Time After Time

My head was pounding from the combination of loud music, whiskey, speed, and LSD. I just wanted to be where it was quiet, but the entire house was full of people. I didn’t even know most of them. I wondered if Marilyn had invited everyone, or if one person had told one person who’d told another person and we’d ended up with half of LA coming over. Right now, I didn’t care. I just wanted quiet.
I went into the smallest bedroom of the house that we used mostly for collection storage, and collapsed down on the black leather daybed. I wondered how long it would be before someone came looking for me.
I didn’t have to wait long before I found out. The door opened a few minutes later, and two blondes in bikinis came in, giggling and trying to crawl on top of me.
“Please,” I murmured softly.
“Your friend is right. Once you get past all of that,” she disapprovingly eyed my lime green dress, “you’re pretty cute.”
“Yeah,” the other one agreed, roughly pinning me sideways to sit on my hips at a most awkward angle. “So…whatcha wanna go with us?”
“Nothing,” I told her, closing my eyes.
“Well, that’s a disappointment,” the one sitting on me said.
“Yeah, baby. Don’t you want to have some fun?”
“I just want to be left alone.”
“I told you about this one,” the first girl whispered loudly.
“Guess you’re right.”
I was thankful when she crawled off of me. I heard them go back to the doorway, and then, they were gone. I rolled over onto my stomach, moaning softly. I felt awful, and having those skanks around was just about the last thing I needed.
I was almost asleep when I heard the door open again. The light went out, and for a moment, I worried that something was about to happen that I definitely didn’t want right now.
“Twiggy?” Marilyn’s voice was soft and gentle.
“Mmm?”
“What’s wrong? I threw you this huge party, and you’re in here all alone.”
“I told you that I didn’t want a party.”
“And I told you that I didn’t believe you.”
I sat up, wishing I had better night vision. I finally found the floor lamp, and turned it on. Naturally, it was a low wattage bulb. Barely better than being in the dark. With the way Marilyn hated light, you’d have thought he was a vampire or had some rare disease that light accelerated.
“I sent the hookers in here and they came back to me not five minutes later. Since when do you turn down pretty blondes? Were they too old for you? Do you only like sixteen year olds now?”
I gave him a wary look. “Not everything in the world is about sex.”
“Says the biggest manwhore I’ve ever met.”
“I thought that was Pogo.”
He laughed. “Yeah. I guess so.” He came across the room and sat beside me on the daybed.
“Did you really invite all of those people?”
“About half of them. Why?”
“I don’t even know most of them. If you really wanted to throw me a party, why didn’t you just invite the guys and a few friends, or maybe even fly my family out?”
“That’s boring. We make good money now. You deserve a big party.”
“So, what I want doesn’t matter?”
“What’s wrong with you, Twiggs? You’re so different these days. I feel like I hardly know you anymore.”
“I haven’t changed. You’ve changed.”
“No, I’m pretty sure it’s you.”
I frowned.
“The strippers should be here soon. Will you at least come out long enough for that? They’re supposed to be very exotic looking and beautiful.”
About the only thing I wanted less than those prostitutes coming back into the room was strippers to crawl all over me. It wasn’t that I didn’t like strippers or hookers per se, I just wasn’t in the mood. Not today.
Marilyn adjusted how he was sitting so that he could properly look at me. I had never seen him look so uncomfortable, and that included a lot of times that anyone else would’ve practically died of shame or embarrassment at being caught doing.
I rubbed my forehead, sighing softly.
“Look, Twiggy, you know I’m not good with emotions.”
I nodded.
“I know something’s going on with you. Will you just tell me? I’ll talk about it with you. You know…whatever.”
Well, that was certainly quite the invitation.
I opened my mouth, but before I could speak, Pogo magically appeared like an overgrown leprechaun, bounding into the room. How did he know where we were, I wondered.
“Strippers, man! Hot, slutty strippers! With the biggest-”
“That’s enough, Pogo,” Marilyn told him warily.
“Well, come on, man! What are you doing in here?” He paused a moment to look around the room.
I was tempted to respond with the truth, but I didn’t. I knew my friends meant well. They didn’t understand. They loved this new life we were all living. We were famous, we had money, we had cars and houses. We could have all the women we wanted. The thing was, for me, once I had all of that, there was nothing left to look forward to. It was almost as if life wasn’t worth living anymore.
I allowed Pogo to drag me back into the living room to be groped and ogled by the strippers. Here I had these beautiful women crawling all over me in various degrees of nakedness, and I felt nothing. It had been a long time since I’d felt anything at all, actually.
Once the strippers left, the partygoers seemed to get bored. The place was pretty well cleared out by one, and Pogo took the rest of them back to his place around three. I was so tired that I could barely keep my eyes open, and there was Marilyn, sitting on the floor at my feet in a pile of discarded party ware.
“Twiggy, I watched you all night. You weren’t having a good time. I know you.”
I shrugged.
“Are you…do you…?” he seemed to be carefully choosing his words. “Are women…?”
