Painting Flowers

I glanced down and blinked at our joined hands, Alex's fingertips pressed against the back of my hand. It was weird, but not unpleasant. I gulped, looking over at Alex, but I could tell that he was too busy in watching as the sky came alive. He loved science and astronomy, so I knew that interrupting his thoughts to ask about /why the hell are you holding my hand/ would end up badly. And so I just remained lying down, staring into the abyss of forever above me whilst my mind was racing.

"Oh, kiss me, beneath the milky twilight..." Alex sang quietly about five minutes later, his voice causing me to jolt up slightly. But I still didn't let go of his hand; I just tilted my head over so I was looking at him. Alex was staring right back at me, his eyes wide and filled with some emotion that I couldn't pinpoint exactly. "Lead me, out on the moonlit floor. Lift your open hand, strike up the band and make the fireflies dance, silver moon sparkling..." he gulped, biting his lip. "So kiss me."

And god, at that moment, I really wanted to. I found my eyes trailing their way to his lips, noticing for the first time how pink and soft they looked, how they would feel against my own, how I only had to lean forwards and close my eyes, then we /would/ be kissing...

But no. Friends didn't kiss each other, especially not best friends. That was gay. And I was /not/ gay.

Instead, I gulped, smiling at him, and said, "It's kind of cold, isn't it? I should've brought a jacket or something, haha..."

Alex couldn't hide his disappointment, his shoulders falling slightly as he sighed, tearing his gaze away from mine and nodding. I did want to kiss him. Oh god, I wanted to kiss my best fucking friend. That wasn't normal. But I couldn't stop thinking about his lips now, all puffy and pink and soft-looking, and they would feel amazing against mine, if I could just reach over and-

"You can see Orion," Alex said quietly. His hand was still joined with mine, and I realised with a sudden swooping sensation in my chest that maybe Alex wanted to kiss me, too. But why wouldn't he just go ahead and do it? Anyway, he lifted his free hand and pointed to this big constellation above my head and to my right, so that I had to tilt my face to look at it properly. It didn't look like anything great, but now I had my head propped against Alex's, and I turned over so that I could look at him instead of the stars above our heads.

He did have a really nice face. I was letting my mind drift, and I was beginning to think about things I hadn't ever thought about before. Like how his lips were open slightly, how his eyes glinted with the reflection of the moon to our left, how his dark hair was strewn across his forehead wildly, and how nose wasn't too big, nor too small, but just perfect, and- yeah, this wasn't the most heterosexual thing I'd ever thought about before.

Alex turned to look at me again, probably going to call me out for not paying attention to him, but widened his eyes when he realised how close I was to him. Our noses were pressed together, our mouths only a couple of inches apart. If I could only just reach forward, join our lips together, then we'd be kissing... and that's what I wanted. I'm guessing that's what Alex wanted, too, because now he'd brought his free hand up and his fingers took to trailing across my cheek, and, yeah, this felt nice. This felt really nice. I wasn't sure if I was even breathing anymore, my whole awareness was focused on Alex as his eyes fell to stare at my lips, then he licked his own, and /oh god/ now he was leaning forwards, his mouth almost grazing mine, and we were really going to do this...

"Alex!" a voice yelled from somewhere behind me, bringing me out of this total anticipation and slamming back down to reality. "Are you up here?"

I watched as Alex closed his eyes lightly, and he whispered, "shit". His lips were so close to mine that I could feel his breath against my mouth, and it left a tingling sensation on my skin as Alex pulled away and sat up. "Yeah," he said, clearing his throat before continuing, "yeah, hi, I'm up here. I was, uh, just showing Jack the sunset."

"Well, dinner's ready!" the voice replied, and I noticed it was Alex's mom. I bit my lower lip, watching Alex rake a hand through his hair and sigh. "Would Jack like to stay and have something to eat?"

He looked down at me (I was still lying on the roof, my eyes wide from what we'd just nearly done) and whispered, "do you want to?"

'I want to kiss you, yes,' I thought, but shook my head and said, "No, uh, I, um... I'd better be getting back to have my dinner, too... th- thanks anyway, though..."

Alex gulped, nodding, turning back to his mom and saying, "Jack's got to go back home to have his own food."

"Oh, alright," Isobel said. "I'll leave the light on in the loft so that you two boys can get back down." And then I heard footsteps go back down the stairs, and Alex and I were left in the most awkward silence I've ever had to endure.

"So, um..." Alex said after a while, looking down and staring at our hands, still tightly joined. He nibbled at the inside of his mouth for a minute.

A sudden idea came to me. "'Lex, you wanna come to a party with me tomorrow?"

This struck Alex as unexpected, as he furrowed his eyebrows at me. "What? Whose party?"

"My friend, Danny's," I said, sitting up so that I was across from him, our jean-clad knees touching. I brought our hands to rest on my thigh, holding tightly on to Alex's fingers as if to say, 'can we please try kissing again?'. "He plays for the football team, tall guy, you know him?"

"Uh, yeah," he said, his eyes glued to our hands. I smirked slightly. "I just don't like him is all."

"Doesn't matter," I shrugged. "He called me when I got home from school and asked if I wanted to come and he said I could bring a friend, so... y'know, I wouldn't pick anyone besides you."

Alex grinned at this beneath his thick fringe. "Yeah. Uh, yeah, okay. Thanks."

"'S fine," I said. "I'll come in for you at, like, nine. Okay?"

"Yeah," he nodded. "I've, uh, got to go in now for dinner. Sorry."

"No, that's alright. Everyone's got to eat, yeah? Well, apart from models," I added in an attempt to lighten the mood. Apparently it worked, 'cause Alex laughed and shook his head at me as he stood up, pulling me with him by our joined hands, still clasped together tightly.

I only let go of Alex's hands to wrap my arms around him in a hug, nuzzling my nose against his ear and smirking as I heard a happy murmur come from Alex. We stood like that for a while, hugging on top of his house like there was nobody else in the world. For us right there, there wasn't. It was just us; two kids, confused and hopeful.