Comfort

1/1

It wasn’t that Jack was shy, exactly. Well… No, it was exactly like that. He was shy to the point where his parents wondered if he could talk at all. He was silent all through school and often just answered in gestures if a teacher talked to him. His parents almost had him switch schools because he was so quiet, but he tore up the registration forms and they took that as him not wanting to go.

He had no friends. He didn’t necessarily want any. Friends meant conversations and conversations meant talking. He didn’t want to talk. It didn’t mean he liked sitting alone at lunch and having no one to play with at recess.

So, needless to say, on the first day of first grade, he was pretty fucking surprised when a little blonde boy sat next to him on the bench at recess with a confident, “Hello,” said in a British accent.

Jack was so shocked that someone spoke to him that he ended up dropping his juice box and one of the older kids stepped on it, forcing the rest of the juice from the straw and onto the ground. Jack frowned in disappointed; that had been his favorite flavor.

“Did you hear me?” the small blonde boy asked, a tilt of the head as he spoke. “Can you not hear? I think my mommy said that was being mute. No… Death? I think she said it was called being death. I thought that was when someone died. Maybe I was wrong. But are you death?”

Jack’s eyes were wide, because he was most certainly not death. He shook his head and blushed, looking away quickly.

“Then why aren’t you talking? Why is your face red? I want to talk to you. I think you were in my class last year and you never said anything. Do you like cars? I like cars. And I like music too. Do you like music?”

Questions were fired off and Jack didn’t answer a single one. He couldn’t even keep up. The little boy talked a lot and very quickly.

“What’s your name?” the boy finally asked, although he didn’t give Jack the time to answer. “My name is Alexander. But you can call me Alex, because my mommy said that Alexander sounds too ‘posh’. I don’t know what posh means. But I don’t think it’s good. I’m from England. Where are you from? You have really dark hair. It’s funny.”

Jack wasn’t sure if that was a compliment or not. This little boy—Alex—was a bit persistent and rather confusing, because he would ask a question and give a detail about himself and ask another question without letting Jack answer. Not that he would anyway.

The bell rang for the end of recess and Alex took Jack’s hand, pulling him up. “Come on. We have to go inside now. Did you hear the bell? Or are you death? You never answered me.”

Jack just let himself be pulled along, listening to Alex babble on about his family and his dogs and how Tay was the cutest girl in school and he was going to marry her someday. Jack thought that was sort of silly, since girls were stupid and obviously had cooties. Why would Alex want to marry one?

Alex sat next to Jack in class and only stopped talking when the teacher told him to. He chose Jack as his partner for P.E. and they played Frisbee together. Jack wasn’t very good at it. Alex wasn’t very good at it either.

Jack was sort of beginning to think that maybe Alex wasn’t so bad when the boy said matter-of-factly, “You’re not very interesting. I don’t think I want to be your friend.”

And with that, Alex walked away to go pester another little boy, and Jack just walked him go. It wasn’t like he was going to say anything.

~~~

The next day at school, Jack sat alone on the bench. He drank his juice box and ate his cookie and his blueberries and decided that having no friends was okay.

And then Alex came up to him again, dragging a teacher along behind him. He pointed an accusing finger at Jack and said in an arguable tone, “He won’t talk to me.”

The teacher laughed lightly. “Alex, Jack’s very shy. He doesn’t like to talk. Maybe if you keep talking to him, he’ll come out of his shell and talk to you.”

“But I want him to talk to me now!”

“Jack doesn’t want to talk right now. Another time, yes?”

Alex pouted, but nodded and sat next to Jack. The teacher smiled and walked away, leaving Alex to ask, “Will you ever talk to me?”

Jack shrugged and Alex huffed, reaching into his backpack and getting out a notebook. He got a pen as well and handed it to Jack with a blank page showing. “Write your name.”

Jack did as he was told and Alex looked at it before saying, “You have really bad handwriting. But I do too. Do you like to play music?”

I don’t know, Jack wrote. I never tried

“You should! My mommy says I’m going to be famous one day. I want you to be famous with me. Will you be famous with me?”

Maybe

“I want you to be famous with me. But you’re going to have to talk. Will you talk if I make you?”

I don’t like talking

“Why? My mommy says that’s how you get to know people.”

I don’t like people

“Why not? People are nice.”

Jack shrugged and the bell rang. Alex took back his notebook and pen and grabbed Jack’s hand, pulling him back to the classroom.

Alex hugged him before going home when the day ended and Jack didn’t know what to think.

The next day, Alex sat with him at recess and Jack shared his cookies and Alex went on about how cool stars were and how much he loved pokemon and Jack just listened. It went on like that for weeks, Alex hugging him goodbye every day. Occasionally he’d bring Jack a coloring book and they’d color together, but Jack never once said anything.

