Heaven Help Us

[Gerard]

It had been almost a week since Eliza and I were alone together and I was actually looking forward to seeing her. It was even nice to see her by the lockers because she would always smile and say hi or something-it wasn't to common in my day.

It was Thursday and I was having a pretty okay day. Nobody had picked on me and I got to talk to Eliza and Mikey a little bit before school, so yeah it was going okay. That is, until last period. I opened my locker as Eliza walked away and out fell seven pictures. I picked them up and looked at them. They were all of Nicole. She was barely dressed in the first one. Thinking them a 'present' for me I kept flipping through them. When I got to the third or fourth one, I saw her straddling on Ryan, they were obviously fucking. The rest of them were her doing random things. I felt like someone had ripped out my heart. I pushed the pictures back into my locker and went to class feeling like shit.

After school I saw Ryan, he kept smirking and glaring at me. He always knew I liked Nicole, ever since the end of eighth grade when I asked her to homecoming, she said no of course, and after then she was always Ryan's girl.

"Hey fatass!" He called across the yard.

I pretended I didn't hear him and kept walking.

"I know you heard me piggy,"

I winced at the nickname, but kept walking until I saw Mikey.

"How'd you like the pictures I took for you?"

I stopped.

"That got your attention,"

I didn't turn around, I just stood there.

"Brendon said he saw you guys together," he said with his voice getting closer, "I just came over to tell you to stay the hell away from /my/ girl, you hear me? She's mine."

I felt something wet on my face. 'Please god don't be crying' I thought as I clutched the straps of my backpack.

"You wanna know what we do? We sit around and talk about how pathetic you are and fuck, you hear me? We /fuck/. Something you'll never know about, but I can give you an example."

He started making moaning noises just like Nicole makes when we're together. I started walking off then. I walked right past Mikey and just sat in my car. He got in and we both drove off in silence. No music. No talking. Just silence.

When I got home I didn't say anything to anybody. I just went to my room and locked the door.

'She fucking used you' I said to myself as I paced back and fourth. She was probably having a good laugh with Ryan right then. Who the fuck was I kidding to think a girl like that could /ever/ like me. I flopped down on my bed which was covered with newly folded laundry.

"Who the fuck was I kidding," I said aloud.

I picked up the two bottles the I usually made my 'coctails' out of and sat them on the desk. I didn't wanna feel anymore-no I didn't wanna live anymore. I didn't wanna wake up tomorrow. What did I have to live for? I could already see my future: a middle aged guy, fat and alone, probably working in a comic book shop like that guy on The Simpsons. Yeah, that was how it'd turn out and I didn't want that. I was tired of being bullied, I was tired of being used, I was just tired and I wanted to sleep for a long time.

I poured the bottle of pills into my hand and swallowed maybe eight of them, followed by a long drink from my bottle. Bad idea.

My chest was /burning/ . It had never felt like that. I felt my head spin and everything went blurry. I looked up at the ceiling and heard my favourite aunt's voice, but she had died when I was 16. I saw her warm face wet with tears. I got scared then, but it was so peaceful. Then out of nowhere she disappeared and I heard all these voices and my body began to shake. The voices were all yelling and shrieking at once, telling me to come with them. I just wanted to sleep.

[Eliza]

I was asleep when I got a call from Mikey.

"Hello?"

"Liza he's gone!" He practically yelled.

"Who?"

"He's gone!" He just cried harder.

"Who Mikey? Who's gone."

"Gerard, he killed hisself!"

My heart sank, "Are you sure Mikey?"

"Yes I'm fucking sure! We're at the hospital now, my mom won't even let me see him."

"Mikey I'll be right there."

I hung up on the still sobbing Mikey and snuck into Ray's room.

"Ray!" I said feeling tears swell in my own eyes. I shook him really hard, "Ray!"

He say up and looked around sleepily, "What?"

"I-it's Gerard, Mikey called and said he tried to-or he did-he killed himself."

He shot up, "What the fuck?"

"The Way's are at the hospital, please take me Ray. /Please/."

He didn't even say anything. Just got up and we both rushed to the door.

At the hospital we saw Frank holding Mikey in the lobby. I rushed over, nearly slipping on my shoes which were wet with rain.

"Is he okay?"

Frank just shook his head.

I sat next to Mikey and hugged him, "Mikey it's going to be okay."

"It's not your brother laying in a hospital bed."

"Did they say for sure if he was..."

"No, but I know Gerard, he never half asses anything."

"How could he do this to me?" He said sounding more angry than sad.

"Mikey I'm sure he-"

"Had a good reason? What reason could ever be good enough for this?"

I was speechless as I let go of him. I got up and went to look in the window. I saw Gerard's mother standing next to me.

"Is he going to be okay?"

"The doctor said he will if he survives the night, but-"

Tears began to roll down her face, his dad walked over and hugged her. I felt bad. Like I had said something wrong. I just looked back in on Gerard. His face all purple and red. It brought tears to my eyes that fell to my shirt. I walked down the hall and into a bathroom and shut off the lights. I knelt in a corner and did something I had never. /ever/ done.

'Dear god...'