Heaven Help Us

Almost a month had passed since I had spent one day without hanging out with Gerard after school. My usual schedule consisted of Gerard and I leaving to go to his house or get coffee and talking for hours about anything and everything. He knew almost everything about me and I found out more about him. I felt this really weird connection with him, something that I never felt with anyone else, not even Frank. Speaking of Frank, I hadn't seen much of him lately, mainly because of Gerard and I hanging out, but also because he and I were arguing so much lately.He thought Gerard and I were, well to put it in nicer words-doing something more than just hanging out. Can you believe that? I told him almost a 1000 times that he and I were just friends but he never listened. And maybe he was right. I couldn't deny that there was something more to me hanging out with Gerard than me just wanting to be friends. Not that I would cheat on Frank, but there was obviously something.

I sat on the foot of the bed next to Gerard. He was strumming away at his guitar and I was humming along Nora Jones style, muttering various lyrics that I came up with, something Frank and I used to do often.

"You know," he began while taking a drag from the cigarette in his hand.

I stopped singing and glanced over at him. A sliver of moonlight illuminating his face.

"I'm really glad you and I are hanging out."

"Really?" I asked moving my hair away from my face.

"Yeah, when I'm with you I feel..I dunno, normal. I guess that's a pretty dumb thing to say."

"No-I mean I feel the same way kinda."

He looked a little relieved," I was beginning to feel like a creep."

I laughed a little, "Why?"

"Because, I mean the way I feel-it's weird."

"What makes it weird?"

"Come on, look at you, why would you ever like someone like me?"

"You mean an extremely talented artist who likes all the same things as me and is, well, one of the cutest guys I know."

"You don't mean that."

"Yes I do,"

I touched his hand and he leaned in making my eyes flutter shut.

He sat his guitar on the floor and stood up.

"This is wrong."

"What?"

"I'm not supposed to have these feelings-not when your boyfriend is my brother's best friend."

"Gerard I-"

"No, I think you should leave," He said grabbing my jacket.

"I don't get it, did I do-"

"No, you just need to go."

I grabbed my jacket from him and walked towards the stairs. I didn't understand what I did, but he seemed really upset so I just left.

[Gerard]

I sighed and ran my fingers through my hair. I know it's weird but I felt guilty for liking Eliza. She and I had so much in common and I never felt that way about another girl, but I was already ruining one relationship, I couldn't ruin another. Besides Frank's a nice kid. I almost consider him a friend, I can't do something like that to him.

I walked to my desk and held the bottle of pills in my hand. Thoughts were flooding my head. I just couldn't get the look on her face out of my head. I mean why should everyone get to be happy but me? When would it be my turn. I thought about Nicole and how she was using me. I'm not stupid, I knew from the moment we fucked that she was using me, at least a part of me did, another part of me wanted to believe she really liked me and I convinced myself that she really did, but why would she. I was nothing compared to Ryan.

I was in tears when I took the first two pills. I took a shot of vodka and did those two interchangeably until I blacked out.

[Eliza]

"Can you please just drop it!" I begged Frank, who kept insisting that Gerard and I were doing more than just drawing.

"Why are you so defensive about it?"

"I'm not, I just wish you'd drop the subject."

"Alright, I'll drop it, only if you can honestly tell me that he's never tried anything."

"He hasn't, we're just friends Frank. You know I only love you."

His face softened, "I'm sorry, it's just that you're so amazing and I would hate to lose you-"

"You won't, can we please just drop this now?"

He didn't say anything, just walked out and shut the door.

I reached over on the nightstand and grabbed my pills. I took two and laid in the down to drift off into my nightmare.