Painting Flowers

Alex told me to stay at his that night, so we stayed up talking until two am about what music we both liked, and common interests between video games. To my total and utter horror, Alex had never played Spyro or Crash Bandicoot.

"You've got to be kidding," I breathed, my eyes wide when he told me (we weren't allowed to talk too loudly, as his parents were sleeping next door. My family were surprisingly fine with me staying with a strange new friend). "Oh my god, you've never played Crash Bandicoot or Spyro?"

"Nope," Alex whispered, shaking his head. "I know Spyro's the one with the little fox guy, and Crash Bandicoot's the one with the purple and yellow dragon, right?"

"No!" I hissed, smirking. "Spyro's the dragon, Crash Bandicoot is, surprisingly, a fucking bandicoot. I genuinely can't believe you've never played them, like, what the hell!? You're staying at mine tomorrow, alright? And we'll play video games that you've been missing out on until the sun comes up."

I saw Alex grinning beside me in the dark. "I like having you as a friend. You're rude enough, but just to the point where it's friendly and it doesn't hurt, and I know you don't mean it when you call me a dickhead. And you're funny. You're really funny, actually, I'm not used to laughing so much all the time."

"Thank you," I smirked. "You're a good listener, 'cause you put up with my boring stories, which make other people want to shoot me."

"You're my best friend," Alex whispered, and I widened my eyes slightly, staring at the outline of his body in the darkness. "Oh, wait, shit, was that too soon? I'm sorry..."

"No, no..." I murmured. "It's just... I've never had a best friend before. People hate me."

"I don't hate you," Alex said softly, shuffling over to sit beside me, our knees touching. I smiled. "I think you're awesome. Sucks how we got off to a bit of a bad start, but we can just pretend that never happened, right?"

"Yeah, sure," I said, and I found myself grinning. "Hey, what other games have you never played? I want to make fun of you some more."

Alex laughed quietly. "Uh, Simpson's hit and run? The Sims?"

"Woah, really?" I asked, and he nodded sheepishly. "The Simpson's hit and run was my childhood. I'm not too sure about the Sims, my sister loved that one, but I loved making characters and then setting their homes on fire. It's strangely relaxing."

Alex covered his mouth with his hands and burst into laughter, shaking his head and staring at me. He ran a hand through his hair, grinning, and said, "God, that's so weird. You're gonna grow up to be a mass murderer, I bet, and all those characters you killed was just you getting ready and beginning training."

"Yeah, I was an early bloomer into the world of first-degree murder," I nodded, and Alex laughed again. "It's a fun life, Alex, trust me."

"I do," he said. "Oh, I bet it's wonderful time. Just killing people."

"And it's great for when you're pissed at people," I smirked. "Like, if someone forgets your birthday, you can just kill them! If your Algebra teacher gives you extra homework, kill her, too! It's the best way to get what you want."

Alex shook his head, smirking at me in the darkness. "You total weir-daaaaahhhhhhhhh..."

"You okay?"

"'M tired," he sighed, stretching his arms up above his head. "That was me yawning, by the way, not having an aneurysm."

"Oh," I said. "I dunno what an aneurysm is, but..."

"It's like this big massive clot in a blood vessel, and when it bursts, you sometimes have a stroke," Alex said, standing up and wandering over to his bed. I wasn't too sure whether to join him, or just lie on the floor.

"Oh, right," I nodded. "Um, where do I sleep?"

"If you just take off your clothes, then you can sleep in... there's a sleeping bag under my bed, you can use that. Actually, maybe keep your underwear on. It's just 'cause it gets awful hot and sweaty in there, and it'll suck if it makes your clothes get all stinky. It's not like I want you to get naked or anything, that'd be weird," Alex rambled, and I laughed, nodded, and pulled the sleeping bag out from underneath Alex's bed.