I wanted to laugh, but I didn’t. “It’s not about women.”
“Oh.” He seemed relieved. Then, he seemed even more confused.
“It’s not about anyone but me, okay? It’s me. It’s just me.” I could feel the tears starting to well up. Why was I about to cry? I hadn’t felt an emotion in months, especially nothing this strong.
“Hey…” Marilyn got up and sat down next to me, putting a hand on my arm.
I miserably shook my head. “Don’t.”
“I feel like I’m losing you.”
I tilted my head sideways. “Yeah.”
“Did I say something, do something to make you this unhappy? Is it living here with me?”
“No. It’s none of that. I just…I don’t know, Marilyn. I feel so…empty.”
“Empty?” He said the word slowly, as if it were foreign to him.
“Hollow. Nothing has any meaning anymore. All there is in the world is more and more emptiness. Loneliness.”
“You’re not alone.”
“You don’t understand.”
“Then, explain it to me. I’m right here. I’m talking. I’m listening. How are you alone?”
I sighed deeply. I was frustrated, and he was getting agitated. I didn’t want to fight tonight.
Marilyn tucked some of his dark hair behind his ear. “I can’t make you talk. I know that. I just thought that it might help.”
“I don’t need to talk.”
“Okay. Well…goodnight, then. I’m sorry you hated your party.”
“I didn’t hate it.”
“Yeah, you did.”
There he went again, trying to tell me how I felt. I narrowed my eyes. “You don’t know anything. You think you know everything, but you don’t know anything at all!” I jumped up from my seat and ran out the front door, not caring that I didn’t even have shoes, or that I would probably disturb the neighbors in what was to them the middle of the night.
I didn’t go far. Just halfway down the street. I turned around and slowly walked back to the house. Marilyn was sitting on the porch steps. I should’ve known that he didn’t really let me go. He was always there, always keeping an eye on me.
“Are you ready to talk now?”
I sat down beside him. I told him everything, and he listened with a patience and sense of caring that I’d never known he possessed. When I finished and had exhausted myself, he put his arms around me and pulled me into a hug.
“It’s going to be okay. You’re going to be okay.”
“I don’t think so.”
“You are. Things will get better. I’ll take better care of you. Spend more time with you.”
“I’m not your foster child,” I only partially teased.
“No, you’re my best friend. I brought you with me on this journey. Everything you’re going through is because of me. I will make this right.”
“You can’t do that. You can’t fix my head.”
He gently tugged on a few of my dreadlocks. “Sure, I can. I am God.”
I gave him a somewhat amused look. “Right.”
He stood up and extended a hand to help me up. “Come on. Let’s go back inside. We should both get some rest. Tomorrow’s going to be a long day.”
“It is tomorrow, dummy.”
He nodded. “Well, then, I suppose there’s something I should say.”
We went inside, and he scooped me up, holding my waist at neck level. I squealed, trying to get down.
“Happy birthday, Twiggy!” He spun me around, both of us laughing. Eventually he grew tired and put me down, but I was so dizzy that I fell hard on my bottom on the floor.
“Aww, that’s gonna leave a bruise.”
I got up and went to sit on the couch. “Are you gonna clean up?”
“Later.”
“Hey, Marilyn?”
He sat down beside me. “What?”
“Why did you say that today’s going to be a long day?”
“Did I say long? I meant busy.”
“But, we were supposed to have today…”
“I didn’t say busy with work. Just give it a rest, hmm?”
“Please tell me there are no more parties.”
He held up his hands. “No parties. I promise. Just…other things.”
“Like what?”
“That’s for me to know and for you to find out. Now, it’s bedtime for you, Old One.”
“You’re older than me,” I shot back.
He rolled his eyes. He pointed to the staircase. “Either go on your own, or I will take you myself.”
“You can’t make me!”
“Is that a threat?”
Before I could decide, he pulled me up from the couch and threw me over his shoulder, carrying me up to my bedroom. I looked up at him with docile eyes as he put me down gently on the bed.
“Goodnight.”
“Goodnight,” I echoed.
I didn’t fall asleep. Not then, not at all.
Marilyn checked on me before he went to bed a few hours later. I faked being asleep so that he wouldn’t know.
When I figured that it was late enough to go downstairs, I showered, dressed, and put on my makeup.
The living room had been decorated with streamers and balloons, and there were wrapped packages everywhere. I gaped at the display. So much for no more parties.
“Marilyn?” I called tentatively.
“Hey, Twiggs. Come in the kitchen.”
I followed the sound of his voice. When I walked into the room, my eyes widened and for the first time in a long time, I felt happy.
“Surprise, honey,” my mother smiled from her seat at the table.
I hugged her tightly, and grinned at Marilyn. “Thank you.”
He nodded. “Your brothers are here, too.”
I turned and hugged him, a move which clearly surprised him.
“You said that you didn’t want a party. So, we’re taking you out to dinner. How does that sound?”
“It sounds great,” I smiled.
He nodded.
For the first time in a long time, I was actually looking forward to the day.