Anti Blue Skies

I should have realized that by leaving myself with only two hours to get ready would make me run late. I had only just gotten out of the shower, managing to blow dry and curl my hair decently. But when I anxiously looked to the digits on my alarm clock, I knew if we wanted to beat traffic I’d have to only put on a minimum amount of makeup.

After applying a coat of lipstick and a few swipes of mascara, I made my way into the kitchen to try to squeeze in a bit of breakfast before Louis came to pick me up. I was beginning to feel extremely excited for Jeff and Mary, but also nervous something would get in the way of them. They deserved a beautiful wedding.

When I entered the kitchen, Harry was by the stove scrambling eggs while Quinn sat patiently by the island, flipping through a magazine. Neither of them were speaking, just absentmindedly going about their business. It amazed me that Harry could make himself so at at home in my apartment without staying the night in Quinn’s bed.

I took a seat next to Quinn cautiously, offering her a smile she didn’t return. I didn’t expect her to. I could just imagine the look on her face when she came out of her bedroom to find Harry passed out on the couch.

“Good morning.” Harry tossed over his shoulder before cracking another egg into the pan.

I noticed his hair was slightly damp and when he walked in front of me to open the fridge, I could smell the familiar scent of my cucumber and melon body wash radiating off of him. I couldn’t help but wonder why he picked that over Quinn’s red grapefruit and lemon blossom.

“Morning,” I smiled, flattening the skirt of my dress. “Did you sleep okay?”

He shrugged his shoulders, continuing to stare down at the frying pan. “Decent.”

Although it wasn’t the answer I was hoping to get from him, I knew he was thankful. He had never straight up told me he was sleeping in his car, but it was easy to assume.

Quinn’s sharp sigh cut through the air like a knife as she obnoxiously turned a few pages. She wasn’t wearing any makeup, which was strange for her. If I was being honest, she looked like a completely different person without black rings around her eyes and fake eyelashes.

I was just about to ask if I could have some of Harry’s breakfast when Quinn cut me off. “Are you two going to the wedding together, then?”

This was the first time I had heard about Harry attending Jeff and Mary’s wedding. They must have really taken a liking to him once he started preparing their shrimp and steak the way they liked it best.

“No, we’re not.” Harry bluntly stated.

I stared at the back of his head as he reached into one of the cabinets to pull out three cups and a few plates. “I didn’t know you were invited,” I said. “Have you got a date?”

As soon as I mentioned the word date, Quinn glared at me with dense and tired eyes. Maybe I was crossing the line. “I’d be his date if he wasn’t such a selfish prick.”

Harry stopped placing eggs on a plate, snapping his attention back around. “How many times do I have to tell you that we’re not dating before you get it through your thick skull?” He asked maliciously, holding a scowl. “It’s bloody annoying.”

I should’ve felt out of place and extremely awkward, but a bigger part of me was relieved their current argument had more to it than meets the eye and they weren’t only fighting about me. If anything, now I was more curious as to what they were so angry about, but I could slowly put the pieces together.

Quinn looked down at her lap in a fit while Harry aggressively finished preparing our breakfast before sliding two, plentiful plates of food in front of us. “Selfish, my ass.” He mumbled, taking a plate for himself and storming into the living room.

Quinn and I sat in silence while eating, but I didn’t mind it. Louis would be here soon, so there was no time to waste talking to someone who hardly acknowledged me.

After putting the dishes in the sink and slipping on some heels, I gave myself one last look in the mirror before there was a knock on the door. A smile slipped past my lips as I went to answer it, dodging the edge of the counter and jumping over a pile of shoes.

When I pulled the door open, Louis was standing with his hands in his pockets and staring at me with big, soulful blue eyes. He was wearing a grey jacket over a nice dress shirt, and on his feet were most likely the shoes he had been talking about wearing.

He always managed to look like a stunning greek god, making me wonder how I happened to meet a guy like him.

“You’re just in time.” I gestured to the clock on the microwave. “Just let me grab my wallet.”

He smiled and took the door from me as I stepped away, racing towards my room. When I came back, Harry was standing in front of him, his back facing me as he leaned against the door frame. A nervous boil settled in my stomach. They’d met each other once and it didn’t go so smoothly.

