Heaven Help Us

I scanned the lunchroom for a place to sit. It was a usual high school, so it was sectioned off into pretty typical cliques. There were the jocks and the cheerleaders, the kids who were cool and didn't join sports, the band geeks, the nerd, and so on, but I didn't know anyone and I was having a hard time finding a place to sit, I mean one wrong move and you're stuck with some airhead trying to be your best friend. After a couple of moments debating, I decided to just eat lunch outside.

The campus was pretty nice, there were lots of trees and places for me to sit. It was practically deserted, so I sat in the nearest empty corner and opened my brown paper bag letting the aroma or peanut butter and bananas fill my nose and cause my stomach to turn into a whale trying to mate.

As I ate I decided that I would catch up on comics I had missed, that is until a long thin shadow blocked the sunlight. I waited a moment before I looked up thinking it was a bully or something. I had tried my best to avoid these sort of situations, but somehow they always scoped me out. I looked up expecting a snobby girl or some cocky guy with a bad mullet, but I was surprised to see a scrawny tall kid with glasses that sat right at the tip of his nose and looked as if they were going to fall off. He had mousy brown hair that was parted in the middle and really masculine facial features. I didn't speak, I just waited for him to say something.

"Um," he started, his voice sounded shaky and he stared at the ground," I don't mean to interrupt you, but my friends and I usually sit here, I mean it's okay if you stay, but I just didn't wanna intrude."

'How cute' I thought. He was literally the most adorable thing I had seen since I moved to this hell hole. I smiled and shook my head, letting him know it was okay to sit down with me.

"I'm Michael, but all my friends call me-"

"Mikey!" A voice called from right next to me, I jumped a little and turned to see a short, averaged sized boy with raven hair that was spiked in the back. He wore a Black Flag t-shirt and ripped jeans that were well beyond faded and black converse that looked like bleach had splashed a little on the sides.

He walked over and started rambling about something before he even acknowledged me.

"Who's that?" He half whispered.

Mikey looked confused, probably because we hadn't even had a chance to get eachother's names before he walked over.

"Eliza," I said with a smile, "Eliza Toro-Ortiz," I used my last name in hopes that they new Ray.

"Frank," The shorter boy said with a half smile. It was the kind that could make a girl putty in his hands. I smiled back nervously and shook his hand, noticing that, 'Oh my god, he has hazel eyes!'

"Toro..." Mikey started, "Toro...are you related to Ray?" he said causing me to break my gaze from Frank.

"Mhm," I nod, "we're cousins."

"Really?" Frank asked, " you look nothing alike."

"His mom and my mom are sisters, but my dad's Italian." I said running my fingers through my hair, which was at the time a bright red.

"I have a couple of classes with him and we hang out from time to time, he's pretty cool." Mikey finished.

"Really? I barely know him. I just met him about a week ago."

They both gave me weird looks, "My family isn't close." I explained.

"Oh, well yeah, he's pretty cool, plays guitar mostly. My brother knows him better though."

Weird. I hadn't seen Ray leave the house since I had been there. I didn't think he had any friends.

By the end of the lunch period I was starting to really like Mikey and Frank. Mikey was a really weird comic book nerd who had amazing taste in music, and Frank was a punk rocker who was in a band, he invited me to his band practice at the end of the week, which Mikey told me was always fun, so I told him I'd come if Ray said he'd take me.

Mikey showed me to my locker and waved back as I was headed to my next class.

"24-37-12..." I said to myself as I tried to open my locker. After about three tries I managed to get it open. Just as I did, someone walked next to me. I couldn't really see his face because of the door, but I could see his hands were really pale, and despite wearing all black, I could see he was fat-I usually don't use that word, but that's what he was-. He was breathing heavily and reeked of sweat, speed stick and something I didn't recognize. I held my breath as I quickly searched for my Algebra II book. Once I found it, I rushed to class.

"204." I said aloud, matching the numbers on my schedule to numbers on the door. I took a deep breath and walked into the rowdy classroom. I guess since the bell hadn't rung everyone just did their own thing. I scanned for a place to sit before my eyes found an empty seat next to the window. I took that seat and was kinda happy I was sitting alone-that is until the bell rang and Ray walked in.

"Late again Toro?" The teacher asked. He was an older mean, probably in his mid-40's. He was really skinny with a white shirt, red plaid tie, pocket protector, and a stereotypical comb over. I don't understand why men just can't accept their baldness. It's kind of sad really.

