What I Know

“I’m in love with someone else.”

That was it. Those words were all it took for me to turn my back, grab my keys and bolt out of the house without a word. I didn’t know where I was going, but I knew I just had to get out of there.

My mind was working at a mile a minute. So many thoughts were swimming around at once, and it was all very hectic. I didn’t know what to do. I was confused, and my head was starting to hurt. I just wanted it to stop. So instead of thinking, I focused on the stripes in the road and how they morphed into a solid line as I drove. Consistency. Much better.

I don’t know how I got to this point. I don’t know what went wrong. I don’t know what I said or did, or inversely, what I didn’t say or do. I don’t know what I could have done differently or if it would have even been enough to change anything at all. The only thing I knew for sure was that after four years of dating, the woman that I loved had fallen for someone else.

I was broken. What hurt the most was that it happened right under my nose, and I didn’t even see it. I had no idea. I thought she was happy. I thought we were happy. Either I was blind or she was a damn good actress. Hell, it might have been a bit of both.

The more I thought about it, the more shaken up I got. My breathing was getting heavier by the minute, and before I knew it, I was full-on hyperventilating. I started to feel lightheaded, and I was starting to swerve a little bit. As horrible as I felt, I was in no mood to get myself killed, so I pulled over to the side of the road. I closed my eyes and took deep breaths, but I could still see was her face, her bright eyes, smooth skin, the dimples in her cheeks and that perfect smile. Then it started to fade, and my mind became jumbled again.

Once I felt like I was okay to drive again, I turned the car on and sped away. I didn’t give a thought to where I was going, and I didn’t really notice until I pulled into my driveway. I took a deep breath before cutting off the engine and going inside the house. As soon as I walked in, I noticed a lonely suitcase sitting at the bottom of the stairs. That’s when it finally hit me. This was all real. This was really happening. She had made her mind up, and she was wasting no time leaving.

I walked further into the house and found her in the kitchen. She was sitting at the table, waiting for me, I suppose. From the way that she was slumped over, her face pulled down in a scowl, I could tell that she was tired. I was tired too. I pulled out a chair and sat next to her. She refused to look at me. I knew she felt bad for all of this. She’s not the type to hurt people intentionally, but feeling bad wasn’t going to stop her from doing what she had to do.

I waited patiently for her to say something. Anything. But she didn’t. It wasn’t until I heard a sniffle that I looked over at her. I hadn’t noticed that she had started crying. Without even thinking, I reached over and ran my thumb across her cheek. After that brief moment of contact, I could hear my heart pounding loud and clear. It was insane that even knowing that she was in love with another man and would be leaving me in a matter of minutes, my heart still beat for her the same way that it had the past four years.

She smiled halfheartedly and cleared her throat before wiping away the rest of her tears. She sighed inwardly and finally made eye contact with me before saying, “I’m so sorry, Zayn. I never meant for any of this to happen.”

I shrugged. The drive I took helped me clear my head, so I wasn’t upset anymore. I was heartbroken, of course, and I would remain that way for a while. But I wasn’t upset. There was one thing that I was aching to know, though. It was a difficult question to ask, but I needed to know the answer, so I spit it out. “How long have you been seeing this guy?”

Her frown fell deeper, and she looked away again. “I met him last summer when you were in Europe. We started hanging out as friends, and things went from there rather quickly.” She looked me in the eyes again. “But I never cheated, Zayn. I swear. I would never do anything like that to you.”

Little did she know that what she was doing was cheating. Emotional cheating, I mean, and that’s the worst in my opinion. But I let the technicalities go. It wouldn’t change anything anyway.

“It’s okay. I’m not angry.” I looked over at the clock on the stove. 10:30. It had been a long day, and I was tired. I didn’t want to prolong this anymore. I wanted her to just say goodbye and leave. Just rip the band-aid right off, you know? “It’s getting late,” I pointed out.

“Right,” she said, looking at me hesitantly. She still felt guilty, but I was over it. I was ready to let go.
We got up from the table, and I led her to the foyer. She stared at me for a moment before locking me in an embrace and pressing her full lips to mine. I was caught off guard at first, but after a second, I remembered what was happening and who I was with. And as well as I can be the bad boy and pretend that things don’t get to me, I couldn’t lie to myself. I still loved this girl more than I could fathom, and I probably always would. It’s just something I can’t deny.

When she pulled away, she flashed me a weak smile. “I love you, Zayn. I really mean that. And I’m sorry for any pain that I’ve caused you. That was never my intention.”

I didn’t have anything to say, so I just nodded in response and watched as she picked up her suitcase and walked out of the door to our home for the last time.