My Dad, My World : The Battle

Nutella. Bread triangles. Vegas sun. and Emma.

Short blonde hair. Piercing blue eyes. Bright yellow polo. Bubbly. Too bubbly.

She was someone that I otherwise would never speak too. The way she acted and talked and did things was a way of life that I never close to. Mom was calm and dad… well he’s dark and quiet. He has his moments but he's a relatively calm person as well. Aaron would have been the only person I would have gotten anything loud and fun from.
“We should go to the mall this weekend. I could introduce you to some of my friends and me to yours.” she said slightly clapping her hands. I looked down and picked at my fingers.
“I don’t…have friends.” that sounded terrible. I sound like I'm an orphan. Poor little me. Ugh.
“What? Why no-“ she started and then dad walked out.
“Hey bug, have you seen my c-“ he stopped and looked at Emma and then to me his brow cocking in a way only I knew.
“I’m sorry, didn't know you had a friend over.”
“Holy crap…Zak Bagans…in front of me.” Emma said from beside me. Her face was so lit up, I thought for a second that she was going to jump up on him which made me laugh a little bit. Dad smiled at her and put on his T.V. face and putting his hand out.
“The one and only.” she took his hand and looked to me.
“I didn't know he was your dad.” She said and I looked to dad and we laughed. Then here came Sam sliding through the door and stopping when he saw me sitting with Emma and giving me the same cocked eyebrow expression dad had. I laughed at him too.
“Oooo who's this cutie, a brother?” Emma asked batting her lashes at Sam.
“No, i’m Taylor’s boyfriend. Proudly.” Sam corrected her, leaning down to kiss me.
“oh…” she pouted. And suddenly she's a threat. Maybe THATS why I don’t have friends.
“I was thinking we could go out for a little bit. Help you clear your mind.” Sam suggested. Dad shook his head yes in agreement behind him and kissed the top of my head before retreating back inside. I looked up to Sam and felt this overwhelming feeling of love. I missed him so much. He’s always so busy. I almost forgot what it feels like to be cared for so strongly.
“yeah, that sounds good. Let’s go.” I said and put a hand out for Emma to help her up.
“Call you tomorrow? We can set up plans for the mall.” I said.
Emma smiled and nodded her head. With that we parted ways.
“A new friend huh?” Sam asked whenever we were seated in his car.
“Well…sort of. I just met her today. She lives next door to us. She was poking her head up over the fence so I invited her over. She's nice or whatever but she’s..”
“Not your kinda girl.” He finished for me. I shook my head yes and laughed a little.
“This mysterious life I live is pretty crazy. I can’t imagine anyone else in it. I feel like it would almost be against the rules.” I said.
“You’ll have to ask Persephone.” he suggested.
“That’s what I wanted to talk to you about actually. Mom talked to me the other night and told me that she wanted dad to find someone. Like love someone again. So the next night, Persephone and I are talking and I told her what was up. She got all excited.” I said.
“Persephone likes your dad?!” he said and the smile on my face grew.
“Yea, she does. I guess she has for a while. She was worried about talking to him though, thinking that she could only contact me through dreams. So I told her to go try and that if it worked then not to come back. She didn’t. This morning, I went down stairs and dad was looking at pictures of mom. It makes me wonder what Persephone said to him. Or what he said to her for that matter. When I asked him about it, all he said was that she was uncomfortable because he was in the dungeon.” I finished.
“Maybe she didn't say anything.”
I thought about what he said. Maybe she hadn’t. Maybe she saw something she didn't like…something with him or maybe mom talked to her. Good lord.
“Taylor. Were here.” Sam said and laid a hand on the side of my face. I nuzzled my cheek in it and let him warmth soothe me. The store in front of me was somewhere I hadn't been to in a long time. Guitar Center. I loved coming here though. I missed the smell of wood soaking up music. Yes, there is a smell for that. Music people have a way of smelling things different than others. It’s like walking into a book store and smelling the pages. It smells like unread words.
I liked Guitar Center for its employees also. They were always the friendliest. Even for me, I have no musical talent but music is my passion. I can write songs and make melodies for them. I can listen and be entranced. I know it sounds like anyone who says they like music but its different. We walked in the door and everyone turned to face us, sending “hello’s” every which direction. My eyes moved around the many rooms and admired the interments that I had always wished id been able to play. It just always seemed that any instrument I tried to pick up on just didn't work for me.