Anyway, Ray made his way across the people in the room to where I was.

"This seat taken?" He asked like we weren't even related.

"Of course not."

I looked at him again. Frank was right, we didn't look alike, well at least not all that much. Ray's upward curled, red hair looked kinda like something out of a Frankenstein movie, while mine fell down to my shoulders. I had a much rounder face, and my nose was smaller and more pinched looking, thank god I grew out of it- I spend a lot of my childhood trying to create comebacks the 'oh-so-original Judy Jetson' remarks. My mouth was smaller, but just as full as Rays and we had the same eye colour. I mean you could tell we were related.

"So how was the first day?" Ray asked me once the ending bell rang, signaling it was time to go home.

"Good, I met two kids, they're pretty cool- Mikey and Frank-"

"I know Mikey, I've seen him a couple times when I was tutoring his brother."

"His brother goes here?"

"Yeah, but he's more of a loner ya' know, anyways they're okay I guess."

"Well Frank invited me to watch his band play tomorrow night, can you take me?"

"Sure, why not, it's not like I have plans or anything."

"I can't tell whether you're being sarcastic or not." I said stopping just before we hit the car.

"Te llevaré(I'll take you).."

"¡Gracias!" I said hugging him.

"No hay problema." He said getting in the driver's seat.

"Can I /please/ pick the music this time?" I asked going through his CDs.

"Go ahead."

I played Nirvana's 'In Utero' and went straight Heart-Shaped Box.

"Really?"

I just sang the lyrics really loudly, Ray eventually joined too. He has a surprisingly nice voice.

When we got home we both retreated to our separate rooms. I didn't want to bother him seeing as he had already driven me home and I was sure he didn't want his kid cousin bothering him on a Fridays night. That's how it was back home, all my cousins pushed me away because I was the youngest and they didn't want me tagging along. Actually, my whole family back home was pretty distant except for on holidays.That's why I surprised when a knock came at the door.

"Come in!" I called from my bed.

"Hey," Ray said from the doorway, "I was playing Mario 64 in my room, I thought you might wanna play."

"Sure, but I call first."

"You can't call first, it's my game."

"But I'm a guest."

"You're family."

I paused for a second, staring at Ray, and then I jumped up in an effort to beat him to his room.

The rest of the night we just loafed around his room playing games, listening to metal, and eating a ton of junk food. I told him about the kid who was next to my locker and he just snickered.

"If it's a problem, just let him know before it gets really bad and you need a gas mask."

"I don't wanna be mean about it, I don't even know the kid."

"Then just leave him a note or something."

That sounded like a good idea, I mean if his feelings were hurt he wouldn't have known it was me.

[Gerard]
"You're not going out tonight sweetie?"

I shook my head and tried to concentrate on my drawing.

"I really wish you'd at least come out of this basement, it's so dark and-"

"I'm fine mom, really, I like being alone."

She didn't say anything else, just walked out, shutting the door behind her.

I looked back at my drawing, it sucked. I mean, I'm a good artist, but the girl I was drawing, it looked, for lack of a better word, lifeless. No emotion, just blank. I crumpled the paper up and tossed my notebook on the bed. I went to the bathroom and looked in the mirror. I was still fat. I groaned lightly and went back into my room. Most guys my age would be out with a girl tonight, but what am I doing? Sitting at home waiting for my little brother to get home from work. Yes, he had a job. He got to meet people. Me? I barely ever left the house.

"You're never gonna be cool, you won't have a girlfriend, and you'll probably die under your own weight you fat, fuck." I said to myself.

I shook my head and headed back to my room guided only by the sliver of light that peaked through my tiny window. I went over to my desk and found my stash of booze, pills, and cigarettes underneath my art supplies in the bottom drawer.

I grabbed the bottle of whiskey that I stole from my dad a couple of weeks and held it up. I undid the sticky lid and took a large gulp. It burned my chest. I hate warm liquor. It was like swallowing a flame, but I would've done anything to numb the pain. I grabbed the bottle of pills and washed them down with yet another big gulp. I just started doing that. It was a desperate attempt at peace at one point, but I made it a part of my regular routine.

The room began to spin and I got lightheaded, it wasn't soon before I was passed out on the bed. It wasn't ideal, but it sure as hell beat the sadness.