Flaw Make Us Human

I couldn't take it anymore, my body wanted to fall to pieces. I wanted to scream until my lungs shriveled up. Why must he do this to me, I'm only 15? I've done nothing wrong, I get good grades, and I cook and clean. I listen to all the rules given to me, I behave, and respect my parents. Oh right, my dad is an abusive, homophobic drunk, and I'm gay.
I let out a sharp whimper as he thrusted into me again, this time harder than the rest, like he was trying to break my already fragile body. I would scream but even with my small whimper, I know what's about to happen. I could feel a pain in my back, I was so use to it by now, I knew what it was, a cigarette burn, I still winced at the sudden pain in my back.
"You like that, huh, faggot? You enjoy this I know it," he pulled my head back by my hair so my ear was by his mouth. I mentally cringed, I could smell the alcohol, hell it was radiating off of him, and it was sickening. He put his cigarette on me again. "Answer me when I ask you a question boy!"
I swallowed the lump in my throat and choked out a weak "Yes sir." I'm use to this now I know all of his rules and ways not to get hurt, but somehow he finds new thing to punish me for, even after 3 years of this constant torture.
This time he dragged his pocket knife across my back. I could feel the blood pool and slowly go down my sides."I'm sorry I couldn't hear you queer. Now, don’t you enjoy this?" His voiced echoed throughout my room as he thrusted over and over again, each harder and more violent then the last.
"Yes," I finally yelled out, trying to make it sound as dry as possible. I wasn't enjoying this one bit but I didn't want my emotions be exposed.
After about 10 more cuts across the length of my back, 7 more cigarette burns, and a few slaps to the face, he finished in me. He pulled his pants up and took a drag from his cigarette. I was trying to find my clothes that where literally ripped and cut off my body, or just find some clothes in general. I could hear my dad let out dark chuckles as I crawled along the floor to find something to cover my exposed body. The minute I found pants he kicked me in the ribs. I instantly rolled on my side and gripped the now throbbing part of my torso. He grabbed me by the back of my neck, lifted me up, and pinned me to the wall with a firm grip around my throat, he was always strong. He put his lips to my ear and in a very grim, yet loving tone he whispered, "Listen here whore, I will do this until I break you, and when I do, I will keep doing this. It's never going to stop, you chose this life style, and this is what you get for that choice." He dropped me from the wall.
I landed on my knees. From there I looked at him, in shock and horror through my eyes that where now being flooded with tears. Fortunately my hair could cover my eyes. I couldn't say anything to him; I would literally be beaten to death if I did.
Once again he let out a dark laugh; it gave me the chills every time. I continued to find clothes that were clean or weren't torn to shreds. After about 20 minutes I finally found a pair of sweat pants and a Motley Crue tee shirt, he wouldn't let me turn any lights on, just use what's left of the night. I decided to take a shower, my dad was drunk enough to pass out the minute he hit his bed, remember 3 years of this. Even now I still silently walked from my room to the bathroom.
I took my sweat pants off and started the shower. I quickly jumped into the cold water to sooth the burns on my back, and the few on my sides. After I felt the pain go down I turned the dial a bit to get warmer water, my mom paid the bills so I'm allowed to have a nice hot shower; it's one of the few humanly things I get in this house, all thanks to my mom. I thought about her as the warm water cleaned out the slashes on my back.
She brought the money to the house, hell it was her house. My dad just goes to the bar and blows whatever is left of his unemployment and savings. I wish she would leave him, but every member of her family believes divorce is wrong, so she won't divorce. At least she supports me and my sexuality. Funny everyone on her side of the family supports gay rights and all that, but divorce is wrong. I wish they could see how much of an asshole he is now, they would probably make an exception for her and let her get divorced.
