Anti Blue Skies

Waking up the next morning was nearly impossible, it felt as if gallons and gallons of crust was surrounding the lids of my eyes and there was an unmistakable pain where my heart should of been, but it was ripped out of my chest the moment I caught glance of those cuts.

What was an older sister supposed to do in this situation?

I lifted myself to a sitting position, swinging each of my legs over the side of the couch. The sheet under me was bunched to no end and the only blanket I had used all night was nothing but a twisted mess, half on the floor.

A high pitched ring shot through the air, it was a text message but I couldn’t remember where I put my phone. I scrunched up my face, cursing myself while sticking my hands down the sides of the cushions. My hand skimmed thousands of chip crumbs, coins, and bobby pins before finally feeling the familiar exterior of my cell phone.

Opening the lock screen I noticed the text from dad. He was going to be picking Lucy up at three o’clock so he could go to work, which meant I had plenty of time to figure things out and maybe set things right. I pressed the big, circular home button, the screen flashing me my twitter, instagram, and tumblr applications, but surprisingly those didn’t catch my eye at the moment, the time did.

It was half past two o’clock, which meant all of my plans were shot to shit and I didn’t have the time I thought I did.

Feeling rushed, I all but lept off the couch, my head feeling a harsh sting of light headedness from getting up too fast. I remember having competitions with Leslie to see who would black out first, but if anyone knew my sister at all, they’d know she always won, at everything.

My shaky legs carried me to the kitchen where I heard the voice of Quinn telling a story about some creep she had met at the deli a few days ago. I found it slightly hard to believe considering I never see her leave the apartment. I always saw her as this stray dog-- that needed a home and maybe an aspirin-- I generously took under my wing.

When I entered the kitchen, I realized she had been talking to Lucy, as she twisted back and forth on a barstool next to the counter, nibbling on some orange slices. I yawned and obnoxiously threw my arms over my head, making sure they were fully aware I was in the room with them.

Lucy managed to send me a sideways grin, her bright blue eyes looked kinder and her hair looked washed, letting me know she was doing a little better.

Next to the stove, I peered over Quinn’s shoulder to see what she was cooking. There was bacon sizzling in a pan full of oil and scrambled eggs in the pan next to it. I flinched as the sparks of liquid splattered up at me while she shook the bacon, all while throwing chunks of ham into the eggs and putting bread into the toaster. I didn’t bother asking her why she was making breakfast in the afternoon.

“Who knew you could be so aggressive?” I asked the blonde sarcastically before stealing an orange from Lucy’s bowl. It was an inside joke to myself because I knew how aggressive she could get.

Quinn scoffed to herself while a light laugh came from my sister. “I’m good at cooking.”

The toaster popped, and Quinn reached for the hot bread with bare hands. A squeal erupted from her as she dropped it on the floor, shaking her hand to cool it down.

Lucy and I kinked our eyebrows, trying our best to hold in our laughter.

“Right…” Lucy trailed off, but that just earned her a dirty look from Quinn. Better her than me.

I took the seat next to my sister, setting my phone on the counter. “Dad’s picking you up soon. Have you got your stuff together?”

Lucy nodded, shoving her hands into her thick sweatshirt pocket. “I never took anything out.”

I frowned, feeling bad for even asking. I knew our night didn’t go the way it should’ve, definitely not as planned. I would have never in a million years planned for last night to happen.

I reached for the pocket of her hoodie, pulling her arms out of it. She didn’t try to fight me, I imagined she was too exhausted for that. Her arms fell to her sides and I gently took her hand in mine, giving it a small squeeze before she gave me her best reassuring nod back.

Quinn moved to the counter, carrying two plates of breakfast for Lucy and I. The way she delicately set them down in front of each of us made me think of work, and how I had to go in at five.

“Eat up. I made extras.” She bluntly stated, wiping her hands on her sweatpants.

I smiled brightly, even though Quinn was less than enthusiastic. “Thank you!”

I hadn’t realized how hungry I was until food was in my reach, tempting me with it’s greasy texture and distinct smell only bacon could produce. I was eating so fast I almost didn’t notice the way Lucy pushed around the food on her plate, never once taking a full bite.

I looked up to her, my mouth stuffed with eggs and toast. “Eat.”

She poked at the bacon on her plate a couple of times with her fork, “I’m not very hungry.”

I swallowed, wiping my mouth with a napkin. “But you didn’t eat anything last night.”

She shrugged her shoulders, giving me a look of ‘so what?’ so obviously, I gave her one back.

