And You Let Her Go

Harry insisted on driving me to my parent’s house later that afternoon. We were in his black Range Rover listening to the newest Coldplay album. I could feel his eyes on me every so often, but I couldn’t take the chance of breaking in front of him. I recognized the small town as we passed my favorite café and the boutiques lining the sidewalk. Just a couple blocks down would be the tiny, white fairytale house with a path coming down the middle, meeting at an iron gate.

Harry reached over my seat and squeezed my hand, which immediately relaxed me. He unclasped my fingers form the arm rest and held them in his large hand before stopping beside the curb.

“Is this it?” he asked. I nodded, suddenly regretted coming here at all. I reminded myself that I was here for Auntie Laura, not the people waiting for me inside. Harry could sense my resistance as I saw a flash of worry in his green eyes.

“Everything will be okay. If you need me at all, whether its for me to pick you up or if you’ve locked yourself in the bathroom and need more reassurance, you have my number,” he gave me a warm smile. I didn’t know what made him so sure of his words, especially since he didn’t know anything about my family. But even so, I was still comforted by his words. I squeezed his hand as thanks and opened the door of his car.

“I’ll pick you up at 7,” he called back to me before grinning and driving away. I was left on the sidewalk breathing heavily. I used to tell myself that I was overreacting about what happened, but then I remembered how I felt when my mom told me.

Flashback

“Charlie, dear, can you please set the table? Tell your father dinner will be ready in 5 minutes,” my mom turned back to the stove.

I skipped down the narrow hallway, being my carefree 15-year-old self, and poked my head in my dad’s den/office/man cave. “Dad, dinner in 5,” I sang. He looked up from his computer, smiling and giving me a thumbs up.

After setting the table and arranging the silverware perfectly atop the napkins, my mom put my favorite pasta with sun-dried tomatoes on the table. I grinned at her as she chuckled at my reaction. Her smile quickly disappeared though when she turned around. Had I done something wrong?

My dad entered the kitchen and we all took a seat at the table. I hadn’t noticed before but my mom looked a little uncomfortable, and I could see my dad had realized it now as well.
He took her hand in his, “is everything alright, Laura?” This obviously got a reaction out of my mom as a tear slipped down her cheek. My dad leaned towards her and squeezed her hand, urging her to open up to us. My mom slipped her hand away from my dad’s tight grasp and she covered her face. At this point, she started to sob. I couldn’t think of what could have happened from the moment she told me to set the table where she was smiling and happy to now, where her tears were now swimming in her pasta.

“You will never forgive me for what I have done,” my mom’s voice was muffled.
My dad looked at me curiously but I simply shrugged, letting him know I had no idea what she was talking about.

“I was pregnant,” she began, her face still covered by her wrinkled hands. I didn’t know why this would have been bad news—I’d always wanted siblings—until I heard what she said over and over again in my head. Was. She was pregnant.

“Was?” I asked.
“You were pregnant?” my father demanded, shock written all over his face.

My mom uncovered her swollen face, now soaked with tears. “I didn’t want to tell you b-because… I didn’t think I could handle going through the whole process again,” my father stared at her wide-eyed. I still didn’t understand what was going on. She continued, “So I did what I thought would essentially be the best for our family in the long run. I mean at our age, no one wants a little baby running around anymore!” I had never seen my mom so scared in my life. There was a hint of relief on her face but her eyebrows were scrunched together, waiting for our reaction. I suddenly gasped, realizing what she had done.

“You… how could…” my father struggled to ask all the questions on his mind. “When?” he barely whispered, referring to her doctor appointment.

“Wednesday,” she whispered back. It was Saturday. She’d been keeping this secret from us for three days.

I hadn’t said anything to her after she said that. I walked up the stairs and slammed the door to my room. She knew how much I wanted a brother and sister. Now I would never have one.

End of flashback

I reached the front door and took a deep breath before knocking on the door. I looked through the window and saw a group of people at the far end of the house in the living room. I knocked one more time, louder than before, and saw someone walking towards the front door. My mother.

She opened the door and smiled. I stared back at her not saying anything.
“Hi, Charlie,” she said. Her smile faded when I didn’t smile back at her.

“Hello,” I finally replied. She stepped away from the door, welcoming me inside.

“It’s so good to see you,” she said closing the door. “The whole family has been waiting for you ever since they heard you were coming.”

“Great,” I mumbled. I headed towards the living room and was shocked to find literally the entire family in the small space. Granted, I didn’t have 100 cousins and 50 aunts and uncles, but still, I was starting to get claustrophobic. My father was the first one to shoot up from the stool he was sitting on and he surrounded me with a warm embrace.

“Hi dad,” I said, chuckling into his shoulder. I exchanged greetings with everyone else and sat down next to my grandma on the couch, crossing my legs.

“No baggage?” Uncle Rob asked from across the room.

“Uhh, n-no, I’m staying with a friend,” I shifted uncomfortably, avoiding eye contact with my mother.

The next couple hours consisted of several cups of tea and questions about my life in Chicago. As family member after family member slowly started packing up and leaving for the night, I entered my parent’s library, scanning the books on the shelves. I heard the door open behind me and found my dad looking at me through his squarish black-rimmed glasses.

“New glasses?” I asked. He nodded, leaning against the desk from across the room. We sat there in silence and I hoped I could come up with a good excuse for leaving.

My dad spoke first, “I’m really glad you came.” I’d heard that at least 20 times today already.

“Yeah?” I asked. He nodded in response. More silence.

“Alright, enough of this small talk. What’s his name?” my dad smirked at me, quickly changing the subject.

“Who’s?” I asked, very confused.

“Whomever you’re staying with…” he implied. I didn’t remember saying anything about who I was staying with when we were talking in the living room earlier. I looked at him curiously.

“Well, Charlie, I don’t remember you having any girlfriends here before we left for America,” he simply stated. He was right, I didn’t really have any friends before we left aside from the neighbors that had kids around my age, but even they seemed reluctant to see me. I looked at my dad and blushed.

“It’s not like that,” I began. “We’re just friends and I needed to… stay somewhere else.” He frowned a little at my reason but it vanished as quickly as it appeared.

“Well, I hope you’ll be coming here often in your short visit,” he finally said. I nodded before walking towards him and wrapping my arms around my dad.

An hour after texting Harry I was ready to go, I said my goodbyes. I gave my mom an awkward side hug since there were still a couple family members present, watching our every move. I saw his car pull up and I opened the door after giving my dad another hug. I ran down the path and opened the door to his Range Rover. I looked out the car window towards the house and saw a curtain move. I smiled to myself, assuming it was my dad trying to get a look at who Harry was.

“So?” Harry asked, “how was it?”

“It actually wasn’t as bad as I thought. It was nice seeing everyone.”

“Everyone?” he pushed again. I turned to look at him but he kept looking forward, clutching the steering wheel.

“Almost everyone…” I whispered. I heard him give out a sigh and he accelerated down the narrow road we were on.

“I will tell you, Harry… Just not tonight. Let’s just go home and watch movies, and drink tea, yeah?” I looked at him hopefully.

He finally looked at me and showed off his crooked smile, “Sounds perfect.”