Sam was a guitar player though and was quick to take me by the hand and drag me to the acoustic guitar section, and then to all the electric guitars. One by one he picked the ones he wished he had and the ones he had already had. But at some point through him talking about one of them, my mind eyes drifted to another room way in the back. From where I stood now, I could see a snare drum on a mountain of a drum set. It was a simple Pearl drum set, but…man was she gorgeous. I think maybe this was the only instrument that I could make sound decent. Plus, the frustrations of the world always seemed to fade whenever I was able to pound on the drums until I was blue in the face.
Before I knew it, I was next to it, feeling the rims, the drum heads, tracing the edges of the symbols.
“Do you play?” asked a man behind me. He was slender and older but he looked like he could live a million years if it meant listening to rock and roll for the best of his life. Hey, amen to that brother.
“Uh, no. Not really.” I said, turning from him back to the miracle of music.
“Now now, you either do or you don’t, know which one is it?” he asked politely. I laughed and turned back to him.
“I dribbled with the drums for a little but I never really got the time to ever get any good.” The man smiled at me and raised one finger, turning to go to the counter. A few seconds later he returned with a pair of drum sticks.
“Play it.” he said and motioned to the set smiling. I put my hands up and shook my head.
“No, hey mister,” I chucked and shook my head. “I can’t. Im no go-“
“Once a drummer, always a drummer. Percussion is a way of life. Not just something to throw around to experiment with. You can do it. Once a drummer, always a drummer. Play.”
And thats just what I did. I played my heart out. I played and played until I had built a crowd around me that to me no longer existed. It was just me and the world I loved in that was slowly tearing me apart form the inside out, and pounding my heart and soul out onto every drumhead as fast as my brain could comprehend. The beat came naturally. I wasn't even trying it. It was pouring. I was pouring. And so were the people around me, and so was my rock, my Sam.
I made one last roll on the symbol and opened my eyes to the screaming and cheering people around me. I blushed and looked back at the man who had caused this sudden burst of intensity and his smile was small but deep. He knew. Some how, he just knew and I was thankful. I looked back to Sam, his smile too was deep rooted and the love in his eyes was so evident. He knew also. He knew I would see. He knew to bore me with electric guitar info so that I would see the drums.
Eventually people left the room, leaving just me, Sam and the man along with a few shoppers.
“I told you.” the man said.
“Told you what?” Sam asked. I just looked at the man and tried to keep the lump inside me from making tears spill over.
“Once a drummer, always a drummer.” I barely got out.
“No more doubts kiddo. You're making it a habit. Got it?” He asked and I just shook my head yes.
“Thursday nights at 6pm. Drum lessons. You and me. Not that you need them, but you need to keep it fresh in your mind.”
I smiled and said yes. I needed to ask dad but I don't think he’ll have a problem with it. My only concern now is lockdowns since I had told dad that I would be coming on all of them with him. Amen for thursdays then. Sam and I left then, keeping my vow to show up every thursday and ready to learn. The rest of the day was relaxing. Sam and I stayed in the living room listening to music on his phone while dad started preparing dinner for us and the guys who eventually would make their way here. A song came on and my heart stopped. Musically it was Beautiful. It’s lyrics just as beautiful. The singers voice? …angelic. I looked at Sams phone and and the name Sleeping with Sirens scroll across the screen along with the song name. Let Love Bleed Red. I felt the need to listen so closely.
“Lay me down, and tell me everything will be alright. Things will be alright.”
I looked up at Sam and saw him with his eyes closed listening to the words just a intently as I was.
“Oh here, where we lie, outstretched to wonder why we don’t belong.
You deserve much more
And i’ll give until i’m all gone.
Forever know your face.
And ever take your place here by my side.
Like a ghost into the night.
The poisoned apple to my bite.
I’ll be the shadow at your door.
I’ll be the moth into your light.
Cause you deserve much more.
Yeaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah.
You deserve much more.”

The tears weld up in my eyes and Sam snapped his eyes open, looking straight to me.
“Whats wrong love?” He asked. I would have responded had I not kissed him. For some reason, this song was hitting me in so many places in my heart. It was a good pain. Almost a release from everything. This guys voice, although high pitched, was saving my life one note at a time. When I pulled away, I let the tears stream. I let my heart relax. I hadn't noticed how tight it had been. I owed this guy a thanks whenever I met him. I took my phone out and searched them. Kellin Quinn. Well Kellin, thank you man. I owe you. Thanks for mine and Sam’s song. And for helping me heal.