Quinn quietly stepped around us, holding one average plate of food in one hand, and one dangerously stacked plate of food in the other. I ignored my eye rolling sister for a moment to recall last night. What Harry said to me, how he had seen me broken. That would never happen again, I had to make sure of it.

“Wait, Quinn.” I exclaimed. She stood in place, turning her head over her shoulder waiting for me to continue. “Is he still here?”

She looked to the door, then back at me. “Is there an issue?”

“No.” I shook my head, feeling stupid for even asking. “Just wondering.”

She looked confused, but nonetheless retreated to her room. I could hear Harry groan from being woken up before she slammed the door.

I took Lucy’s plate, emptying it into the garbage before putting mine in the sink to soak. I sighed, staring at all the pans and crumbs that were left by the stove. Quinn could think she was this high and mighty chef all she wanted, but when it came to cleaning she probably didn’t know what that word even meant.

“I’d say he’s quite fit, don’t you think so?” Lucy questioned me, breaking all train of thought while picking at the dirt underneath her nails.

I turned around, not sure if I had heard her correctly. “Hmm?”

“You know? Just...fit.” She stumbled on the correct words to use, staring at me with intense eyes. “I wish I could have someone like that.”

I quickly dried my hands on the decorative towel that hung off the handle of the stove. After failing time after time to get Quinn to use a separate one, I decided I could break my own rule and follow her lead.

“Come on Luce,” I replied. “How many times do I have to remind you of how pretty you are? You can get anyone you want.”

She looked down, rubbing the tops of her thighs. She had always been so self conscious, but lately I noticed it had become more of an issue. I wanted to blame high school and puberty, under any other circumstances I would have, but this time I couldn’t. She had bigger problems.

“Me and boys just don’t mix.” She rested her head on the counter and I went to lean over her.

“Trust me, all boys know how to mix are their socks and occasionally alcohol.” She smiled at me, releasing a light chuckle. “And that boy in there, he’s no exception.”

A knock on the door broke me away from my conversation with Lucy. I hurried to open it, skimming across the kitchen floor in my slippers. It took me a couple of seconds to unlock the three locks aligned against the frame. I opened the door, revealing the familiar face of my dad.

“Girls why aren’t you dressed?” He asked in astonishment. I couldn’t just straight up tell him every little detail, but the ‘I’m Too Lazy’ trick wasn’t going to cut it.

Lucy smiled brightly and squirmed to get off the bar stool, letting whatever negative emotion she had been feeling just moments before go to rest. I gave dad a light, feather hug, before Lucy took off running towards him, holding him in a tight embrace.

Looking at the two of them together, and getting along helped me come to the conclusion of putting off telling him what I had witnessed the night before. Her youthful grin told me it could wait for the time being.

I didn’t let Lucy leave without giving her a big hug and a good, raw wedgie. I must say it was one of the best ones I had ever given her, I must get better with age. To my surprise, she thanked me.

I took a shower immediately after shutting the door to my family because I needed to fully wake myself up and freshen up a bit. I collapsed to my bed--which Lucy didn’t bother making up after using it all night-- with a towel wrap on to dry my hair to avoid getting water droplets on my sheets.

I replied to Manny’s thirty or so ugly snapchats of her at some party before scrolling on twitter for what felt like a decade and half, it was so time consuming reading subtweets about people I went to highschool with.

Every other tweet was about relationships, how much they were in love or how much they fought. Everyone I used to know were now in completely different positions, but I was still a single little girl with one friend working at her dad’s bar.

I heard the sound of Harry’s muffled groan as it pushed past the hollowness of the wall separating Quinn’s room from mine. Even Harry was doing good for himself, and I could only imagine his break up with Jen was a messy one, she wouldn’t have it any other way.

A lightbulb went off in my head as I quickly remembered I had Louis’s number from the Gelato shop. It couldn’t hurt to send him a text, because let’s face it, no one ever called these days.

He responded within a minute, remembering who I was. Which was good, that told me he wasn’t a complete player, otherwise it would have been a lot harder to put a face with a name. We continued talking until I had to start getting ready for work, but you can learn a lot about someone in two hours. He told me his favorite color was blue and how he could only eat his toast with strawberry jam. It was mostly useless information, but it was refreshing talking to somebody new, somebody who wasn’t Manny.

I rolled off my mattress to tidy up the covers, then I opened my dresser drawers, searching for a decent outfit for work. I was thankful my dad let his workers wear casual attire, it was all a part of his idea for the bar. Casual and homey.