As I stepped closer, the two of them turned to look at me. Louis held a smile while Harry stood with his hands in his pockets and a blank expression on his face. They weren’t fighting, thankfully.

“I’m driving.” Harry said, bluntly.

I furrowed my brows together, looking to Louis for a better explanation.

“Hell, I’ll take any opportunity to save gas any day.” He shrugged. “You wouldn’t believe how many miles that thing has on it.”

Okay, so I was confused. Harry didn’t need to do me any more favors. In the back of my head I still disliked him, yet here I was giving him a place to stay and letting him drive me to a wedding. It made me question myself, because if I really hated him as much as I believed, why was I letting him into my life all over again.

I did like the way Harry’s seat warmers felt, though. I was sitting in the back by myself, while Louis insisted I take the front, I thought it would be weird to be so close to Harry with my date in the back seat.

“So who are these people again?” Louis asked, tilting his head over his shoulder. “I’m awful with names.”

I smiled. “Jeff and Mary.”

“Hm,” he thought for a moment. “I feel kind of bad crashing a stranger’s wedding.”

“What?” I laughed. “You aren’t crashing, I invited you to come with me. But even if you were, I know for a fact they’d be alright with it.”

“They sound like nice folks.” Louis said. “How do you know them?”

I could easily tell a long story and go into detail. “I--”

“We know them from work.”

For the first time since we got in the car, Harry said something. He had his eyes set on the road, his back relaxed against the seat as he held the wheel firmly at the twelve o’clock position.

Louis turned his head to the right, musing him a look. “You work together?” He asked, pointing a finger between Harry and I. “Is that how you two became so close?”

Now I wouldn’t say Harry and I were close. We go way back, but we weren’t close. I didn’t know how Louis could have came up with that assumption but I’d be stupid to ask. We were close in the way that he led me on for the longest time and broke my heart and dignity into a million tiny pieces. If that was close, then yeah, we were close.

Harry shrugged. “I guess you could say that.”

Or no, you couldn’t say that. Harry gave me a stern look through the rearview mirror, telling me to bite my tongue.

“Yeah, I’m pretty good buddies with some of the guys I work with.” Louis smiled, moving his head to look out the window. “So, where exactly do you work?”

“Her dad’s place,” Harry huffed, lifting a finger off the wheel.

“Is it like a restaurant?”

I nodded my head yes, but it wasn’t like either of them were paying attention to me.

Harry shrugged. “More or less.”

“More or less?” Louis asked. “Is it a pub or something?”

“Do you always ask this many questions?” Harry scowled, peeling his eyes away from the road for the first time. “Jesus.”

Louis rolled his eyes and the conversation fell short, but the drive wasn’t long enough for it to become too awkward. Before I knew it, Harry was pulling into the church parking lot before stopping the car completely. Louis got out to open my door, holding my hand as we walked into the chapel together, Harry trailing behind us. When I peeked behind to steal a glance from him, all I received was a familiar frown.

The set up was absolutely beautiful and graceful, exactly how I pictured Mary having it. Although the wedding was short notice, I could tell she had been planning it for years. She liked her shrimp cooked a certain way and her wedding was no different. The church didn’t need improving to begin with, with high ceilings, colorful and bright stain glass windows, and decorated walls. As an addition, candles were illuminating every pew and melodic music danced around the room.

The ceremony was even better. Mary emerged wearing an elegant, laced bodice dress, flattering her every curve and fragment. It didn’t matter what age they were, because the moment Jeff’s eyes met hers, they were magically immortal. Like some sort of fairytale where the prince and the princess are stuck in a story book with no real worries or obstacles for the future. Just each other and a lifetime supply of love and admiration.

It was impossible to go to a wedding, watching two people fall in love all over again, and not wish that it was you up on that altar marrying the one. There was a time in high school when I thought my one could be Harry, even when he didn’t put in any effort towards our science experiments, or even when I’d let him cheat off my math tests.

But then there were the times he’d pick me up and we’d cruise the busy streets of Brighton just to get away for awhile, and I’d let him complain about Jennifer. How in the middle of class, we’d take turns drawing perverted pictures in his notebook. How sometimes, if I was having a really bad day, I could text him and he would listen. We never got really personal, but he could do that with his girlfriend and I could be the friend who was always there for a good laugh.

