Status: I really suck at constantly updating.

Youth

Four

I have been with her for a while now. Her name is Penelope. Her straight yellow hair was up in a ponytail now as she made food for us. I have cried, screamed and yelled. I have broke things, I didn't listen. Yet I'm still here.

I wasn't by myself. There were two other kids here. One was a boy named Alex, he was seven. And a girl named Jenny, she was my age. They didn't look like brother and sister either. Alex never wanted to share the hot wheels with me and Jenny didn't like talking most of the time.

"Connor, come sit at the table." Penelope pointed at the table.

I was tired of fighting with her. I walked over and sat down. Alex was playing with the hot wheels at the table. One was up in the air, coming down on the others like a bomb.

"Alex, no toys at the table." Penelope sounded tired. Like she wanted to cry.

Alex whined but then threw them onto the floor. This made Penelope yell. She placed the food on the table and grabbed his arm, dragging him over to the site of the mess. He picked them up one by one.

Jenny and I sat in silence as Alex cried over his pain. Penelope joined us, leaving Alex on the floor to deal with his tantrum. She let out air and began eating. Jenny and I couldn't touch our food. I was no longer hungry.

"Let's eat, shall we?" Penelope pointed at our plates. I still couldn't, but I saw Jenny was starting to.

"When is Dad coming back?" I asked in the silence.

More silence. More air. More anger.

"Connor, we have established this. Your father is dealing with your mother's sickness." Penelope couldn't look at me.

"But he said he'd be back-"

"He's not coming back, Connor." Penelope threw her fork down as her voice got high.

"Why not?" I wanted to cry.

"He can't see you right now. He is too sad." Penelope got quiet and sat back in her chair.

"But-"

"Connor please. We go through this everyday. Your father can come back at any time. I just don't know when. He left you here with me to be your new mother. Can we please get along for one day? You're going to be starting school soon. Maybe that'll help to get your mind off of it." Penelope took our plates, the one I didn't touch, and threw the food in the sink. She walked out the back door. A bad smell came into the room.

I looked at Jenny and Alex. Are their parents ever going to come back too?

"He's not coming." Alex said quietly. "I've been waiting for my dad for three years now. They never come back when you're here..."

"What?"

"There was one kid here who was way older. He was seventeen. His parents never came back. He turned eighteen and boom," Alex smacked his hands together "He just walked out. All by himself."

"Is that how we're going to be?" Jenny opened her mouth for the first time.

"Probably." Alex played with his cars, Jenny sat quiet again, and I sat there as time slowed down.
♠ ♠ ♠
Convince myself to forget what is real