I decided on some black ankle boots, a matching black and white sweater and red jeans. Hooking the clasp of my infinite necklace proved to be a challenging task because I was too thrown off by the settle sex noises playing into my ear. They were on their third round in two hours.

I would never ever admit it, but it made me jealous and maybe even a little bit sad. I didn’t know if it was because I didn't have anyone special, or because Quinn’s special someone was Harry. I never stopped to think about the coincidence of the situation, it just didn’t seem fair.

I puckered up my lips to roll on a quick layer of red lipstick, then I straightened my hair to an extent, not bothering to make it perfect. I swooped my truck keys off the counter as I passed by, rushing to the front door.

“Please tell me you’re on your way to work?” Harry peered out from Quinn’s bedroom door, adjusting the zipper on his jeans. He was sweating through his t-shirt and he looked half asleep.

“That’s exactly where I’m going, actually.” I replied, tapping my foot impatiently. I was running late the way it was.

“Do you think maybe I could bum a ride?” His eyes pleaded for my approval. “I took a cab here.”

Of course he did, why would he drive here and spend the night knowing he had work the next day? That just wouldn’t make any sense. Except that it totally did make sense.

I motioned for him to follow me, not bothering to answer him verbally. He grinned, shaking his head a couple of times to fix his erotic sex hair while he stomped next to me. I drove effortlessly to work, Harry in my passenger seat making fun of the way I turned, stopped, accelerated, even the way I put on my blinker.

“You’re being a major pain in my arse, Harry.” I finally confessed, but not before he stuck his smelly feet on top of the dashboard. I sent him a look, stopping at a red light.

“Would you calm down?” He slipped out of his shoes, leaving him in only his socks. “I just need to air them out a bit before work.”

I sent him another disapproving look, then I reached into my pocket, pulling out my phone to tell Louis I would text him back after my shift ended.

“No texting and driving.” Harry mumbled, trying to make a joke, but I wasn’t playing along.

“The light is red.” I pointed out through the windshield. I noticed his green eyes went from light hearted to absolute dullness, then he slouched in his seat.

I smiled down at the screen when Louis replied by cracking a waitress joke and adding a cute smiley face. The light turned green, so I quickly stuffed my phone back into my front pocket.

“Oh how cute.” Harry sneered, sending me a sideways glance. “You’re talking to your boyfriend, aren’t you?”

I looked out my window, following closely behind a red Dodge. “That’s really none of your business.”

“You could just answer the question.” He leaned forward, tearing off his sock to pick out a chunk of toe jam.

“He’s not my boyfriend.” I blushed a bright red, feeling giddy yet embarrassed in front of Harry. “And could you maybe not do that here?”

He had been staring at me with an expression I couldn’t read since the moment I said the word ‘boyfriend’. He scarcely slid his foot off the dash and situated himself more properly than the position he had been sitting in. His psycho, double personality was starting to come through again, and frankly I didn’t want to have to deal with it.

I sped down the freeway going twenty miles per hour faster than what was legal in order to get to work at a decent time, all while avoiding further conversation with Harry. At the same time, I didn’t want to stop talking to him, because in some stupid and unexpected way, it felt good to be around him.

When we arrived at Fletcher’s, Harry held the door open for me, seeming to be in a better mood. I smiled timidly, ducking under his arm that was holding the door in place. I wanted to wash my hands and get myself in gear because Jeff and Mary would most likely be coming tonight. I missed talking to them, more than any of the other customers.

Sure enough, the cordial couple was seated in their usual booth near the back corner. Mary was wearing her favorite pearls and Jeff was chowing down on some prime ribs, pretending to listen to whatever was falling out of his girlfriend’s mouth.

Without saying a word, Harry pushed past me and headed straight into the kitchen. I checked the clock above the door, realizing it was time for him to start his prep which meant I had to as well. But I decided against it, feeling more lazy than I had in a long time. I let Harry fidget around in the kitchen on his own, while I scooted into Mary’s side of the booth about halfway.

“Are you two fighting over wrapping paper again?” I questioned, overhearing them discuss colors for Jeff’s nephew’s birthday present. I crossed my legs, raising my eyebrows expectantly.

“We wouldn’t be if someone would calm down and realize grey and black do not go well with a birthday.”

“He’s a boy, dear.” I recalled the name of his nephew, it was Kyle. I easily remembered his name because I used to watch a show called Kyle XY, which was basically about a boy without a belly button. Obviously, that show was cancelled.