...and apparently a quick shag.

I was young and naive, but maybe nothing had changed. I’m still young and I’m still naive.

While Jeff recited his vows, I couldn’t help but stare at the man next to me. There was a sparkle in Louis’s eyes, like he might be on the verge of crying. He was a sensitive human being, something I pegged since our first date when he called me beautiful. On instinct, I laced my fingers through his hand that rested on his knee before he gave it a light squeeze.

Mary started reciting her own vows and I smiled, the squint in my eye was enough to push out a single tear. I was very quick to wipe it away with my index finger, sniffling in the process. I wasn’t the only one, many people seated around me were rubbing at their eyes and blowing their noses.

Somewhere between Louis’s soft touches to my knuckles and Jeff slipping the ring on Mary’s finger, my gaze caught Harry’s through a mesh of people in the pews. His eyes were red and puffy, his cheeks tinted an off shade of pink and his hair distraught like he had been running his hands through it. I could easily tell he was having a hard time keeping himself together. They weren’t happy tears, they were sad and maybe even a little angry. But why?

My brows furrowed when I sent him an empathetic look. In response, he shook his head and wiped the spot below his eyes. The woman next to him offered him a kleenex and he didn’t hesitate to rip it from her hand, blowing into it forcefully.

I pushed whatever form of sympathy and confusion I felt for Harry to the back of my mind, staring up at the altar in time to watch the bride and groom share their first kiss as a married couple. Everyone stood, applauding the two as they walked down the aisle, arm in arm.

“I seen you tearing up a bit.” I teased Louis as we scooted into the aisle, retreating with the rest of the guests.

“Me?” Louis laughed. “You were the one blubbering like a baby onto my shoulder.”

“I did not. Your shirt is perfectly dry.”

He laughed, giving me a playful look as we walked through the double doors to get back to Harry’s car. I didn’t see him leave with the rest of us, so I wasn’t exactly sure if he’d be there when we got closer.

“I’m just going to put it out there,” Louis stated, staring down at the sidewalk. “Harry doesn’t seem to be very fond of me, does he?”

I tightened my grip on my purse. “Don’t take it personally, he’s not fond of anyone.”

“He seems quite fond of you.” He admitted quietly, finally lifting his eyes to mine. “I haven’t known him long, and if I’m being honest I don’t care to know him at all, but I can tell you make his dark little world a bit brighter by the way he looks at you..” He chuckled at his choice of words.

“Don’t be silly.” I frowned.

He suddenly stopped walking, catching my elbow so I’d face him. He had a strange look on his face, something I couldn’t read. If I had to guess I’d say he was worried about something.

“I’m not trying to make a joke.” He started, sliding his fingers down to my hand. “I don’t do this whole dating thing a lot, so I’m not really sure how it works, but I know that I like you, for all that it’s worth. I just need to know you’re invested as much as I am.”

I curled my fingers around his reassuringly. I wasn’t used to guys being into me, so I wasn’t expecting Louis to feel something as quick as he did. A rush of unfamiliarity crashed through me and I accepted it with open arms. What was I always so scared of? Not everyone was like Harry, no matter how he did or didn’t look at me.

“This right here,” I started, pointing between us. “It just works.”

He beamed a smile, nodding in agreement. He remained holding my hand as we finally approached Harry’s car. I had to squint to see him from across the street, but I noticed Harry resting his forehead on the top of the steering wheel, his crossed arms shielding the sides of his face.

Talking with Louis made me forget about how I had last looked at Harry. The tears streaming down his cheeks was a disturbing thought and I couldn’t even begin to wonder what could have caused him to become so emotional in that instant. He could be a big sap over weddings or he could be allergic to the candles burning, but his eyes told a completely different story all on their own. For the first time, I wanted to know what he was thinking.

Harry’s head popped up as Louis and I got into the car. Before I could even get my seatbelt on, we were speeding off down the street. I fell back, smacking my head against the headrest.

“Is someone in a rush for a drink or just a bad driver?” I smiled to myself, rubbing the aching spot on the back of my head. Whiplash was the last thing I needed at a wedding reception. I faintly heard Louis let out a chuckle of his own.

