Summertime Sadness
In The Beginning
It started the summer of my junior year. I had just turned seventeen and kissed a boy.
Penny and Zack had been dating for over a year at this point, blissfully in love and all that jazz.
Zack and my parents had planned a trip to Italy that summer. My invitation was invoked on account of my failing drivers ed and needing to take an SAT prep course. Penny’s mother was on her annual Doctor’s Without Boarders run so we were both home alone for two and a half months.
As Penny’s body was being put to rest, I wondered if I had only tried a little harder on that final exam and not rammed that car into another car, would I still be in this mess?
Surely not.
I would have been sipping wine and gorging on all the authentic fettuccine I could get my hands on, because before that summer, Penny and I had never been particularly close. We didn’t go on shopping trips or gossip about my brother. Mostly Penny kept to Zack’s room, doing unmentionable things.
A week after my family ditched me, Penny came over and I reminded her Zack wasn’t home. She confessed she hated being alone, and I didn’t know what to do about that. I was just settling in to see how many episodes of Supernatural I could watch in one day and wasn’t in the mood to go out.
She told me she shipped Destiel—‘like, hardcore’—so I allowed her entrance.
There were an untold number of things I didn’t know about Penny before that summer and I only hit the tip of the iceberg in the months of our affair. Her sexuality was probably the biggest one, but there were other things like how she cried when she was angry or how she had a few pairs of underwear she never wore unless she had to do laundry.
She stayed the night that day, the first of many. Penny sort of forced herself into my life and I would have been lying if I said I minded. We rewatched every episode of Supernatural before she made her first move on me.
It was subtle things at first: scooting closer to me on the couch, leaning her head on my shoulder, laughing too loudly at my bad jokes. It was like she was trying really hard to impress me, like I was my brother.
We’d decided to have a few Mike’s early in July and pretend we were two socialites living on our own in the big city. Our families had been gone for three weeks at this point. Penny had a thing for B-rated scary movies and Netflix had her number. I put on something called Darkness Falls because it had Anya from Buffy.
Penny placed her head on my shoulder, snuggling into me. It was pretty much the norm at this point.
Every once in awhile, I reached down for a handful of buttery popcorn, something we’d practically been living off of. I was on my third black cherry lemonade when Penny grabbed my hand as I went in for more popcorn.
The movie was coming to its climax.
I glanced down at Penny in confusion. Her glassy, blue eyes were wide with lust—at least that’s what I assumed (I wasn’t used to being on the reciprocating end of that look).
Penny reached over me to set her drink down. My heart started to pick up rapidly and it had nothing to do with the scares in the movie. She came back to her seated position slowly, letting her delicious fragrance spill all over me.
Her delicate face hovered close to mine. I tried to ignore it, but she reached a cold hand around the side of my neck, pulling me in. I probably had a petrified look on my face and my body was starting to sweat, but I stared back at Penny intently.
She readjusted herself on her knees, towering over me. Penny leaned in painfully slow. Her luscious lips pressed against mine, and my body temporarily froze. I was new to this when it came to boys, but Penny was a completely different thing. She was experienced and unfairly gorgeous. And most of all, she was a woman.
Before I had a chance to kiss back, Penny pulled away. She looked horrified and guilty. I wanted to tell her it was okay, but my brain wasn’t functioning properly.
Her cell phone rang. It was her mother.
She left without a word.
I didn’t see her again for a few weeks.
Penny and Zack had been dating for over a year at this point, blissfully in love and all that jazz.
Zack and my parents had planned a trip to Italy that summer. My invitation was invoked on account of my failing drivers ed and needing to take an SAT prep course. Penny’s mother was on her annual Doctor’s Without Boarders run so we were both home alone for two and a half months.
As Penny’s body was being put to rest, I wondered if I had only tried a little harder on that final exam and not rammed that car into another car, would I still be in this mess?
Surely not.
I would have been sipping wine and gorging on all the authentic fettuccine I could get my hands on, because before that summer, Penny and I had never been particularly close. We didn’t go on shopping trips or gossip about my brother. Mostly Penny kept to Zack’s room, doing unmentionable things.
A week after my family ditched me, Penny came over and I reminded her Zack wasn’t home. She confessed she hated being alone, and I didn’t know what to do about that. I was just settling in to see how many episodes of Supernatural I could watch in one day and wasn’t in the mood to go out.
She told me she shipped Destiel—‘like, hardcore’—so I allowed her entrance.
There were an untold number of things I didn’t know about Penny before that summer and I only hit the tip of the iceberg in the months of our affair. Her sexuality was probably the biggest one, but there were other things like how she cried when she was angry or how she had a few pairs of underwear she never wore unless she had to do laundry.
She stayed the night that day, the first of many. Penny sort of forced herself into my life and I would have been lying if I said I minded. We rewatched every episode of Supernatural before she made her first move on me.
It was subtle things at first: scooting closer to me on the couch, leaning her head on my shoulder, laughing too loudly at my bad jokes. It was like she was trying really hard to impress me, like I was my brother.
We’d decided to have a few Mike’s early in July and pretend we were two socialites living on our own in the big city. Our families had been gone for three weeks at this point. Penny had a thing for B-rated scary movies and Netflix had her number. I put on something called Darkness Falls because it had Anya from Buffy.
Penny placed her head on my shoulder, snuggling into me. It was pretty much the norm at this point.
Every once in awhile, I reached down for a handful of buttery popcorn, something we’d practically been living off of. I was on my third black cherry lemonade when Penny grabbed my hand as I went in for more popcorn.
The movie was coming to its climax.
I glanced down at Penny in confusion. Her glassy, blue eyes were wide with lust—at least that’s what I assumed (I wasn’t used to being on the reciprocating end of that look).
Penny reached over me to set her drink down. My heart started to pick up rapidly and it had nothing to do with the scares in the movie. She came back to her seated position slowly, letting her delicious fragrance spill all over me.
Her delicate face hovered close to mine. I tried to ignore it, but she reached a cold hand around the side of my neck, pulling me in. I probably had a petrified look on my face and my body was starting to sweat, but I stared back at Penny intently.
She readjusted herself on her knees, towering over me. Penny leaned in painfully slow. Her luscious lips pressed against mine, and my body temporarily froze. I was new to this when it came to boys, but Penny was a completely different thing. She was experienced and unfairly gorgeous. And most of all, she was a woman.
Before I had a chance to kiss back, Penny pulled away. She looked horrified and guilty. I wanted to tell her it was okay, but my brain wasn’t functioning properly.
Her cell phone rang. It was her mother.
She left without a word.
I didn’t see her again for a few weeks.