“Exactly. He’s a boy, on his twenty first birthday, not his deathbed. Put a bottle of vodka in a bag and call it a night.” Mary wiggled the ice in her glass cup, spilling droplets over the side as she grew more agitated.

I quietly laughed at their bickering. Even when they were in a bad mood, they managed to make mine a whole lot better. As Jeff retorted with a sour comeback, Harry emerged from the kitchen, opening the door with his back as he carried plates of food to a booth a few tables away from Jeff and Mary’s.

He was smiling down at the two big breasted, blonde females who each ordered a chicken cesar salad and a margarita. Harry knelt over the table, much like the way Louis did when he took my order at the gelato shop. The girl on the far side was wearing a black mini dress and multiple layers of eyeliner and although I could only see the back side of the other girl, the over dramatic tease on top of her head told me she wasn’t too far off from her friend.

He made a joke I couldn’t hear and the girls’ heads bobbed up and down from laughter. I noticed the girl squishing her chest together, her cleavage seeming like it went on for miles. I glanced down at my chest to my own disappointment, the way one of my favorite sweaters hung off of me was very unflattering to my womanhood. I stuck out my bottom lip, letting out a frustrated puff of air. Some girls just had all the luck.

“Well,” I stood up from the booth, looking down at Mary. “As much as I love listening to you guys yell, I have to get back to work. Try not to kill each other, yeah?”

“Only because you said so, Lydia.” Mary replied and Jeff rolled his eyes, flicking a few peas at her with his spoon.

I tried walking to the kitchen without being seen by Harry and table of hookers, but I had no other choice but to walk past it, so I tried to go fast. Just as I was creeping behind Harry, he sprung around and placed his hand on my shoulder.

“You have to get these ladies another drink. Out it on my tab.” His eyes were wide, eyebrows raised, like it was a no brainer. The girl in the black dress nodded while putting on more red lip gloss.

I shrugged his hand off my shoulder. “Can’t you get someone else to do that? I mean, if you can't do it yourself.”

The girl with the high tease scoffed, but I ignored her. Harry’s eyebrows screwed together and his lip twitched as he glared at me. “I can, but you’re right here.”

I looked between him and the blondes, scoffing in the process. “So are you.”

Harry sighed, throwing his arms at his side and standing up straighter before turning to the girls. “I’ll be right back ladies. Enjoy your salads.”

He shot me a discouraging look before pushing past me and heading towards the bar.

I was just about to make my move for the kitchen when one of the blonde’s voice caught my attention.

“Hey, I know you! I’m pretty sure I went to school with you.” She said enthusiastically, then pointed her finger at her friend. “Val, do you recognize her?”

The girl with the black dress and big boobs, who went by the name of Val, studied me from top to bottom for a couple of seconds. I was starting to feel very uncomfortable because most of highschool I tried to forget and that included all the people who helped make my life a living hell.

“Oh, yeah. You’re the girl who stole Harry away from Jenny aren’t you?” Val asked me with no expression in her voice.

I shook my head, “I didn’t steal him. He's not property.”

“No you’re right, you just slept with him.” She crossed her arms in front of her, her voice still showing no emotion. I needed a way to get as far away from them as possible.

“Harry should be right back with your dri--” I was cut off my Val’s piercing voice which was now filled with hatred and what I picked up as disgust.

“Jenny was one of my best friends.” Val glanced over at her friend who hadn’t said a word since recognizing me, and then back at me. “He was everything to her and you just... you just ripped him from her.”

Tears were already stinging my eyes, but I wasn’t about to let her see that. I never did anything to Val personally, I didn’t even know who she was. I made a mistake in highschool, everybody does, but it was hard not to feel like I was the only girl on the planet still being punished for it.

"No," I started, but it was hard to form words. "I didn't, I just... he never even--"

"I don't want any excuses, okay?" She cut me off for the second time and I was almost glad she did it because my eyes were starting to well. "What's done is done. But you'll just... you'll never be Jenny."

And the words she spoke next hurt more than I thought they would.

"You'll never be good enough for him."

With a jagged intake of breath I took a step backwards, turning to leave and maybe lock myself in one of the bathroom stalls, but instead I collided with a necklace and v neck. I felt his chest and smelt his cologne and immediately knew it was Harry returning with their drinks.

His eyes were wide with confusion, opening his mouth to say something, but I placed both hands on his stomach and shoved him as hard as I could before running straight for the restroom.

The last thing I heard was his loud, stern voice tearing into Val before the door shut me in completely.