Harry pouted. “I’m a good driver.”

“No, I don’t know if I feel safe,” I said, trying my best to fill the silence while also drawing attention away from witnessing a crying Harry.

“You’re plenty safe,” he told me. “You’ve got your seatbelt on.”

I rolled my eyes, mentally replaying him stepping on the accelerator before I was even sitting down. “Barely.”

Louis and I kept idle chit chat, every once in a while trying to cue Harry in, but he would just shrug or scowl and keep his attention on the road. His face was completely clear of any sign he had been crying not twenty minutes ago.

I remember long car rides with my dad and sisters. Before he bought the truck, he drove us around in a hideous shade of purple Spree. It looked like it was made out of tinfoil and we would most likely be dead if we were to crash. It was definitely a wall of shame car, but it got us from point A to point B. My dad even managed to get it on two wheels around a corner once.

Even though I couldn’t help but make fun of Harry’s driving, I felt a hell of a lot safer in his Range Rover than I ever felt in my truck, or the Spree.

Harry turned up the volume on his stereo, most likely trying to cut through the silence and tension between him and Louis. I rolled my eyes, landing on the same grungy pillow and blanket from last night. Harry must have tried his best tucking them under his seat after the wedding.

I stared out the window, watching the sky turn grey and light speckles of rain trail down the glass. The neighborhood didn’t look familiar to me. When dad got lost he never asked for direction, so I thought Harry was the same way. “Do you know where you’re going?”

“Of course I do,” he sputtered, making a sharp left. “I just gotta stop somewhere first.” He halted to a stop next to a scratched up apartment building with a bike knocked over on the yard and a plentiful supply of wrappers and empty beer bottles scattered about. “Now would you just be patient?” His face stiffened into a scowl before stepping out of his car and into the building.

The side’s of Louis’s mouth turned upwards. “At least now I can finally take a look at his cd collection,” he lifted a thick, black cd wallet from off the floor, unzipping the top quickly. “I wonder if his widow heart has a good taste in music. I bet it’s all screamo or daft punk, it would explain his personality disorder.”

I surprised myself when my first instinct was to defend Harry, somehow it didn’t seem fair that he wasn’t here to do it himself. I held myself back, simply because it wouldn’t do any good for Louis and I definitely didn’t want to confuse myself further.

“What do you think he’s doing?” I asked, still staring at the dark and tattered building across the street. The rain beginning to fall harder.

Louis shrugged. “Probably making a deal with the devil.”

Again, I wanted to say something, but I was a master at biting my tongue.

The more I stared at the brick building, the more I thought it resembled a place my mother would live. I couldn’t picture her in anything more established, because I didn’t think she deserved it. Sometimes, I wanted to know where she was. Who she was with. Where she worked. If she worked. But then I remember why I hate her so much. I remember how she failed to tuck me and my sisters in at night. How she could never take us to school because she was too busy. How she would never laugh at my jokes or accept the finger paintings I’d make her at daycare. Most importantly, I remembered how she made my dad feel like he wasn’t the only man in her life… because he wasn’t.

“Finally!” Louis shouted, shoving a cd into Harry’s stereo. “Something that’s not a mix. For as twisted and manly as he tries to play himself off as, he sure is talented at making hearts and rainbows,” he said, throwing the disk wallet into my lap.

I flipped through a few of Harry’s cd’s, Louis was right, all of them were mixes except for a few at the end. I squished my eyebrows together, having a hard time believing he would actually draw the sharpied hearts onto his music.

The lights in the vehicle turned on when Harry opened his door, pulling me from my thoughts. He slid in quickly, trying to shield himself from the rain with his arm. He shook out his hair, drying the parts that managed to get wet.

“What took you so long? We were beginning to worry,” Louis asked smiling, and I knew it was just to piss Harry off. I didn’t like it. I already had a bad feeling about going through his cd’s that I couldn’t explain.

Harry shifted the gear to drive and started down the street, one hand buckling his seatbelt and the other holding the wheel. “It took five minutes. If you have a problem with that I can pull over.”

