Become

Morning came, the sun shining rather brightly for a December morning, and my eyes stared blankly at the ceiling of my bedroom and a tendril of smoke rippled from the end of my cigarette. My mind revisited last night's events, and my heart ached at the memory.

John ran his hands over every inch of my body his arms could reach; all while kissing me with such eagerness I thought I might be imagining the whole ordeal. It was like I uncorked a huge bottle of sexual tension by taking initiative with those two or three inches.

I thought kissing John would have satisfied whatever curiosity I had, but it did the opposite. My decisions seemed to be turning out that way lately, and now John sat in the chair. The dress that came past my ankles was pushed up to my hips so I could straddle his lap and never tear our lips apart. I didn't have full control of my body anymore, and it glued itself to John, unbuttoned his jacket, vest and gray shirt to expose his chest. What concerned me more was how he didn't hesitate to let me do whatever I wanted. Out of everything happening, that idea intrigued me the most. This mature, experienced, intelligent, talented and gifted gentleman allowed me, a young woman, immature in many ways, inexperienced in even more, become close enough to him to be trapped in a curtained room and treat me like a woman ten years my senior. I pulled my lips away, my breathing heavy, and I almost gave back in when his mouth searched for mine for a moment before opening his eyes.

"You're really late," I whispered. "She's going to know something is happening."

"I don't care," he whispered back, his voice deep and husky. It sent a chill up my spine.

"You don't care right now, but you will later when I go home," I argued, and he chuckled quietly in that same tone.

"No one said you had to go home." Again, I almost gave in. Oh, curse reasonability!

"Anna is waiting for you outside," I reminded him, and that seemed to draw him out of whatever trance he was in. "Isn't she flying home tomorrow? Go to your dinner reservation, and I'll go home."

"I know where you live."

"You won't show up. You're not that type of man."

"And what makes you believe I'm not the type of man to come to your window in the dead of night, and convince you to let me inside?" he asked, and half-smiled at the hand that still traveled from his half-bared shoulders and chest.

"I think you're going to have to drink yourself to sleep," I accused with a smirk. "The moment you leave this room it's going to hit you. How taboo this is. You're going to question everything, and I won't see you again until after vacation." John sighed lightly, and twirled one of my curls around his fingers.

"You're right," he said, and helped me button his shirt back up. "I'll tell Anna you were having family problems."

"Convincing enough," I agreed, my legs weak and wobbly as I straightened them and rearranged my dress. "It doesn't explain the state of your hair or all of my missing lipstick, but--" John tipped my head up with his hand under my chin and hovered his mouth near mine, occasionally allowing them to brush together before firmly kissing me again. He moaned very quietly under his breath before pulling himself away and promptly turning his back.

"It's definitely time to go," I said, my voice quavering now. "You go first." John flattened his hair and when he turned his head to look at me one last time, he looked a little less distressed. He will probably sprout a gray hair tonight.

"Good night, Vivi."

"Good night, John."

As predicted, John didn't stop by my window. He was far too appropriate for that. In fact, if I hadn't kissed him first, he was too appropriate to do even that. It was that fact, however, that made him so appealing. It took every fiber of resistance to keep myself in this bed and away from my phone, where I knew John sent his address in the moments after parting last night. You know, in case I ever needed to get a hold of him and he wasn't answering. Above everything else, I felt guilty. It could have been worse; he could have been married with children, or engaged.

My phone started ringing, so I decided it was time to stop ignoring it.

"Hello?" I answered.

"Are you available to take a visitor?" Raine's voice broke every train of thought. Her voice cracked, her nose sniffled and I heard her choke back a sob.

"Get here. Now." I hung up and jogged from my bedroom, down the stairs and down the hall leading to the front door. Raine was a level-headed young woman, and she didn't complain about much, let alone cry over anything. Something bad happened. I dug through all of my conversations with her and came up empty-handed. After all, Raine was the one dealing with my antics, and I didn't know anything about her.

Time passed quickly as I paced the foyer, and Raine didn't get to finish knocking before I threw the door open and squeezed her into a hug. She hugged me back fiercely and her tears renewed.

"Lana! Coffee and breakfast for two in my rooms, please!" I called out, keeping an arm around Raine as I led her up the stairs and to my room. After setting her down in my favorite chair with a warm blanket, I sat across from her, anxious and worried. Other than an errant tear running down her cheek, Raine said nothing and stared blankly at the cold fireplace. "Should I build a fire? Do you need a cigarette? An iPod?"

"Vivi, stop."

"Okay." The waiting was killing me. Sitting still wasn't an option anymore, so I started pacing the space between the chairs and the fireplace, running my hands through my tangled hair, which only reminded me why it was so tangled in the first place. Every bad scenario started running through my mind. Before I snapped, I finally sat down. "Please talk to me." The look she gave me, a look that said she debated whether she could trust me or not, stabbed in a place I didn't know existed and it hurt.

