:
I stared at the door, willing Alex to come through it.

Apparently my telepathy could use some work because the door remained closed and without Alex through it. He'd been gone for more than three hours. I was getting scared and concerned. Where could he be? It was 12 already.

As the last chords of Blink 182 faded I decided this was enough. He couldn't just disappear. I had to find him. It was late and I just had to. He'd been gone for 4 hours, that's enough time to think. I hated that we left each other angry.

I threw on a hoodie and walked off the bus. Where should I start?

I tried to imagine where Alex would go, trying to imagine his thoughts. I knew he'd want to be alone, knew he wouldn't want to be with people.

Back in Baltimore, when he used to live with me he'd go to a small abandoned park near our home. It was where he broke up with me, so long ago. It was hard to believe it almost a year ago.

Shrugging away thoughts, I walked away from the buses and out of the parking lot. Standing in front of the road, I tried to think where alex would go. I had to find him.

Of course, my mind had to remind me of all the horror stories, all the horrendous things that can happen at night alone. For all I knew a crazy axe murder was out there. I was getting more and more paranoid, feeling hopeless. Where would he go? What was taking him so long?

On the right side was a pathway, leading towards a forest, dark trees all over. On the left side it was more man made, a sidewalk leading towards the nearest suburb. I tried to picture where he'd go. Would he turn left or right?

I stood there for a few minutes torn. He'd want to be alone. He wouldn't want to be with people.

I hesitated before turning right. That's where he'd want to go. He wouldn't want to go to a random city, one he doesn't know, with people. He'd want to be alone, to think. Maybe I could actually find him. Maybe he was here.

I continued walking down the path way, walking faster and faster.

Doubts started to come up in my mind. Maybe he wasn't here. It was stupid to think he'd randomly go here. But I just needed to find him. What if something happened? What if he actually needed my help? What if he was really angry with me?

We should talk and work it out. I was just trying to do what I thought best. I didn't mean for it to end in a fight. Was it even a fight? He just walked away.

I peered into the path again. With the dark trees, and the darker night, it felt impossible I'd find him here. He wouldn't be here. It was just stupid.

There was no reason for him to be here. He was probably back on the bus already. It was just silly to start chasing him.

I gave the dark pathway one final glance and that's when I saw him. My breath hitched. He was half sitting, half lying down, curled up leaning on the tree trunk. His eyes were shut, looking calm. His head rested neatly on his shoulders.

I ran towards him. The first thought that came to my mind was the unspeakable, death. I shook his shoulders, telling myself not to panic. He had to wake up. I was over reacting.

No thought went through my mind but that he had to wake up. I didn't even try to rationalize it. I couldn't even begin to imagine what if something happened to Alex.

"Alex!" I said urgently, shaking him again.

His eyelids fluttered and he slowly opened his eyes looking confused and groggy. He looked around, his confused face adorable.

I sighed happily. I was so relieved. I found him. He was okay.

"Jack." He said in a even voice still full of sleep.

Was he still angry? His voice from earlier echoed in my head as he said "It's like you don't want to even acknowledge we're together." It still hurt.

Alex still looked a bit confused. What had happened to just make him randomly fall asleep in the middle of the side walk.

"Are you okay?" I asked.

"Yeah I'm fine." He answered, brushing away my worries, as if he always randomly disappears and falls asleep in the woods. Like it was normal for him to just stomp off and disappear. Either way I really wanted us to reach a agreement. I just hated fighting.

"Listen-" I started just as Alex said "Look-" He smiled before saying go first.

"About Paul, I don't want him to hurt us. We don't know what he'll do. I don't like hiding but we have to." Couldn't he see my side?

He sighed before saying "I understand that I guess but I just don't want us to be secret,at least not on the bus. It's ruining us. We barely see each other and you're always so scared someone will find us. At least we can tell Paul and then we can be together more." I edged closer to Alex, sitting next to him on the cold ground.

"I don't know. Aren't you scared of what he'll do?" I asked tentatively.

"No I know we'll be fine. C'mon what's the worse he could do?"

There was a silence as my mind ran through all the billions of possibilities that could happen. I didn't want anything to ruin us.

"Since when are you so anxious Jack? You're getting old." Alex joked.

I laughed with him but the worries stayed with me. Anything could happen. I didn't want anything to ruin what was happening. We were living our dream, playing music, and I had the boyfriend of my dreams. I didn't even want to consider something that could ruin it.

But Alex wasn't worried at all. He seemed to think it would be ok. Maybe he was right. Keeping it a secret might be ruining us more then telling.

"Just Paul right? No one else?" I asked.

"At least Paul." Alex said.

"Ok." I said finally.

"Really Jack?" Alex said happily.

"Yep." I answered.

"It'll be so amazing! We won't need to hide! We can actually kiss without hiding. It won't be so scary!" He threw his arms around me, hugging me.

"Lets go tell him!" Alex said energetically.

I just wanted to get it over with. We stood up and started walking back to the bus. Alex seemed so happy. That,despite my fears made me happy.

There was a comfortable silence, the kind when it's not awkward but nice, each one with his thoughts. The night sky was so nice with stars and such. Alex and I were ok. Maybe it wouldn't be so bad to tell Paul, I said as we got closer to the bus.

With that as my final thought Alex opened the door looking nervous but happy. He walked over to Paul, with me following him.

Despite it being the middle of the night, Paul was sitting in his bunk, papers surrounding him, biting the top of the pen with a focused look. Alex called him name a few times until he looked up with a grouchy expression.

"What is so important that you felt the need to interrupt me?! I'm in the middle of trying to fit in two more dates with a few other bands but still finish this tour which is basically impossible! So lets hear it! What's so important?"

Alex looked taken aback at Paul's angry response. He looked so surprised so I, without thinking too much just blurted it out.

"Alex and I are gay and are in a relationship together." I said, proud despite it all.

Then I waited anxiously for his response.