Louis shook his head, pulling off a giant grin. Why did he think Harry was so funny? If I didn’t know him so well, I’d think he was half asshole and half frightening. I examined his electrifying eyes in the mirror like I had been doing all day. They trailed down to his stereo, his eyelashes lulling over her cheekbones before clenching his jaw.

“Did you go through my cd’s?” Harry’s head slowly turned to look at Louis. I knew something was off about those cd’s, and although Louis was the one to pry, I felt like it was my responsibility to take the blame.

“He didn’t do it, Harry, I did.” I muttered, panicking at how long his eyes strayed from the road. “Please watch the road.” I extended my arm out to hand him his cd’s back.

“They’re not for listening to.” Harry said taking them from me, staring at the road again before snapping his head back to Louis. “Don’t touch my shit.”

This time I didn’t want to bite my tongue. “Why even have them if you can’t listen to them?”

Harry ran a hand through his hair while his hard stare diverted to the road again...thankfully. He sighed, “Don’t ask when you don’t want to know the answer, Lydia.”

But I did want to know the answer. He could have been embarrassed of them, considering the cartoon stars and hearts written all over the tops of them, but maybe they meant more to him than he would admit.

Minutes passed and I felt like we had been driving forever. “Are we almost there? I have to pee.”

I heard Harry groan deeply and make a right onto the freeway, but Louis turned around, a grin plastered to his face. “Are you five years old again? Because if you are, tell me how you did it.”

“The back seat does this to me.” I laughed.

“I guess I can’t say I blame you. I prefer the front myself,” he shifted in his seat, turning up the heat. Harry shot him an angry and annoyed stare, but Louis was too busy talking to notice. “It warms up faster and there’s always more foot room.”

“I hope you both can prefer the trunk, because that’s where you’re going if you don’t stop talking.” Harry complained, resting his elbow on the door.

“Yup, we’re five.” Louis whispered, turning his head forward.

Another twenty minutes passed by, like the grass and sidewalks out the window. Harry managed to create his own parking space on a large patch of field everyone was using as a lot. I hadn’t expected the reception to be in a tent, but I prayed the rain wouldn’t get too heavy. Nothing was ruining this for Jeff and Mary.

Pushing myself out of the car, I caught a glimpse of a sign that read JEFF&MARY in script, illuminating through the dark weather next to the tent. I followed Harry and Louis to the entrance, Louis’s hand leaving my back long enough for him to pull the slit open for me, but letting it drop before Harry could slide his way through. I heard a muffled string of profanities leave Harry’s mouth while he tried pushing the fabric off of him. I couldn’t help the smile that grew on my face.

“Thank you for driving, Harry. It was really nice of you,” I told him, watching him while he fixed his hair.

“Yeah, mate.” Louis quipped, snaking his fingers through the gaps of my own at our sides. I knew it took everything in him to be somewhat nice to Harry in front of me. He wasn’t about to make himself look bad.

Harry dropped his arm with a huff. The muscles in his jaw clenched again while his eyes trailed down, then back and forth between me and Louis. “I need a drink,” he mumbled before slumping to the drinks table with a heavy sigh.

“C’mon, let’s find a table.” Louis said, already pushing me to one in the middle of the room.

Once I was seated, I took in my surroundings a bit more. It was dark, but the white of the tent and the twinkling lights draped over everyone helped set the mood. It was classy and elegant, yet surprisingly modern. As a centerpiece for every table, instead of traditional flowers, there were displays of candles and dragon breaths.

About halfway through the night, I met up with the newly wed couple after the toasts and dinner. I assumed to make up for their small wedding and few invites to the actual ceremony, they invited everyone they had ever met and then some, because there sure was a lot of people here. I also managed to avoid dancing with Louis and three old men who asked nicely. It was nothing against any of them, I just couldn’t dance. Sure, I used to dance around my room , singing into a hairbrush when I was younger, but who didn’t? Rhythm just wasn’t my cup of tea and I accepted that, but it wasn’t me I had trouble convincing.

“Just one dance.” Louis got down on one knee in front of me, holding out his hand while I sat cross legged in a chair. By now he had a few beers in him, nothing to get him absolutely shitfaced, but enough to give him an even bigger boost of confidence than he already had.

“Louis, I told you,” I tried reminding him, tucking a piece of hair behind my ear.

