What We Don't Know, Will Hurt Us

I plopped down on the sofa at my place. It's been 3 full days since a bomb was dropped on me. I unconsciously pick up the remote, going throughout the mundane shows. The envelope was on the table, looking at me. Glaring even. The neatly written "Jon" was calling out to me.

"Fuck" I groaned.
I grab the blasted thing and carefully opened to reveal a letter. Mindlessly, I start to read.

Dear Jonny,

Writing this letter is very hard. It seems cowardly that I can't face you and tell you in person what I'm about to write down. It's just that... my time is running out.

7 years ago, I did a thing that I thought will be for our benefit. I broke the special thing that we shared because I knew eventually you'd be better off. You were going to achieve your dreams, something you've worked hard and passionately on for almost all your life. I thought that I, more we, would've hindered you from a life full of possibilities. Letting you go, though so painful, would mean that you'll reach all those goals and potentials you have. I just want to say that I have never or could have been unfaithful to you, so don't doubt what you're about to find out.

I broke up with you because I was pregnant, and unsure.. Caught in a haze. I was supposed to tell you and ask you what to do but on the day of when I ended us, you told me about the draft. I figured that you couldn't do with any distractions. Imagine playing on the ice with only 50% focus because I'm about to give birth or our child is sick at home. We both know that you'd hate that, as you put 110% into the game always. We were both so young and inexperienced. Knowing you, you'd probably quit hockey to settle down and focus on family. The last thing I want for you is to suddenly wake up in the morning and think of how you could've been a star hockey player. You don't deserve to live thinking what if or what now.

Jonny, I want to ask for your forgiveness but I know I'm unworthy for I have kept this secret for so long. If you ever want to meet our daughter, I beg you not to blame her for what I did to you. Her name is Roselind. Sometimes, looking at her is like looking straight at you. She's such a sweet child, and I love her more than anything - I hope you'd find some space in your life and heart for her. Just like you, she's precocious, caring and hard working, even at her young age.

Since you're reading this letter, it can only mean that I'm gone. It pains me so much that I've left a young and innocent daughter to fend for herself. But Mari is always there, so I know Rosie will be okay - she's a tough little cookie. What hurts me the most is that I've hurt you and probably still hurting you. I would do anything to see you one more time. I've never stopped loving you babe. But this is goodbye I guess.

Sincerely,
Jasmine.

As I read the last word of her letter, I could feel nothing except the tears welling at my eyes. Finally, in a long time, I break down.

I reach out for my phone to text Mari: "I want to meet her, I want to see my daughter." - Jonathan