Heaven Help Us

She turned away from me and wiped her face.

"I was really worried about you Gerard,"

I felt a weird feeling in my stomach. I had never seen a girl cry, I never made a girl cry before. I felt guilty.

"We were all worried about you, have you seen your little brother lately?" She said sounding a little more angry than before.

"I didn't know what else to do." My voice sounded softer and weak.

"Gerard, you're not as alone as you think, you have Mikey and Frank and Ray..and me."

I didn't answer. I mean what could I have said? I just sat there sulking. Until I felt two arms around me. The smell of raspberries filled my nose and the warmth of her body made me feel...I don't know, just different. We parted slightly and I felt her staring at me. I don't know what came over me, but the next thing I know I was kissing her! I kissed her. I pulled away quickly and headed up the stairs quickly. I always managed to fuck things up. She and I could've been really good friends but I had to go and kiss her. She probably thought I was a creep or something. I mean one minute we're talking about me almost killing myself and the next I practically rape her face. What is the mater with me!

[Eliza]

My stomach was in knots. I couldn't believe what just happened. I placed my fingers on my lips and stared into the darkness. I didn't know how to react, I mean I liked it, but I was with Frank. Or at least he thought I was, in actuality I never really-what am I talking about I was his fucking girlfriend. I was his girlfriend and I just kissed his bestfriend's brother, and I liked it.

Dinner that night was awkward to say the least. Gerard was avoiding me. He started avoiding me for two weeks after. I was kind of disappointed. I really wanted to talk to him, but every time I did he either walked off or ignored me. I hope he didn't think I didn't like him or something. I figured I'd just focus on Frank's party to keep my mind preoccupied.
***

"This is gonna be fun," Ray said fixing the fangs in his mouth. He was going as a werewolf, a suggestion made by me because of his hair, "I've never been to a party before."

"A senior and a party virgin?"

"How many parties have /you/ been to?"

"Zero, but I'm still a Junior, I have time to catch up."

"Well, I'm losing my party virginity tonight, that counts for something."

I shrugged and went back to fixing the laces on my boots.

"What are you supposed to be anyway?"

"GI Jane."

"I thought Halloween was the only time of year girls got to dress skanky and get away with it."

"Well I don't have anything skanky."

"I bet Frankie wouldn't mind you showing up as a hooker," He joked.

"Not funny."

I looked in the mirror. Maybe I could sexy it up a little bit.

"What do you think I should do?"

He placed his finger on his chin,"Wait here."

I peeked down the hall to see Ray talking to his older brother's Girlfriend, Nessa. She lived with us, but I didn't speak to her too often. Not that there was any bad blood between us, but we just weren't friends. She was 23 I was 17 so it was understandable.

I went back into Ray's room when he started walking back. He tossed me something and smirked.

"What's this?"

"You're gonna be a hooker."

"You lent me Nicole's clothes?"

"No! I mean for Frank's party. I think it'd be pretty funny to see Frank's face when you show up in this."

"Aren't you supposed to yell at me for dressing like this?"

"Yeah, on days other than this one."

I rolled my eyes and went into the closet to change. I felt naked. The black and red corset-like top was a bit too tight and so were the matching hotpants. I was a fishnet away from being a real street walker.

"How do I look?"

"Like you have an STD,"

"Why thank you." I said smirking.

I went over to the mirror and teased my hair.

"You ready?"

I grabbed my little bottle of pills and nodded.

"Take one before we leave, that way if you drink you wont die."

I hated when Ray monitored my meds. I mean I knew it was out of love but it was kind of annoying, but I took the pill and we walked out together.

Frank's house was a bit too quiet for it to be a party, then again, Frank was an only child with few friends. When he opened the door it turned out that it was mostly members of Frank's family, Mikey, Ray, me, and...Gerard? Nicole was there too, but she looked unamused.

"Happy birthday!" I said as Frank stood there gawking.

"Um thanks..."

"What are you supposed to be?"

" Frankenstien..." He said as if it were obvious. Which is kinda was, but I didn't wanna assume.

"Very clever," Ray said sarcastically.

"I got you a present," I said handing him the black box that contained the custom guitar picks that I had made and the strings that I bought a week before.

"Are you going to let us in?"

"Oh, yeah," He said moving to the side.

Ray walked in, but Frank stopped me.

"What?"

"Nothing, you just uh, you look nice."

"Thanks," I said knowing he didn't mean nice.

I stepped in and found Mikey, who nearly choked on his soda.

"Hey Mikes."

He was coughing really hard, so he just waved. I looked at Gerard. Nicole was sitting on his lap running her fingers through his hair.

"Hi Gerard,"

He just smiled and kept his eyes to the table.

The party was pretty fun, we played random games and watched Frank open his presents.

"I can't wait to see what I get to unwrap later?" He whispered in my ear.

I knew it was just a joke, but I still felt weird.

Gerard and Nicole disappeared somewhere, probably to fuck in a bathroom, and his family had left pretty much. It was just Mikey, Frank, Ray and me.

"So, how does it feel to be almost an adult?" I asked holding the stuffed bear that his aunt had given him.

"Like I wanna do everything I'm not old enough to do."

"What'd you have in mind?" I said raising an eyebrow.

He reached under the sofa and pulled out a bottle of vodka.

"Stole it from my dad's place."

"How punk," Ray said sarcastically.

"Shut up, it's very badass," I said sounding comforting.

He stuck his tongue out and started uncapping the bottle.

"You guys, what if we get caught?" Mikey said fixing his glasses.

"We wont, besides everyone's asleep." Frank said handing him the opened bottle.

"Why do I have to drink first?"

"Because I want you to."

They went back and fourth before finally I just grabbed the bottle and took a drink.

"There," I said handing it to Ray.

He took a drink, then Frank and finally Mikey.

It was a lot of fun. Until I drank a little too much and the room started spinning. I think I had drank the most between the four of us. Old habits die hard, or rather, they don't die at all. Just lay there silently for the worst moment.

[Gerard]

"Fuck!"

I looked down at her. The way her body squirmed as she was pinned to the wall was-it made me sick. I kept my eyes on the ceiling. I never felt more...used.

"That was fun..." She said pulling her skirt down.

"Where is she?" A voice boomed from down stairs.

"Shit!" She said panicking.

"What?"

"That's Ryan, he'll kill the both of us-"

"You told me you two weren't together."

"We're not...when he's not around."

We heard footsteps.

"I gotta get out."

"Where the fuck are you gonna go? We're on the second floor."

She looked around, "Help me out of the window."

I shook my head and walked over. She shimmied out while I held her hands.

"Okay let go,"

"You'll fall."

"Just fucking let go!"

I got so annoyed and just let her go.

"Ow!" She said as she hit the ground.

[Eliza]

"What was that?" I said looking out the window.

Ryan walked over and pulled the shades up. "shit!"

I looked over at Frank and started giggling.

"What?" He said barely able to keep his balance.

"You're drunk!"

*****
[Gerard]

"I really am sorry," I said for the thousandth time.

"It's okay really," She said sitting her crutches on my locker, "just a broken foot."

"Let me make it up to you,"

"Gerard, I have to go."

"Alright, call me later?"

"Yeah,"

I leaned in for a kiss,

"Not in public,"

She inched away and I just sighed. Something had to change.