~~~

Middle school came around and Alex was still best friends with Jack, although Jack still had never spoken a word to him. It wasn’t that he couldn’t talk, but Alex didn’t know that. He still thought that his best friend was mute or maybe deaf (he’d learned that it wasn’t death) but according to the younger’s mother, Jack was just insanely shy even around people he knew and loved. He hardly spoke at home.

Really, Jack was shocked that Alex had stayed his best friend for so long. He was still his only friend. Alex had plenty of other friends, but Jack was still his favorite. They did everything together.

The only difference was that Alex still went on about girls and boobs and how badly he wanted to have sex and Jack still didn’t understand what was so appealing about women. He thought they were pretty, yes, but would he date one? No. He had no interest in kissing or sex or anything. He knew what gay was, but he wasn’t gay. No, not at all. He wasn’t attracted to boys like that. He wasn’t attracted in anyone like that.

There’d been incidents where Jack got beat up and Alex never found out. How could he have? They had different lunch periods and the kids who bullied him beat him up where no one else could see. It wasn’t necessarily just incidents, it was every day. They’d gotten smart enough to not hit him where people could see the bruises or scrapes from pavement. Hurtful names were thrown out in the halls whenever Alex wasn’t around him. It was like they knew how much Alex cared about him and made sure he wasn’t around.

