I Was a Dreamer before You Went and Let Me Down

"Sidney, you're not listening to me. I don't want you to leave" she takes a step towards her apartment door opening it slowly "I need you to"

In that instant I realize for the first time in the over 8 years I've known her that never once did I really think about her. Sure I'd thought about her but not in the way she needed or wanted me to I never thought of her feelings. "I'm sorry Jesy" I say quietly moving towards her door

"I wish I could believe you Sid I really do" her blue eyes flood with tears and I turn to do what I do best, leave her when she needs me the most.

I make my way out to my car and then start the 5 hour trip back to Pittsburgh, I had left in a hurry when she called me in a panic about being late when it went completely over my head at first I swear I could hear her anger over the phone.

Now suspicion was confirmed she was pregnant with my baby a statement still so surreal I pinch myself to make sure I'm not dreaming. My first thought is how pissed Mario and my dad are going to be, once again I'm not thinking of the effect it will have on Jesy all I can concentrate on is how this will affect the team owner my father and my career. I can hear my dad now saying he told me when we dated to break up with her, that she would ruin my career and how did I even know it was mine. I could hear Mario red in the face screaming at me for being stupid enough to have what he would call a "fuck buddy" and not wear a condom.

I shook my head driving in the rain of September Jesy was not any of those things she was however a bartender and owner in Buffalo, she was beautiful and perfect and never cared that I was "Sid the Kid" Crosby the face of the NHL. She never compared me to Gretzky; she wasn't pissed if I didn't score a goal every game. She cared still now -2 years after the fact- every time I got a headache that it had to do with my concussion, she was the first to call after I broke my jaw to make sure I was ok, and what did I do for her? Not a damn thing, and why? Because I am an asshole.

She's pregnant, it's my baby, she's in Buffalo, and I'm; everywhere but where she needs me. She hates me –and I don’t blame her- for things I've done since 2009, since we won the cup, since my boss and my dad decided my career was more important and I decided to listen.