I will never once blame my mom for what happens to me, she knows it's happened before, multiple times, but not as many as how many times it's actually happend. She called the cops once but the minute the cop left my dad hit my mom and me multiple times. We ended up crying ourselves asleep together. My dad use to be a cop, so he knew every trick on how to get out of anything. Everything usually happened at night when I got back from school or where ever I am when school is out. My mom stopped working the night shift about a year ago when she was fully aware of what's been going on. Sadly there where those nights where she had to do a night shift or two because she needed money or there was no one there.
I started to wash my hair, the shampoo stung against the new collection of cuts on my back. With a light touch I started to wash my body trying to avoid as much open wounds ad possible. When I was done with that slightly painful process I sunk down to the shower floor. I took the razor blade that I had with my from my room and dragged it 3 times across my wrist, none of them to kill me, I couldn’t leave my mom with that monster. Those 3 cuts just make me understand that this is all real, none of this is a dream, and that everything just happened, and to me this is less painful then the past 3 years. I watched the blood thin out from the water as it barely made way on my arm. I quickly got side tracked as I looked down on my chest and started to trace the scars there. I almost didn't hear the downstairs door slam open. In a matter of seconds I turned off the shower, got out turned the lights off locked the door and hid in cabinet that held all of towels.
This was probably the only time that the cabinet had a reason to be there, it was never full of towels, maybe like 13 and that was it. I stacked the towels so it could be seen as a more than 13 towels and make it easier to hide from whatever was going on. I heard heavy footsteps come up the stairs, with that I knew it wasn’t my mom, and my dad was passed out drunk in his room.
I could hear a voice through the doors, but I couldn't make out what the voice was saying all I could tell was that it was a man. I could hear the footsteps get to the top of the stairs and take a left. He's going to my dad's room. A thought momentarily went off in my head that I should help him, but as I slowly put my hand on my back I went against it.
It seemed like hours has passed since I hid, but I didn't like small spaces, so it was really only minutes. I started to think that they were gone. I started to move the towels. Before I could open the cabinet drawer I heard 3 gun shots go off and a loud thud. From there everything was a blur. I could hear people running out of the house, sirens coming, and more people run into the house and breaking doors down trying to find something. The one sound that got me though was my mother; I could hear her cries from down stairs. I opened the cabinet door and got out.
The door to the bathroom was kicked open and a cop with a blinding flashlight entered I quickly covered myself with a towel."Umm I'm so sorry. Um Zachary right?" the cop looked away so I could throw my clothes on.
I let out an awkward cough when I was done "Yeah, what happened?"
"We will tell you once you go downstairs," he pointed his flashlight in the direction of the stairs and held the door open. A small part of me hoped that my dad was the one in the body bag in his bedroom. I couldn’t tell which emotion was more dominate. Hope that my dad was finally gone, fear that my dad killed the man and he would come back, joy that my dad was gone, or sorrow for my mom who was still crying. "Have you been I the bathroom the entire tine, Zachary?" He was trying to do his job, but I felt uncomfortable, probably just the flood of emotions going on right now.
"Yes, I heard the door front door slam open and I hid." I knew the cop needed a statement from me since I was the only one in the house, who was still here.
"Well we will get a statement from you momentarily but we would like to tell you what happened," we reached the end of the stairs and I looked up at the cop and he gave me a nod of approval.
I ran over to my mom who was still crying but not as much now."Zacky, you're ok, you're fine," she smiled and engulfed me into a hug. "I thought something happened to you, I thought I lost you, I thought he-" I cut her off with another hug.
Tears started to leave my eyes, "No, mom, I'm fine, are you?" She started to rub my back, but she soon stopped when I winced.
"I'm fine, but the real question is are you really fine?" She looked into my eyes. That was enough for me. I couldn't lie to her.
I started to cry harder this time and shook my head, "No, it happened again," I put my head on my moms shoulder and started to cry uncontrollably. "He just hurt me more this time," I continued to cry into her shoulder.
"She put me at arm's length, "Zacky," she cooed, "Can you turn around for me?"