The two walked home together every day and Alex babbled on about how boring school was. Jack did well in all of his classes because he had nothing to focus on but school whereas Alex only did alright, getting B’s and C’s in his classes, the occasional fail of test here and there. Usually he’d study with Jack, which was a bit difficult, because Jack just wouldn’t talk.

~~~

Eventually high school came and Alex had a few girlfriends and a few kisses. Jack still only had one friend, never a girlfriend, never a boyfriend, never a kiss. Alex would still hug him every day after school and Jack was still beat up every change given to his bullies. He’d turned to cutting himself and he’d never told anyone, but it wasn’t like he talked anyway. In a way he wanted to tell Alex, but he knew that his best friend would just tell his parents. He didn’t want that. Besides, he wasn’t suicidal or anything. Sometimes he just needed to get the pain out. He wasn’t addicted.

He never really figured out his sexuality. He didn’t necessarily like people. He didn’t have any interest in sex or kissing or masturbating whatever else normal people liked to do or think about. The only people he liked were Alex and his family. He tolerated everyone else.

“Mr. Barakat,” his teacher snapped from beside his desk. His head shot up from his paper, eyes wide. He hated calculus. He was fantastic at it, but he hated the teacher. She was a rude old hag who made everyone talk and she hated Jack because he just wouldn’t cooperate. “Would you be ever so kind to answer this question?”

Jack’s heart began racing again and he scribbled the answer on a piece of paper, handing it to her. She glared at him angrily and read the answer aloud. “Correct. Mr. Barakat, you’ll be seeing me after class.”

“Hey!” Jack heard his best friend exclaim from across the room.

Their teacher raised her eyebrows at him. “Mr. Gaskarth, do you have a question?”

“Yeah, actually, I do. If he got the answer right, like he always does, then why does he have to stay after class?”

Alex, no, no, please don’t do this, Jack pleaded in his mind. He didn’t need Alex to stand up for him.

“Mr. Barakat needs to learn to speak up in class,” their teacher shot back.

“So what if he doesn’t talk? That’s his choice. He’s shy; everyone knows that. He probably has social anxiety. I’m his best friend and have been since first grade and he won’t even talk to me. I think you could cut him a little slack. He’s the smartest kid in here and there’s no point in making him stay after class for getting the right answer. Would you rather him be talking all period and not paying attention?”

“Mr. Gaskarth-,”

“I am not done talking!” Alex yelled. Jack blushed deeply, since his best friend was practically screaming at their teacher just because she was being a little unfair.

“Alexander!” their teacher exclaimed.

“Let me fucking talk!” Alex shouted back. “I don’t fucking care if he doesn’t talk. He gets good grades, he doesn’t do drugs, he doesn’t date bad people, he doesn’t sleep around… What else do you want? So what if he doesn’t speak? He doesn’t have to if he doesn’t want to. Now, if you’d be ever so kind, leave my best friend the fuck alone and let him do what he fucking wants. He’s fucking sixteen, almost an adult. He knows what he wants.”

“I don’t care what Mr. Barakat does outside of school or who he dates. It is a social skill to speak and he’s failing.”

“That’s his fucking decision! Hell, we don’t even know if he can talk! What if he’s mute? What if he doesn’t have the physical ability to speak? Then what? How shitty are you going to feel then?”

“Mr. Gaskarth, you need to stop using such crude language.”

“I’ll use whatever language I fucking want, thank you very much.”

“I’ll be seeing both of you after class.”

Alex was about to protest, but their teacher continued on with the lesson. Alex caught Jack’s eyes and Jack smiled a little in thanks. Alex smiled back and both focused back on the lesson.

Their talk after class consisted of both boys getting a citation and Jack wanting to cry because he’d never gotten a citation before, nor had he even come close to getting one. But Alex assured him that it wasn’t a big deal and by the end of the day, he felt a little better about it, since Alex hugged him goodbye a little tighter than before and told him to have a good rest of the day.

~~~

Alex was over at Jack’s house as he often was on the weekend and the two were in Jack’s room, door open with a board game between them on the bed. They’d always played Monopoly as children and Alex would often get angry and throw pieces at Jack because really, this was Monopoly, not just some stupid children’s game. This was the real deal. Jack was sort of boring when it came to Monopoly though, because he didn’t get angry when he lost. Alex would still pout, but he wouldn’t throw pieces. He was too old for that sort of silly behavior.

Alex was singing to himself and Jack was just listening, trying to figure out what song it was. Probably by some weird band Alex loved. Jack wasn’t all that into music. Eventually he just sort of stared at his best friend, trying to capture his attention. Alex glanced up at him and smiled a little. “You alright there, Jay?”

Jack nodded, but frowned a little, and Alex laughed. “You’re wondering what song I’m singing, aren’t you?”

Jack kind of loved how well Alex knew him. He nodded again and Alex replied, “Just something that I wrote.”

The younger’s eyebrows rose in surprise. It was a really good song, something about someone being a daydream away or something. Jack wasn’t entirely listening. “Do you like it?” Alex asked.

Jack nodded once more and Alex smiled. “Thanks. You should,” his voice got a little quieter and he avoided eye contact, pretending to be very interested in his game piece, “Because I wrote it about you.”

Jack almost didn’t catch it, Alex spoke so quietly. But he did, and his eyes widened. Was Alex admitting to having a crush on him? He’d never shown any sign of having a crush on him. He’d talked a lot about having crushes on girls, but boys? Never.

Jack watched as his best friend’s eyes met his own wide ones and Alex bit his lip, looking pretty nervous. His eyesight fell just the slightest before going back up to Jack’s eyes and the younger got confused. Why hadn’t he just kept eye contact?

But then Alex was kissing him, the elder’s hand on Jack’s cheek softly. Jack’s eyes widened even more and he tensed, since this was his first kiss and his best fucking friend was the one to give it to him. Why? Alex didn’t even like boys, right? And Jack didn’t like anybody like that. Why would Alex kiss him? Why would he write a song about him?