I lifted my shirt off and wiggled out of my jeans, shoving them into a little pile on the floor, so I was standing in just my boxers. I felt Alex staring at me, and I smiled at him, before awkwardly jumping into the sleeping bag and trying to zip myself up. I ended up falling over my own feet, and Alex laughed at me from his bed. I graciously told him to fuck off, and ended up curled in a little ball inside of the sleeping bag, drifting off to sleep with a nice feeling in the pit of my stomach. Maybe it was the relief that I'd made a new friend... or maybe it was something else.

~

"Jack?" a voice whispered into the silence, waking me up and causing me to jolt suddenly as my eyes flashed open, taking in the darkness around me. I looked around at the carpet that I was lying on for a few seconds, before gulping and sitting up and looking around. I could see that Alex was sitting up in bed, the outline of his arms wrapped tightly around his chest, and I smiled weakly at him, even though my head was spinning and he probably couldn't see me.

"Hi," I breathed, lifting a fist from inside the sleeping bag (which had unzipped during the night) I was apparently staying in and rubbing my eye with a fist and yawning. "Hi. What's the time? What's up?"

"Hi," Alex said quietly. I heard his mattress squeak as he shuffled around. "It's... it's half four."

"Ugh," I sighed, tilting my head back to look at the ceiling and frown. "Why're you up so early? We've got school tomorrow."

"I couldn't sleep," he whispered, and I brought my head forward to stare at him as he continued, "Bad dreams. I was just scared of being alone."

"Hey, you're not alone," I said softly. "I'm here. Albeit, a little tired and possible cranky tomorrow morning, but I'm here." Alex nodded. "So, um, what was your dream about?"

"It was..." he started, but sighed after a while, dropping his head to stare at the covers of his bed. "Can you come up here and I'll tell you? It's a little hard speaking all the way across my mattress."

"Sure," I nodded, forcing myself to stand up and blink the dizziness away. I carefully made my way over the clothes I'd shedded on the floor, tip-toeing over his carpet with the sleeping bag still huddled around me tightly. I eventually knelt down on top of his mattress, smiling nervously at Alex and bringing the cover tighter around my shoulders. "It's cold," I laughed awkwardly.

Alex nodded again. "Yeah," he murmured, and I crossed my legs. "Um... right, so should I elaborate on why I had bad dreams? Do you care?"

"'Course I care," I said, furrowing my eyebrows at him. "Dunno what elaborate means, but I care if you're upset by something. So tell me. Is it a girl getting you down?"

"No," he said quickly, shaking his head. "I've never had a girlfriend. It's..." Alex bit his lower lip. "I know it's a bit soon in our friendship to be sharing this, but I trust you, Jack, alright? Okay, basically... I had a brother, a few years ago, 's name was Tom. He was the best person I ever knew, genuinely, he was so funny and witty and he was just the most awesome big brother ever. But he died. He k- killed himself a few years ago, 'cause of me, and we were in the middle of this stupid fucking argument and he locked himself in his bedroom and shot himself. And ever since, I've hid this consuming and drowning sense of anxiety and just general fear that Tom died thinking I hated him. Which isn't true. I love him. So much. And I have these nightmares, all the fucking time, that he comes back as a ghost and- and he hates me, Jack, he says I'm a selfish bastard for making him kill himself, and I always try and say I'm sorry, but Tom doesn't want to even fucking listen to me and he just kills me too. It's like a recurring dream, and it won't fucking go away. I just want it to stop."

I felt this guilt twisting in the pit of my stomach. I already knew that Alex had a brother who died, from May telling me at dinner two nights ago, it just felt so awful hearing the real story from Alex himself, his eyes glinting slightly with threatening tears and his teeth clamped over his bottom lip in an obvious attempt not to burst out crying. I gulped and reached out, letting the open sleeping bag fall from around my shoulders down to the bed as I wrapped my arms around Alex, burying my face into the crook of his neck and pressing my nose against his shoulder as Alex cautiously slid his arms around my waist, pulling me closer to him. We stayed like that for a minute, silently hugging atop of the mess that Alex called his bed, before he whispered, "You're amazing at hugging," quietly into my ear, and I broke away, grinning.

