I Was a Dreamer before You Went and Let Me Down

-Jesy-

I have a bar full of people staring at the TV as once again Tuuka Rask seems to pull a save out of nowhere and the last of the time ticks off the clock.

“They’re gonna be swept by Boston” I mutter and Amy shakes her head along with me in disbelief

“At least it’s not Jesy’s favorite versus the hometown hero in the final” I hear someone say and I turn to the crowd of mostly regulars and scoff

“Besides the hometown team the hometown hero is my favorite so how can he face himself?” I ask pointing clearly at my Blackhawks shirt someone mumbles something I don’t catch and I turn away from them ignoring the TV and the crowd as they line up to shake hands

“Go figure Jess”

“What Jay?” I ask knowing he’s the only one in Buffalo who would dare to call me a nickname I hate

“You fuck the Penguins captain casually for a couple of years and all of a sudden he’s your favorite” I turn to him with a dropped jaw “Who would have guessed” he says with a snide smirk

“AMY!” I yell and she turns to face me “Handle your drunk ass uncle!” she comes over quickly and I shake my head at him “Ya know Jay, you were one of my favorites and when you’re sober you can actually be pretty nice but I don’t know what the hell that was besides ignorant”

“I just worry about you Jess, I’ve known you for a long time”

“So insulting me and basically calling me…. A puck bunny you called me a puck bunny Jay. He was my boyfriend.”

“Uncle Jay, come on I’ll drive you home, you drunk asshole”” Amy mutters grabbing her keys

“I’m not the one that thinks that Jesy” he says as Amy drags him out the door

“You ok?” Jamie asks and I nod “Liar, go upstairs you aren’t the only bartender in here, and Amy will be back besides there’s 4 other workers here. Go”

“Thanks Jamie” I mumble and she nods as I head out the back door and up the stairs

-Sidney-

Swept, by Boston, if this were any other team I’d be commenting on Rask’s skills but this wasn’t any other team it was my guys being stonewalled, I run a frustrated hand through my hair. I dig in my suitcase for my razor no more post season, no more beard, I shave and wash my face before staring at my reflection in the mirror swept by Boston I repeat again and again to my mocking reflection.

Without even realizing the weight of what I’m doing I book a flight to Buffalo, pack up my things and head for the airport. It’s an hour flight, I’ll be at her apartment by last call. As I stretch out on the plane I recall how sad she sounded the last time I saw her, in January, after that she’d text me said maybe I shouldn’t come back and so I stayed away but I needed her she’d understand…. Right?

I convince myself of this and doze off before the plane even leaves the runway, not long after I’m woken up by an overly friendly flight attendant telling me we’ve landed, I want to tell her to stop flirting I’m here to see my girlfriend but there’s a few problems with that A) Jesy hasn’t exactly been my girlfriend in 4 years, B) she’d probably get all defensive and say she was just doing her job and call me a prick and C) Say Sidney Crosby and girlfriend in the same sentence and watch all the Penguins management and 80% of the women NHL fans turn red in anger. I opt to smile politely and get off the plane.

In no time I’m in the familiar parking lot and by the fact that there’s a light on upstairs tells me Jesy’s not working tonight. I make my way in the back door and up the stairs, I knock lightly on the door and when she opens it her blue eyes meet mine in confusion, before she can ask why I kiss her hard.

“Sidney, what the hell?” she barks after pulling away from me in anger

“I need to know I can score somewhere tonight” I say bitterly and her face flushes… uh oh

“Oh gee Sid how romantic, excuse the fact that my panties just hit the floor”

“Oh please don’t play all cutesy and innocent now Jessica, you’ve never been one for romantics before” I spit back, I’ve been ready for a fight since game two and apparently here’s where I’ll get it

“With a guy like you how’s a girl even supposed to know, you only show up for one thing and leave right after, I mean really at least pay a girl damn” her remark makes my jaw drop

“Oh don’t even try that shit! You could say no, but you never do”

“Fuck you Sidney”

“Well I certainly don’t come to Buffalo for the scenery” One comment that’s all it takes, I see the fight leave her face sadness enters instead I’ve hit a nerve, a big one considering every date I’ve ever been with her has involved Buffalo’s scenery “Jesy I didn’t” I start as she turns away from me tears in her eyes

“Yes Sidney, you meant that” she says quietly with a tear filled voice

“Jesy, please, No I’m sorry” she turns to face me as a single tear rolls down her cheek

“Just leave” she whispers “Just go and don’t come back Sidney please. Each time I let you back in you just disappear again and all you do is disappoint me and I can’t take it anymore, please just go”

“Jesy, baby” I start and she puts her hand up

“It doesn’t even matter anymore, you’ve hurt me so many times and I still take you back I can’t get rid of you I never will you’re permanently in my heart and for me that will never go away” she stops taking a shaky breath “But you aren’t sorry you don’t care because if you did you would have stopped 4 years ago. Don’t make me say it again Sid”

“This is the last time” I say stepping close to her and I kiss her gently

-Jesy-

I feel his hand move to wipe the tear off my cheek, never breaking the kiss, slow and sweet like our first kiss and like every stolen kiss after that for the year before we dated.

“I’m not going to beg you to stay” I say and he nods

“I won’t ask you what’s wrong” he whispers kissing my neck

“There’s no point in trying any more, what we had is gone” I say almost choking on my words “I guess everybody’s got their way of moving on” I say with a sad smile, he only nods and connects our lips once again.

When I wake up the bed is cold, he’s been gone for a while I try my hardest to stop the sob that comes up and fail miserably as I reach for the shirt at the foot of my bed, finding his instead of mine. As I slide it over my head I take a deep breath ingraining his scent in my mind. This is the last time I mutter as I get up putting on underwear and shorts before stripping my bed in a solemn silence