I nodded and slowly turned my back to her. She slowly lifted the shirt from my back to reveal the new cuts and burns on my back. One hand left my shirt and went to her mouth. I could tell by her muffled gasp and words. "Oh my God, Zacky this is horrible, it's worse than the other times. At least the cops are here and he isn't, we could report him now."
I turned to face her but before I could pull my shirt down I heard a cop enter the room and gasp too, "Do you need an ambulance sweetheart?" Her voice rang through my ears, sweet, genuine, and loving. She probably was a mom, but I could at least tell this was her first time seeing something like this.
I turned again to face the cop, "No, it's just a few cuts and burns, nothing some Neosporin can't help heal."
She looked surprised on how calmly I answered that, "Well if you don’t mine me asking, what happened, those look extremely odd for just a fall or anything else?"
What was I going to tell her that my dad just raped me again like he has for 3 years, and he decides to burn me and abuse me when I don't listen to him. "It was his dad, my husband. He's been abusing Zack for three years now. We called the cops once but they didn’t do anything. My husband was friends with the cop that showed up. He ended up hitting us both that night and we've been afraid to call the cops since, he would threaten us if we even thought to call the cops again." My mom's voice started to crack; I could already feel the tears coming back.
The expression on the cop's face got worse, yeah she was a mom. Her face said it all. She wouldn't want any of this to happen to her kid, or kids. She couldn't find the rights words at first but she decided to go with what her job requirements said. "Well we will have you fill out a report, both of you for the abuse, and Zack just for what you heard tonight. Is there anything else your father did to you," you could see the sadness in her eyes.
My mom opened her mouth to speak but I cut her off, "It's personal," my voice was low and filled with darkness, hopefully she wouldn't mistake it with hate.
"He raped you, didn’t he?" Her eyes were filled with so much sadness and some pity. "I'll tell you something, my dad raped my sister when she was 13. She shut out the world and wouldn't tell anyone. When I asked her she said the same thing as you. A few months later we found her in the bathroom. There was blood everywhere and several bottles of pills empty with a bottle of alcohol almost gone. She died on her way to the hospital. We found a note in the bathroom next day that said 'Dad raped me, I couldn't tell anyone, I felt ashamed, I couldn't live with this anymore, I'm sorry. I'll always love you." Tears started to fill up her eyes. She wiped hem away and let out a small chuckle," I shouldn't be crying on the job but it just happens sometimes." She gave us a week smile, then got serious again, "How many times did he-?"
I cut her off and held up three fingers."Three times, oh my god, I'm so sorry"
I shook my head, "I don't know anymore, this has been happening for three years, all I know is that the number is out there." tears quickly left my eyes and ran down my face. Both my mom and the cop had their hands covering their mouths in compete shock. Like I said my mom never knew when it happened every time.
I hung my head and let the tears fall, I never told anyone about this whole situation except 2 people, my best friends, Matt and Jimmy, I never told them the whole story of how often it happened. I told them once and that was about a month ago. I was too scared; I thought that they would shun me and tell everyone. After a while I figured why not tell them why I'm always wearing a shirt when I go swimming with them, or why I wear all these bracelets and arm bands, or why I flinch when someone raises a hand or voice. I knew they were already questioning it so one day I sat down with them and told them some of the truth, that my dad raped me and abuses me. They already knew I was gay, if the eyeliner wasn’t an obvious thing. Apparently Jimmy has a good "gay-dar" and he could tell after hanging out with me for a few months.
I looked up momentarily to see both the cop and my mom staring at me, crying. "Oh my god sweetie, I can't imagine how bad this is for you. I'm sorry I asked." The cop came over and hugged me. That was a first but it felt nice to know that a stranger, a law enforcer, cared about what happened to me.
Next my mom came over and hugged the both of us. Hmm a lot of first today huh. "Why didn’t you tell me Zacky?" I could feel my shirt getting wet.