Alex pulled away after a few seconds and Jack blushed as Alex looked down. “I…” the elder started. “I’m sorry.”

They sat in silence for a few seconds before Alex spoke again. “Should… I go?”

Jack slowly shook his head, chewing on his thumbnail as he often did when he didn’t know what to do. Alex sighed and said tiredly, “You’re going to have to talk someday, Jay.”

Jack just shrugged a little and Alex stayed quiet for another few moments before asking, “Do… Do you want me to kiss you again? Or not?”

Jack thought about it for a few seconds before slowly nodding his head. Alex’s eyebrows rose slightly. “Will you kiss back?” Jack shrugged. “Do you know how to kiss back?”

With another deep blush, Jack shook his head and Alex smiled a tiny bit. “Just press back against my lips, okay? And if I open my mouth, do the same and follow my lead. Just relax, alright? Touch me wherever you want.”

Jack blushed again and nodded. Alex set the game board on the ground and scooted closer to Jack, their knees brushing slightly as they sat Indian style. Alex leant in again and pressed their lips together, his hand on Jack’s cheek again.

After getting over the short initial shock, Jack pressed back a little bit, unsure of his movements or if he was doing anything right. He sat rather rigid, like a statue, his hands in his lap and his eyes lightly closed.

Alex broke away just long enough to mumble against Jack’s lips, “Relax, Jack. It’s just me, okay? You don’t need to be nervous.” He took one of Jack’s hands and placed it on the back of his neck. “Touch me how you want. Just do what comes naturally, alright?”

Jack nodded a little, eyes still closed, and Alex kissed him again. He kissed back again, sort of melting into the nice feeling, his fingers hesitantly pushing into Alex’s soft hair. He’d never touched the elder like this—the most contact they’d ever had other than their daily hugs.

But this, this was nice. Jack liked kissing. He thought. He didn’t really know. It was all so new, all the touching and contact and oh, Alex was opening his mouth, that was really new. Jack was shaking a bit in nerves, but he followed his friend’s lead and opened his mouth, letting Alex kiss him with a bit more desperation. There wasn’t any tongue and Jack didn’t want there to be.

They broke away just for two seconds to catch their breath slightly before Alex leant back in to kiss Jack and Jack just let it happen, since he really sort of loved being kissed by his best friend. “You’re really good at this,” Alex murmured against Jack’s lips as they paused to catch their breath, since kissing was invigorating and it took Jack’s breath away to just think about kissing Alex.