His hand dropped to his side as he stood up, hanging his head and sighing. “Fine, Miss Boring Pants,” he plopped down on the chair next to me. “Just keep drinking your vulgar apple martini… I’ll be here.”

I laughed, taking a sip. I turned my attention to the young girl who kept staring over at Louis and I all night. She couldn’t be any older than Lucy, with her curly red hair and braces. “How about you go and ask that girl to dance. She’s been silently begging for it all night.”

Louis slammed his hand on the table loudly, “You know what, I think I will,” he stood up and I watched him walk over to the young girl and her mom. He didn’t have a problem talking up a storm with either or them. Also, I could have sworn I seen the older woman blush.

My attention drew away from Louis on the dancefloor, letting the girl balance on his shoes, when Harry dropped himself down on the seat across from me. The candlelight under him from the table prevented me from estimating how drunk he was by looking at him. But I could definitely smell the strong scent of alcohol soaking into clothes.

“Is this seat taken?” He asked, placing a bottle in front of him.

“Does it matter? You’re already sitting there,” I turned to face him completely, lifting an eyebrow.

“True, but it’s still polite to ask.”

“Since when do you care about how polite something is. It’s never stopped you from being mean every minute of every day before.” I retorted, crossing my arms over the table.

Harry’s smile dropped as he lifted his bottle to take another swig. Then his eyes bore into mine clear as day, as if all the lights were turned on. “I’m not mean, Lydia.”

“Well…” I swallowed. “You’re not nice.”

He slumped back in his seat, staring down at a dying flame. Harry was always so hard to read, one minute he was just messing around, like a silly little boy, then the next he was tense and aggressive. But tonight, he just seemed to get sadder and sadder.

“Jen would have said the exact same thing,” he mumbled and I wasn’t sure if he wanted me to hear it or not. I decided he did.

“What makes you say that?” I asked curiously. He didn’t talk about Jennifer much. What was once a daily choice of conversation was now something of a secret. Part of me felt bad asking, but he was the one to bring her up.

“She would always tell me how much she hated me, but loved me. And how mean I was to her, but how nice I actually was.” He shrugged, rolling his lips together. “It never made any sense to me, but for some reason when you said it just now, I don’t know how I was so stupid before.”

I liked that he was talking about her, about something, because I was sick of being left in the dark. I was still so confused as to why life pushed me and him together so often, or maybe why he did. I needed answers, so I had to keep him talking.

“Fighting all the time must have been really hard,” I said, throwing another glance towards Louis to make sure he wasn’t coming back soon. Now, the young girl’s mom was begging for him to dance with her as she wrapped her arms around his neck.

“Yeah, for a normal couple probably. To me it was just tiring,” he stopped and thought for a moment before whispering, “It just shouldn’t be that way, you know, like so exhausting and toxic. I realized that, that's why I left."

His eyebrows knitted together and he stared down at his lap, twiddling with some of his rings. He sniffled, but he wasn’t crying. He wasn’t as drunk as I thought he would be by now which was a relief, because I really hoped he would remember all he had just revealed to me.

"I just wanted something more," he continued, twiddling his fingers. "I wanted better."

There was a time where I thought I thought I was the better choice he was so clearly searching for. There was also a tiny part of me who thought maybe he was thinking the same thing. If that was the case, though, then why didn't he choose me when he had the chance?

“I don’t know what to do.” Once again, he whispered, shaking his head and lightly hitting his knee.

My brows knitted together to match his, I tried to search his eyes but he wouldn’t look up at me. When I was having a hard time, I always felt better when I knew someone was there for me. It didn’t matter who as long as it was someone.

I brought my voice down to just above a whisper, “Sometimes you just need someone who will listen to you.”

His eyes snapped up at me, a smile toying at the corners of his mouth. He didn’t speak, but it didn’t matter because he threw the rest of his beer away in the trashcan behind him. For a reason I couldn’t put into words, the gesture was important to me.

“Lydia!” Louis shouted into my ear, startling both me and Harry. “Are you ready to dance yet? You saw my sweet moves like Jagger, they’re not easy to turn down.”

I rolled my eyes, crossing my arms over my chest. Harry looked up at him, scoffing.

“She doesn’t dance, you twat.”