Brotherly Love.

Oli talked on and on in the car while I pretended to listen. I nodded my head occasionally, but I wasn’t really there in the car with Oli. I was thinking about that kiss, over and over replaying like re-runs of a sitcom in my head. What I felt in that kiss was something I rarely ever feel when I kiss someone. It was passionate, gently and tender and the weird part is that it was with Frank. I didn’t like the feeling I had and it was creeping me out. I had the urge to kiss Frank again and never stop, is that…wrong? Or should I go with my gut feeling?

“Gerard!” I turned around and saw Oli hazel eye’s staring at me with a confused expression. “Are you alright? I’ve been calling your name for like ever.”

“Yeah, I’m fine. Hey, who’s going to be at this party?” I asked and Oli shrugged.

“Couple of friends, I’m guessing, but it’ll be fun.” Oli reassured and leaned my head on the window and stared out at the darkness of jersey dirty street’s wondering if Frank was alright.

We arrived at the party around ten. Oli parked his car on the front lawn of the house filled with people. We got out the car and I walked slowly up to the small white house. The house is dark and the only light is the rainbow strobe lights. I felt a grip on my sleeve, tugging me along. It was to dark for me to see who it was, but most likely it was Oli.
“Let’s grab some drink, eh?” I heard Oli yelling over the pop music. I nodded and he led me to the drinks. He handed me a cold can and I pop it open, thinking its soda but I sipped the taste and the sour, strong taste that I knew so well. I swallowed the cold vodka and handed it back to Oli. “What’s wrong?” Oli asked.

“Um, I’m not that thirsty.” I said lying, when I knew I wanted to drink every last drop of that drink, but I couldn’t I promise myself I wouldn’t go back do that, plus I have more will power then that, it runs in the family. Oli shrugged, finished his drink and then made a ‘woot’ sound and pulled me to him, “Let’s dance!” He hollered and I laughed. He pulled me to that dance floor and we dance to some of the music. Oli was kind of grinding on me and me do the same to him, but it’s just something we do as friends. It was dark so I can barley see anything and then I feel lips touch my own and I jump back. I didn’t know who just kissed me, I didn’t know if it was Oli, but I was so caught of guard.

“Hey, Oli?” I said over the music.

“Yeah?” He said still dancing.

“Did you just…”

“What?” He said head banging now and laughing.

“Uh, never mind.” And I continued dancing, then I heard someone call Oli name. I followed the voice that was calling Oli’s name and heard Oli respond.
“Thanks for the invite Gemma; this is an awesome party…” Oli said.

“No problem, hey let’s head upstairs, that’s where the real party is.” This Gemma person said.

“Sure.” Oli responded and he grabbed me by my wrist and led me upstairs to a room. The room was small and had about ten people in the room. They were all on top of each other, girl on girl, boy and girl, boy and boy; I swear I felt as if I was at an orgy. These people looked like they were on top of the world, carefree, loved and it was an odd sight to see, but it was really familiar. The smell of the room is what got to me the most. The smell of drugs made my throat feel dry, I felt almost numb, the sight of needles on the floor, white substances on the wooded table next to razorblades. “Gerard?” I looked over at Oli who was sitting on the table. “Gerard, this is Gemma, Gemma this is my good friend Gerard.” Oli introduced us. Gemma was quiet skinny, with dull dark brown eyes, long brown hair past his shoulders and very pale. He looked like a model, but not the buff male kind, like the ones that will make a teen girl envy. He furrowed his bushy eyes at me, and then gave me a soft smile.

“Hello.” He said waltzing over to me and kissing my cheek.” Welcome to my palace!” he exclaimed. I gave a weary smile and Oli giggled.” I have all the resources you need!” he said pointing to the counter filled with drugs, colored pills, powder spilled over his table. I felt a rush come over me. I wanted some…I needed some.

Oli grabbed my hand and sat me on the carpet and he, Gemma and I sat Indian style. “So Gerard, what will be your choice?” Gemma asked and I gave him a questioning glance. “What’s your choice of drug?” Gemma asked and I looked both at him and Oli nervously.
“Um, I don’t think I want to, um…” I try to explain, but my voice was shaking. The smell of drugs were making me jumpy, oh the urge, the urge I haven’t had in so long was making me want to crawl back in the arms of my destroyer.

“Well take the morphine.” Oli spoke for me and I looked at him dumb struck. Was he really going to do this? I thought he was clean?

“Um, n-no, I-I don’t t-think…” I was cut off again. I felt arms on my back and rubbing my back slowly. I turned around facing two girls who were kissing my neck and cheek, their hand’s roaming my back roughly and trailing kisses on my neck. They were obviously high.

“Gerard, relax, enjoy, it’s all free, have some fun, eh?” Gemma said and he handed me two blue pills. My eyes grew wide as I looked back up at him and then the pills. “C’mon Gerard it won’t hurt you.” My hands were shaking and I needed to take them. They look so beautiful, the bright color, it looked yummy. I was going to take them, I am going to take them, take them, take them…

Then I felt my back pocket vibrate.

I pulled out my cell phone and it flashed on the screen ‘Mikey’. I then felt myself come back to earth. I stared at the blue pills and drop them on the floor. What was I thinking? I was doing the one thing I feared. I was betraying Mikey and myself? I clutch my cell phone tightly, stood up, brushed the two girls off of me and ran out the room and out the house. I heard Oli call out after me but I kept running. I ran home. I felt like a failure, I was giving in to my demons. What if Mikey never called? I would have been passed out at Gemma’s house high on god knows what. This wasn’t me; I know I’m stronger than that, after all I’m a Way.

I made it home, sweating like hell. I ran straight upstairs, my feet taking control. I didn’t know were I was going but my feet just led me to Frank’s room. I open the door slowly and saw Frank sleeping soundlessly. I walked to his bed and kicked off my shoes and peeled of my hoodie and shirt. I crawled next to Frank and rested my head on the pillow, staring at Frank’s angelic face. So innocent and cute, it warmed my heart. Seeing Frank made me feel worse about tonight because I am suppose to protect Frank and being high won’t help me do that. I want to protect Frank from danger; I want to protect Frank from my old self.

I cupped Frank’s cheek and ran my thumb over his warm cheek. He twitched a little and his eyes drifted open, “Gerard?” he asked in a sleepy tone. I smiled a little, the sound of his voice making me feel safe.

“Am I disturbing you?” I asked and he gave a weak smile, shaking his head.

“No, not at all.”

“Is it okay if I sleep here tonight?” I asked and he nodded. I pulled the blanket over me and Frank cuddled against me, his head resting on my bare chest. Frank looked up at me and before I knew it he pecked my lips and I smiled in to the kiss. “Goodnight, Frankie.”

“Goodnight, Gee.”