Jack just sort of hummed in reply and Alex grinned before kissing him again, their lips slotting together easily as Jack got the hang of it, fingers pushing back into Alex’s hair. Everything was still so different, yet so nice.

~~~

After a few weeks of lightly fooling around with each other, Alex finally asked Jack to be his boyfriend and Jack nodded an agreement, although secretly he wondered why Alex would want to date him, the boy who never spoke, who no one knew it he could speak.

They kept it a secret from their parents and Alex would steal kisses during study sessions. Whenever one would spend the night at the other’s house, they’d stay up with the light off and kiss. Alex didn’t add tongue and Jack had a feeling that he knew he was a little afraid of going too far with things.

Alex called him names, like babe and baby and sweetheart and love and whenever they were kissing, he’d often call him adorable or sexy and every time it made Jack blush and Alex would call him adorable again.

Everything was innocent—neither got boners when they kissed, neither added tongue nor biting, and the farthest Alex went with touching was Jack’s waist or neck.

Alex’s seventeenth birthday came around and the weather was cold, so the two just sat in front of the elder’s fireplace with hot chocolate and shared kisses while Alex told stories about when they were littler and how frustrated he would get when Jack wouldn’t talk to him those first few days of school. It made Jack grin and think about how he remembered Alex dragging their teacher into it and complaining about how he won’t talk to me! It was amusing for both, seeing as Alex was perfectly fine with Jack’s silence. He’d gotten used to it. If it made the younger more comfortable, then he didn’t really care if he spoke or not.

Isobel had walked in on them kissing in front of the fireplace and just told them not to take things too far, causing Jack to blush and Alex to just roll his eyes and nod.

On Jack’s seventeenth birthday, they spent their night at Alex’s house making out hungrily on the boy’s bed, tongues tangling and teeth biting. Alex made Jack hard and Jack made Alex hard, although neither acknowledged it. Jack was embarrassed enough that his boyfriend was making him feel like that; he didn’t need the boy doing anything about it.

On their first year anniversary, Alex told Jack he loved him and Jack cried and kissed him and nodded and Alex knew that his boyfriend loved him back. They spent the rest of the night on the roof of Alex’s car as Alex again recalled memories from when they were little, how he was so annoyed that Jack wouldn’t speak to him those first few days of their friendship. He talked about how he was always so confused about why he would get sparks when he held Jack’s hand and when he hugged him goodbye or hello and how he didn’t figure it out until last year. He went on about how he always got so happy when Jack played cars with him or listened to him play guitar and would clap whenever he finished a song.

They made out again that night, but stopped when Jack got nervous after Alex rolled his hips to give them both that needed friction. Alex might have been ready, but Jack wasn’t, and Alex respected that enough to stop. They fell asleep in the backseat together, Alex’s arms tight around his boyfriend.

The next year, they got in their first big fight. It was Alex’s fault—he was the one who was angry and Jack’s silence didn’t help. Alex was just pissed off because Baz had chewed on his guitar and now it was dented and it wasn’t like Jack was going to take Baz’s side, but he didn’t seem to be taking Alex’s either.

It resulted in Alex yelling at Jack and shouting that he was so fucking stupid sometimes, so fucking annoying, how he didn’t know why he loved him. Jack just cried and left the room and left Alex to curse himself and wonder why he took it out on his boyfriend.

But Alex apologized and wiped away the younger’s tears and told him he loved him and they spent the rest of the night making out.

When they were nineteen, Alex had his own place and they were living together. Jack had never told his boyfriend that he used to cut himself or that he used to get beaten up, partly because he’d never spoken a word and they’d only seen each other shirtless. Sometimes Alex really worried about how shy his boyfriend was.

But they were hopelessly in love and Alex was willing to wait forever for Jack.

By the time they were twenty-one, Alex had proposed and Jack had nodded yes.

On their wedding night, Alex made love to Jack and both loved every second of it. Alex had finally seen Jack’s scars and he’d cried and kissed every one of them and assured his husband that he was perfect in every way. That was the first night Alex heard Jack speak—and it was out of pleasure. Each push in conjured a breathy, fuck or an Alex or some combination of pleads and Alex’s names and curses from the younger and Alex thought his voice was the sexiest, most beautiful thing he’d ever heard. They came at the same time, as cliché as it was, and Alex was positive that Jack was the most gorgeous thing in the world.

After it was all over, the two kissed lazily in bed, Alex’s hand idly running up and down Jack’s cock. Neither was hard anymore; Alex just liked touching his husband. Jack was okay with it.

“I love you so much,” Alex murmured against Jack’s lips.

“I love you too,” Jack whispered hoarsely, his vocal chords underused and scratchy.

But Alex grinned like crazy at hearing his love’s voice, deciding Jack’s voice was his favorite thing in the world.

Jack still wasn’t very loud after that—he only spoke to Alex and it was only on occasions and often very quietly. He explained that he just didn’t like to talk and that was really the only reason why he didn’t and Alex was okay with it.

There were days where Alex would get a bit frustrated with his husband because he wouldn’t speak, but he would always remind himself not to get too touchy since he hated seeing Jack get upset and cry. Often times on nights like those they’d have sex, partly to calm Alex down and partly because Jack loved it and partly because why not?

Jack learned that love was something strange. He’d never really experienced love before, not love like he had for Alex. He knew that Alex had saved his life in a way, otherwise he’d probably still be living in silence with his parents.

But if he’d switched schools like his parents wanted him to, he would have never met his husband, and the fact that he did made him smile just at the thought.