"My ex met me at the airport," she began, and beckoned with a hand for a cigarette. I leapt out of my seat, lit two and handed one to her. I puffed on mine mercilessly. "We've been texting, and we planned to meet up while I visited my parents. Remember when I teased you about dying rich and alone with a bunch of cats? Well, if you remember correctly, you flicked me crap about being single, too. Rightly so, but Ian and I never broke up. We took a break while I attended college in case we couldn't handle the distance.

"Anyway, it's been less than six months so naturally I wanted to see him again. Everything was so perfect, Vivi. He drove me to my parents, and when he stayed for dinner, he asked my dad for permission to marry me. Ian proposed to me and I said yes." I turned my head a little so I could eye her sideways.

"Go on," I prompted. Surely a marriage proposal wasn't why she was crying. Not these devastated tears. Speaking of the devil, they started again. Every word from her mouth chipped away at my cement heart.

"He's so different now. Ian already had issues when we met years ago; drinking and cutting, trying to commit suicide...When I left, a couple girls said he did cocaine and meth when he partied with his friends. We had a couple drinks, you know, to celebrate. I used your card to buy us a few nights at a ritzy hotel, and...I can't--I can't..." Fear welled up in my throat, and I inspected her face closely. When people cried, I always had a hard time looking at their faces. Darkened eyes, which I assumed was from jet lag and insomnia, looked very different all of a sudden. Hot fury replaced every droplet of fear at my first guess. She saw the change in my expression and I saw the bruises on her wrists before she could tug her sleeves down to hide them. "Vivi, it's not what you think--"

"Oh, well explain your swollen nose, black eyes and bruised wrists, Raine!" I shouted, and when I thought my fury couldn't grow any more, she flinched when I pointed at her. My hand moved too fast and she flinched and braced herself for a blow. Whatever fury turns into after it magnifies coursed so strongly through me my vision wanted to blur.

"Vivi, don't hurt him," Raine begged, reaching out for my hand and holding it tightly between hers. "He didn't mean it. I love him." Just like that, my wrath went cold and both of us knew it was so much worse.

"I can't live knowing someone is hurting you," I said, my voice quivering so badly I'm surprised she could understand me at all. "Not you. I can't lose you to that kind of horror." All it did was make her start sobbing harder than ever. "If you won't let me gut him where he stands, what can I do?"

"I don't know," she managed between sobs. "I don't know! I owe it to him to help him, but every moment I'm gone he only gets worse--"

"I'll sleep on it," I said, pacing again. "You're here now and safe."

"You're awfully on edge, Vivi," Raine commented, wiping her tears from her face. She was much calmer very quickly and relaxed in her chair, probably from finally spilling the beans, but now she started noticing differences in me. "I expected you to fly to my hometown and massacre everyone, not ask me how to help. What happened while I was gone? Should I call John?"

"NO!" I exclaimed, and instantly wanted to swallow the word back when Raine's knowing expression bloomed. "Go ahead. Call him. I don't care."

"Do I have to text John and ask him what's wrong with you?" she asked, sounding more like her old self. It was awfully morbid with her obviously blackened eyes. How did I miss that before? Lana let herself in and set two platters on the coffee table.

"It wouldn't do any good," I said haughtily, opening my tray to see eggs, bacon, potatoes and toast. "He doesn't know anything."

"Too late," she said, pressing the 'send' button on her phone. I gaped at her and she scoffed. "I text faster than your witty comebacks." I didn't resist the childish impulse to lunge at her to take her phone, and I growled when I failed. "Look! A text back!" Raine's eyes scanned the text quickly and froze where she stood. I snatched the black phone from her hands and I did the same exact thing.

Ask Vivi and watch her blush.

"You are the most improper gentleman I've ever met!" I yelled at the phone before giving it back to Raine. "You and your fucking chivalry!" I started stomping around, knocking over chairs and shouting at the top of my lungs as many strings of profanities as my mind could think up.

"Someone is being overdramatic," Raine said, holding her phone at a strange angle. "And blushing like mad."

"I'm angry! I don't blush!"

"You aren't angry; you're infatuated."

"Raine! I don't even know what that feels like!" I shouted, and flopped onto my bed. "Hate? Anger? No problem. Love? Infatuation? No."

"When are you going to tell me what happened?" she asked, hopping onto my bed next to my and lounging on her stomach, still holding her phone awkwardly.

"I kissed John last night," I said quietly, and her joking tone disappeared. "It was like being in Elysium, and when I woke up I was back in the Underworld. Do you even know Greek mythology? Does that make sense? Ugh, it sounds even worse than I thought it would. Will you stop messing with your phone? It's driving me insane."

"Okay," she said, tapping a few things on the screen before putting it in her back pocket. "You should talk to him. The longer you wait the more awkward it'll be."

"I can't," I said, burying my face into my pillow.

"Well, he's coming up the stairs now, so you may want to start figuring something out."