Collectively Unconsciously Composed

I quietly slipped into my room; thankful no one was in the hallway. I paced back and forth, trying to think of what I was going to say to Harry. I decided that I would apologize and just go back to being the photographer and not bother the boys anymore. I finally mustered up the courage to knock on Harry's door and talk to him. My hand was about to come in contact with the wood but I instead hit a body.

"Oh, shit. I'm sorry Harry," I said awkwardly as he narrowed his yes at me.

All he did was stare at me, as if he were expecting me to say something. I swallowed the lump in my throat and began to speak.

"I'm sorry for what happened. I was acting stupid and I just wanted to apologize. I was going to ask management if I could switch buses-"

"Wait why?" Harry asked, cutting me off.

"I didn't think you would want me around after what I did," I said quietly as Harry chuckled. I frowned as he continued to laugh.

"Scout, why would I ever want you to switch buses?" He said, after regaining his breath.

I shrugged as he stepped closer. He grabbed his hands in mine and gave them a reassuring squeeze.

"I thought you would hate me," I said. I felt my face flush with foolishness as Harry scoffed.

"I don't hate you Scout. Yes I think it's odd that you didn't want to kiss me, I mean I am Harry Styles," he said cheekily as I rolled my eyes. "I just wish you would tell me what really happened," he said quietly as I looked down at my feet. Harry put his finger under my chin so I was forced to look into his eyes.

"I can't tell you," I mumbled, as Harry dropped his hand and stepped away from me.

"Stop doing that!" He said angrily.

"What?" I asked innocently as he groaned in frustration. He ran his hands through his already messy hair and licked his lips before continuing to talk.

"Pushing me away," he said quietly.

I sighed and pulled on my cardigan, avoiding his gaze. I heard him groan and walk to the other side of the room. I wasn't sure I was willing to let Harry know everything yet. I could at least tell him what happened last night.

"I had a nightmare," I said as he gave me a confused look. "A really bad nightmare," I said as if to clarify what I already said.

"That's bullshit and you know it," he said, standing up and crossing the room to stand in front of me. "Tell me the real reason, Scout," Harry said, his breath tickling my neck.

"I-I can't," I stammered, biting my lip.

"Just let me in," Harry whispered, cupping my face in his hands.

I put my hands over his, lacing our fingers together and pulling them down to my side. I ached to tell him what had happened, but I was terrified of what he would think of me.

"I was..." I began as Harry squeezed my hand comfortingly, urging me to go on. "I was raped."

I felt Harry's body tense as I dropped his hands and turned my back to him. It felt like a huge weight had been lifted off my shoulders; I could finally be real with Harry. The only others I had told about the incident was Kat and my sister Meghan. I could sense Harry had no idea what to say, but I could probably guess what he was thinking.

"It was my boyfriend. I was 17," I said quietly. "It happened during a storm so that's why I hate rain."

In two strides Harry crossed the room and wrapped his arms around me. I wrapped my arms around his middle and squeezed, letting him know it was okay.

"Scout, Scout," he would continue to murmur into my hair as he pressed his lips to the top of my head. I stepped away from Harry and offered him a small smile.

"It's okay Harry," I said as he frowned slightly. I said this to reassure myself, but I think it reassured Harry more. "It happened 3 years ago and I'm better."

"Thank you for telling me Scout," Harry said sincerely. He gave me a crooked smile as my insides fluttered. "Let's do something today, yeah?" He suggested as I nodded.

"I do need to go shopping," I said quietly as Harry nodded. "I'll go change," I said, moving toward the door. Harry caught my wrist and crushed my body to his.

I just enjoyed the moment and leaned into his body. I all of a sudden became more aware of his firm, muscled body and his strong biceps. For the first time in a while, I felt safe.

*******

"What about this one?" Harry asked, holding up a flannel shirt. I made a face, which he groaned in response and put the shirt away. "We've been shopping forever and you don't like anything I pick out," Harry whined as I giggled.

"Do you want some help?" I suggested as Harry nodded his head and grabbed my hand.

We were currently in Urban Outfitters, much to Harry's distaste. He claimed he had a "vintage with a mix of preppy hipster" style, and that Urban Outfitters did not deliver. I argued otherwise and dragged him in here anyways.

"Try this one on," I suggested, handing him a dark green flannel with elbow pads.

"Hold this," he said, removing an olive beanie off his head and his Ray Bans.

I giggled at how wild his hair was under his beanie as he huffed and walked to the dressing rooms. We had only run into a few fans on the way to the store, but none appeared to be in the store. Liam told Harry he needed to take precautions and wear a "disguise". The disguise consisted of a beanie and sunglasses, and it actually worked somehow.

That was something I always envied about Harry; he could be wearing a bin bag and still look good. Today, he was wearing a pair of black skinny jeans, which I am still not sure how he got on, a plain black t-shirt that showed off his swallows, and his white converse. I felt like a potato in comparison to him in my acid wash skinny jeans, Steve Madden combat boots, and a large red flannel. I let my hair down today, my blond waves spilling around my shoulders. I had just pulled my phone out of my bag when a pair of white converse stepped in front of me.

"How do I look?" Harry asked, stepping away from him so I could look at his outfit. He had rolled the sleeves up on the flannel and he looked pretty damn good.

"Like a rock star," I replied as he furrowed his brow.

"Is that a good thing?" he asked in confusion as I shrugged.

"Well you are a rock star so..." I teased as he rolled his eyes.

"I'll get this," he said, shrugging the shirt off and tucking it under his arm.

I still couldn't believe that just a few hours ago I told Harry my most personal secret. I didn't completely understand why I told Harry; it had taken Kat a year to crack into my shell. For some reason, it felt different with Harry. I know all those super cliché movies talk about this stuff, and I never actually thought I would be experiencing it in real life.

"Scout?" Harry asked, giving me a funny look? "What are you doing?"

"Hmm what?" I asked stupidly as he chuckled. "I was just thinking." I said quietly as he grabbed his beanie and sunglasses from me and put them on.

"About?" he asked, clearly trying to get inside of my tightly sealed head.

"I feel like I've known you my entire life," I blurted as he stopped to look at me. I flushed as he smiled his gorgeous dimpled smile and reached out to grab my hand.

"I feel the same way," he said truthfully, giving my hand a squeeze.

We continued to walk down the street, hand in hand and not caring about anything else.