"Thanks," I breathed, watching as Alex smiled. He had a nice smile. "But I can relate to what happened to you, y'know, 'cause I had a twin sister called Kate, but she- she, uh, killed herself the day before our birthday a few years ago," I saw as Alex's eyes widened and his mouth opened a little. "Yeah, so that's why we moved to Maryland from Pennsylvania. To get away from all the memories and stuff back in our old home, and to try and move on from Kate's... death. She used to love being called Katie-Cat, but she hated the name Katie. She was so strange. And I miss her." I finished, my eyes spacing out to stare at nothing as the oh-so familiar face of my sister crossed my mind, the massive grin that she had and those big brown eyes. We were so alike in every way, Kate and I, and it was hell having to deal with life after she died.

"Oh my god," Alex breathed. "Really? Oh, god, I'm so sorry... Shit, Tom was just my half-brother, 'cause my dad remarried, but losing your twin sister? The day before your birthday? Honest, Jack, that sounds fucking awful. I'm surprised that you didn't kill yourself, too, I was close to it when Tom died..."

"What, committing suicide?" I asked. "Death was never an option for me, it never will be, I won't be able to bear being dead. Like, what even happens once you're dead? Where'd you go? I don't really want to know, actually..."

"Hmm..." Alex murmured. "That's a whole different thing, like, about religious beliefs and all that shit. Plus, you don't have to think about being dead right now, seeing as you're only, like, 16. You've got ages left to live."

"I guess," I shrugged. "'S kinda fun to think about the future, though, right?"

"Not really," Alex breathed, and I furrowed my eyebrows at him. "The future's scary. So many different opportunities and possibilities, and they can all be changed by every single move you do. Like, for instance, I could go to bed right now and get a half-decent night of sleep, then wake up for school tomorrow feeling refreshed and go and ace a science test and consequently get an A on my exam and go to a great college and become a scientist and live a happy and rich life. Or, I could stay up talking with you right now, get a crappy sleep, wake up feeling like total shit and go to school and fail a science test, fail my exams, drop out of high school and become a hobo for the remainder of my life. Maybe a tad extreme, but you get the message."

"A tad?" I repeated, raising an eyebrow as Alex smirked. "Hey, isn't that like the thing where, if you went back in time and stood on a firefly, there'd be, like, no TV?"

"Yeah, kinda the same idea," he shrugged. "Like, everything matters and changes depending on what you do every second of your life and it kinda sucks."

I blinked. "I never really thought about that."

"Yeah, life's crazy," Alex nodded.

"And it's unfair," I added.

"And everybody's an asshole," he concluded. "Y'know, you and me should start our own little cult of hating people around us and talking about music. I think it'd succeed pretty well, if I may say so myself."

"Mhm," I said, smirking, stifling a yawn from behind my fist. "God, 'Lex, I'm so tired."

"'Lex?" he asked, raising an eyebrow at me. "What's 'Lex?"

I rolled my eyes. "Y'know, 'Lex? Like ah-LEX? Removing the 'ah' from your name?"

"Nicknaming a nickname," Alex said, smiling and shaking his head. "Smooth. Real smooth. Alex just wasn't short enough for you, was it?"

"Alex isn't your real name?" I asked, frowning at the snort he gave. "What? Stop being mean and laughing at me, I don't know these things."

"Yes, you dumbass, Alex is short for Alexander, which is my first name," he smirked. "So 'Lex is short for Alex which is short for Alexander. Apparently."

"And Alexander's short for Alexanderikenstein," I said.

"No," Alex corrected. "Alexander's short for nothing."

"Hey, nothing," I smirked, and laughed when Alex hit me softly on the arm, grinning.

"You're an asshole, but I'll forgive you 'cause that's from The Perks Of Being A Wallflower," Alex smirked, scratching his chin.

