I Guess I Figured That It Hurt for a Reason

Waking up today feels just weird as it did yesterday. The machines are still beeping and my sister is still laying in that goddamn bed. The doctor yesterday said she was looking really good and that he was happy she had a core group of friends and family that cared about her. He said that she could be sent home today, something I’m sure she is itching to do.
When I look down I realise why I feel so calm. Joce is laying right next to me and it’s just then that I realise I still have my arms wrapped around her. I bite my lip and sigh to myself. After what Penny did I was afraid that I was gonna lose Joce, too. I mean, I’ve fucked her over royally this last year, but I still cared about her. However, what I said last night I was already regretting. Joce was important to me but I don’t know if I love her. How will I explain that to her?
I carefully climb out from behind her and look around the room. Jack is asleep on the chair and Penny is awake sitting on YouTube again. “Hey,” I say. She looks up at me and smiles.
“You’re up early,” she jokes.
“What time is it?”
“Almost noon. The doctors say I’m free to leave at five.”
“Five? Isn’t that a little weird?”
“I thought so, too, but they said it was because it would be a full 48 hours since I was brought in.”
“Oh, right, yeah.”
“You okay?” she asks.
“What? Yeah, I’m fine.”
“You sure? You looked extra cozy with Joce.” Penny just knows everything.
“Yeah, I fucked that up again,” I admit. There’s no use lying to Penny. She’ll figure out the truth eventually, as per usual. “I told her I loved her.”
“Duuuuude,” she says, shaking her head and sighing. “You gotta stop that.”
“I know.” She gives me this brilliant smile and it’s so weird seeing it considering why she’s here. “How’re you?”
“Uh, fine?” she says awkwardly.
“You’re too good at hiding how you feel all the time. How’re you doing?”
“I’m fine, Alex. I promise.”
“If you’re lying to me....”
“I know, I know.”
I smile at her before heading towards the door. “I’ve got, like, six missed calls from Rian and four from Zack. I haven’t told them yet. I’m gonna drop by and pick them up. That okay?”
“Yeah, of course,” she says quickly, smiling.
“Okay. Seeya soon.”
“Bye.”
“Hey, Penny?” I ask, turning towards hesitantly.
“Yeah?”
“You don’t want Mom and Dad to know, do you?”
“I ran away to your house for a reason, Alex,” she reminds me, and I sigh lightly.
“Okay. Love you.”
“Love you, too.”
It’s only until that I’m outside of the hospital do I realise that I don’t have a car. I sigh heavily and make my way to the bus stop. It takes about forty minutes to get home so that I can actually get inside of my car to pick up Rian and Zack.
Rian is surprised when I show up at his doorstep. “You could have just called me back, y’know,” he says, laughing. He looks ready to invite me.
“I’ve been busy, sorry.”
“With what?”
“Penny attempted suicide Tuesday night,” I say, looking at my feet.
“Fuck,” Rian says.
“I stopped by to pick you up to see her. Is that alright?” I ask.
“Yeah, dude, of course. Lemme get my coat.” Rian grabs his coat and pulls it on as he locks his door. We walk to my car and he gives me this sympathetic look. “How’re you holding up?” he asks as we get in the car.
“My sister attempted suicide less than 48 hours ago. How do you think I’m feeling?” I ask too harshly. “Sorry.”
“I don’t blame ya, it’s fine.”
The drive to Zack’s is quiet. I want to say so many things but I don’t even know how to word them.
“You couldn’t have just called?” he asks when we show up at his door. I sigh just as I’m about to answer, but Rian says it for me.
“Zack, Penny attempted suicide. I’m going with Alex to see her.”
Zack locks his door and he’s following Rian and I to my car without even saying anything. The ride there is just as silent as the ride to Zack’s.
Penny is overjoyed to see Zack and Rian. When the band started back in ’03, the guys adopted Penny as a little sister, so seeing her like this hurt them, too. I can see it on their faces. Penny sees it, too, but she’s too busy smiling and laughing at their jokes to let them know it. Joce gives me cold looks every so often and it hurts but I’m still not sure if I love her.

The second five pm rolls around, Penny jumps up and checks out. I’ve never seen her so eager to get away from some place before. She wants to spend time with Jack and Joce at Jack’s so I let her go home with him. That leaves me driving home Zack and Rian.
“Do you want us to stay and hang out?” Rian asks carefully.
“No, I’m fine. I think I’m gonna pass out when I get home.”
“Oh, okay.”
I drop them off and head home quietly. When I’m inside my house I feel like something is sitting on my chest. I haven’t been inside since I found Penny lying on her bedroom floor. My chest tightens up and I know I need to distract myself before I go insane. Usually I relax with a nice drink, but after Tuesday night a drink is the last thing I want. So I sit down and let what ever’s on TV numb my brain to everything around me.
At around eight the door opens and Penny walks in.
“Hey,” she says, plopping down on the couch. She lays down and sighs heavily, staring at the TV.
“Hey,” I say back.
“You’re still worried about me, aren’t you?” she asks, her voice angry. Her head is hanging off the edge of the couch and she looks utterly ridiculous.
“Penny, when have I not worried about you? You’re my little sister. It’s kinda my job to constantly worry about you. And after tonight, yeah, I’m gonna worry about you more. At least just for a bit.”
“Ugh, fine,” she groans, looking over at me. “What?” she asks when I start laughing.
“You just look hilarious right now.”
“Not as dumb as you look from this angle. God, Alex, how do you even live with yourself?” she jokes, grinning at me. That’s the good old Penny I know.
“I love you, you know that, right?”
“Of course.”
“Okay, good.”
“Now, Sentimental Sally, let’s watch something stupid or funny.”