Become

Something came over me, and I spent the entire weekend composing rather dark music and I became the bane of Raine's existence. It happened occasionally, and it was usually random, but I knew it wasn't so random this time.

"You need to leave this room," she said for the hundredth time, picking up an empty bottle of booze by the neck with her thumb and pointer finger. "Or at least shower. You reek like an old transient man."

"Can't you see I'm busy?" I asked, pointing lamely at the pencil scribbles on the lined paper on the wooden stand above the keys. After yet another stern scowl, I sighed and slumped my shoulders. "Fine. Only because you asked so nicely."

"You haven't eaten at all, either," she said, and slung her backpack over her shoulder. "I'm bringing you back something and if you don't eat it, I'll shove it down your miserable throat."

"I'd love to see you try," I muttered miserably, playing a melancholy chord.

"What was that?"

"Nothing," I said louder and in an overly polite tone. "I'm going to take a shower."

"You'd better," Raine said in her exasperated voice, and closed the door behind her.

True to my word, I picked out some clean clothes and trudged to the bathrooms, my different soaps in a plastic basket in my hand and my cigarettes and lighter in the other. I really did smell awful. Showering in a common bathroom made me uneasy at first, but after a month it wasn't so bad. The hot water washed most of the ash and grime from my skin and I had to scrub the rest off with a loofa and soap. Shampoo took the grease out of my hair and I dried my hands before lighting a cigarette and letting the water hit the back of my head and run down my back.

Shortly after the smoke mingled with the steam of the shower, the smoke alarms went off. I grimaced and stayed where I was. I was so out of it I forgot Raine and I disabled the one in our room and kept a window open. The door to the bathroom slammed open and I heard a girl growl irritably and shout out to her friends.

"It's that stupid Cross girl smoking in the bathroom again!" I let out a half-hearted laugh and started humming "Smoking in the Boys Room" quietly to myself. "I know, the administrators don't do anything. Daddy just pays them off and she gets whatever she wants..." The voice faded away and I was alone again. I turned off the shower, dried myself off and pulled clean clothes on. Out of spite, I lit another cigarette in the hallway and set off the alarms again minutes after the custodians turned off the first alarm, and laughed out loud.

Raine waited for me in our dorm room, sitting on her bed and reading the newest issue of Cosmopolitan. Well, more like viciously turning the pages and muttering. A croissant and a plain black coffee waited for me on my desk, and I recognized the back of Mr. Arthur sitting on my piano stool.

"What are you doing here?" I asked in a clipped tone and stood in the doorway. John spun around and his stern expression matched Raine's perfectly.

"Evacuating students," he answered seriously. "After we heard another student complaining about you, Raine invited me to talk to you."

"About what?" I asked innocently, taking a long drag of my cigarette and brushing past him to get to my coffee and croissant. "Don't you have teacher things to do?" Irritation clawed at my chest every time I looked at the concerned professor. Worry lines creased his forehead and the expression he wore gave him crow's feet at the corners of his eyes, and his frown made his smile lines look more prominent.

"I think we should cut her off, don't you?" he asked Raine, picking up one of my empty bourbon bottles. "Out of professional obligation, of course. Now that I'm aware of an underage student drinking, I can't possibly allow it to continue."

"Don't you dare," I seethed through clenched teeth and a bite of croissant. "It's a phase; if you don't let me go through it, I'll be trapped in it."

John sighed in a hopeless and conflicted way. Part of him must have understood, but the other told him to put a stop to it. Instead of continuing to argue with me, he simply stood up and left, slamming the door behind him.

"Jerk," I snapped moments later, and took another bite of my pastry. "John has a lot of personal concern for me. It's...disturbing."

"You're one of his students, of course he's concerned," Raine reasoned, returning her attention to her magazine and actually reading the pages this time. I mulled over her comment for some time, letting her read her magazine. Perhaps I overthought his kindness. He did say he played favorites, and this was a natural side effect of such favoritism.

Now everything began to make sense. The source of my odd mood dissipated and I felt more like my old self. Raine smiled when she saw me cleaning up the collateral of my bad mood in her peripheral vision. Did you really think someone could feel something for you? My subconscious taunted me about my reasoning for being in such a rotten state for nearly forty-eight hours. He doesn't like you. You're his student. You can stop worrying now. I suppose I was being too cautious and without a good reason.

"I think I'm going to go lay out on the lawn," I said, dumping my ashtray out into the trash. "With more coffee, and to look at the leaves. Are you coming?"

"Do you want me to?" Raine asked, setting her magazine down on her lap.

"Of course I do," I said, a little surprised she would ask something like that. "Coffee is on me. Save us a spot." With that, I left the dormitory and headed to the coffee shop.

* * *

Viviana was...different, if I wanted to be kind. Fucking weird was more accurate. She would complain about how boring her classes were, and then proceed to avidly complete homework ridiculously early. She claimed her voice and body were her living, since she planned on acting, and then goes into slumps where she drinks and smokes constantly. No one liked her, and for good reason. Rarely did Vivi have something encouraging or nice to say, and if she did, it was about herself. When she introduced herself to me just over a month ago, I realized it was a show of intimidation, as if she could scare me off and have her own dorm.

Somehow she grew on me, though. There was something to be said about being liked by someone who hates everyone. Vivi reminded me of a villain forced to be evil; it was obvious she had some kind of issues growing up, and she acted the way she did for a reason, but I didn't dare ask. Mr. Arthur, on the other hand, could probably get it out of her. Not even Vivi could resist spilling the beans when that slice of beefcake smiled.

I had the foresight to bring a blanket to lie on the grass, and waited for Vivi to return with coffee. The midday sun cut the cold, but barely. Its pale light was no match for the coming winter. A young woman who I recognized as Vivi's older sister approached me with her bouncing blonde curls and cashmere sweater. Penny really was the perfect college student: she looked the part, she acted the part and most girls paled next to her natural beauty, even Vivi.

"Hello," I greeted, but Penny didn't seem to be in a mood to have casual conversation. She folded her arms and leaned all of her weight onto one leg. I liked to call it the "bitch stance."

"Request a different roommate," she said, and I lifted my eyebrows in question. "She's no good for anyone."

"I think that's up to me to decide," I said, and Penny sighed impatiently. "Vivi is my friend."

"Viviana doesn't have friends," she snapped. "Our parents spent a lot of time making sure she didn't inflict her obnoxious attitude on other people. No one likes a stuck up know-it-all." This conversation struck an immediately bad chord and my tone turned sour.

"No one likes a stuck-up bitch either," I retorted. "I'm not requesting a new roommate, so scram and talk shit about your sister to someone stupid enough to believe you." Penny's jaw dropped, and scoffed before turning haughtily on her heel and stalking away in a very Viviana-like way. "That's right, walk away Miss Prissy Pants."

* * *

I watched and listened as Raine used quite forceful language with Penny Cross, and smiled to myself. Vivi needed a friend like Raine. It wasn't difficult to see why I was so interested in Viviana Cross; her talent was promising, and she was very clever. While the students on campus didn't favor her, all of her professors praised her intelligence, myself included. For whatever reason I made her nervous. I've been told I'm an attractive man, but that didn't seem like something that would affect someone like Vivi. Something else was bothering her. Was it my concern for her well-being?

After another few moments of pondering, I returned to the ungraded papers resting on the concrete picnic table. Perhaps the Shakespeare play coming up in December would cheer her up. In the meantime, I would have to find interesting and complex characters for her to take on, even if only to distract her. Young women liked to be distracted, and a man couldn't distract this particular young woman.