Must Be Normal

Once you label someone, or something, you never really see the person the same way. Everyone creates these labels. It’s to have boundaries that you can see. In a way, it’s orderly. People of the same label stick with each other. They create their own relationships, grow into it. But that label, no matter where you go, is a permanent marker on your forehead. Everyone can see it. They then rearrange themselves around you accordingly. But the label is a sadistic way to make others feel belittled. And some feel ashamed of the label that doesn’t actually fit them.

For her, she’s had labels all her life. It says she’s not “normal” enough for society. She’s a weirdo. She’s not “them”. She marches to the tune of her own drummer, not others’. Why does this make her strange? All she’s doing is trying to survive. End of story. She feels like if you don’t fit the status quo, you aren’t “worthy”. It’s kind of like the Caste System. Anyone who doesn’t fit into the other castes is an Untouchable.

This is where she finds herself. The lowest of the low. The label that can’t even be muttered in passing. It’s frustrating the way she can’t seem to escape it. Wherever she goes, people seem to know. And then they hide from her because she’s not like them….

So she daydreams a little too vividly; talks to others who aren’t there; and she’s a little too wary of the people around her. But at some point, we all do these things. But because of it, she sticks out like a sore thumb. She’s more or less a social catastrophe. She doesn’t know if she’d rather be this than anything else forced upon her.

The worst part is when It happens in public. Because then she’s dodging everyone’s glance. Everybody knows and then they talk about it. They talk about her. Her thoughts to them are, “Okay, I know I’m not like you; but seriously shut up. Like, seriously? What the hell? Keep your snide remarks to yourself.”

Trying not to acknowledge her mind just makes it more angry and volatile. It makes it so she can’t not listen and talk to It. It longs to be noticed. It needs to be noticed. Is she content with It? Is she’s content with not knowing why? Is it bad like everyone thinks? She can’t stand how who she is, and not having control over It, is reason to be labeled. And judged because of It. She can’t live in the shadows anymore like she used to.

Her disease doesn’t inhibit her at all. Schizophrenia isn’t going to slow her down one bit. But it’s amazing, the relentlessness of her mind, and how unstoppable it really is. It makes her more creative, able to find more ways around her issues. There is no comparison to her mind. But for once in her life, she wishes she fit the “normal” definition. She doesn’t want the burden everyone gives her for being human. A human not fitting their standards.