"Um Mrs. Baker," another cop entered the room. We all broke apart and wiped our eyes. "Would you like to know what happened to your husband?"
That was an obvious answer, "Yes sir." She collected herself quite fast if you ask me."Can my son come too?"
He nodded and my mom beckoned me over, "I'm just going to get a glass of water, I'll be right there." As they left I looked up at the cop in front of me, "Thank you for that, it really meant a lot to me that you could open up. I never could it was extremely heard for me to even think of telling someone the full story, that is until I hear your story. I am so sorry about your sister." I gave her a quick hug then got my glass of water.
"You go to Huntington High School right?" She took me by surprise by that but I nodded while I drank some water. "Well my son goes there; I bet you too would get along. You two seem like the same type of person."
I'm not that open with people, I was surprised that Matt and Jimmy were so easy to talk to but I was still nice to the officer, "What's his name?" I continued drinking my water.
"Johnny Seward, if you see him around you should talk to him. He has a mohawk, wears bands tee shirts and he's kind of short so he might be hard to find but you'll know him when you see him." She smiled a bit while describing her son. He sounded extremely familiar I think I may have a class with him.
"Ok I will, I believe we have a class together. I'll talk to him when I see him next time," I refilled my glass ad proceeded to where my mom was but before I went through the doorway I looked back, "Can I ask your name?"
She nodded and smiled, "Rose. Rose Seward." with that I went to join my mom.
She looked up at me and smiled, "So what happened to my husband officer?" She wasn’t going to waste any time with this.
he cleared his throat and began, "Ma'am, we have evidence that he shot and murder a cop." he paused for us to take this information in. My dad shot a cop; he only said we have evidence because they didn’t want to instantly assume anything. Kind of a thing for cops, they won't make a conclusion unit everything lies up. Both my mom and I stayed unmoved, no facial expression or anything; we just wanted to hear what happened. The officer continued, "We believe he shot a rookie that was given orders to come here. we received all call that concerned us about the health of someone. we sent him to check it out to see if it was true, or if it was a prank. Anyway one of our officers went to check out your house and inspected it. That clearly surprised your husband. When our officer saw nothing he called it in but the poor rookie left his radio on. When he responded we heard your husband wake up and start to freak out on the officer. When he figured everything out, your husband disarmed the officer and shot him. We only found two bullets in our officer and there are three shells on the floor. We think your husband got shot. Like I said the radio was still on so we heard everything, we sent out more officers out here to find that your husband is missing. We don’t know where he is, but we need to find him. If everything is right he will be charged of murder and from what I've heard child abuse and domestic abuse. I will read your reports to see if there is more.
My mom thanked the officer and they returned to what they were doing before they talked to us. My mom looked at me, tears in her eyes, "I don't think I can live in this house after someone just got murdered. plus your dad may come back."
I nodded and hugged her, "We'll start packing tomorrow, but can we stay in range of Huntington, I want to stay there."
She looked at me and with a weak smile she said, "Of course honey." She left only seconds later to go outside and finished talking to the cops, probably giving them her statement.
The thought finally set in, my dad was gone, he ran away, after murdering a cop. if he's caught they will send him to prison, for a long time. I smiled a bit at the thought, but something else was in the back of my head. I went to go find the officer that told us what happened.
"Excuse me, sire I just wanted to know who made the call, if that's fine with you," he just looked at me with a questionable look.
"I'm not supposed to but he did give a name, just don't tell anyone I said anything to you, ok kid?" I just nodded and prepared for the answer. "He said his name was Matt Sander, but then he added a James Sullivan too. Do those names sound familiar?"
I quickly closed my mouth, my two best friends called the cops concerning me, they were the reason behind this, "Yeah they go to the same high school on me, were friends."
He just made a small grunt and left.
My best friends called the cops, for my safety.
My dad was probably going to be wanted for murder and be out of my life for a long time.
I just smiled and drank my water.