I blinked at him again. "Uh, what's The Perks Of Being A Wallflower?”
Alex stared at me, his eyes wide. "You've never read The Perks Of Being A Wallflower?" I shook my head, shrugging. "Get out."

I laughed. "Alright. Bye, thanks for having me," I smirked, uncrossing my legs and swinging them off of Alex's mattress and standing up, hoisting the sleeping bag tighter around myself and taking a step towards Alex's window.

"No," he said urgently, reaching an arm out across his duvet towards me. I laughed, shaking my head at him. "Don't go."

"I wouldn't leave," I said, rolling my eyes, and coming back over to sit down on his mattress. "My legs are too cold to leave. I need heat."

"'Kay, here's some warmth," Alex said, lifting up the duvet and allowing me to slip my feet and calves underneath the covers, where they were immediately welcomed by a wave of warmth. I smiled a bit. “But, anyway, you’ve never read The Perks Of Being A Wallflower? It’s like… everyone reads it in ninth grade, Jack, I thought it was law that every single high school student needed to read it and then write a crappy essay on the metaphors and hidden meanings and shit it has.”

“I don’t read,” I laughed, shaking my head. “’S like… I know it’s corny as hell, but you’ve only got one life, so why the hell would you waste it reading about other people’s?”

Alex opened his mouth, then closed it. “I… dunno, really…” I squirmed around a little underneath the duvet. “But it’s good. Kinda gets you away from reality, y’know?”

“By studying about flowers that grow on walls and then analysing the good points of them? Fuck reality, be a gardener,” I said.

Alex snorted, a hand flying up to cover his mouth as he laughed. “No,” he said eventually. “No, ‘s about this guy called Charlie and he’s a wallflower and-“

“What’s a wallflower?” I asked.

“Shut up,” Alex told me. I laughed. “Anyway, he’s starting high school and it’s all about how he’s making new friends and he’s getting into good music and becoming more, like… himself, in a way? I dunno, I guess English teachers kinda assume that we can relate, since we’re at the same grade as Charlie, but not everybody has a gay friend and is suicidal and was molested at a young age, so… yeah, ‘s a bit much. I liked it, though.”

I nodded. “I just like video games.”

Alex laughed. “Did you even listen to anything I just said?”

“Yeah, ‘course, but… y’know, video games!” I told him, gripping the edges of the sleeping bag tighter around my hands and shaking my fists slightly, as if to emphasize my point on video games!!!!!!

“D’you wanna play some games? I’ve got an xBox over there-“ he gestured somewhere vaguely to his right. It was even harder to see because of the darkness enveloping us. “- but, y’know, I’ve only got Halo 1 and 2, so…”

“I would,” I said, “but if we don’t go back to sleep then we will be murderous in the morning. And I am one crappy night’s sleep away from going on a mass genocide.”

Alex smiled at me. “Right. Uh, thanks for coming up here and sitting with me.”

“’S fine, honest. Just don’t wake me again, or I’ll be too cranky to move,” I shrugged. “I’m usually like that before school anyway, so it’s not that much of a change.”

He nudged my shoulder with his own. “’Kay. Now get the hell out of my bed.”

“Charming,” I rolled my eyes. “Do you say that to prostitutes the morning after?”

“Nah, it’s usually me leaving their flats the next day, since I’m the biggest slut in the whole state.”
“I bet you are,” I nodded, laughing, and I managed to wriggle out from under Alex’s duvet and hop over to the foot of his bed frame. “Right. So. Night.”

“Heh, you rhymed,” he pointed out.

“I’m aware of my total genius poetry,” I said, awkwardly falling over my own feet inside of the sleeping bag which I had pulled up around my chest. I landed with a slight ‘thud’ on his carpet. “Ow.”

“Slow clap for Jack.”

“Ugh, shut up,” I laughed. “I am going the fuck to sleep now.”

“Good fucking night, Jack.”

“Have a fucking incredible sleep, Alex.”

“Fucking fucking fuck.”

I smirked. “That still made sense.”

“That still made fucking sense,” Alex said.

“Touché.”